mark1210 Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Hey Gang, I need some advice. The girl I have been dating now for about 1.5 months recently attempted to contact her ex-boyfriend. I know this because she was using my computer and failed to sign-off. When I came into the room there it was, a new message. The message basically said "Hey there, well as I told you my boyfriend and I are doing great and we are really excited. We look forward to being able to wake up together and live together here in a few months. But that doesn't mean you get out of going to lunch with me because of that factor". So based upon that, I am not sure how to take it. She claims that he has no one to talk to, since his in in the Marines stationed in Iraq. E-mailing on a friendly nature I wouldn't care about, but setting up a lunch date I do. She claims it was a lapse in judgement. I personally question if she is even over him. She cried and cried for two days since I was giving her space and ignoring her. She came to me and said, you are more important than he ever was or will be. BTW...her e-mail never reached its destintion as his mailbox was full. So gang, what would you do? What thoughts enter your head? Thanks!
Marshbear Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 I wouldn't worry about it unless you see much more going on than what you posted here. Peace...
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 She wanted to have lunch with him, and he's in Iraq? I'd say you have nothing to worry about. Alot of people actually do remain friends with their ex's, and you can't choose her friends. Ignoring her for two days over this? So immature.
Cecelius Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 I think you did fine. She knows the lay of the land, and you didn't look weak doing it. If she wants to hang with her ex, great, just not on your time.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 As long as she acknowledges the lapse in judgment, and doesn't have a desire to put that email through again, I think you are ok. I don't really think you overreacted, as she needed to know how you felt about this. Just put it behind you if she is willing to do so, and enjoy your relationship with her. If you see this come up again, you may have a problem.
noname Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 i don't think you have anything to worry about. pretty normal behavior. if you start to see some serious signs later on i would be worried. two days? wow. harsh... that could make problems worse. she may feel like you don't trust her, or that worse, she has no freedom. then you'll get big problems. try discussing personal limits next time instead of the mental guillotine... by the way... you guys have been dating for 1.5 months??? i would have been a little less concerned about the lunch thing and a lot more worried about the fact that she is talking about moving in with you in a few months... whoa nelly!!!
bluetuesday Posted May 17, 2005 Posted May 17, 2005 you're being a baby. she contacts an ex to say how happy she is with YOU and to simply try to maintain what could have been a very good friendship at a time when her ex clearly needs friends, and you're insanely jealous, so much so you ignore her for two days to teach her a lesson. that says to me you're insecure and controlling and acting like a petulant child. give the girl a break. she likes you. what do you want from her? after six weeks you're demanding she never meets this ex again or you'll punish her for her 'lapse in judgment'. my opinion - you deserve to lose her. your saving grace appears to be she is so insecure herself she came crawling back.
Cecelius Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 She was planning to have lunch with him. That's not in the OP's picture. She wants to have lunch, fine -- no one's controlling anyone. Doesn't mean he needs to stick around for it. There's a difference between controlling and acknowledging that something's not your cup of tea. He wasn't petulant, rude, whiny or weak. He had a preference and went with it. If she can't hack that, luckily she still has the ex as a back up.
RecordProducer Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 She told him how things were great with you! My BF went out on a lunch with his ex-wife and didn't even mention her. And didn't even tell me about her until being together for 6 months (he only told me about his 2nd wife so I thought he was married only once). Guess what! I told him that he is not allowed to see her ever again. And he agreed to that although he thought it was unnecessary. The bitch also wants to re-marry him, but he is not interested in her. They were married for 14 months like 15 years ago.
crazy_grl Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Wow, I hope by now you've appologized to her for being incredibly childish and over-reacting. She sent an email to an ex-boyfriend that you didn't know about and is planning to meet him for lunch. So what? If there was something for you to worry about, the email wouldn't have been about how great things are between you two. It sounds to me like she has low self-esteem or is inexperienced in relationships or she wouldn't have sat around crying her eyes out for two days and appologized for the so-called 'lapse in judgement'. She would have left you. Like other people have said, I'd be more worried about her talking about living with you within such a short time. If she were asking for advice, I'd tell her to rethink the relationship and possibly get out of one with such a controlling and jealous person.
L_and_P21 Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 ill have to agree with most people here. its nothing to worry about. its a harmless email and a lunch. now if she starts spending too much time with him or she tells you something and things dont add up then you should start to worry. if thing end up for the worst, look at it like this, she wsnt good enough for you. but the thing i would do, if it were me, would be to ask her how hes doing and let her know that you care for her by asking about her friends or family, even though you might not like them. again thats just what i would do i remeber when my friend started haning out with his ex. i just told him to be careful cause i didnt want to see him like he was when they broke up. they didnt hang out for along time, only 2 months before he realized something bad could happen
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