Username76 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 So, heres my dilemma. I have one of the most kind hearted and beautiful women in the world falling at my feet. Its not hard to see how much she clearly loves me and how much I mean to her. Im her world. To most people this would sound like a dream, an intelligent, outgoing, loyal, caring, beautiful girlfriend who loves you unconditionally, right? This is my problem, I love all of her traits and I love her as a person. She picks me up when I'm down and always knows the right thing to say. We rarely argue and she never does anything wrong . However, the problem is that for me something is missing, I don't know what it is, its just something. I find myself stuck in a wilderness of emotion. I keep looking at all of her qualities and she epitomises the perfect partner, but the fact remains something is missing. If I was to end the relationship I feel like I would ruin this girls life, the girl who has stood by me through everything, this girl who loves me more than anything. I cant stand there and see this girl who means so much to me cry, this girl who has tried at everything to please me. I feel cruel for even considering putting her through that. If I continue in this relationship I equally feel cruel because I know it wont last forever no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, because theres something missing. The longer I drag this out the worst it will become and the harder it will be for the both of us. Ive had some of the most incredible times in my life with her and she's my best friend. Thinking of being without her hurts. AHHHHHH what the hell am I supposed to do? I have a healthy mature relationship with an amazing girl, something people spend years trying to find. Im scared, scared of being without her but this isn't going to go away. I feel like I've betrayed her. Im sitting here crying as a write this because I know what the right thing to do is but I cant find it within myself to pluck up the courage and tell her how I feel. Simply because I cant explain it, I love her, I really do but I'm not sure in what respect I love her. I cant leave this girl without a justifiable explanation. I cant tell her “somethings missing” without knowing what that is, she will blame herself, I know she will, but theres nothing she can do to change it. Im happy but that spark is missing, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Craftydre Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I was in the same boat. That spark was the fact that she was too available. Nonetheless I stayed. One day she became distant and no longer in awe of me and left. Now I'm trying to get her back and that spark suddenly appeared. You my friend are in a relatoo ship that you have under perfect control. You should be happy. 1
disbelief Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Tuff call man. funny how we like the ones that dont like us and dont like the ones that like us. ultimately you need to let her go so she can go find what she deserves. for gods sake do it as gently as possible and REALLY make sure this is what you want. she sounds like a gem.
jasxo Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Aw I feel bad for her... But as you said there's no use staying with her if you already have one foot out the door and can't offer her the same love she gives you. I have a feeling you might regret this later to be honest... You may find someone "exciting" and "new" but chances are, she'll be missing some important qualities that your current girlfriend has. In the meantime, she may find someone else that finds HER exciting! Do what's necessary, but be extremely gentle with her and try to explain everything so she has some closure. Wishing the best for the both of you wherever life leads you - you both seem like good people.
Draper Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 This sucks I worry for you, when you have something like this you have to be sure because you don't know if you'll ever be able to undo your actions. And good love is hard to find
pa888 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Have you put in any effort into rebuilding the "spark?" I personally don't believe in the whole finding "the one," I think that in every relationship the spark dies and it is up to both parties to keep it going. That's what separates being in love from being infatuated. It can be as simple as asking her about her day, hanging out when you'd rather be doing something else, making time for her in your busy schedule, small gifts, etc. If this is not something you think you can do, or if it is something that you truly believe you have been doing and it isn't working, set her free to find someone who will love her
Christos Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) Simple. You should just grow up. That "spark" is an illusion. You are happy. You said so yourself. The problem is that you want MOAR. This is GIGS at its finest. Either grow up, accept that being comfortable, happy, and at peace, without sparks and butterflies, is the mature way relationships grow, or dumb her. You should really try dumbing her. Then having wonderful lustful sex with other women, only to find out that they are hugely flawed apart from being "new" and that none of them makes you happy like that girl. And then try to win that girl back, when she will be with someone else. Then come back here to cry for being such a fool. Your choice. Sometimes you have to lose something to realize its value. Edited September 18, 2015 by Christos 1
coryreply Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I was in the same boat. That spark was the fact that she was too available. Nonetheless I stayed. One day she became distant and no longer in awe of me and left. Now I'm trying to get her back and that spark suddenly appeared. You my friend are in a relatoo ship that you have under perfect control. You should be happy. My thoughts exactly. Most guys enjoy a bit of a challenge. She sounds like marriage material to me, bro.
mightycpa Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Having once had one of those too, I think I know exactly what you mean. My advice is different. Let her go. She deserves someone who adores her. That ain't you. As for staying with her, I can tell you that final step towards permanency is marriage. Once you're married, the game changes. The years drag on, and a marriage with even the nicest person begins to feel hollow and unsatisfying. You need more than that. You may have children with this person, but it won't be like you had children with the love of your life. It's not the same, not even close. I don't care how good looking, how nice, how well they can earn, cook or ****. At some point, it gets old, and you'll start looking around. One day, you will meet someone, and you'll either cheat, regret your choices or leave. Worse, you'll know you made the wrong decision way back when, when the stakes weren't so high. Get over yourself. She'll live. You're not God's greatest gift, so please don't underestimate her capacity to bounce back from misfortune. If she can't? Why would you want to be with someone like that anyway? Man up and do what's right for the both of you.
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