Day 11 NC Some serious twists on the way

[thunder777]

I moved in with a girl 4 months ago after dating 4 months, i liked her immensely. Initially it became known her mother was dying off cancer. the hardship she was under saw her self medicating via substance abuse of marijuana & alcohol whenever it was available. despite her enormous qualities her world was a mess and i with integrity stood by for a long time, despite the hardship on me, i donated by time to keep her in good spirits and in strength whilst spending most of our time together with her wasted

 

eventually her high pressure full-time admin job was lost due to lack of professionalism caused by the substance abuse and then i was suddenly living with her further crumbling with unemployment over her head. again i stood by built her home up and mended many voids she was too distracted to attend to

 

however her next solution was to dive straight into a cash in hand landscaping job which was fine until i realised the guy was someone she had been intimate with previously. instant red flag and discomfort for me. then to make it worse he offers her money to clean his house. and even more worse he with enourmous amounts of marajuana enabled her to smoke weed anytime she pleased. so although cash flow was high for her like this, the situation became more extreme

 

meanwhile my home situation, each day of being there after we made love or whatever every night, she would jump out asap every single day to do whatever with this guy, and my blood began to boil. its possible nothing sexual ever occurred but emotionally she was now sharing herself with 2 men, and i was the stooge at home being forced to make out nothing was to worry about. I had to leave after a month of this, i packed up and left, she refused to acknowledge my discomfort, she put her my concerns last, and chased the money, and she happily chose to lose me once i began to plead for her to stop this and get a real job

 

we saw each other a few times after and together our experiences are generally great but again the house maid bull**** with him continued. so i cut ties had enough of it

 

11 days no contact now, tonight i have learnt her mum has passed in recent days. the inevitable has arrived and she would be in shatters right now.

 

i dont wish to contact her, but i can see a reach from her coming to me soon. I stupidly looked at her FB and she has posted a public "im sorry for neglecting your heart and putting you last" post. she is still blocking me on FB although i blocked her first, but i know we had a deep deep bond, and after only 11 days of NC the bond is still ripe. she lost me and now she has lost her mother

 

i need to be prepared for whats coming now and this is a serious situation. what makes it most worst is where has she been in these 11 days? im aware that about 7 of these days she had her monthly cycles but im am very much assuming she has taken a rebound lover with possibly this ex guy or possibly someone else.

 

so this makes her dirty to me sexually, and i dont think i can handle having her return to us being intimate if shes been touching another guy. HOWEVER what if she hasnt? if i am what i know i am to her, why hasnt she reached for me yet in her grieving? i cant see her sluting around with new boys whilst grieving for the loss of her mother, boys would be the last thing on her mind yea? but i also doubt she has spent the last 11 days home alone each night

 

anyways what is going to happen here? i need to predict the future events, because generally i will just reply with a "nah youve likely been banging some other idiot this last fortnight i dont want you back" response, but her mum has passed and her healings are going to need me to hold her when she finds the courage, she is going to reach for my return and i dont know what im going to do when it arrives

 

please share an evaluation or summary or some advise, this is seriously against the normal type breakups and hard to calculate whats coming. thanks for any help in advance

[PegNosePete]

I stupidly looked at her FB

after only 11 days of NC

Sorry dude but you're back to 0 days NC again.

 

My advice: go NC forever.

 

My prediction for the future: you will go NC for a little while and then break it again.

[mightycpa]

I moved in with a girl 4 months ago after dating 4 months, i liked her immensely. Initially it became known her mother was dying off cancer. the hardship she was under saw her self medicating via substance abuse of marijuana & alcohol whenever it was available. despite her enormous qualities her world was a mess and i with integrity stood by for a long time, despite the hardship on me, i donated by time to keep her in good spirits and in strength whilst spending most of our time together with her wasted

 

eventually her high pressure full-time admin job was lost due to lack of professionalism caused by the substance abuse and then i was suddenly living with her further crumbling with unemployment over her head. again i stood by built her home up and mended many voids she was too distracted to attend to

 

however her next solution was to dive straight into a cash in hand landscaping job which was fine until i realised the guy was someone she had been intimate with previously. instant red flag and discomfort for me. then to make it worse he offers her money to clean his house. and even more worse he with enourmous amounts of marajuana enabled her to smoke weed anytime she pleased. so although cash flow was high for her like this, the situation became more extreme

 

meanwhile my home situation, each day of being there after we made love or whatever every night, she would jump out asap every single day to do whatever with this guy, and my blood began to boil. its possible nothing sexual ever occurred but emotionally she was now sharing herself with 2 men, and i was the stooge at home being forced to make out nothing was to worry about. I had to leave after a month of this, i packed up and left, she refused to acknowledge my discomfort, she put her my concerns last, and chased the money, and she happily chose to lose me once i began to plead for her to stop this and get a real job

 

we saw each other a few times after and together our experiences are generally great but again the house maid bull**** with him continued. so i cut ties had enough of it

 

11 days no contact now, tonight i have learnt her mum has passed in recent days. the inevitable has arrived and she would be in shatters right now.

