Rosielar Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Okay so yes I'm insecure in dating. I'm looking for some quick guidance here? A guy that I'm dating usually initiates everything but one day he stopped and he wants me to do it. Sometimes he did it anyway but with time he rarely does. I get these messages from him where he tells me that he wants to hear from me, he does not make any plans just says this. I told him I would and it made him happy. Okay so yesterday I said I wanted to see him today, we didn't set a time or place but he wanted to see me. Today that I was supposed to see him I haven't heard anything at all from him? Since I made it clear that I wanted to see him I figured he might at least text me. I don't know where we are standing or what's going on anyways so this confusing. I don't want to be pushy and send him another text like hey what happened? I want to do something about this situation though. Is he playing some two of mind games where he says that he wants to hear from me but never makes any plans or?
xUnknown Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 How long have you been dating? I've seen this "problem" pretty often... even in my own dating (as a guy). The "problem" here is the women expects the guy to make all the plans. Always ask the girl out, always be the one to set stuff up. Well, that's not how relationships work. Its a two way street. If a guy is setting up all the plans and not having the girl ask about doing this or that, then the guy feels she's uninterested, because she doesn't offer or ask to set up dates. Have you tried asking him out? How often does he ask you out? How often do you ask him out? All of these are valid questions. I would suggest you contacting him, and you set up the date for next time.
Author Rosielar Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Maybe I am old fashioned but yes I do kind of expect the guy to do the work because that's how my past relationship was like. I've been dating him for about five months, I've asked him out two times.. He has asked me out all the other times but mostly now we casually see each other now. Honestly I don't even think I dare to contact him again because I failed this time without an explanation. We have started to drift apart a bit and my guess is that it's because of this? I never reach out.
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Maybe I am old fashioned but yes I do kind of expect the guy to do the work because that's how my past relationship was like. I've been dating him for about five months, I've asked him out two times.. He has asked me out all the other times but mostly now we casually see each other now. Honestly I don't even think I dare to contact him again because I failed this time without an explanation. We have started to drift apart a bit and my guess is that it's because of this? I never reach out. After a few months of consistent dating, the woman should be reaching out to the man and initiating seeing each other. In fact, you should have standing dates for seeing each other. This has no momentum. I wouldn't reach out to him anymore. Since he didn't answer your last text, just wait it out. He may just fade off into the sunset. Just let him go. 1
Author Rosielar Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 What? He did reply to my last text he said okay.
xUnknown Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 You should ask him out. 5 months and you've only asked him out twice? I wouldn't have even bothered if you didn't ask me out after week 3... Its your turn now...guys like to feel like they're wanted. When the other person doesn't reach out to them to ask them out - how do you think they feel? Wait, you know the answer to that question - exactly how you're feeling now. See where I'm going with this? 1
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 What? He did reply to my last text he said okay. I didn't see a post that said he responded to your last text. Great. But, don't expect too much from this.
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Okay so yes I'm insecure in dating. I'm looking for some quick guidance here? A guy that I'm dating usually initiates everything but one day he stopped and he wants me to do it. Sometimes he did it anyway but with time he rarely does. I get these messages from him where he tells me that he wants to hear from me, he does not make any plans just says this. I told him I would and it made him happy. Okay so yesterday I said I wanted to see him today, we didn't set a time or place but he wanted to see me. Today that I was supposed to see him I haven't heard anything at all from him? Since I made it clear that I wanted to see him I figured he might at least text me. I don't know where we are standing or what's going on anyways so this confusing. I don't want to be pushy and send him another text like hey what happened? I want to do something about this situation though. Is he playing some two of mind games where he says that he wants to hear from me but never makes any plans or? Oh for god's sake.... just text him for pete's sake and ask "what time are we meeting today? Looking forward to seeing you!" He already said he wants to see you... he also said he would like YOU to take some initiative....and here you are....once again....waiting for HIM to text you to finalize the plans. Your passivity may be turning him off big time. Text him!!! Edited September 17, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Maybe I am old fashioned but yes I do kind of expect the guy to do the work because that's how my past relationship was like. I've been dating him for about five months, I've asked him out two times.. He has asked me out all the other times but mostly now we casually see each other now. Honestly I don't even think I dare to contact him again because I failed this time without an explanation. We have started to drift apart a bit and my guess is that it's because of this? I never reach out. I dealt with this with my last gf. I understand and accept making the date plans early on. After being an established couple I don't want yo have to decide everything. I look at women as equal..and that includes planning dates. In my eyes it says you want to be apart of it. This also includes paying on dates. I expect her to pay for some of the dates. 1
Author Rosielar Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Well I completely blew it. I didn't know what to say or do and I expected him to text me which was silly now that I think about it. So what do I do now? It's too late to meet up, I feel so bad. I don't know what to say to him because I have to say something as to why I never got back to him.
Author Rosielar Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 You should ask him out. 5 months and you've only asked him out twice? I wouldn't have even bothered if you didn't ask me out after week 3... Its your turn now...guys like to feel like they're wanted. When the other person doesn't reach out to them to ask them out - how do you think they feel? Wait, you know the answer to that question - exactly how you're feeling now. See where I'm going with this? Yes. Now I was told that guys do this after sex because they think they got enough hook on you for you to chase him.
xUnknown Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Yes. Now I was told that guys do this after sex because they think they got enough hook on you for you to chase him. I never saw it mentioned that you had sex with him, so I never really took that into consideration at all. Regardless, guys get bored when they're not pursued as equally as they're pursuing the other party. Nobody likes things to be one sided (just as you don't like it to be one sided). Its been one sided for this poor guy the whole time. He took all the risk asking you out - risking being rejected - all you had to do was show up for the date. He probably got bored of tired of it and wanted to see what effort you would put in. That point aside, after 5 months, you only asked him out twice. That is the point we're all trying to drive in here. You may be old fashioned as you mentioned - but people these days are moving forward - keeping up with trends. This day and age, a woman should ask a guy out just as often as the guy does - as long as both parties are equally interested. I would call the guy up. Don't text him and ask him on a date, call him. Tell him how much you want to see him and you feel bad you didn't contact him sooner to confirm the plans you had. Apologize. You need to. He needs to hear it. Ask him out and tell him you want to make it up to him. Hopefully he agrees, but be prepared for him to "miss" your phone call. He probably feels like you blew him off and that was the last straw. In all honesty, that is how I would feel.
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