Guyouthere Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Dealing with a girl who has a lot of issues,,, Question….. Is it normal for someone who is very occupied with serious things in her life to just shut me out of a relationship so she can focus on herself? Or am I expecting too much to ask her to say something like.,.. "I love you,I have a lot to deal with right now, but want an us later, and know it". I have been with her through some really serious things in her life, helped her enormously in many ways. Beden with her for 6 months too when she knew none else. I gave her a ring and more which she refuses to wear at the moment, doesn't want the commitment. If she falls short of this, am I OK to believe she really doesn't love me? Any advice on what to do? Overall it has always seemed to be about her feelings, I am discovering when looking back that she has always focused on her, not feeling she has really taken mine into consideration at all whatsoever. Is it normal for someone under a lot of stress in life to act like this??? Not caring about my feelings? Or am I just overreacting and feeling there is a real problem here that goes beyond what is on the surface? Edited September 17, 2015 by Guyouthere
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Dealing with a girl who has a lot of issues,,, Question….. Is it normal for someone who is very occupied with serious things in her life to just shut me out of a relationship so she can focus on herself? Or am I expecting too much to ask her to say something like.,.. "I love you,I have a lot to deal with right now, but want an us later, and know it". I gave her a ring and more which she refuses to wear at the moment, doesn't want the commitment. If she falls short of this, am I OK to believe she really doesn't love me? Any advice on what to do? Overall it has always seemed to be about her feelings, I am discovering when looking back that she has always focused on her, not feeling she has really taken mine into consideration at all whatsoever. Is it normal for someone under a lot of stress in life to act like this??? Not caring about my feelings? It's not unusual or abnormal for a person to push a partner away when they are very stressed, however, it should only be for a couple of hours or a day at best. Beyond that, it's disrespectful, selfish and a sign of a weak emotional connection especially for a woman. Woman generally want to reach out to an SO in times of need. I would give her a ton of space now. Don't reach out to her or if you do, do it in a very light manner. Supportive, check in occassionally, but don't mention relationship concerns at all. Let her come to you when she is ready. You gave her a ring, but won't wear it? That's NG in my book. I would have taken it back if I were you. If she "comes back" around and still has this attitude, get the ring back. Tell her that this was an expression of your love for her and it is disrespectful for her to keep it without having the same feelings for you and that she can have it back when she's demonstrated that she is as invested in the relationship as you are. Personally I'd dump her for doing that alone. 1
Author Guyouthere Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Things got out of hand and I told her I wanted to date others, and I know she was hurt by that. Do you think its over and I pushed too much? She made mention that she will forgive me, but recent chats have gone to both extremes.
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Things got out of hand and I told her I wanted to date others, and I know she was hurt by that. Do you think its over and I pushed too much? She made mention that she will forgive me, but recent chats have gone to both extremes. Excuse me? She was hurt? She will forgive you? How does it feel that she won't wear your ring and pushing you away? She sounds very selfish. I don't blame you for wanting to see other people. You should do just that. You can continue to date her if you wish. But hit the reset button. Make her demonstrate to you that she wants to be with you and invested and get your ring back. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 She sounds like a complete drama queen. The world revolves around her, my friend. You're only a bit player. What you need to realize is, whoever loves the MOST has the least power. That would be you. She can take you or leave you, all depending on what drama/tragedy she's experiencing at the moment. But do know, she puts herself and her drama above everyone - and everything - else. If you're good with being thrown up on a shelf when she doesn't feel like dealing with you and only being pulled down when it's convenient to her, then have at it. But if you value your pride and self worth more, you'll stop being her obedient little lapdog. There's no self respect in doing that at all.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Things got out of hand and I told her I wanted to date others, and I know she was hurt by that. Do you think its over and I pushed too much? She made mention that she will forgive me, but recent chats have gone to both extremes. About the only thing you didn't do was offer to go over to her house, lay down on the floor, and let her wipe her dirty shoes on your back. Know your self worth. Stop handing away your pride to this woman. You're not worthy of her wearing your ring yet you're still supposed to pander to her? What a joke.
Author Guyouthere Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Its over. Big fight tonight, I caught her cheating and keeping me on the side. Filthy bitch told me she needed this to test our "love". Well I'm done.
MovingOnIsHard Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Its over. Big fight tonight, I caught her cheating and keeping me on the side. Filthy bitch told me she needed this to test our "love". Well I'm done. Ive posted on your other thread before. She already said to you she's " not in a relationship" with you. You should have taken that cue to leave her. What you see as cheating, to her means "fair game". A person that doesnt give you their commitment considers themselves " single" Im sorry you had to experience this. Hindsight is bittersweet. Lesson learned. Dont fall for drama-girls again.
LostOnes05 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I understand you completely. I was in a situation just like yours not too long ago. I like to think of it as a learning experience to teach you exactly what you don't want from a significant other. There are a lot of women out here playing games AND playing the victim. My experience taught me that when they say they don't want a relationship, to completely back off. Delete, block whatever you need to do to make your disappearance permanent. I dealt with a woman a while back that no matter what nice things I did for her, she always had an issue. We stopped speaking and almost a year later I got a text apologizing for what she had done. Then recently someone I was seeing did the same thing as your ex. I was upset for a few days, but my experience before helped me to learn how to write off bull**** people much faster. Point is, you did all you could to make things work. She wanted to play games, so let her realize she is playing herself..all by herself.
Author Guyouthere Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I dont think she was into game playing, I think it was a case of her mental issues affecting her ability to actually have a loving relationship She had come from a past of abuse, by her dad and that also caused her to seek out a boyfriend who abused her even more. I don't think they can overcome that, no matter how hard they try. She made it clear it is over, and knowing her, she once told me she can "kill someone in her mind", meaning she says she has the ability to erase them from her head. So I know she will do so with me. Overall considering what I saw and experienced, she is someone who is intelligent, but lacking the ability to love. You just have to pity those like that. But overall too, I have to have normal in my life… I am not a therapist, and even they I believe can't fix that type of person. It's sad.
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