kilgore Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Is it better to be self deprecating or boastful? Thoughts?
Gloria25 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Neither.... But something "in between"... I'd consider myself more on the self-depreciating side. But, not to the point where it is excessive. What do I mean? I like humbleness in a person. I don't like people who run around beating his/her chest demanding that everyone praise and/or recognize them. When I do things, I often prefer no one knows. I used to hate award ceremonies...While I enjoyed competing and winning - I hated having to stand up, speak and accept the prize. But, at the same time, you shouldn't stand back and not take credit when credit is due. Sometimes people compliment me and it's hard to take the compliment. I get shy and be like "nah...it's ok". So, while I cannot stand "boastful" people - sometimes you gotta stand up and get credit for you and/or what you did/do. 2
BlueBlood Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Boastful is a turn off, I prefer someone that is already working on the next goal as opposed to sitting around telling everyone how great and accomplished they are. 3
Author kilgore Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I am by nature self deprecating
gaius Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Boastful is a turn off, I prefer someone that is already working on the next goal as opposed to sitting around telling everyone how great and accomplished they are. You can do both at the same time. I think as long as you're not truly arrogant boastful is by far the way to go.
Author kilgore Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 You can do both at the same time. I think as long as you're not truly arrogant boastful is by far the way to go. Why is it preferable?
gaius Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Why is it preferable? Self deprecation puts women in the awkward position of having to either laugh at you, not at your jokes but at you, or coddle you, neither of which is a very sexy foundation. When you're a little cocky as a man it's more fun and just comes off way better. You have to back it up with something though. 2
Author kilgore Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Self deprecation puts women in the awkward position of having to either laugh at you, not at your jokes but at you, or coddle you, neither of which is a very sexy foundation. When you're a little cocky as a man it's more fun and just comes off way better. You have to back it up with something though. Hmm...I find arrogance very off putting I don't know why I am self deprecating by nature, but I am. I find that people who are generally have better sense of humor. And I have never been using it to be coddled I don't think 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I thought women get highly turned on watching 2 guys engage in extreme displays of masculinity by doing stuff like; chest thumping, yelling face to face & pushing each other, while hurling insults to each other. If that's the case, bragging must be the way into a woman's heart.
mrldii Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Our [only] two choices in life are to put ourselves down or to build ourselves up?!? Gosh...put that way, I guess one would do better building oneself up, no? Thank God there's very few things in life that are black-and-white and there's always some middle ground to be found. 7
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 as someone else wrote somewhere in between....be able to take a compliment.....to know your worth......and its hard sometimes to feel your worth...... one thing i know that your worth. my worth or anyones worth is no greater than another we are all in this world together.....from kings and queens to homeless and destitute and each and every one of us has the same worth...which is a human life....its priceless.....and if you see yourself as one life...then humility will be imminent...being prideful...is actually bad for your health..humility....is food for your spirit...so if self depreciation comes as knowing how small we are in the universe.......then that surely would be better than arrogance.....deb 3
Haydn Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Only this morning my bravado came in useful. Got a seat on a tube.
