How to win your ex back guide

[Craftydre]

Just like attracting a girl, I'm sure there is indeed a science behind attracting a former love again, it just takes a lot more luck, patience, and attention to detail. So yes, moving on will ultimately be the easy way out. But in terms of LTR's and experiencing that love with someone, it of couse undoubtedly possible to get them back.

 

 

Here is what I've gathered.

 

Step 1: Mental Preperation.

One must let go of their ego, and realize they dropped value in the relationship, and their former lover has or indeed will be intimate with someone else, and not use this as a tool to hate that person.

 

 

Step 2: Relationship Observation.

One must really find out the underlying cause of the break up. Putting the happy times, and negatives side by side and remembering the person you were that attracted them.

 

Step 3: Figuring out if you can change.

Unfortunately our dumpers especially in the beginning see no reasoning to both people being a cause, and ultimately see fit that you are just not compatible with their future so they break things off. To allow new people into their lives.

One must figure out if they are willing to change the negatives that caused the break up, whether it be their behavior, or environment.

 

Step 4: Radio Silent

One must not let dumper know that they are changing, as this is seen as a pathetic attempt to win them back. Which in all becomes clear to them you will do everything and everything for them, in others words: Always Available.

Which means they can take on the world, and do whatever they please with whomever they please, and if one day they decide to come back, you will be there.

 

An example. Girl has rich parents back home, but chooses to make a career in L.A. time and time again, no matter how tough things get, not only are the parents supporting her when she is down financially (her emotion and ego)

BUT she can always go back home.

 

On the second path we have a girl who saved everything she had to move to L.A to make it as an actress, and within months goes completely broke, not finding any opportunities and she knows if she stays any longer she won't be able to go back home, she will be homeless.

 

So you impliment NO CONTACT. So she or he falls into category two.

 

Stage 5: Becoming a enjoyable "place" for her to be in when she comes back home

 

During this time you make a real effort to really make a change. If you need to lose weight, Lose weight (not too much, as she may be repulsed) become as fit as possible with proper nutrition.

 

If you were a lazy ass with no job, get a JOB.

 

If you were jealous, or anger problems go to therapy, do whatever you can to really get over this attitude.

 

Enhance the good qualities they saw in you. Go out surround yourself with friends, meet new peopke, and become happy so you don't confront them from a needy place.

 

Become a future for them.

 

Step 6: Wait for contact

It doesn't matter. It may take days, weeks, months, or even years. During this time Yes, they meet someone else, you may meet someone else, it doesn't matter because the whole point is you must be prepared for opportunity. And if you were in a LTR, there is no way your ex will never even check up on you once.

 

The key here is, when that day finally comes you are prepared. When they contact you, if they just ask you how you are etc, nothing emotional you IGNORE IT.

 

 

 

But we are changing for them I'm prepared, why am I ignoring this?

 

Because although your motivation is to become better and to win them back, UNFORTUNATELY if they know this, they will disappear. I don't know why, but exes like to feel as if you have moved on in order to want to chase you and start something new again

 

Step 7: Emotion contact

After a month or so or less, they will follow up that ignored contact with more of a purpose. They will tell you they REALLY MISS YOU. Ask friends about you, show up to where you hang out, or flat out beg you back. At this point you respond in a cool way (just like before you two got in a relationship) and set up a date.

 

Step 8: Date.

The reason you became a way improved person without rubbing it in their face is because they feel you changed without them. They won't hold you to anything and sense they know you arent a doormat they won't take advantage of you because they will fear you will walk away any second. How many of you reconsile with a ex only to have them step all over you and threaten to leave you if you made a small mistake? That won't be happening if she sees the change to u made is genuine.

 

Then you go on a date, catch up, don't rub in her face your changes, and let her know what you've been up to in a friendly way. Don't beg her back, don't ask her out, dont make moves, or even get mad if he or she says she has been seeing other people. If they ask you these questions, Dodge it. Do not allow them to take the conversation to anywhere that reminds them about the breakup whatsoever.

 

After a few dates of being cool they should eventually make a move in which it should be like the first time you two ever hooked up. Naturally.

 

Step 9: Maintain distance until they ask you out.

 

Do not and I repeat do not ask them out because they will drop you. For some reason even after all that if you suggest relationship their pain senses kick in and their brains go into overdrive and eventually flight. Let them suggest the good times you had together, always snooping in who you are seeing etc, and when they finallysuggest relationship you sa NO. Then you tell them that you aren't sure, and that you are afraid they will up and leave again. In which they will promise things will change. You say you will think about it then hook up with them. Then next time or two times you see them that they ask you, you say Yes.

[drseuss]

Probaly the most realistic "get you ex back" article I have seen

[Christos]

Unfortunately, 99% of the time, there is no reason to get your ex back. ESPECIALLY after that person had sex with someone else.

 

Do all that, improve as a person, for your next love. Forget about the ex. No contact. At all. Never.

 

And if they contact you, and especially if it was an LTR and you loved them, they WILL contact you at some point, you block them from everywhere. Not to make them want you more. But to not influence your life anymore.

 

Exes are exes for a reason. Don't give us hope. This will only destroy our chances to improve our lives and move on.

[beanie66f]

I find this an odd article / post. I am in my late 40's. With the exception of my high school and college boyfriends that were breakups that were mutually agreed upon due to graduation ..,

 

I have never ever a) wanted to resume a relationship with an ex. And b) ever had an ex contact me after we broke up. I also never ever had a bad or messy breakup.

