Inki Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I've never been more confused in my life and I hate it. A year long relationship, both 23 years old, both felt (still feel) that we had found something incredible. He makes me laugh, smile, we have fun even when we're doing nothing...walking in the street, eating lunch, he's the only person I see. We can talk for hours without getting bored, a simple hug is like being wrapped in love. But I have to travel and see the world, I can never stay in one place for too long, it suffocates me. I went away, the plan was one year long distance. And I kissed another person. I sabotaged what we had to regain a sense of 'freedom'. I've met so many men, so so many, and none compare to him in any way. I am attracted to the others and since our 3 month break up have slept with someone...it hasn't taken away from my love. In fact I think you can sleep with as many people as you like and it doesn't have to mean a thing, but my love refuses to let me experiment, he says it means I can't love him, it feels like I'm not free in some way... if we get back together, I'm scared I'll cheat many more times. It's disgusting but true. I know I'll never find this again. We talk constantly. We talk about getting back together. But his life is here and mine is in the next country I decide to go to. Maybe I'm too selfish to love him right now. Thoughts?
Draper Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Yes, I think the sex drive and the drive for love and attachment are different things. However, they CAN be synced. They can be focused on one person, if you want them to be. Honestly, if you think you're going to end up hurting him even more then what's the point? Also you said you feel suffocated in one place, that you HAVE to go travel. You think you're going to be able to settle down with him anytime soon? I hate to say this because I understand the desire to see the world and whatnot, but I think it's unfair to him. You love him yet you're choosing to be separated for a year. I just get the feeling that if you wanted what you have with him, you'd wait however long it took and then do the travelling together. In short, just don't hurt somebody more than they need to be. Good luck
Author Inki Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 [quote=Draper;6550806 However, they CAN be synced. They can be focused on one person, if you want them to be. I agree- when we lived in the same place I only had eyes for him. That's why it's so confusing- I never thought I'd feel this urge to be separated from him because I wanted to spend every moment of my life with him! At the same time, I tell myself that at my age, if I don't see the world, I never will, at least not with this degree of freedom. And he's not so bothered about travelling. He can fulfil his passions in our country, but my passion is leaving our country! He would follow me but it wouldn't be what he truly wants.
mightycpa Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I think you don't want to admit that you love certain things more than your ex.... things like travel, adventure and kissing strangers. Stop lying to yourself... it's ok to be that way. You can certainly still care for somebody but want to have other experiences that don't allow being together. But don't fool yourself about which you love more.
Recommended Posts