Maharishi Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 When you feel that way do you typically cancel or go along anyway? I feel so tired and so fed up with dating. It's going to take every ounce of energy I have to force myself to go on this first date tonight. And presumably that's really not the right attitude --- to go there feeling reluctant and fed up
Jj66 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Sure. When I've had a bad stretch I take a break. Dating and meeting new people should be fun. If it isn't, change how you go about it. 1
Zippy2000 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I know how you feel. Its not like I ve been on a million dates but nowadays I dont get exited as much. I get fed up too. You`re right and its not the righ attitude as relationships take work and we all use lots of energy trying to find the right one even if he/she doesnt exist. I ve been alone most of my life and I havent had a serious relationship for over 5 years and I m in my 40s now so I cant afford to muck around. I think at this point I ll be tired, single and end up with 70 cats. Try not to give up. 1
Author Maharishi Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 This guy really seems great so I'm gonna force myself to go. I guess.
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I remember driving to yet another first date and thinking : Why do I even bother doing this. I got to the coffee date, the entrance door was kind of tricky to find, he decided to come out to get me. At the moment we locked eyes it was like being hit by lightning :-) We dated 6 months. So now when I don't feel like going I tell myself : Who knows maybe this will end up being the man I've been looking for. 2
Redhead14 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 When you feel that way do you typically cancel or go along anyway? I feel so tired and so fed up with dating. It's going to take every ounce of energy I have to force myself to go on this first date tonight. And presumably that's really not the right attitude --- to go there feeling reluctant and fed up I can't count the number of times when there was a party, event, something that I had to attend but just didn't feel like it and afterward said to myself, "boy, I'm glad I did that. I had fun". If you go on the date this time and you just didn't enjoy it, don't make another date with anyone for a while. Focus on you and your life and get centered again. Be patient with yourself. There's no point in dating anyone when your attitude is negative. That comes across in little ways that you don't even realize. 2
Jejangles Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I feel like that once in a while. So I check in with myself and either try to change my attitude or if I can't change my attitude, I take a break from dating. Earlier this year I took the pressure off myself when it comes to dating. That pressure looked like "you're in your mid 30s! Your window for a family is closing! Your facebook feed is full of happy families / babies, what do you have?". I realised it was really useless and counter productive to be so hard on myself, especially as I have never been sure that I even wanted a family or kids. So I relaxed and turned my mind to a one date at a time attitude and have been much happier and enjoying my dates a lot more. And I also have been receiving tons of contact and more interest in second dates, which makes me feel like my happier attitude is showing. I would suggest anyone who is feeling burned out with dating do a similar check in and take a break if required. It would suck if you turned off a great person because of a bad attitude. 1
katinlc Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Yes - Dating is hard and tiring (especially if you are doing it online). BUT...the last time I felt this way, I met my husband. I was so worn out with online dating that I was taking a break. I had been talking to this guy for about a month, but we hadn't actually set up a date due to me being extremely busy with work and traveling. He was the final guy and then I was taking a break. I finally agreed to a date because I felt like I owed it to him after talking to him for a month and he was so patient. I didn't want to go at all and thought about canceling but I thought that was rude. The date went well, but I'll admit my attitude towards dating jaded me. After the date, I thought he was nice enough but was still really over it. Luckily, he saw something there and pursued me but was so patient. Our next date was 3 weeks later (how he was so patient and didn't give up I'll never know). I realized then that there may be something there...by date 4 I was hooked. So I say all that to say, TAKE A BREAK if you are feeling this way. Otherwise, your current feelings may make you miss out on someone good. I would have if he hadn't realized there was something more. 1
Author Maharishi Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 A while ago one of my friends was in this sort of mood too. We (me and her other friends) had to force her to bother to go meet this guy for a first date. She was having major doubts. She ended up having his child.
