Guest Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. We met at work and were together for about a year. It ended because my family didn't approve of our relationship. He was my first love. However, the catch was that he was 15 years older than me. I suppose I always knew that my family wouldn't approve. However, we continued to see each other and even talked of marriage. Although there were times when I thought of the big age gap, at other times it didn't matter whatsoever. When we were together, it really seemed as if age were nothing but a number, so I thought nothing of it. Things got so serious, we were planning on moving in together. It didn't happen. Just the idea of living with a guy before I was married, horrified my parents. Loving and respecting my parents' wishes, I decided that we should wait, at least till we were married. However, as time progressed, my parents enforced the idea more and more how wrong we were for each other. That the age difference was way too much, that I was so young, and that I still had so many opportunities lying ahead of me. Frankly, they thought he wasn't good enough. Honestly, it never dawned on me. It was true that he had gotten a late start on life, but I thought nothing of it. It didn't matter to me what he didn't have, or that he wasn't "established". However, he wanted to change his life and take some steps to do so. But, as things started to progress for him, everything became harder for us. No one seemed to be on my side. I'm not sure if they thought that I was young, so I wouldn't really know what love is. Just maybe, think I knew. Anyhow, soon family was involved (mainly my side, because his side had already welcomed me into theirs) and everyone let me know their two cents. Why it was so wrong, and how someone so much older was probably taking advantage of me. And the list goes on. I couldn't take it anymore. Our relationship was already shaky, and I could feel myself crumbling with the pressure. I finally told him that I couldn't do it. I could not see him anymore, when I was unsure of what was to happen. How could I drag him through the mud when I wasn't confident of our future, myself? I didn't want to hurt my family (and that seemed to be one of the main things, although they emphasized it was in my best interest), and yet I didn't want to hurt him either. In a way, I truly felt I was hurting him. Not in the sense, literally... but because my family wouldn't accept him. Although I listened to everything they said, I knew in my heart what was true and what wasn't. Perhaps in their eyes, I was being taken advantage of because of the age difference, but I never felt it. I always felt he treated me like an equal and we both seemed somewhat on the same emotional maturity level. However, the age was something I couldn't counter. It was there. Plain and simple. 15 years. We had a really painful ending. It wasn't because we were angry or upset with each other. It wasn't that our feelings had changed. And it wasn't because things just were not working out. Well, in a way they weren't, I suppose. We said our goodbyes. But, it was hard to let go and we decided maybe to keep in touch. He proposed we call each other on our birthdays and on Christmas. It seemed like an okay idea at the time, but now I'm not so sure. In a way, I do feel I just want to keep in touch with him because I want to know how he's doing. And yet, it feels it would be too heartbreaking to continue to talk to him, especially knowing I still have feelings for him. His birthday is about 3 months from now. Is it a bad idea to stay in touch?
Merin Posted May 16, 2005 Posted May 16, 2005 Yes it is a bad idea to keep in touch. The 2 of you aren't going to remain "Friends" you're not willing to accept him for who he is (or your family isn't, and you've made the decision to allow them to make that choice for you) so IMO it would only hurt him more for you to contact him.. it gives people a false sense of hope, when you've already said there isn't any. My 3 Cent's
Recommended Posts