Taramere Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Whichever feels more honest to the person, I suppose, but I do think that people who veer towards boastful often taken themselves too seriously. I prefer people who are able to face up to their own more ridiculous or flawed aspects - so long as they're not too self obsessed about it (or constantly humblebragging). That strikes me as involving more honesty and strength than being a hot-air filled braggart involves. This popular-on-Facebook picture does tell a story. I suspect a lot more people prefer the "no, I don't think I'm the best - but that doesn't mean I need your reassurance. Just let me get on with my work" Jimi Hendrix style to Kanye West's narcissistic yapping. 1
Haydn Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 People who can`t laugh at themselves must have very low self esteem. I know a few like this, they usually brag or boast or dish it out to others. Pretend to know things etc.. When slights are made about them, they usually become very upset and in some cases unstable. Lot of them about. But OP, to you`re original question, possibly a mixture of both is natural to most.... 4
RecentChange Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Out of the two extremes, I suppose I would choose boosting. Yeah, it can be can be irritating, but I can't stand self depreciating people. I am not good in doing all the up lifting / reassurance etc people like this tend to need - and I find it more irritating than boosting. Quit acting pathetic and show some self confidence! People who act like they do not like themselves do not draw me. 2
RecentChange Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Self deprecation puts women in the awkward position of having to either laugh at you, not at your jokes but at you, or coddle you, neither of which is a very sexy foundation. When you're a little cocky as a man it's more fun and just comes off way better. You have to back it up with something though. I agree with this - I am more likely to laugh with and tease a "cocky" guy - "oh you are all that huh?" - I don't want to be backed into a corner to constantly reassure -"oh no, that's not true you are _____ [compliment here]." 1
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I agree with this - I am more likely to laugh with and tease a "cocky" guy - "oh you are all that huh?" - I don't want to be backed into a corner to constantly reassure -"oh no, that's not true you are _____ [compliment here]." i am the opposite i would much rather lift someone up than to have to bring them down teasing or not....i find boastful or self important people tiring and honestly they dont need me to talk to them or listen to them when they have a mirror handy to practice on..........deb
Taramere Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I agree with this - I am more likely to laugh with and tease a "cocky" guy - "oh you are all that huh?" - I don't want to be backed into a corner to constantly reassure -"oh no, that's not true you are _____ [compliment here]." I think guys who are inclined towards brutal self awareness are more interesting to deal with and talk to. They're usually a lot more hilarious, original and insightful in their banter than your average cocky salesman type. Obviously it's important that the brutal self awareness doesn't pull them into a dark place they can't pull themselves out of - but if they've channeled themselves into accomplishing things that build their confidence, and have retained a bit of that brutally self aware edge - I think that's the best kind of guy really. They're not generally looking for reassurance, I don't think. People who think they are just aren't getting it. What they're looking for is somebody who will laugh with them, appreciate their insight and be able to provide some insight and brutal self awareness of their own. Same with women who gravitate towards that temperament. 3
PrettyEmily77 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 People who can`t laugh at themselves must have very low self esteem. I know a few like this, they usually brag or boast or dish it out to others. Pretend to know things etc.. When slights are made about them, they usually become very upset and in some cases unstable. Lot of them about. But OP, to you`re original question, possibly a mixture of both is natural to most.... So true. Nothing less attractive than someone who can dish it out but can't take it. Self-depreciating ppl can be like that too though, like it's okay for them to laugh at themselves but no-one else should dare make the slight remark. It's like walking on eggshells. A little bit of both is fine, if it's meant in good humour; a lot of either shows very low or very high self-esteem, the latter being the worst of the 2, IMO. 1
jen1447 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Is it better to be self deprecating or boastful? Thoughts? Depends on the situation and the context. I doubt anyone finds either abject humility or total bombast very attractive as a primary trait, but being humble when praised is hot, and standing up for yourself when put down is too. 1
GorillaTheater Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I don't which is "preferable", necessarily. Either can easily be overdone. I'm certainly capable of either, sometimes in the same sentence. Keeps people on their toes. 2
2.50 a gallon Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 So where do we put the can do's It's not bragging, just stating a fact 1
autumnnight Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I learned something. I had always heard the term self-deprecating used in a manner that meant being able to laugh at oneself, being sort us unassuming. So I looked it up, and it actually DOES mean "the tendency to belittle or undervalue oneself." With that in mind, I guess if I HAD to pick it would be more boastful? But I don't like boasting. I know my strengths, but I can laugh at myself, admit my weaknesses, and don't have to have a lot of hand-holding/back patting unless I am really down for some kind of acute reason. 1
Robert Z Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Is it better to be self deprecating or boastful? Thoughts? I prefer self defecating humor. It has to be reeeeeeeeally funny to meet that standard. 1
RecentChange Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I learned something. I had always heard the term self-deprecating used in a manner that meant being able to laugh at oneself, being sort us unassuming. So I looked it up, and it actually DOES mean "the tendency to belittle or undervalue oneself." Yeah I wasn't considering it the ability to laugh at ones self - I love a sense of humor! And confident people usually CAN laugh at themselves / take a joke. It's the belittling... Making statements that bring themselves down, I always feel like its fishing for a compliment. And I do agree with some others here, in my experience the biggest " braggers" are actually people with very low self esteem - trying in vain to convey a sense of self worth with their constant bragging. But then there are the "do'ers". I live and work in a very competitive area (San Francisco bay area), there are many do'ers here, and they tend to not be the self depreciating type. Plus more specifically I work in a law related field - attorneys aren't quick to put themselves down. I am used a slightly over confident / over bearing type personality.
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