nickf100 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Hey guys, I've been continuing my online dating journey. So far with the handful of people I've met I've gotten/could have gotten at least a second date. Maybe i was getting over confident, or let my guard down but i just had a really bad first date... Texting back and forth this girl said multiple times that she was really into me (never happens). After our first date (last weekend) i've gotten complete RADIO SILENCE from this girl!! lol. What's worse is that i had no idea it was a bad date until the radio silence!! It's really killing me to know what i did to make her change her mind like that. i have some guesses but ... i really dont know. I realize rejection is a part of dating but for those of you serial daters out there; does this sort of thing roll off your back eventually? or does it still have an impact? It's kind of shook me up a bit....
Jj66 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 The pain of rejection is proportional to how much you have invested your hopes and dreams in someone. I don't think it decreases with age, but if you are wise you do learn not to invest so much up front. That way rejection only stings a little instead of staggering you.
losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 The rejection got easier for me the more I dated, yes. I think eventually I realized that if it didn't work out with one guy, there'd be someone else.
popcornpuff Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Sorry to hear that. People can be really fickle when it comes to online dating. Once I accepted that, it became a lot easier to deal with rejection.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I don't think it decreases with age, but if you are wise you do learn not to invest so much up front. That way rejection only stings a little instead of staggering you. This is a very good post and advice you should take to heart OP. But I hear you. Sometimes it comes as a complete shock. I still remember from a few years ago when I had a GREAT first date (in my mind) that even ended w/some serious making out. During she was moaning, digging her nails into my back, telling me how great of a kisser I was, etc.. Yet when I followed up the next day, no response to my text. So I wait five days and try reaching out once more. She says "I've been seeing someone for awhile". So I ask "Well then why did you go out w/me?" She says "OK fine, you want the truth? I wasn't attracted to you". Yet she was practically tearing my clothes off during the make out session. That one still confuses me.
Jj66 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 This is a very good post and advice you should take to heart OP. But I hear you. Sometimes it comes as a complete shock. I still remember from a few years ago when I had a GREAT first date (in my mind) that even ended w/some serious making out. During she was moaning, digging her nails into my back, telling me how great of a kisser I was, etc.. Yet when I followed up the next day, no response to my text. So I wait five days and try reaching out once more. She says "I've been seeing someone for awhile". So I ask "Well then why did you go out w/me?" She says "OK fine, you want the truth? I wasn't attracted to you". Yet she was practically tearing my clothes off during the make out session. That one still confuses me. Very strange to make out with someone and then say you weren't attracted as the reason you don't want to see them again. Were beer goggles involved?
oldshirt Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I agree the more invested you are in the relationship the more sting it is going to have regardless if it is your 1st relationship or your 100th. That is probably what determines the degree of the impact. As far as does it get easier with time?? yes and no. The sting is still there and can be as painful in the moment on your 20th rejection as it was on your 1st. What makes the difference with wisdom and experience is that you realize that you will survive and be fine in short order. When you get dumped by your first true love and your first actual serious relationship, you feel like you've lost your one true shot at love and you will never find love again and that you will die alone in a crappy one-room apartment and be eaten by your cats. After more life experience and more relationships of varying degrees of seriousness, you realize that if this person doesn't want you, another one will. You realize that it will sting and you will miss them for awhile but then in a short period of time the acute pain will fade your time and energies will be filled with other things and in time you will find someone else and you will keep on trucking. It's kind of like studding your toe on the coffee table in the middle of the night. The first time it happens you think you are going to die and you think the pain will never go away. By about third or fourth time you do it, it still hurts as bad but you realize it will pass and you will survive and prevail. And after that, you start wearing shoes. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Very strange to make out with someone and then say you weren't attracted as the reason you don't want to see them again. Were beer goggles involved? Haha.. we were both stone cold sober. During the date she was asking me personal questions, playing w/her hair and jewelry, maintaining eye contact, smiling, always laughing, etc.. Basically any indicator of interest you can think of was there. That's why I went for a kiss and wasn't surprised by the passion that followed. So your guess is as good as mine. Maybe she wanted to discourage me from contacting her again, so she said the meanest thing she could think of in the moment. Who knows? But yeah that one stung the ego a bit.
Maggie4 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Oh ok you're talking about online dating, that's different. Sometimes it's not a complete rejection, but just that people get distracted.
mystikmind2005 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I figured out what the problem is.... In life, everyone has a secret 'team' that follows them around. When you go for a job interview, one of your 'team' jumps in and takes it. When you want to buy something in the shop, your 'team' rushes ahead and buys it out When you drive your car, your 'team' follow you around and obstruct you.... their favorite one is to come charging down a totally quiet street when you want to pull out of a driveway. It is not a random thing - its your 'team'. Then when it comes to women, yes, she likes you, but then one of your 'team' jump up and play the role of her MR wonderful and take her away from you. The way to defeat your 'team' is with repetition, make them use up all their guys, make them take the first 20 great jobs, Make them take the first 20 great dates, sooner or later they are going to run out of fantastic guys to jump up and be better than you, that is when you can get the great job, or the fantastic date. Repetition, don't give up :)
Author nickf100 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I did really enjoy texting back and forth with her, i didn't think i was THAT invested in her (more than i realized i guess). I also do like a bit of a challenge, a girl that is too easy is a turn off; she became a lot more attractive after the radio silence as fcked as that is. I think the fact that she completely pulled a 180 is what is messing with my head , i'm questioning my whole approach now and im dying to know what the hell it was. The fact that ill never know is bothering the hell out of me, because it could have something silly or it could have been something i always do wrong. I deleted her number because i was kind of pissed so i cant ask her anymore. fitnessfan365 - that's crazy man, i'm feeling you on that one. Definitely a blow to the ego, makes you question everything!
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 yeah I think so I think the older we get we learn to manage rejection a lot differently and start to disconnect a lot sooner. But I think we sort of lose a sense of vulnerability because for me in my experience I have learnt that total investment prematurely is not a good thing and so on first dates I am a bit more reserved and guarded instead of being open and alive. The older you get I suppose the less you invest prematurely. That may be seen as a good thing by others but it is also a bit of a "block" in some ways. 2
kilgore Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 yeah I think so I think the older we get we learn to manage rejection a lot differently and start to disconnect a lot sooner. But I think we sort of lose a sense of vulnerability because for me in my experience I have learnt that total investment prematurely is not a good thing and so on first dates I am a bit more reserved and guarded instead of being open and alive. The older you get I suppose the less you invest prematurely. That may be seen as a good thing by others but it is also a bit of a "block" in some ways. But when you really care the sting is always terrible
Jules Dash Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Hey guys, I realize rejection is a part of dating but for those of you serial daters out there; does this sort of thing roll off your back eventually? or does it still have an impact? It's kind of shook me up a bit.... Like I always say, those who are bothered by rejection, havent been rejected enough. I shake it off by the time they hit the eject button. Once you are no longer bothered by it, you will actually start getting rejected less. Sometimes I wonder where I may have went wrong if the woman was extra hot but that's about it.
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