MINDSHIFT Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Hi poeple is this a breadcrum or what. Im so confused. I petty sure most of you know my story by now. but here the recent events again. My ex left me about 2 months ago for her ex. We had a very messy breakup i went no contact for about 3 weeks. She emailed me a lovely message about 10 days ago. i replied days later. After that reply I emailed her yesterday, wishing her well and telling her i still care for her. to my surprise she replied back in an instant. With a very long essay of how she missed me. I have a tracker on my emails, so i can see how many times she opened my email it totalled 7 times bare in mind i only sent one email at that time. My theory is she kept clicking it to see if i replied. i replied a few hours later. We both started to reminisce on old times, she stated she missed the sex and the little things we did and it ended with her telling me she will always love me. i kept my messages quite short and not needy her ones was very long and she replied straight away. Towards the night i saw she views the email about 14 times. today i woke up to find another email from her, she stated how she cant stop thinking about me now. she also asked if i wished we could be friends. She then said i hope your happy with your new girlfriend (i dont have one). then she asked do i think about her alot? What should i do, i have not replied. 1
kendahke Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Stop replying. Unless she's saying to you "MINDSHIFT, I made a huge mistake leaving you. I'm sorry. I don't want to be with him. I'm not happy. I want to be with you. How can I make this right again? I want our life back"... or something along those lines, she's just using you to make herself feel better for dumping you for her ex. Perhaps she's remembering why he's her ex and she's hoping you'll plyable enough to use as her eff buddy while she strings the both of you along, never making up her mind. No. She needs to leave him and be gone from him for you to have any serious chance of getting back with her. If she's not there (and you find that out by asking), then hang up, block her on all social/communications media and devices and get on with your life. 2
Draper Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I think the only option here is to NC man. It's your best shot at both getting her back and moving on. She left you for an ex, though, so you probably want to move on. But keeping up with the emailing will only make you feel worse. I would try to move past this and if she ends up sending you an email saying she regrets what she did and wants to get back with you, then you'll have to decide what you want to do. I wish it were different because I know how gratifying it can be for guys like us to talk to our ex's and keep telling them what they wanna hear, but we have to come to accept that it falls on deaf ears and pushes her further away.
mightycpa Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 By now, those emails should have been filtered directly into the trash without you having seen them. That's what you do. Did you look at my diagram after you got that email? See what I mean? You just took a few steps back into doubt and uncertainty over nothing. 1
ScienceGal Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 She hopes you can be friends????!!! no way. I wouldn't reply. 1
kendahke Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 she also asked if i wished we could be friends.. Refuse to do this. You don't want to be her friend. You want to be her man. You have romantic and sexual attraction and feelings for her. You don't get to be her man by being her girlfriend she sometimes screws. 1
PegNosePete Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Hi poeple is this a breadcrum or what. Look, it's very easy to tell whether something is a breadcrumb or not. If you have to ask the question, "is this a breadcrumb", then the answer is YES it is a breadcrumb. If it's not a breadcrumb then you will know immediately that it is not a breadcrumb. There will be absolutely no doubt in your mind. Keep up the NC dude. 1
darkbloom Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You're not in NC. You need to block her email and have that nonsense filtered directly to your trash. Also, checking your tracker to see how many times she opened it is NOT going to help your healing. You are back to day 1 of NC. Do not respond to her email. Delete it and commit to moving on. The best response is no response at all.
Diezel Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Her asking you to be friends is her saying, you're Plan B just in case the person she is with right now goes south. This gives her the in to come back to you. Don't be that guy. Tell her to not contact you again and that you are moving on. That or just block her. Where are your testicles, buddy?
