SpiderSilva Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 This is the very first time ive decided to get involved on these threads. Mainly because this specific break-up is not sitting well with me one bit. Im extremely hurt by it and im kind of **** at myself...so (bare/bear*) with me here if you will.... I started working with this girl at the end of April..a week or so into it I noticed she was clearly into me. Going out of her way to have cigs with me on break etc.(she was my shift supervisor). Then it turned into heavy flirting and she wasnt shy about her intentions. So happened that around this same time her b/f of 4 years whom she lived with yet had a rocky relationship with was leaving town for work..she was clearly devestated. I knew she wanted a rebound if anything. So things progressed fairly fast and we ended up sleeping together at work and it progressed from there. She clearly had baggage. It was acknowledged on both sides. One night i got upset and cut her out completely (cause i still had my shield up as i simply just dont trust women anymore whatsoever). She came running after me for a few days and i told her what i expected from her if we werw to progress and ahe agreed. I told her i refuse to be her rebound and there is an obvious age gap (little over a decade) im in 30s and shes 20. She remained persistent and pleades this was not the case and she felt i could make her happy and wanted me. I eventually let my guards down and we had an awesome 4 months seeing eachother every day and talking nonstop on the phone. I love you eventually and even discussing future plans vacations etc. I treated her with a lot of respect and she was blown away by just simple gestures as opening her door for her, telling her how beautiful she truly is etc. She was obssessed with me and I got there soon enough. I supported her through a death in the family, getting over her ex by helping her rearrange and clean her house. She was very happy and attached. Then out of NOwhere im dropping her off at work 11 days ago now and i felt a wierd distant vibe. She about to get out and i asked, "everything ok?"...then i heard those dreaded words.."we need to talk". I asked if she was breaking up with me and ahe essentially said yes and just...left. I asked why she startes rambling about "i still have feelings for him" even though she insisted she didnt any longer, and she "needs space" etc..the usual ****. I went home, deleted her from FB etc..was absolutely mind **** and crushed i might add. I had gotten soo comfortable and attached to her. She called couple times i ignored. Then i lashed out one morning through text q little bit few days in and swung by her house to talk...she insisted she was not in love with me anymore etc and she said ex is coming back to town but apparently is not interested in getting back with him etc. I acknowlwdged and left semi angry...she calles me a few hours later with an attitude and i said stop calling i just delwted ur number etc. Then i finally broke down on the phone and expressed my hurt and told her i loved her and let her go. Couple nights later she called i didnt answer. Then the calls stopped. I text her yestersay morning and accepted her feelings and she pleaded she dodnt leave me for another guy, but that her "heart wasnt fully in it". I took it on the chin and accepted. In reality im a wreck and have been 11 days now. She is being extreeeeemly cold during our couple very brief interactions so far and sayomg things like, "whatever makes you happy, have a nice life yet pleading to me simultaneously that she is not seeing any other guy through same texts... im trying to continue this no contact and be firm and tryong very hard to stop smoking almost 2 packs a day (since breakup) and get back in shape and find work etc... i forgot to mention i left work because management found out about the relatiinship and i had to transfer... thats another story on its own... So i KNOW this is border line retarded but im so torn right now because i genuinely want to win her back but play my cards RIGHT this time for myself..i KNOW we can be a good match as we were. She was so into me...how the **** does a female end up like this?! Hemce why i trust NO female..unforunately..i still need one. I want her. Ive had many many women in life and relationships and a few have hurt reeeal bad. This was the most mature breakup so far feom MY perspective. Havent freaked out too hard or often and maintaining my distance... but im dying inside tbh..Im so agitated and frustrated its **** me off... now ive read through a LOT and I know i shouldnt pursue her for obvious reasons, being a rebound etc etc. And normally i would..This time, i want to fight for her back and see how it goes. Ill toughen myself up even further in case it doeant work out but does ANYone out there female and male have any recommemdations as to what my best strategy to win her heart back would be? If we can avoid the cliche replies that any google search will give id greatly appreciate. I need aome down to earth realistic ideas... If you managed to make it through that novel i truly appreciate it...love this community. Has helped a lot last week and a half in keeping my sanity in check.
Christos Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Well, first things first. You didn't mention her break up before you started flirting and having sex, so i assume you were the other man in her affair, for as long as her boyfriend was out of town... Since i have been cheated on after 6 years, and 99% i know it was with a co-worker, let me tell you that you are an awful person, and you deserve to pay for it, since you knew she had a boyfriend, like the other man who cheated with my ex knew about me... Still, i will try to offer some advice. First of all, she is an awful person herself, for betraying her lover that way. You shouldn't want to be with her in the first place. She is a miserable creature, unfaithful and untrustworthy. Who in their right mind would want a relationship with someone who cheated? From what you said, the most likely thing is her boyfriend came back and she decided to return to him. And he is non-the-wiser. She dropped her little toy -YOU- and back to the ex, who she values more than you. You cannot win her back. For many reasons. She never valued you, and all things she told you were lies. And you don't love her either, you are just missing the sex. In any case, for the love of God, if you have a single piece of a soul in you, find her boyfriend and tell him everything. She might be using him right now. He will be devastated, but he should know the truth. That girl will never forgive you for that. But it is the right thing to do. I know i would like to learn the whole truth from the other person, since my ex will never give it to me, to keep me chained as a back up. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 OP, can you clarify whether she actually ever broke up with her boyfriend or not? Unfortunately, it sounds like she wanted a diversion while he was gone and you went along with it despite that rebound red flag. In the future, stay away From anyone fresh off a break-up, if they were in fact broken up.
DexterLS Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Well, first things first. You didn't mention her break up before you started flirting and having sex, so i assume you were the other man in her affair, for as long as her boyfriend was out of town... Since i have been cheated on after 6 years, and 99% i know it was with a co-worker, let me tell you that you are an awful person, and you deserve to pay for it, since you knew she had a boyfriend, like the other man who cheated with my ex knew about me... Still, i will try to offer some advice. First of all, she is an awful person herself, for betraying her lover that way. You shouldn't want to be with her in the first place. She is a miserable creature, unfaithful and untrustworthy. Who in their right mind would want a relationship with someone who cheated? From what you said, the most likely thing is her boyfriend came back and she decided to return to him. And he is non-the-wiser. She dropped her little toy -YOU- and back to the ex, who she values more than you. You cannot win her back. For many reasons. She never valued you, and all things she told you were lies. And you don't love her either, you are just missing the sex. In any case, for the love of God, if you have a single piece of a soul in you, find her boyfriend and tell him everything. She might be using him right now. He will be devastated, but he should know the truth. That girl will never forgive you for that. But it is the right thing to do. I know i would like to learn the whole truth from the other person, since my ex will never give it to me, to keep me chained as a back up. This. Christos is spot on. I was cheated on after 6 years too. The other guy, her co-worker, knew about me and I absolutely despise cheaters. Nevertheless, I wish you get out of this. Good luck.
Diezel Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 She left you for another guy, just like she did to the previous one. Go sit down and listen to Ginuwine's "What's So Different" and then tell me how you feel after that.
lwalter Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 She was obsessed with hunting you. When she got what she wanted you became boring to her
coryreply Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Sorry you're going through this. It's no fun. Based on the details you've given us, you need to consider the fact that you may be wasting your time and energy chasing after this one. There are a lot of issues here - especially if you're thinking long-term relationship. She's only 20. She's going to act like a 20 year old.
coryreply Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I just found this post in LS. Check it out.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/548413-how-win-your-ex-back-guidd#post6550971
Recommended Posts