 

Maybe things are different with Internet and social media now making re contact easier which I didn't really have or use in my 20's or early 30's

[greenleaves54]

Good points. I'm in a situation however where I don't feel I've done anything wrong and I don't feel there's anything in particular that I could improve with myself.

 

I'm one week after BU (I was dumped, 2 year relationship). Basically she still loves me but feels she is too young to think about future, kids etc. and that she needs to try living life on her own.

 

I've been a gentleman about it, telling her how I thought it was sad but that I understand her and that I respect whatever path she wants to take. After one week of NC she called me yesterday, telling me how she wanted to call me every day but forced herself to wait one week after BU. She was going to send some of my things and we talked about random things and laughed. At the end of the conversation I told her that while keeping in touch is great it isn't possible for me because I need to move on. I told her I cared about her but since I still have feelings for her it isn't possible to stay friends. It felt good to be in control and sending a message like: "If that is what you wished, I bow out of your life and start exploring other roads in life".

 

There is really nothing that I could have done that would have prevented this break-up. The only thing I can do now is focusing on my studies, hobbies and friends and see how she reacts to the radio silence, right? Whatever happens, happens.

 

The key here is, when that day finally comes you are prepared. When they contact you, if they just ask you how you are etc, nothing emotional you IGNORE IT.

 

What do you mean here though? The next time she calls, do I reply politely and then remind her that I told her I needed space? Or shouldn't I even pick up the phone? That feels kind of rude and childish to me. It's not like we're in some kind of dispute or nasty argument. But I do understand that I can't allow her to call me for some small talk whenever she likes. But ignoring her and not answering at all seems a bit rude and therefore somewhat counterproductive. I don't know.

Edited September 18, 2015 by greenleaves54

[Samuel_22]

Good points. I'm in a situation however where I don't feel I've done anything wrong and I don't feel there's anything in particular that I could improve with myself.

 

I'm one week after BU (I was dumped, 2 year relationship). Basically she still loves me but feels she is too young to think about future, kids etc. and that she needs to try living life on her own.

 

I've been a gentleman about it, telling her how I thought it was sad but that I understand her and that I respect whatever path she wants to take. After one week of NC she called me yesterday, telling me how she wanted to call me every day but forced herself to wait one week after BU. She was going to send some of my things and we talked about random things and laughed. At the end of the conversation I told her that while keeping in touch is great it isn't possible for me because I need to move on. I told her I cared about her but since I still have feelings for her it isn't possible to stay friends. It felt good to be in control and sending a message like: "If that is what you wished, I bow out of your life and start exploring other roads in life".

 

There is really nothing that I could have done that would have prevented this break-up. The only thing I can do now is focusing on my studies, hobbies and friends and see how she reacts to the radio silence, right? Whatever happens, happens.

 

 

 

What do you mean here though? The next time she calls, do I reply politely and then remind her that I told her I needed space? Or shouldn't I even pick up the phone? That feels kind of rude and childish to me. It's not like we're in some kind of dispute or nasty argument. But I do understand that I can't allow her to call me for some small talk whenever she likes. But ignoring her and not answering at all seems a bit rude and therefore somewhat counterproductive. I don't know.

The problem with your post is that, you say how to win them back...as if they are our prizes...well, guess what? they are not...how do you consider someone who rejected your soul, and emotions as a prize? whatever their intentions were when they broke up with you, going back to the same person will result in the same crap...to shed some light on ''what is going on here'' I have to say when someone dumps you, that person does not love you...so what may bring an ex back? desperation, this fact that they have run out of options...so regret hits them...they establish contact to see if you are still available...so let's say when they contact you, you have changed a lot...you were poor and now you have struck it rich... is that what you want? do you want a person to stay with you because you are rich now? what if you become bankrupt again? so they will leave again, hum? the best thing you can do with an ex is to toss him/her...flush them in the restroom for good...block them everywhere you can, and never look back...they have made their choices, so they have to live with them

[Seth0194]

Though I must say the guide looks good and some thought and effort went into it.

 

But Sam said it best, for whatever reason your ex does not want you, if you are talking about a relationship 2+ years, that is a bit of time to invest in someone. Now I wont say sometimes people break up for stupid things but buy and large when it is over it is over. You should try to talk it out, take some time, heck even separate, but when someone throws you away I really can not see to much in going back.

 

I have never pursued any ex's after a break up. I never used a guide, I moved on with life no matter how hard it was. I have only ever had 2 never come back an tell me it was a mistake or they regret the choice they made (and that counts my current ex) The best thing you can do is move on with life, if they come back and you think you might still want them then who is anyone to tell you not to but by then most times then not you are in a better place or with someone who wants you for all you have.

[mightycpa]

Having had at least a half-dozen exes, once I hadn't talked to them for over a year, I've only seen two of them ever again, and that was for sex. One became my best FWB ever, and the other one, I broke up with her and I'm pretty sure I broke her heart. So that doesn't count, because I didn't seek her out.

 

You'd be surprised how permanent NC can make things. I think your advice needs to be modified so that after a long period of time, if you want someone back, you need to step up and make your move. Don't get your hopes up though - most likely, they've moved on.

[coryreply]

There's a lot I like about this.

[d0nnivain]

Here's a thought. . . .nurture your relationship while you are in it so it doesn't get to the point of breaking up. Address problems when they arise. Communicate. Be nice to each other. Don't take the other one for granted.

 

By the time you break up it's too late.

[erklat]

You can win back someone only if they want to be won back.

 

Other than that only living a damn good life for yourself free of scheming is your best bet.