Seth0194 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 How do you feel? It is easy for us to tell you do not do it, it is another thing to be able to do it. You have to see it all for what it is, she probably does miss you but the "Lets be Friends" tells me either she is not getting what she wants or she is just seeing if she has you as a lifeline if her other flame does not work out. The "I hope you are happy with your new girlfriend" is asking you are you seeing anyone, pumping you for information. Personally if you answer her back wait a day or two and then only bare information. " Hey long time no hear, how are you doing? etc." Don't bring up her new boyfriend, don't talk about what you are doing and do not talk about what happened. Keep it real lite. Personally I will never play second to anyone else, if my ex left me for someone else, then I am done, it does not matter how much I love her or how much I want to be with them. If you left me for another man, I am not important enough for you, I will find someone who I am. Just me. Good luck and keeps us up to date. 1
Bo34 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 She asked you to be friends in her email. That's all you need to know. The end. If she was serious on trying to get back to you she would say something along the lines of admitting her mistake and wanting to come back to you. Stop replying and let go. It's better to never hear from an ex, than to be stringed along like this.
Bo34 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You're in a much easier position to move on than others are. If my ex left me for another person or to get back with an ex, I would move on in a heartbeat. That's basically saying you're 2nd or 3rd fiddle, whatever pecking-order she's got. I think a lot of dumpees like myself wish they found out their ex had a new partner because it would make us move along from the breakup much quicker. 1
Seth0194 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You're in a much easier position to move on than others are. If my ex left me for another person or to get back with an ex, I would move on in a heartbeat. That's basically saying you're 2nd or 3rd fiddle, whatever pecking-order she's got. I think a lot of dumpees like myself wish they found out their ex had a new partner because it would make us move along from the breakup much quicker. I agree this is the first time in a break up someone else was not involved, it is just one of those things wanting something different. But oh well. But we both agree Bo, I can nor will I ever go back to someone who left me for someone else. They can Pound Sand. 3
Chakruna Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I haf to read many stories here on loveshack I think is best for you go to NO CONTACT.
Liono84 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You're in a much easier position to move on than others are. If my ex left me for another person or to get back with an ex, I would move on in a heartbeat. That's basically saying you're 2nd or 3rd fiddle, whatever pecking-order she's got. I think a lot of dumpees like myself wish they found out their ex had a new partner because it would make us move along from the breakup much quicker. I TOTALLY agree with this^^^. Every dumpee is going to hurt after a breakup, that being said, some things are unforgiveable. When a girl has you as 2nd place because he/she goes back to their ex or finds someone new, that's the end. To me that's probably the most painful way to experience a breakup especially in the very beginning, but it also is the easiest one to move on from since it tells you they don't love you more than the other person. If the breakup was a result of external forces such as different goals in life, financial hardships, a family of one partner not accepting the other person, distance etc., those are the one's that sort of kill you, because you always are left wondering 'What If...' It's still doesn't and shouldn't cause the end of a relationship if someone truly loves you, but the external forces definitely contributed to the breakup. Those are the one's where it takes longer to heal. 3
Seth0194 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I TOTALLY agree with this^^^. Every dumpee is going to hurt after a breakup, that being said, some things are unforgiveable. When a girl has you as 2nd place because he/she goes back to their ex or finds someone new, that's the end. To me that's probably the most painful way to experience a breakup especially in the very beginning, but it also is the easiest one to move on from since it tells you they don't love you more than the other person. If the breakup was a result of external forces such as different goals in life, financial hardships, a family of one partner not accepting the other person, distance etc., those are the one's that sort of kill you, because you always are left wondering 'What If...' It's still doesn't and shouldn't cause the end of a relationship if someone truly loves you, but the external forces definitely contributed to the breakup. Those are the one's where it takes longer to heal. Never heard (read) it put a better way. 2
Author MINDSHIFT Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) I hate the fact that the only ****ing solution on this forum is always NC. A few posters have given me meaningful insight. Not every ****ing suggestion needs to be no contact. I know i should not reply i know i should of blocked her but i ****ing didnt. Edited September 18, 2015 by MINDSHIFT 2
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I hate the fact that the only ****ing solution on this forum is always NC.Yeah, it's pretty repetitive. Tell ya what, try contacting her a bunch. Maybe you'll win her back? 3
quattrob Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I hate the fact that the only ****ing solution on this forum is always NC. A few posters have given me meaningful insight. Not every ****ing suggestion needs to be no contact. I know i should not reply i know i should of blocked her but i ****ing didnt. Maybe if you actually tried NC, you'll know the reason why. But you're weak and hopeful about her so you prefer to get tormented by all these emails she's sending you. If you enjoy having your feelings/emotions played and confused then go ahead and keep reading her emails and replying hoping for her to come back to you. Otherwise if you really want to get better, as in get your head out of your *** to think more clearly about what's important for you now, then NC is the best way. And by the way, no need to lash out here on others' opinions. Remember you asked for help and/or opinions. You obviously are a mess remember that. 1
Seth0194 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Maybe if you actually tried NC, you'll know the reason why. But you're weak and hopeful about her so you prefer to get tormented by all these emails she's sending you. If you enjoy having your feelings/emotions played and confused then go ahead and keep reading her emails and replying hoping for her to come back to you. Otherwise if you really want to get better, as in get your head out of your *** to think more clearly about what's important for you now, then NC is the best way. And by the way, no need to lash out here on others' opinions. Remember you asked for help and/or opinions. You obviously are a mess remember that. Yea if you are looking for validation, that is a different section. Everyone scream NC cause it works and a week is not enough time to say you tried it. Best of luck.
