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what was wrong with this guy?


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Posted

I met a guy on line while on holiday in my home country. We were in totally different locations and we could not meet, but we decided to stay in contact .We are from the same country and we unfortunately live in different ones. Both in our 30s.

 

We chatted for 2 months. I came back, he stayed there until the end of summer. We had many things in our chats in common, he said that the only thing he wanted from me was my love, my best kiss , he was thinking about me A guy usually rarely says those word if she has not met the girl right? He suggested on his way back to stop in my country so that we can meet.

 

Few weeks before though he stopped chatting with me saying that he is afraid of commitment and he prefers to stop before something happens. Surpised a bit but told him to realize that we never had any kind of conversation like this and I never asked anything rather than meet him. My initial though is that this guy has developed feelings for me and he is afraid of the distance. He decided to come and visit me anyway,he already had his ticket booked!

 

I picked him up from the airport , went out for dinner, he feed me in the mouth and making plans what we going to do during the weekend. But I felt that he was nervous ,kept distance.guess what the next 2 days when HE had made all those plans he disappeared. We never met again,did not replied to my messages when 5 minutes before we took serapate ways the previous night he was planning our following morning.

 

When he finally went back to his country he replied that he didnt find me interesting enough (how could that happen he was even reading a local newspaper while in the train and had no intention chatting)and when I asked why we could not at least go out and spend a nice weekend as friends ,he said that he did not felt comfortable enough... Who person does that?

He flew to meet me.. If he did not had feelings for me he would be comfortable at least to take me for a coffee and explain.He was totally differend in our chats..but still this behavior was not expected.

So what do you guys think why did he act like that?

Did he really not liked me or he did but his commitment issues got in the way?

Posted

He had built you up into a fairy tale and was disappointed when you turned out to be human and not a Disney inbred.

 

Don't bother with him. He lives in a fantasy world.

 

Go and find yourself some reality and enjoy it.

Posted

There are probably numerous men within a few km of you. Try one of them.

Posted

Nothing was wrong with the guy - I'd say it's more you that has the issue. He told you he has committment issues, he told you he found you boring...would you really go spend more time with someone, who you had only really met once, that you thought was incredibly boring? Probably not - don't expect him to. He's being transparent and his actions are essentially aligned with what he's telling you - stop thinking that there's something wrong with him and that there's more to it...he's being honest and forthcoming - you're the one that wants something else. People get rejected - get used to it...

Posted

He didn't feel the chemistry with you. No spark. He probably built you up so much in his mind that you didn't live up to his fantasy. Plus, he was right that if something did happen it would be hard to maintain a long distance relationship. Time to move on.

Posted
Nothing was wrong with the guy - I'd say it's more you that has the issue. He told you he has committment issues, he told you he found you boring...would you really go spend more time with someone, who you had only really met once, that you thought was incredibly boring? Probably not - don't expect him to. He's being transparent and his actions are essentially aligned with what he's telling you - stop thinking that there's something wrong with him and that there's more to it...he's being honest and forthcoming - you're the one that wants something else. People get rejected - get used to it...

 

Whoa! Vintage we need to work on your soft skills and a bit of emapthy here.

  • Author
Posted

wow guys thanks for the answers just try to understand how I feel

 

When a guy meets you doesnt even try to have a chat with you, while I am trying really hard how could he say that I am boring? he didnt even make the effort!!! he was silent...

maybe he is the boring one?

 

Also when this guy at the end of the night has our whole weekend planned (why since he later said I was boring) dissappears like that ? why did he planned pur weekend since he had decided in his head not to call me again?

  • Author
Posted
Nothing was wrong with the guy - I'd say it's more you that has the issue. He told you he has committment issues, he told you he found you boring...would you really go spend more time with someone, who you had only really met once, that you thought was incredibly boring? Probably not - don't expect him to. He's being transparent and his actions are essentially aligned with what he's telling you - stop thinking that there's something wrong with him and that there's more to it...he's being honest and forthcoming - you're the one that wants something else. People get rejected - get used to it...

 

 

Dear Vintage... I have been rejected many times and I have rejected guys as well, thanks for the note.

