tinydancer324 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Can someone explain to me why men are like this? I've been dating someone who pursued me very steadily for a month before I so much as kissed him...he wants to hang out whenever he has time and texts me every day and asks about me and takes me out for nice dinners. He obviously likes me. And yet I sense I'm not getting through to his heart. I don't catch him gazing lovingly at me...I don't sense he's falling for me. This seems so common with men...just wondering if anyone has any insight or thoughts.
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Can someone explain to me why men are like this? I've been dating someone who pursued me very steadily for a month before I so much as kissed him...he wants to hang out whenever he has time and texts me every day and asks about me and takes me out for nice dinners. He obviously likes me. And yet I sense I'm not getting through to his heart. I don't catch him gazing lovingly at me...I don't sense he's falling for me. This seems so common with men...just wondering if anyone has any insight or thoughts. If he is truly emotionally unavailable, it is usually rooted in childhood. The attachment, attention, care needs from the parents was lacking in some way. You'd have to know his history in order to make this kind of determination. There is such a thing as a Quality Casual Guy. They will date you properly, they will treat you like a girlfriend in most aspects, but there is always "just something missing". That being said, though, it may simply be that the guy doesn't want a real relationship. He just wants a casual dating scenario. It's important to make sure a dating partner has the same dating goal you have. In other words, if the guy just wants casual dating and you are looking for a relationship for yourself, there's no point in dating them. It's not about defining the relationship between you early, it's simply clarifying overall intent. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Let's not generalize. Plenty of us are totally emotionally available and ready for a r/s. I could easily say that women all treat men like interchangeable appendages, but that would be an unfair stereotype, would it not? Getting so tired of all the men do this / women do this stuff. The guy YOU'RE talking to is this way; don't apply it to all men.
Celeste.Carol Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Is there any chemistry? Spark in his eyes?
ScienceGal Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 If he is truly emotionally unavailable, it is usually rooted in childhood. The attachment, attention, care needs from the parents was lacking in some way. You'd have to know his history in order to make this kind of determination. There is such a thing as a Quality Casual Guy. They will date you properly, they will treat you like a girlfriend in most aspects, but there is always "just something missing". That being said, though, it may simply be that the guy doesn't want a real relationship. He just wants a casual dating scenario. It's important to make sure a dating partner has the same dating goal you have. In other words, if the guy just wants casual dating and you are looking for a relationship for yourself, there's no point in dating them. It's not about defining the relationship between you early, it's simply clarifying overall intent. You described my ex perfectly!
Author tinydancer324 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 You're right, Oregon Dude, I shouldn't generalize...and yet this happens to me ALL the time. It's weird, there is chemistry sometimes and other times he seems totally lost in his own head (or his smartphone).
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Someone very close to me is what could be considered "emotionally unavailable." In his case, it is very clearly rooted in his horribly abusive childhood. He struggles with emotional intimacy and fears getting too close to people. He is, however, very aware of this trait about himself and he also makes the women he dates aware that he has difficulties with it. He has the ability to love deeply and has had a few long-term relationships, but periods of withdrawal are often misinterpreted as disinterest. He doesn't run away completely; he maintains some type of daily contact but has an instinct to be alone when he gets close to someone. This is only one possible reason why some people seem emotionally unavailable. I myself struggled with it (and I'm a woman) after an abusive relationship.
mrldii Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Can someone explain to me why men are like this?... No, I can't. For one thing, I have not found it to be true with the men I've known/dated/related with. Furthermore, what you've described is not necessarily a man who is "emotionally unavailable", but rather a man who may not be "too into" you. However, the reason you feel that "men are like this" is probably rooted in the fact that because you (presumably) only date men, it appears to only be an issue with/for men; I'm confident there are plenty of heterosexual men who feel the same way about women and their "emotional availability". Gay men probably have the same lament about other gay men, as do lesbians about other lesbians. Best of luck to you, OP...
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