Author sheberiding Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 What was the time period between that suspicious night out and when you over heard them talking about a threesome? It was about two weeks from the suspicious night out and when I overheard them talking about it.
Author sheberiding Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 It has been my experience that the more 'agitated' the response to your question was, the more likely it is that she did something she doesn't want you to find out about. Her response to your question ought to have been one of calm acceptance. She knows it is something that is important to you so she should be doing everything and anything to reassure you that nothing happened. She can't do that because it did happen and she is afraid you'll dump her. Hence the obfuscation of agitation. If she is bisexual, and she is if she was in bed with another woman, then that is something you need to either accept, or divorce her. She can't change who she is, and this side of her nature will surface in other ways, possibly leading to same sex relationships behind your back - can you tolerate this? Are you sure you want to be sitting alone in the living room reading a magazine late at night, while your wife is getting her rocks off with her latest lesbian lover in your bed? That scenario wont end well if you go by many of the 'bicurious' postings that appear here from time to time. Thanks for you response, it's something to think about.
Author sheberiding Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 You have 3 choices here. 1. Dump her because you don't trust her. 2. Let it go and stay with her 3. Have her friend reciprocate the threesome with you. I'd opt for number 3. I might go the route a previous of a previous response and ask her to prove she didn't do it. It is interesting to see that the majority of responders see that the evidence here points to the likelihood of a threesome because she is always very dismissive of every fact when this is discussed.
sidney2718 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I might go the route a previous of a previous response and ask her to prove she didn't do it. It is interesting to see that the majority of responders see that the evidence here points to the likelihood of a threesome because she is always very dismissive of every fact when this is discussed. The problem is that it is almost impossible to prove a negative.
Author sheberiding Posted September 19, 2015 Author Posted September 19, 2015 I might go the route a previous of a previous response and ask her to prove she didn't do it. It is interesting to see that the majority of responders see that the evidence here points to the likelihood of a threesome because she is always very dismissive of every fact when this is discussed. That's so true! At the very least she doesn't think I'm totally clueless about this.
HereNorThere Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) I don't think proving that she lied is going to provide you with any relief. Even if she failed a polygraph, you'd still be in the same boat. There is literally no way to know with 100% accuracy and she doesn't respect you enough to ever be completely honest. Besides, how much more proof do you really need? You heard her talking about with your own ears and witnessed to subsequent fall-out. Does she need to give you a notorized confession? Does the friend's boyfriend need to show you the video on his iPhone? You knew she was liar/cheat and you married her. I think you forfeited your right to hold her to a higher standard once you put a ring on it. If you had no idea before you married her, it would be a different story. By marrying her, you've shown her that this is acceptable behavior and that's it's okay to lie to you. You'll never be able to take that back. You knew who she is and what she's about and you married her despite that. Quit beating a dead horse and just accept that this is part of who she is. At least you know, so you'll have an easier time catching her when she does it again. That's more than most people have. Edited September 20, 2015 by HereNorThere
Author sheberiding Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 I don't think proving that she lied is going to provide you with any relief. Even if she failed a polygraph, you'd still be in the same boat. There is literally no way to know with 100% accuracy and she doesn't respect you enough to ever be completely honest. Besides, how much more proof do you really need? You heard her talking about with your own ears and witnessed to subsequent fall-out. Does she need to give you a notorized confession? Does the friend's boyfriend need to show you the video on his iPhone? You knew she was liar/cheat and you married her. I think you forfeited your right to hold her to a higher standard once you put a ring on it. If you had no idea before you married her, it would be a different story. By marrying her, you've shown her that this is acceptable behavior and that's it's okay to lie to you. You'll never be able to take that back. You knew who she is and what she's about and you married her despite that. Quit beating a dead horse and just accept that this is part of who she is. At least you know, so you'll have an easier time catching her when she does it again. That's more than most people have. You are right, I will never know for sure. The only way I have been able to move forward is accepting it happened and dealing with it. Cheaters prevent their significant others from knowing the truth and assume it's for their own good.
