oberkeat Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) I need to work on letting this girlfriend thing go. I've been trying consciously to find one for years. 5 years since I had someone who actually considered herself my "girlfriend." And I wouldn't even call that a serious relationship. It only lasted three months. That's a long time to be looking. I still remember the day she dumped me, and how broken I felt, and it was as if I knew I'd never find another relationship. I don't feel entitled. I've truly put the work in and given it my best. I've made myself vulnerable and stepped out of my comfort zone many times. Online dating. New hobbies. Taking classes. Going to the gym. Approaching. Asking for numbers. Being friendly. But nothing's worked. I haven't found the results I desire. Instead, I've watched all the people around me find relationships of their own. Maybe I'm really not the type of person women want a relationship with. I hate the idea of becoming one of the outliers that never finds a long term relationship. But maybe the universe wants me to do something else with my life? Maybe relationships aren't for me and I need to quit fighting it? End of rant. Edited September 18, 2015 by oberkeat
jam.over.jelly Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You want it too much. That's usually how it is; life works in a mysterious way. There's nothing wrong with you, you just haven't met her yet, but you will. Try not to focus too much on finding a girlfriend, just get out there like you are doing and eventually she will show up.
mystikmind2005 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 You have probably heard it said that you should learn to be happy in life as a single person? Well there is a hidden secret to this, and why it is so important.... it is about your 'vibe'. A guy who is happy with his single life has the good positive vibe women want. A guy who is not happy with his single life will usually have the wrong vibe women do not like. 1
TheBathWater Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) Everyone here will jump all over you and either say you'll find someone or that you're "too thirsty". I think that's crap, sorry. If you've put this much effort into what you're doing, and for a long time, you should have results by now. It really is more difficult now than ever before to forge a long-term committed relationship, so it's not necessarily all about you. You have had long-term romance before. You could have it again, but yeah, it's tough out there. Let's put it this way. I'm going on 32 years old, very handsome face, fit/athletic shape, healthy, very successful, educated, talented in many artistic areas, FUNNY, experienced in love, sex, and life, and I have not had a serious girlfriend in probably six years! I'm a few inches short of average height, and sometimes I think that works against me, but otherwise I'm a total knockout and so don't think about it much. Honestly, and this is just my opinion, I think most women (and men) are not relationship material. We lack the maturity required to commit, we are self-absorbed, get bored easily, are always eyeing other options, are told by culture to not put up with anyone else, have little tolerance for differences of opinion, lack emotional availability, and really are clueless about what good communication means. But we are quick to sniff each others' asses and jump into bed. Those of us who are capable of handling a relationship and have worked on ourselves to be ready for one are not so blind and therefore less likely to have a relationship by default of being prepared for one. Ironic, eh? Sometimes, I count my blessings that I am not "in a relationship". But one day I will be, and so will you. That may be many moons away though. Hope to see you on the other side. Edited September 18, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine 3
bluefeather Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 it was as if I knew I'd never find another relationship. Possible mindset that set you up from there on out. "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Can't remember who said that, but yeah. That's a quote that stays with me.
LilaMarie Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Can't remember who said that, but yeah. Henry Ford 1
mystikmind2005 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Possible mindset that set you up from there on out. "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Can't remember who said that, but yeah. That's a quote that stays with me. Not real, especially for very drunk people!!! lol .... they thought they could fly when they jumped off that cliff.... but a little something called 'reality' got in the way of what they 'thought' they could do.
Zippy2000 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I've truly put the work in and given it my best. I've made myself vulnerable and stepped out of my comfort zone many times. Online dating. New hobbies. Taking classes. Going to the gym. Approaching. Asking for numbers. Being friendly. But nothing's worked. I haven't found the results I desire. Instead, I've watched all the people around me find relationships of their own. I feel your pain. I ve done OLD, I ve asked people out on FB, I ve asked friends of friends out, I ve done OLD, I ve gone to Meetups, I ve gone to every party invite, and every odd weekend but still none, zilch. I have friends who do none of these and just walk into a relationship. I m not cut out being rejected so many times its actually beginning to affect my wellbeing 1
kendahke Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) the older you get, you will find that it gets increasingly difficult to meet people who are 1. free to be in a new relationship; 2. want to be in the kind of relationship you want to be in (maybe they want something casual, FWB and you want something substantial) It was way easier in my early 20's, but after that, work and life start taking over and one no longer does what they did when in university. What you are left to do are either to just pick up with your life and live it and put finding a partner out of your head or be consumed by the notion and make a wrong choice because you want "the relationship" more than you really want to be with *that* particular person--who may be totally wrong and incompatible for you. I'm 55. It's tough as hell finding a man in my age group who isn't damaged and bitter from bad relationship choices/divorces. Not that I blame them--a lot of people got caught up in the wrong relationship with the wrong person for the wrong reasons and they have to give up pounds of flesh to get out of it. I'm sure that leave quite an impression on one to have that happen. They are out there, but they're not hanging out at the club every weekend (I hope not! How tragic!) or doing things that a late 20's person would do. I know I'm not hanging out at clubs. The best I can do is to go about my life and live it without expecting that my life partner is 30 paces away from me. Edited September 18, 2015 by kendahke
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 It's just not your time, OP. Accept it. Your life is obviously not whole enough right now on its own. You need to belong to many "families". Work family, actual family, hobbies family, close friends family. Simply put, you're not interesting enough right now to deserve a girlfriend.
xUnknown Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 It's just not your time, OP. Accept it. Your life is obviously not whole enough right now on its own. You need to belong to many "families". Work family, actual family, hobbies family, close friends family. Simply put, you're not interesting enough right now to deserve a girlfriend. Someone break your heart bro? I've seen a number of your posts recently and you sound bitter towards everyone. You're not giving advice, you're just ripping into them because that's how you feel. Lighten up.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Someone break your heart bro? I've seen a number of your posts recently and you sound bitter towards everyone. You're not giving advice, you're just ripping into them because that's how you feel. Lighten up.What are you talking about? I'm not ripping into anyone. I'm simply telling them to be accountable for their own lives instead of wallowing in self-pity.
xUnknown Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 What are you talking about? I'm not ripping into anyone. I'm simply telling them to be accountable for their own lives instead of wallowing in self-pity. I guess I read your comment in a different context then. My bad.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I guess I read your comment in a different context then. My bad.It's all good, I suppose maybe I could use a bit more tact, but this entire board is guilty of coddling people, and I think it's more detrimental than anything.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 And yes, someone did break my heart I'm not mad at her anymore, though.
xUnknown Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 And yes, someone did break my heart I'm not mad at her anymore, though. haha, you and I both man. That's life for ya.
bluefeather Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 It's all good, I suppose maybe I could use a bit more tact, but this entire board is guilty of coddling people, and I think it's more detrimental than anything. It's hard for me to find that balance between being truthful and kind... because the truth hurts! And people are usually in a beaten down state of mind already. I try to help how I can. Sometimes it's being blunt and sometimes it's being gentle. But when it is just words on a screen, that can lead to all kinds of misinterpretations. Oh well, we're all trying to help in our own ways.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 ^ Personally, I am most helped on LS by "tough love". If that offends others, I apologize. I think a detached and humorous perspective on breakups and life is ultimately the best medicine. Realizing how absurd it all is. JMO.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 haha, you and I both man. That's life for ya.Friends, then? Please feel free to let me know if/when I'm being an a**hole in the future.
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