HereNorThere Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 You can't shoot someone in the leg and then start complaining that they walk with a limp, but I digress.. Your husband knows that you had previous affair on AM and now all of the information from AM has been released publically. Even if you used burner email accounts and things like that, there's a lot of personally identifying information like payments, credit card processing, location data, etc. that has been released. I would imagine that anyone who had the slightest inkling that their spouse had been on there would be going through it with a fine tooth comb. Just wondering if that scares you at all? Either way, the damage is already done and you've revealed quite a bit about yourself to us. Hopefully it will be the catalyst to get yourself in some long-term, intensive therapy before you abuse more people. The longer you allow this to go unchecked, the more people you will damage. While I think confessing the affair is the more moral choice, I'm not so sure that in this case it's really going to do anything. If your husband didn't impose any consequences the first time, it's going to be up to you to self police yourself. I do wonder why you are sticking around at all. Is there some sort of financial issue keeping you from leaving? Is it something that could be worked out where you can make a clean break and stop abusing him? Thank you for posting and while it may not seem like it, your story helps a lot of the betrayed spouses. It's a prime example of why reconciliation is usually not the right choice. I wish every new betrayed spouse would take the time to read this thread before they end up in your husband's shoes.
HereNorThere Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 (edited) Wow Honestly thank you everyone. I reread my thread and completely understand how I could have come across this way. It's a pretty painful assessment of my behavior and I truly had not seen myself in such a harsh light. Lots to think about. I realize now I've had such an entitled attitude. It's just odd to me that a handful of Internet posts could make have some sort of realizations that destroying your husband and relationship did not. Do you have any other examples that establish a pattern of violating the rights of others? Have you ever been diagnosed with some sort of issue that that's known to cause a lack of empathy in interpersonal relationships? Maybe you should show this thread to a therapist and get some feedback. There's no doubt that this this type of behavior is indicative of some larger issue. I think you would feel a lot better if you got it sorted out and received the proper mental health help that you need. That's what what will keep you from contacting your AP. Until your empathy issues are sorted out, chances are that you will leave a trail of broken people in your wake. I know that may be hard for you to understand, but that's why you need the help from a professional. P.S. - One of the biggest facts revealed during AM information leak was that AM was not really a dating site. Instead, it was mostly a front for prostitution and sugar babies. Out of 36 million accounts, there were only a few thousand active female accounts and most of them were soliciting. This means that men you were sleeping with were most likely sleeping with hookers and passing around the same few women. It's very important that you get yourself tested as soon as possible just in case. Edited September 20, 2015 by HereNorThere
ShatteredLady Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Just so you understand.... Your opening post was about recovering from post affair depression. That would of been better on the OM/OW affair partner forum. You find a lot less betrayed spouces there. I feel for most people who are hurting & understand that pain you cause for yourself can also be crippling. PROBLEM is for me... You posted THIS paragraph! PLEASE read it again.. "Closer to two years ago, I had an affair with another person on AM (Ashley Madison). That relationship was discovered by my husband and he was distraught. The discovery turned him into a wreck, and we went through months of his upset and retributions and character assassinations of me. Our mistake was not going to marriage counseling after that discovery. My husband did start IC because he thought he must have been somewhat responsible for my affair. All to say, the knowledge of the affair reduced him to a very insecure, needy person, traits I hadn't seen before in him. I couldn't handle the new side of him and I turned to AM again, meeting the person I describe in the first part of this post. " It's not JUST your words, it's your actions that you describe! People empathize with your husband NOT you! It's unthinkable for most people to inflict this kind of pain on ANYONE, let alone someone so close to them. I fear you are so into your own feelings...you've lied to yourself for so long...that you're a very lost lady. Mentioning Ashley Madison makes everything worse (if possible!) because (as you said) you went there just for sex. To intentionally inflict that pain is unthinkable for most. You knew after the first time how much you destroyed your H & BLAME HIM for the man YOU CREATED! You said yourself that your marriage wasn't that bad! I know you haven't received the responses that you expected. PLEASE don't run away from this. I think self delusion & denial are part of your main issues. You seem to blindly trust those men you met on AM. That's the problem when you get close to people. Please get tested for STDs. Inflicting THAT on your H after everything else is HORRIFIC!!
nightmare01 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Nightmare01. Is a "Troll" someone who makes-up false stories just to illicit an angry response on the forum? Someone who writes things just to annoy other members? [...] Yes. It happens on forums like this once in awhile. Probably some 30 year old living in their parents basement and working in the fast food industry. They come in and stir things up for the attention it brings them. Usually they reek havoc for awhile and then either get banned or move on. Sometimes the ones that are banned come back under different user names, and again make up some outrageous story to get everyone upset. All I can say is, there are a lot of sick people in this world. In this case, the return to AM for another affair because her husbands pain over her first affair seemed so unmanly, just seems a bit extreme. I could be wrong, and in this situation the OP may not be a troll... however, OP is quacking like a duck...
Recommended Posts