 

i dont wish to contact her, but i can see a reach from her coming to me soon. I stupidly looked at her FB and she has posted a public "im sorry for neglecting your heart and putting you last" post. she is still blocking me on FB although i blocked her first, but i know we had a deep deep bond, and after only 11 days of NC the bond is still ripe. she lost me and now she has lost her mother

 

i need to be prepared for whats coming now and this is a serious situation. what makes it most worst is where has she been in these 11 days? im aware that about 7 of these days she had her monthly cycles but im am very much assuming she has taken a rebound lover with possibly this ex guy or possibly someone else.

 

so this makes her dirty to me sexually, and i dont think i can handle having her return to us being intimate if shes been touching another guy. HOWEVER what if she hasnt? if i am what i know i am to her, why hasnt she reached for me yet in her grieving? i cant see her sluting around with new boys whilst grieving for the loss of her mother, boys would be the last thing on her mind yea? but i also doubt she has spent the last 11 days home alone each night

 

anyways what is going to happen here? i need to predict the future events, because generally i will just reply with a "nah youve likely been banging some other idiot this last fortnight i dont want you back" response, but her mum has passed and her healings are going to need me to hold her when she finds the courage, she is going to reach for my return and i dont know what im going to do when it arrives

 

please share an evaluation or summary or some advise, this is seriously against the normal type breakups and hard to calculate whats coming. thanks for any help in advance

First, you're reading that FB post wrong. It is a statement of contrition, a washing of the hands. She's not saying she regrets the outcome of her actions. She's saying that she feels bad that she hurt you.

 

I'd be surprised if she reached out at all. The mother will be buried soon, if she's not already, and that can be a very busy time. After the funeral and burial, she's more likely to cut loose and get slutty than she is to run back to something old and familiar. She wants this grief out of her, and running back to you, a recent memory of trauma and grief ain't going to do the job. Better to bang a couple strangers to feel new again.

 

Similarly, you have pretty much stated that you'd have no use for her. So why fantasize about her coming back so that you can exact your rejection revenge? Or will you actually dip your stick into what you now clearly consider a cesspool?

 

You're just a little obsessed because you weren't ready for her to show you her true colors. You thought you knew her well, but you don't. She showed you that, and now you are in deep denial about it. You still think of her the way you positioned her in your head, not the way she really is.

 

Let this one go. It hasn't even been a year. You have some work to do on yourself.

[thunder777]

First, you're reading that FB post wrong. It is a statement of contrition, a washing of the hands. She's not saying she regrets the outcome of her actions. She's saying that she feels bad that she hurt you.

 

I'd be surprised if she reached out at all. The mother will be buried soon, if she's not already, and that can be a very busy time. After the funeral and burial, she's more likely to cut loose and get slutty than she is to run back to something old and familiar. She wants this grief out of her, and running back to you, a recent memory of trauma and grief ain't going to do the job. Better to bang a couple strangers to feel new again.

 

Similarly, you have pretty much stated that you'd have no use for her. So why fantasize about her coming back so that you can exact your rejection revenge? Or will you actually dip your stick into what you now clearly consider a cesspool?

 

You're just a little obsessed because you weren't ready for her to show you her true colors. You thought you knew her well, but you don't. She showed you that, and now you are in deep denial about it. You still think of her the way you positioned her in your head, not the way she really is.

 

Let this one go. It hasn't even been a year. You have some work to do on yourself.

