Does anybody worry that as they get older they will not find so many people attracive

September 18, 2015

I sound like you, in that I am 40 and I don't look nor act like it. Most people think I am in my 20s still. I just have good genes. But remember that there are people who don't take care of themselves and look their age (or older) than they actually are. I've learned to roll with certain things. I used to only like them young and cute. Well they're not so young and cute anymore. I could go for one who is young and cute, but I don't want to be a cougar (even though I am in certain situations).

It's a delicate balance finding someone who is like you. Most are just ... Not. Is all I can say. But you have to ask yourself if you want young and cute or substance. I also worry that I am not going to find others so attractive once they are older, but ... I think we all struggle with that.

September 18, 2015

I sound like you, in that I am 40 and I don't look nor act like it. Most people think I am in my 20s still. I just have good genes. But remember that there are people who don't take care of themselves and look their age (or older) than they actually are. I've learned to roll with certain things. I used to only like them young and cute. Well they're not so young and cute anymore. I could go for one who is young and cute, but I don't want to be a cougar (even though I am in certain situations).

It's a delicate balance finding someone who is like you. Most are just ... Not. Is all I can say. But you have to ask yourself if you want young and cute or substance. I also worry that I am not going to find others so attractive once they are older, but ... I think we all struggle with that.

Yeah, I'm a young 40, too (primarily in attitude and energy, but also in appearance).

But there are men out there who are young 40 year olds. Like attracts like. If you're the kind of 40 year old who is active and acts young, it seems likely you'll cross paths with and attract similar men. A young looking and acting 40 year old woman should be very appealing to all sorts of men

September 18, 2015

Of course it's a problem. Hence, dirty old men and women chasing people half their age who think they're a joke or just want money or something from them. I figured I'd have a real problem, but I surprised myself a little by just wanting someone from my generation that could fully appreciate who I am and my little accomplishments like no other generation could. But that comes with problems too. My main issue wasn't so much about being attracted physically as mentally. I miss my subculture.

LOL....dirty old women chasing people half their age..... I do not chase! I have been very surprised recently by the number of younger guys that hit on me. (nicely surprised).... but then they find it very difficult to believe how old I really am. I understand wanting someone from the same generation but - for some reason - I don't click with them. I am starting to think that I am emotionally very immature. I don't really want a relationship but when I met someone recently - I fell head over heals!

He is 12 years younger and I wondered if that was a problem for him because we had a lovely time together. I found it difficult to believe he was so much younger and the conversations we had felt very much on the same wave length. He also appears to look older and I can't really see him as younger. I keep wondering if that was an issue for him.

September 18, 2015

If you're looking for long term, that shouldn't be your main concern. Even if they were the most attractive person in the Universe, after 10 or 20 years together, you'll get acclimated and they'll just be your partner. But if they are an arse, it's gonna be bad. So, imo, worry much less about that, unless you want just flings, because they can be an arse, if you only need to put up with them for a little while.

As for control over your feelings, I think we have more control over our feelings than we sometimes say and not having control is a bit of a cop out to go with instant gratification instead of deeper. Having some control is called being rational.

Rationalise emotions? That doesn't sound very rational to me!

September 19, 2015

siriusp,

I feel exactly like you do. I am soon to be 41yo, but everyone tells me I sure don't look that old at all. I recently started online dating & I'm realizing that men over 45yo just do NOT appeal to me whatsoever. I have quite a few female friends who are involved with men 10-15 years older than them. I just don't know HOW they can be attracted at all in that type of situation. *shudders*

I had a 2 month long fling with a 24yo guy, which was my very first "cougar" experience. I got feelings too quick, like you did, and it totally caught me off guard. So I got hurt in the process. UGH. But yeah, I prefer younger men now, not older. I never thought I'd be like this, but for some reason that's just how it is now.

September 19, 2015

I have a slightly different problem. I look "young" so some of the men in my dateable age range look and seem so much older. That doesn't mean I don't find people attractive, but they appear to be in a different generation than me!

I struggle with upping my age range, because in my head it seems "old." But I know I've got to do it. I don't have anything in common with those 20 year olds!

September 19, 2015

As someone who used to lust after older men, only dated in a similar age range, and finally ended up happily with someone almost a decade younger... I realized I am most fulfilled if I can build a relationship with strong communication, while existing in my receptive/feminine energy, with a man who is willing to live in his masculine (I'm all for being clubbed over the head and dragged back to the cave ).

For me, at the end of the day, it means my feelings are appreciated... and it means that my man is brave enough to stand by his decisions. Period.

There are pitfalls in every age bracket. With wisdom comes baggage. I would never actively seek out someone who is still cognitively developmental ( < 25). I'm also not ready to start a family. The idea of someone else's kids is still scary to me. Life is a mixed bag and you have to keep an open mind.

If I were ever to date again, I would date conservatively, Pat Allen/Rori Rey/The Rules receptive feminine style. Appreciating the philosophy behind more "traditional" gender roles (I like to think of it from a caveman/biological perspective) has helped ME shape and guide relationships toward MY needs as a woman. A man can meet my needs as a woman at any age... I just need a man that feels like a big, strong man.