 

Despite of his commitment issues he did spent money to take the flight to meet me, we did spend 2 months on the phone and chatting, at least I would expect a bit of respect and treated differently. :(

Posted
Dear Vintage... I have been rejected many times and I have rejected guys as well, thanks for the note.

 

Despite of his commitment issues he did spent money to take the flight to meet me, we did spend 2 months on the phone and chatting, at least I would expect a bit of respect and treated differently. :(

 

I'm not sure - I'd say he was treating you with some respect, in the sense that he was making sure not to lead you on. As many on this forum have stated, e-mail and phone conversations don't equal a relationship. You were effectively strangers, and he was trying to be honest with you...

Posted
wow guys thanks for the answers just try to understand how I feel

 

When a guy meets you doesnt even try to have a chat with you, while I am trying really hard how could he say that I am boring? he didnt even make the effort!!! he was silent...

maybe he is the boring one?

 

Also when this guy at the end of the night has our whole weekend planned (why since he later said I was boring) dissappears like that ? why did he planned pur weekend since he had decided in his head not to call me again?

 

Generally you never know fir duress on anything until you meet face to face.

 

I've learned this early on where I felt it was great conversations but the first meeting was a dud.

 

My rules are on a first meet if they aren't psychological and the date goes well..not necessarily a do ark but you seem to get along with the person you should gave another date.

 

Ve also done some LD contact with potential people and have gone to meet them. If you don't have a spark when meeting it can be skyward.

Posted
Whoa! Vintage we need to work on your soft skills and a bit of emapthy here.

 

Probably - but I get frustrated with people that think that there's something wrong with the other person, when it's clearly their issue, and "that something wrong" has literally nothing to do with the other person (i.e. deflecting blame, and illustrating an general unwillingness/inability to place the blame appropriately). When I deal with people like that, I usually find (for me) it's best to make a stronger point to force them to realize the realities of the situation as opposed to sugar coating it. In person, I'd be softer, but there's no reason to be empathetic in this case - sure, I feel bad that they didn't connect, but she was asking what was wrong with the person, when there was nothing wrong with that person, and the problem was how she was perceiving the situation...empathizing and being nice is going to erode the value and impact of the commentary...she didn't seem to be seeking comfort, just understanding.

Posted

Did you have video chat before meeting? Maybe he thought you'd look different, and maybe later he visited cos he already bought a nonrefundable ticket anyway. We'll never know. I think a lot of times for men it is looks.

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Posted
I'm not sure - I'd say he was treating you with some respect, in the sense that he was making sure not to lead you on. As many on this forum have stated, e-mail and phone conversations don't equal a relationship. You were effectively strangers, and he was trying to be honest with you...

 

I totally agree on that, email and phone conversations doesn't mean anything at all :cool:

 

However oh and I know I am repeating myself..

 

Why did he had to make all those plans with me if he had decided that he didn't like me and he was not going to call ?

 

And plans when we had already met NOT online. While having dinner together he was planning our weekend . He even wanted to rent a car so we can drive outside of the city and he was checking on the internet to try to find one.. and the next day he just disappear.

 

So of course I believe that something is wrong in his behaviour ... you are making plans and next day you disappear ??

 

Excuse me but I am not a native English speaker and maybe the way I am expressing myself is not the best but I am trying hard to explain the situation.

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Posted
Did you have video chat before meeting? Maybe he thought you'd look different, and maybe later he visited cos he already bought a nonrefundable ticket anyway. We'll never know. I think a lot of times for men it is looks.

 

 

We had exchanged many photos, really nice ones but even without make up ... for example when I was waking up. And I dont use any filter like other girls might do in their photos, all were natural.

Posted (edited)

Silvia given what you said about him making plans with you during your IN PERSON dinner ...it sounds like he really liked you, was attracted to you.

 

What happened was (IMO) after he got home, he started thinking about a possible "relationship" with you, and what that meant (obligations, responsibilitites, etc,) and he started freaking/feeling anxious, especially due to the long distance between you.

 

His anxiety got the best of him so he pushed you away by telling you you were boring, not interesting, etc.

 

The guy obviously has some major issues so try not to take it personally.

