Break up - 6 months on

[hamster-girl]

I haven't logged on to this forum for a while, but wanted to share how things have panned out for me six months after my split... and hopefully show you things do get better.

 

I was devastated after my break up. Four years with my boyfriend, three of which living together. Thought we'd get married, have kids, the works...

He dumped me in March because he "wanted to see new people". I later found out he was already seeing someone.

I was kicked out of our house and forced to move into a house share with six strangers. I had to give up most of my possessions because I simply couldn't bring them with me.

 

But then I got lucky. I found this forum and the "Breakup Recovery Guide". I took the advice to heart, and disappeared from my ex's life.

It wasn't easy. I wanted to speak to him every day, to tell him I love him, I hate him, I miss him, I want him back, I hope he goes to hell... You know how that emotional roller coaster goes.

But I stayed strong and went N/C for over 40 days.

 

I broke it because we had joint bank accounts and lots of loose ends to tie up.

This was sorted out, and then his fun and games began.

 

It turned out the woman he left me for dumped him only weeks later. Devastated, he turned to internet dating, and when that didn't work out, he went to therapy.

He told me he still loved me, that we were great together, that he missed me, that his therapist said it was a mistake leaving me.... and he asked if he thought we'd ever get back together.

 

It turned out he was pulling my leg. Over the next few months he'd tried stringing me along, hinting at us getting back together, but never committing to anything. He'd call me up after work, tell me what a state he was and that he needed to speak to me, only for me to show up and everything be fine. He was just yanking my chain to see how I'd react. So I stopped reacting.

 

Then he became chummy, asking me out on dates, sending me text messages asking how I was, asking me to help with favours. All the while on tinder and other dating sites looking for hook ups (a friend had seen his profile, but he'd told me so anyway).

Fed up with these mixed signals, I came right out and offered him a second chance. His answer - "I'm not sure... don't wait for me".

 

Despite loving him, missing him and wanting for us to get back together, I stayed strong and took the advice from you guys and the break up guide.

Once our final loose end was tied up, and I had no excuse to speak to him again, that was it. I didn't. He later wished me a happy birthday, which I ignored.

 

 

I'm now much happier than I've been in a long time. I made a few mistakes. I shouldn't have let him string me along, but luckily I saw it was what it was - false hope. He was being nice enough to me to keep me hanging on, as a back up.

But now, it's over. Totally over.

 

So my advice, as a six month veteran, is this-

 

- No contact is the only way to get through the break up. Use that time to reassess your life and what you want from it, then get off your arse and do it. It's an amazing time to improve yourself. Enjoy it!

 

- You're never going to "win them back". If they want to get back with you, they'll come grovelling, pleading with you to take them back. That being said, don't wait for that to happen - it probably never will. Once you accept this, you can really move on.

 

- Treat yourself, be good to yourself. Take one day at a time and give yourself long term targets or goals - like weight loss, saving money, getting fitter, taking up a new hobby etc, something positive you can do every day.

 

- You thought they were "the one", right? You're wrong, they weren't. You may not see it now, but you will sooner than you think.

 

Hang in there. It gets better and you'll look back on all this and think "meh... I don't know why I got so upset over them?"

Trust me, I've been there.

 

Good luck and stay strong! xxx

[Felicite]

Very glad to read this post!

It sure gives hope to all of us that are still struggling.

Your ex sounds like a total a** and he sure didn't deserve the second chance you gave him, but I'm glad that it didn't prove a setback for you and you are much happier now.

[sbk24]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I had split with the girlfriend after 8 years as she cheated on me and now is already with the new guy. I have blocked her number and all social media.

 

It is just hard as where I live it is such a small town and you always get told something by other people and is doing my head in. For example, at work a customer had said "I saw your Mrs with another guy yesterday". I just do not want to a recluse as I did nothing wrong. It just hacks me off that she acts as if nothing has happened and seems happy.

 

I know I need to do the same. Just how long that is the question.