Liono84 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I hate the fact that the only ****ing solution on this forum is always NC. A few posters have given me meaningful insight. Not every ****ing suggestion needs to be no contact. I know i should not reply i know i should of blocked her but i ****ing didnt. I also hate the fact that you keep posting the same question over and over and jacking this forum multiple times a day. I'm sorry for what you're going through, really I am. I don't wish anyone to go through being dumped. But you already know the answer, and you'rd coming off as a jerk here. Grow a pair of balls, get over it and carry on. There are far worse things in life.
Blanco Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I'll just say that for me, NC is the only method that really helped. I was a mess when in contact with her and when in LC with her. Even though I haven't initiated communication in six months, there was still this fixation I had where I'd wonder IF and WHEN she was gonna text. Today marks one month exactly since she last contacted me. We had been LC or NC for most of the last five months, but this is the first time where a full month has passed where I haven't heard a PEEP from her. And you know what? I've been starting to feel really good the last four or five days. It's not longer weighing on my mind if she will contact me. I'm sure she will eventually, but I'm no longer obsessing about when and if she will. I attribute this in part to there being NO communication from either side. I can't wait to see how I feel another month from now. 3
Blanco Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I hate the fact that the only ****ing solution on this forum is always NC. A few posters have given me meaningful insight. Not every ****ing suggestion needs to be no contact. I know i should not reply i know i should of blocked her but i ****ing didnt. I read up on your story. NC is not always the answer, but for you, it absolutely is. Since this breakup, you've: - Confronted the new guy at his home - Gotten yourself ARRESTED - Gotten your ex arrested based on lies - Logged into her FB account to check on her activity - Kept watch of how many times she's opened emails from you (wtf?!) I've done some undignified thing post-break, like checking on their social media, but the above is serious stuff that should've been a wake-up call that it was time to cut your losses and move away from all of this. 2
Luke22 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Asking you if you have a girlfriend is just pumping you for information. Perhaps testing to see if you're still available. What I can share that may help is that I kept in touch after I knew she was seeing someone else. I shouldn't have. It ruined my summer. I could be so much farther ahead in the healing process of I would have let it go when I was replaced. If it's bad enough that two people break up, there's a reason why you shouldn't be together. IMHO, your just inviting hurt, sadness and disappointment of you continue to entertain her contacts. Constantly checking the email? I went through a phase of constantly checking my text messages. It made me anxious, sad and I couldn't focus. Once I ended it, I no longer panic when my phone beeps. I also no longer have to have my phone on my person 24/7. Very freeing. No more emotional roller coaster. It seems like this is a toxic situation for you. It doesn't bring out the best in you and surely doesn't make you happy. 2
mightycpa Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I hate the fact that the only ****ing solution on this forum is always NC. A few posters have given me meaningful insight. Not every ****ing suggestion needs to be no contact. I know i should not reply i know i should of blocked her but i ****ing didnt. Cavemen used to club their women into submission. You could try that if she's not responding properly to reason. Or, there's some spellcasters who are on the web that sell magic spells for you to get your woman back. I saw one with a money-back guarantee! How can you lose?
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