 

Next time, if at all possible, try to meet in person asap. During that two months you spent chatting, you were essentially a fantasy to him.

 

Once it all became REALITY, he freaked and was off and running to next fantasy.

 

Based on what you wrote, that's my take on it anyway.

Edited by katiegrl
  • Author
Posted
Silvia given what you said about him making plans with you during your IN PERSON dinner ...it sounds like he really liked you, was attracted to you.

 

What happened was (IMO) after he got home, he started thinking about a possible "relationship" with you, and what that meant (obligations, responsibilitites, etc,) and he started freaking/feeling anxious, especially due to the long distance between you.

 

His anxiety got the best of him so he pushed you away by telling you you were boring, not interesting, etc.

 

The guy obviously has some major issues so try not to take it personally.

 

Next time, if at all possible, try to meet in person asap. During that two months you spent chatting, you were essentially a fantasy.

 

Once it all became REALITY to him, he freaked and was off and running to next fantasy.

 

Based on what you wrote, that's my take on it anyway.

 

This is what I think. :(:(

 

He was bit silent on the day we spend together , but when he was talking was very bubbly on our plans for the next 2 days and seemed so excited.

 

And then.... nothing.

 

If he was just silent and nothing else, I would be ok with that, cause this is real life either it works or not and I would have accepted it.

 

Unfortunately due to the distance was a bit difficult to meet before those 2 months.

 

Well that has happened now I cannot change it I'm afraid but still feel hurt cause I really liked him a lot.

Posted
This is what I think. :(:(

 

He was bit silent on the day we spend together , but when he was talking was very bubbly on our plans for the next 2 days and seemed so excited.

 

And then.... nothing.

 

If he was just silent and nothing else, I would be ok with that, cause this is real life either it works or not and I would have accepted it.

 

Unfortunately due to the distance was a bit difficult to meet before those 2 months.

 

Well that has happened now I cannot change it I'm afraid but still feel hurt cause I really liked him a lot.

 

Sorry you're hurting hun ((hugs))

 

Another reason to meet asap.

 

You became very emotionally invested in him during those two months prior to meeting. Only to have him freak out after you met. This happens a lot, it is very common actually.

 

Are there men you can meet (even on line) more local or at least closer?

  • Author
Posted
Sorry you're hurting hun ((hugs))

 

Another reason to meet asap.

 

You became very emotionally invested in him during those two months prior to meeting. Only to have him freak out after you met. This happens a lot, it is very common actually.

 

Are there men you can meet (even on line) more local or at least closer?

 

Something else I need to work with myself and change, dont invest so soon!

 

Yes there are men I can meet , in fact I am moving to a new house in a totally different area and I am excited about it :)

 

Thanks for your time reading and answering my question x

Posted

He didn't find you attractive when you finally met in person.

 

It happens.

 

That's why online relationships are not real no matter what people say about them, that's why you need to meet a person very soon after you start communicating with one another.

 

Otherwise you're just wasting your time and investing yourself and your emotions in nothing more than a fantasy.

 

It's not real until you meet.

 

That's all there is to it.

Posted
He didn't find you attractive when you finally met in person.

 

It happens.

 

That's why online relationships are not real no matter what people say about them, that's why you need to meet a person very soon after you start communicating with one another.

 

Otherwise you're just wasting your time and investing yourself and your emotions in nothing more than a fantasy.

 

It's not real until you meet.

 

That's all there is to it.

 

I beg to differ.

 

Since he was all over her during their IN PERSON dinner, making future plans, etc, it's obvious he found her quite attractive...in person.

 

Guess you missed that part.

 

Read the rest of the posts.

Posted

Maybe his girlfriend was wondering where he'd disappeared to and he rushed back before getting caught.

Posted
I beg to differ.

 

Since he was all over her during their IN PERSON dinner, making future plans, etc, it's obvious he found her quite attractive...in person.

 

Guess you missed that part.

 

Read the rest of the posts.

 

I reread the thread and I don't see where he was all over her.

 

All I see is that he talked about weekend plans which was obviously JUST talk to fill in the gaps, he never intended to keep those plans.

 

So I maintain that he was not attracted to her and regardless of what he said, his actions make it clear he didn't like what he saw.

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