Author Maharishi Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 I'm considering wearing a pair of ripped jeans to the date because I'm so tired of dressing up. Is this too casual? 1
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I'm considering wearing a pair of ripped jeans to the date because I'm so tired of dressing up. Is this too casual? Don't do that. This man has done nothing to you that you show up in your cleaning day clothes. You may be totally taken by this new guy and he'll dismiss you for not putting up any effort for your first meeting. I have a friend who was in the same mood as you. She went on a first meet with jeans and running shoes. The guy never called her back. After a week she asked if he could let her know why he did not pursue as they were both professional and apparently a good match. He said he did not call back because she had not put any efforts in looking nice for him (and for herself).
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 And really, how much effort is it to put on your new jeans instead of your ripped ones! How much effort is it to put on your heels instead of your flats. What you're doing is being passive aggressive toward a man that has nothing to do with your dating frustration.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 You know, I DO remember starting to dread 'first meets.' I started calling them 'interviews.' They all kind of go the same way - you ask and answer the same questions about yourself and your life that you did on the last 2 million dates. It honestly started feeling like a job interview to me. LOL...years ago I did have a guy show up at the local tavern for drinks in BIB OVERALLS. Kid you not. He looked like Farmer Brown. He told me he was just sick of 'first meets' and getting "dressed to impress" only to be disappointed over and over. He asked me out again for the next night so he could dress properly and have another chance to impress me.
MissBee Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I hate dating. I've mentioned it here. Sure, when a date turns out well and amounts to a relationship that's great but I hate the endless first dates that don't amount to anything or seem promising and we see each other for a while then it falls apart. It's exhausting emotionally for me and when I feel that way I just take a break, esp if it's with OLD. I only went back on OLD last February after about 4 or 5 years of not doing it. I had a relationship of 6 months from it and then I went on maybe 5 more dates after that that didn't turn to anything except 2 FWB type scenarios that I also ended. I haven't been on in months and don't plan to be on again. I've also had two dates from meeting men in person out and about recently in the last few months and they both seemed promising then fell through. It's exhausting and at the moment I am not focused on dating. If I need to drag myself to a date I'd probably cancel and have in the past. For me, because it's so exhausting, I'm no longer at the point where I just date because it's something to do or because I'm bored. In the past it would sometimes be like that, where it was a, why not, let's see, I have nothing else to do right now attitude, now I have way too much to do and am tired of the whole thing that unless you REALLY pique my interest, I'd rather not waste time.
GTR King Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I felt like this once.... I felt fed up of going on 1st dates as most didn't work out and hadn't been talking to many girls... I Had a break (A month or 2) & Just enjoyed my life etc.... which worked for me... I have now got a 1st date on Sunday & feeling positive about it... a break will help if you are fed up...
GemmaUK Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I'm considering wearing a pair of ripped jeans to the date because I'm so tired of dressing up. Is this too casual? Are the ripped jeans nice jeans? Honestly I am 46 now and I have never yet dressed up for a first date. Not once. I go casual and if we're walking (or we might be) then flats it is for me. . You can still look good in flats, fab ripped jeans and a top. Funny thing is that I can say I'm not interested on the night and still..still some of them will text me asking when they can see me again..arrrgh!!! I haven't been on any first date yet where a man has not asked me out again though. I never agree to a dinner date for a first meet up/date. I make sure I have no need to be all dressed up. Dressed up comes later when he has deserved it. And in response to the opening post, nope, never. I weed out via mail or talking with someone I meet. I always find dates/meets to be fun to look forward to. 1
Author Maharishi Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 So I went on the date, I really liked him and felt at ease with him. Great date!
jam.over.jelly Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 So I went on the date, I really liked him and felt at ease with him. Great date! Whoa, and to think that u weren't even excited to go on it earlier. 1
Author Maharishi Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Whoa, and to think that u weren't even excited to go on it earlier. I know! I'm very glad I went. Although I didn't wear the ripped jeans in the end I did have a very casual attitude about the whole thing. I wasn't trying hard AT ALL. We've been exchanging loads of texts since the date earlier. 1
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