ShatteredLady Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Hope you don't mind. I've got some questions before I can say for sure what I think. Do you guys have kids? How long have you been married for? Over the years what explanation has she given you for the 'falling-out' with her best friend? One minute she was Maid of Honor next she wasn't even in the wedding party. That's HUGE for a woman. What does she say when you ask? When she was talking to a friend 2 weeks after 'The Night' & you walked in & you heard - "She said guess what "my friend asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend and.." when she realized I was there and went into denial mode. This led to a huge fight. Could it of been "have a threesome with her boyfriend and.....I was so drunk & so shocked I laughed in their faces!! She was so embarrassed.... OR Could it be "have a threesome with her boyfriend and....I was drunk, lost all inhibitions & had the best night of my life... How many years ago did this happen? I think that's VERY important to know how to judge her recent behavior. I think there's a lot more going on in your marriage at the moment than your posts are sharing.
starpower Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) If you did find out she had the threesome, would you end the marriage? What I would personally do, is contact the ex couple separately, which may now be easier as they are no longer together. Sure they all may hate each other now, but if you question them separately you can see if their stories match. If the ex couple are not in contact with each other and no longer friends with your wife, I doubt they will care now to get their stories straight. Depends how you ask the questions. Maybe just ask what caused them to kick her out of the wedding etc first, then go a bit further. Also do the former couple know that you had concerns about your wife engaging in a threesome with them? Edited September 20, 2015 by starpower
Author sheberiding Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Hope you don't mind. I've got some questions before I can say for sure what I think. Do you guys have kids? How long have you been married for? Over the years what explanation has she given you for the 'falling-out' with her best friend? One minute she was Maid of Honor next she wasn't even in the wedding party. That's HUGE for a woman. What does she say when you ask? When she was talking to a friend 2 weeks after 'The Night' & you walked in & you heard - "She said guess what "my friend asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend and.." when she realized I was there and went into denial mode. This led to a huge fight. Could it of been "have a threesome with her boyfriend and.....I was so drunk & so shocked I laughed in their faces!! She was so embarrassed.... OR Could it be "have a threesome with her boyfriend and....I was drunk, lost all inhibitions & had the best night of my life... How many years ago did this happen? I think that's VERY important to know how to judge her recent behavior. I think there's a lot more going on in your marriage at the moment than your posts are sharing. I was never given any explanation for their falling out other than the standard she went crazy, but I agree with you it was huge deal for a women and could be explained by an event like a threesome. When I walked in on her conversation about it I didn't hear anymore than they asked me for a threesome. I wish I had heard more. That would have made all the difference. Please don't respond if you are going to reply with the standard: "the past is the past" and "you should focus on her behavior now" or "she is a good wife now" because I am only interested in whether you think based on the information I provided you think she did it or not.
Author sheberiding Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 If you did find out she had the threesome, would you end the marriage? What I would personally do, is contact the ex couple separately, which may now be easier as they are no longer together. Sure they all may hate each other now, but if you question them separately you can see if their stories match. If the ex couple are not in contact with each other and no longer friends with your wife, I doubt they will care now to get their stories straight. Depends how you ask the questions. Maybe just ask what caused them to kick her out of the wedding etc first, then go a bit further. Also do the former couple know that you had concerns about your wife engaging in a threesome with them? That's a good idea. If the stories don't match I am pretty sure she will say they are lying because they hate her and want to ruin her marriage. I never had a chance to discuss the threesome because the friendship ended so quickly after I found out.
HereNorThere Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Sure, the friend could lie, but the fact is that the friend may have irrefutable evidence. This reminds me of a woman who is worried she is pregnant, but refuses to take a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say you are avoiding asking the friends because you truly do not want know. The friend possibly lying is such a red herring in this situation. You could go over there and her friend may have a video of them having sex on top of that day's newspaper. You are purposely putting your head in the sand because you simply do not want to know. 1
Author sheberiding Posted September 21, 2015 Author Posted September 21, 2015 Sure, the friend could lie, but the fact is that the friend may have irrefutable evidence. This reminds me of a woman who is worried she is pregnant, but refuses to take a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say you are avoiding asking the friends because you truly do not want know. The friend possibly lying is such a red herring in this situation. You could go over there and her friend may have a video of them having sex on top of that day's newspaper. You are purposely putting your head in the sand because you simply do not want to know. I never said I was going to do it. It's actually a really good idea. I am either going to do that or ask for a polygraph. Right now I am leaning to the polygraph because I really hate that woman. And yes I do want to know.
Author sheberiding Posted September 24, 2015 Author Posted September 24, 2015 She probably did it and I am just going to have to let it go. Unfortunately let it go doesn't mean forget and that's one thing I can't do.
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