FakeBatman Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 This is probably a question asked so many times on this site but I'll ask anyways. Here's some background info: - We only see each other twice a week. - We've been having a rough month, where we had quite a few arguments; our last one was pretty bad. -- Usually when we argue we both apologize for fighting and make up but this last time she's never apologized. I do take blame though because I did quite a few wrongs and apologized profusely for them.(I came across as a real a-hole that said things that made her feel like I didn't value her but honestly I thought she knew me well enough to know that I would always value her - I'm just an idiot with expression) - She's physically withdrawn from me on the day of our last argument (last time I saw her) - I said I wanted to work things out, she said the same too but I feel she's made no recent effort to (I'm usually the one initiating text, she mirrors what I say - she did initiate a call recently only to tell me off but she said she wasn't telling me off ) - She said she was going to be really busy one day, I asked her what she was doing - she said 'being really really busy'. No details. Made me feel suspicious but if I bring that up she's probably going to say I'm being paranoid. This is my first relationship and I don't know if I'm wrong as I'm inexperienced but I feel maybe she doesn't love me anymore and wants me to break if off with her- even though we have holidays planned for New Years Eve. Apparently we're supposed to see each other this Saturday, I don't know if because of the rough month I should try to make up with her and treat her to something nice (as I was the one that did screw up but I did apologize profusely for the way I was then) or I should just call her and say 'Look I'm not coming over, I don't think this is working anymore'. Or maybe I'll meet her but be very cautious and see what she is doing. Any advice will be greatly appreciated - From a Dating Noob.
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 This is probably a question asked so many times on this site but I'll ask anyways. Here's some background info: - We only see each other twice a week. - We've been having a rough month, where we had quite a few arguments; our last one was pretty bad. -- Usually when we argue we both apologize for fighting and make up but this last time she's never apologized. I do take blame though because I did quite a few wrongs and apologized profusely for them.(I came across as a real a-hole that said things that made her feel like I didn't value her but honestly I thought she knew me well enough to know that I would always value her - I'm just an idiot with expression) - She's physically withdrawn from me on the day of our last argument (last time I saw her) - I said I wanted to work things out, she said the same too but I feel she's made no recent effort to (I'm usually the one initiating text, she mirrors what I say - she did initiate a call recently only to tell me off but she said she wasn't telling me off ) - She said she was going to be really busy one day, I asked her what she was doing - she said 'being really really busy'. No details. Made me feel suspicious but if I bring that up she's probably going to say I'm being paranoid. This is my first relationship and I don't know if I'm wrong as I'm inexperienced but I feel maybe she doesn't love me anymore and wants me to break if off with her- even though we have holidays planned for New Years Eve. Apparently we're supposed to see each other this Saturday, I don't know if because of the rough month I should try to make up with her and treat her to something nice (as I was the one that did screw up but I did apologize profusely for the way I was then) or I should just call her and say 'Look I'm not coming over, I don't think this is working anymore'. Or maybe I'll meet her but be very cautious and see what she is doing. Any advice will be greatly appreciated - From a Dating Noob. How long have you been dating her? And, how old are you two? 1
Author FakeBatman Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 How long have you been dating her? And, how old are you two? Since November 2014 and I'm 24, she's 23.
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Since November 2014 and I'm 24, she's 23. I'd give her a little space right now. I don't like her behavior. Don't reach out to her first for a little while. If she contacts you, be responsive and don't mention any of the issues. If a few days pass without her reaching out, you can reach out to her in a light, supportive way. As for seeing her Saturday, don't do anything too over the top. Just whatever you would usually do. 2
Author FakeBatman Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 I'd give her a little space right now. I don't like her behavior. Don't reach out to her first for a little while. If she contacts you, be responsive and don't mention any of the issues. If a few days pass without her reaching out, you can reach out to her in a light, supportive way. As for seeing her Saturday, don't do anything too over the top. Just whatever you would usually do. Sounds like good advice, thank you so much Redhead14
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Is this the same relationship you posted about before? You'd had a fight but then wanted to reschedule one date & cancel your weekend plans in favor of sleep? If you hope to heal this relationship you both have to talk about what went wrong, stop fighting, communicate better & function as a team. Ignoring each other & being evasive make things worse, not better. If you BOTH aren't willing to work on the relationship you might as well end it because you are wasting each other's time. 1
jjtr Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I'd give her a little space right now. I don't like her behavior. Don't reach out to her first for a little while. If she contacts you, be responsive and don't mention any of the issues. If a few days pass without her reaching out, you can reach out to her in a light, supportive way. As for seeing her Saturday, don't do anything too over the top. Just whatever you would usually do. What makes you say you don't like her behavior? OP said he did quite a few things wrong and came across as an a-hole. Yes, he apologized, but people don't just instantly get over these things sometimes. She has clearly been trying to distance herself a bit after that (i.e. the not initiating).
madjac74 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 We don't know what he said to hurt her. Some things you just can't fix with an apology. She may likely answer his topic question by breaking up with him. This is my first relationship and I don't know if I'm wrong as I'm inexperienced but I feel maybe she doesn't love me anymore and wants me to break if off with her- even though we have holidays planned for New Years Eve. You can't expect to stay together just because you have plans 3 months from now. That isn't like some stay of execution. 1
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Wait til you see each other before you come to any conclusions. All this worry could just a waste of energy. Keep positive.
Author FakeBatman Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 Wait til you see each other before you come to any conclusions. All this worry could just a waste of energy. Keep positive. Thanks. Update: We spent the weekend together just talking. She felt that her emotions were all still 'raw' and that she felt like she was becoming too consumed with the relationship. I told her that it's probably best I give her space to find herself again. She agreed. She wanted me to keep in touch with her every night with text till next Sunday when we go on a date together. She said she still loves me and wants to work things out. I just sent her a text saying I love her and hope she sleeps well - she replies too saying she hopes I have a good night and sleep well but doesn't say I love you. She didn't even say I love you back when I said I loved her when I left in person. One of the things that hurt me most in life is loving someone who doesn't love me back in return. Part of me wishes that this is only a temporary thing and that she will return to saying it. But a part of me thinks that she will never love me again and that I'm wasting my time messaging her every night saying I love her when it hurts every time. I don't know what to do right now...
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 What did you tell her that she is feeling raw? If you didn't know words are very powerful and people can stop loving you because of words you've used.
Author FakeBatman Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 What did you tell her that she is feeling raw? If you didn't know words are very powerful and people can stop loving you because of words you've used. I told her I was sorry for what happened and that I wanted to make this relationship work - she thanked me for apologizing and she wanted to make it work too and wants to go on a date on Sunday. What's the point of the date if she doesn't love me? What's the point of me texting her affection and saying I love her every night if she doesn't feel the same way? But if I don't text her back she thinks I'm trying to hurt her and cheat She is feeling raw because she is feeling exhausted from the arguing and that she's been physically sick for the last few days.The whole issue has been stressing both of us lately.
Gaeta Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 I told her I was sorry for what happened and that I wanted to make this relationship work - she thanked me for apologizing and she wanted to make it work too and wants to go on a date on Sunday. What's the point of the date if she doesn't love me? What's the point of me texting her affection and saying I love her every night if she doesn't feel the same way? But if I don't text her back she thinks I'm trying to hurt her and cheat She is feeling raw because she is feeling exhausted from the arguing and that she's been physically sick for the last few days.The whole issue has been stressing both of us lately. You're not answering my question. You said you told her pretty hurtful things for which you apologized. What are those hurtful things? 4
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