Candy Cane Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 I recently left my boyfriend. He helped me pack and didn't ask me to stay. We had been talking about it for awhile and had broken up before. The main reasons this time were that he was still unsure about his feelings for me and just wanted to keep "trying" to see how things go. We'd been going out for 7 months and were living together. I was frustrated and feeling unloved so I just left. We talk on occasion (it's only been a week or so) and neither one of us brings it up. There are definate signs that he's accepted the break up. All this is very difficult for me because I still care very much for him. I just know that he felt passionate about a previous girlfriend who broke up with him and treated him poorly but he can't seem to feel the same way for me. I feel like it is all my fault. Sometimes I would get mad at him about something and not let it go for awhile. I know that wore him down. We also have different interests which took a toll on our relationship at times. I would love to go back to him but not unless I know that I am the one he wants to be with. That being said, I have a difficult time seeing my life without him. I can't see things from a clear perspective nor can my family so I'd appreciate some outside insight. Thanks!
Conroy Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Love can some times work in strange ways. When I was with my ex-girlfriend I didn't really love her right at the start of our relationship, i cared about her but the love wasn't there. But until we were about 9 months in to our relationship I actually relised to myself that I had fallen in love with her. Maybe you should both have a break from each other and then if you still feel you want him the give it another go and see what happens.
st8toftheheart Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Its funny. Even though you know that breaking up is the best, people hesitate because they know they have this feeling of missing something, and that its hard to imagine life without. So what I am saying is, its normal to feel this sense of loss after a break up, even if it was a break up for very validate reasons. People feel like that given so much of themselves and time that they would feel like its been wasted and that they were a failure. With time you will either come together or you won't. Just remember you both broke up for some very valid reasons, and that life will find away to put you back on track. Whether it be with him or without him.
Author Candy Cane Posted May 16, 2005 Author Posted May 16, 2005 More good insight. Thanks!! I know I'll be okay without him.
mysticrain Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 hi..i am in a so-called break up phase. it was because i started it.i accused him of being unfaithful to me and i have no proof.I misinterpreted the text message. Mainly it wasn't because of that, ever since we got together he has two cellphones that he always bring along with him all the time.And when he is with me he always stares at other girls who passes by, he would also look at his watch frequently when he is out on a date with me. He also won't introduce me to his family. We have been going out for 5 months. Before me he has a gf who was with him for 3 years and left him because he doesnt have time with her. He said he swore that after that girl nothing would hurt him again. And now came me. Whenever i see something in his celphone i will break up with him but he is used to it that i dont really mean it. We will be fine the next day. But this last time it got worst. He doesnt want to come back or he doesnt want us to be together anymore. His last words were " Please give me some time to myself". We never had a big fight at all. It was plain stupid and now he wants to give us a break. I am planning to not wait on him at all. What do i do? What does that mean? I read somewhere that when a man says things like that they jsut want todo things that single people do, date around, enjoy time with his family and there is jsut no me anymore. How long do i wait on him? He is 33 years old and im 24.
Author Candy Cane Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Mysticrain, your situation sounds similar to mine and some I've had in the past. I think you're getting the feeling that he's not really wanting to be with you. Is that right? Or maybe that he's not fully appreciating you. It could be (and I'm at fault for doing this many times) that you are letting him get away with murder. For example, he shouldn't be taking two cell phones when he is on a date with you (unless he's an ER doctor or something) and he shouldn't be staring at other women. If he does that, you should call him on it. Let me recommend a book to you. It's called "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. Now, I don't think Sherry knows everything, but she does have some good insight into this type of thing. I'd give him all the time he needs. Don't even bother him. If he does come back, I'd tell him how you feel about things. Tell him that as far as you are concerned he can stay away but that if he wants to come back, there will be a lot of changing he will have to do. He'll need to give you time in your relationship. He'll need to leave the cell phones at home. He'll need to quit staring at other women and he'll need to introduce you to family and friends. You really need to make him respect you or else he won't. If he won't respect you then he's no great loss. Find someone who will. My situation is somewhat different from yours because my ex did introduce me to his family and friends. He did give me attention. However, at times I still felt like you did. At times, I still felt like I wasn't being appreciated or loved. I don't know if I just didn't give the relationship enough time to grow or maybe it just wasn't going to happen. Well, regardless, I'm giving him his space too and considering other options. Only time will tell on these things.
mysticrain Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 hi. Actually this is the third day and i want to change my cell number so i dont wait for him to text or call me. What do you think?
Author Candy Cane Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Well, that would certainly give him the message that it is over. Are you prepared for that?
st8toftheheart Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by mysticrain hi. Actually this is the third day and i want to change my cell number so i dont wait for him to text or call me. What do you think? Definitely a good idea. If he has been direct with you in saying that he wants time, that he doesn't think its going to work, etc etc, you can wait your entire life for him to come around. But a word of advise, you need to lay the ground rules with whoever you're with. Tell then clearly what you need now, and what you like to see happen in the immediate future once you becomes serious. Its saves you from putting in alot of effort for something that may not be worthwhile in the end.
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