 

some good points man thanks. im obviously sad for her as her mother died, but ive been well on the way with no contacting and im quite certain a new girl is close, i would say by the end of month i would have moved on with other dates, if not this week even

 

but isnt the death of her mum a wake up call? to see how irrational she has been, and this is a time to mend what she had that was great? a chance to shut off substance abuse and make a mends to all those she has hurt around her. i fear for her state of mind if her world turns to further ruins IE: suicide

 

anyways im not hoping to get her back i just wanna be able to handle her the right way IF she does reach my way. the girls just lost her mother and 2 weeks ago i was the boyfriend she has had all year

 

mathematics tell me, she needs to let her guard down and be vulnerable to me. there will be an attempt i sincerely believe it. im not hoping for it but i need to be prepared

[JADIE]

Methinks you are FAR more worried about the effects of her mother's death than she herself is. So what was she doing FOR HER MOTHER in the months preceding her death? Getting wasted. Must be nice. When my dad was dying of cancer, I was a single mom with kids at home, working fulltime and spending my free time taking him to doctor & chemo appointments, researching the recommended treatments and drugs for him, monitoring his meds to make sure he took them at the right times as my mother was in her own world, cooking & portioning meals he might be able to keep down, taking him outside for short walks while he was still able, reading to him when he couldn't anymore, praying with him, arranging for his baptism when he requested it, and planning his funeral services with him according to his wishes. If this woman could show no more devotion to the woman who raised her than to wallow in self-pity and medicate herself into numbness, what on earth makes you think she could ever care about you in a meaningful way??

 

Count your blessings. NC forever.

[Redhead14]

I moved in with a girl 4 months ago after dating 4 months, i liked her immensely. Initially it became known her mother was dying off cancer. the hardship she was under saw her self medicating via substance abuse of marijuana & alcohol whenever it was available. despite her enormous qualities her world was a mess and i with integrity stood by for a long time, despite the hardship on me, i donated by time to keep her in good spirits and in strength whilst spending most of our time together with her wasted

 

eventually her high pressure full-time admin job was lost due to lack of professionalism caused by the substance abuse and then i was suddenly living with her further crumbling with unemployment over her head. again i stood by built her home up and mended many voids she was too distracted to attend to

 

however her next solution was to dive straight into a cash in hand landscaping job which was fine until i realised the guy was someone she had been intimate with previously. instant red flag and discomfort for me. then to make it worse he offers her money to clean his house. and even more worse he with enourmous amounts of marajuana enabled her to smoke weed anytime she pleased. so although cash flow was high for her like this, the situation became more extreme

 

meanwhile my home situation, each day of being there after we made love or whatever every night, she would jump out asap every single day to do whatever with this guy, and my blood began to boil. its possible nothing sexual ever occurred but emotionally she was now sharing herself with 2 men, and i was the stooge at home being forced to make out nothing was to worry about. I had to leave after a month of this, i packed up and left, she refused to acknowledge my discomfort, she put her my concerns last, and chased the money, and she happily chose to lose me once i began to plead for her to stop this and get a real job

 

we saw each other a few times after and together our experiences are generally great but again the house maid bull**** with him continued. so i cut ties had enough of it

 

11 days no contact now, tonight i have learnt her mum has passed in recent days. the inevitable has arrived and she would be in shatters right now.

 

i dont wish to contact her, but i can see a reach from her coming to me soon. I stupidly looked at her FB and she has posted a public "im sorry for neglecting your heart and putting you last" post. she is still blocking me on FB although i blocked her first, but i know we had a deep deep bond, and after only 11 days of NC the bond is still ripe. she lost me and now she has lost her mother

 

i need to be prepared for whats coming now and this is a serious situation. what makes it most worst is where has she been in these 11 days? im aware that about 7 of these days she had her monthly cycles but im am very much assuming she has taken a rebound lover with possibly this ex guy or possibly someone else.

 

so this makes her dirty to me sexually, and i dont think i can handle having her return to us being intimate if shes been touching another guy. HOWEVER what if she hasnt? if i am what i know i am to her, why hasnt she reached for me yet in her grieving? i cant see her sluting around with new boys whilst grieving for the loss of her mother, boys would be the last thing on her mind yea? but i also doubt she has spent the last 11 days home alone each night

 

anyways what is going to happen here? i need to predict the future events, because generally i will just reply with a "nah youve likely been banging some other idiot this last fortnight i dont want you back" response, but her mum has passed and her healings are going to need me to hold her when she finds the courage, she is going to reach for my return and i dont know what im going to do when it arrives

 

please share an evaluation or summary or some advise, this is seriously against the normal type breakups and hard to calculate whats coming. thanks for any help in advance

 

There is nothing coming if you remain NO CONTACT. You two are broken up. You are not responsible for her emotional needs. She is an adult who has breached the boundaries of trust and responsibility in a relationship.

 

She can seek comfort from the other guy.