That's what makes me happy. And if you have different needs than mine, that's 100% awesome, as long as YOU (a general you!) are clear with yourself about what YOU want... and not stuck in the troubles of trying to please people while neglecting #1.

I advise everyone else to be clear with themselves about what makes them happy. Sometimes, the universe sends what you need, but not in the form you expect, so an open mind is important, too.

September 19, 2015

I don't go for women based on their age. I go based on how attractive they look. Young doesn't always mean attractive looking, but it is true that with age, a lot of people really let themselves go. So the pickings do get slim, but if you're "choice" looking, that just means you pick younger. I guess it's pretty shallow, but it's pretty enjoyable and honestly it suits me.

I really do prefer women @ my age that are attractive looking though. I have gone out with women that look great and then just a year later........not so great. They shoulda locked down a guy faster or start repeating to themselves how they have grown and look for "quality" now.

September 19, 2015

LOL....dirty old women chasing people half their age..... I do not chase! I have been very surprised recently by the number of younger guys that hit on me. (nicely surprised).... but then they find it very difficult to believe how old I really am. I understand wanting someone from the same generation but - for some reason - I don't click with them. I am starting to think that I am emotionally very immature. I don't really want a relationship but when I met someone recently - I fell head over heals!

He is 12 years younger and I wondered if that was a problem for him because we had a lovely time together. I found it difficult to believe he was so much younger and the conversations we had felt very much on the same wave length. He also appears to look older and I can't really see him as younger. I keep wondering if that was an issue for him.

I wouldn't overly worry about it. You need to find out if he's going to want to be serious and marry and have kids and then figure out if you can give him that or not. If that's not an issue, then just have fun and don't worry about it. But don't set yourself up to be someone's side dish who is going to turn 30 and decide it's time to marry -- someone else they can raise a family with.

September 19, 2015

To the OP: I'm around your age and used to have the same problem. What helped me was to realize that the hot/younger guys I used to date were not emotionally or romantically compatible with me.

I started going on dates with men a little older even though they were less "hot" than the guys I was used to, and surprise surprise... I gave it a chance and now I'm in a place where I can see their charm, and am not attracted to younger guys anymore. Basically what changes is that you realize how these guys with more experience can make you feel. And that the relationships also feel different and more mature.

I basically now become attracted when there is chemistry and connection.

The only problem I see is that they are a little less passionate and seem to prefer to take things slower which is annoying at our age.

September 19, 2015

Darling... wake up before it's too late.

I receive DAILY messages from the hottest 25-35 yo guys around. Of course they are interested. They can say whatever they want and even think they will take a 40 year old seriously for a LTR. But the truth is 99% won't in the end. It will be a fun time, seem promising because of the amazing chemistry and connection... until they dump you because they will go for the 28 yo girl who can wait a little to get married and still have their kids and the perfect family.

You are in denial. I was too, for a while. The only thing that comes out of these relationships is hurt (for you) and waste of precious time (for you). They lose nothing being involved with a hot middle aged woman in her sexual prime.

Sorry for being bold -- but I hope you don't have to learn it the hard way.

LOL....dirty old women chasing people half their age..... I do not chase! I have been very surprised recently by the number of younger guys that hit on me. (nicely surprised).... but then they find it very difficult to believe how old I really am. I understand wanting someone from the same generation but - for some reason - I don't click with them. I am starting to think that I am emotionally very immature. I don't really want a relationship but when I met someone recently - I fell head over heals!

He is 12 years younger and I wondered if that was a problem for him because we had a lovely time together. I found it difficult to believe he was so much younger and the conversations we had felt very much on the same wave length. He also appears to look older and I can't really see him as younger. I keep wondering if that was an issue for him.

September 19, 2015

I have noticed that the older I get - I do not find men of my age or older attractive. I'm finding this a bit of a problem as it limits me to younger guys. (I am 41 although I look and behave much younger)!

I had one relationship with someone ten years older than I am and it took me time to get used to him (being older) but I never fell in love anyway - despite all the fun we had.

I am just not attracted to older and it is something I don't have control over - it's at a deeper level than I am really conscious of. I am not sure if I am explaining myself very well. If I continue like this - what hope do I have in another ten years!

Just wondering how common this problem is....

Yes, I worry about it. I worry about being in your exact situation. I'm 29 now, and I don't have a gf. I seriously doubt I will ever be attracted to anyone over 35. My fear is that I'll still be single at 40 or 50,and by then, other 40 plus year olds will be the only ones willing to date me. It's depressing think about.

September 19, 2015

Darling... wake up before it's too late.

I receive DAILY messages from the hottest 25-35 yo guys around. Of course they are interested. They can say whatever they want and even think they will take a 40 year old seriously for a LTR. But the truth is 99% won't in the end. It will be a fun time, seem promising because of the amazing chemistry and connection... until they dump you because they will go for the 28 yo girl who can wait a little to get married and still have their kids and the perfect family.

You are in denial. I was too, for a while. The only thing that comes out of these relationships is hurt (for you) and waste of precious time (for you). They lose nothing being involved with a hot middle aged woman in her sexual prime.

Sorry for being bold -- but I hope you don't have to learn it the hard way.

Before it's too late? Seriously. I'm always confused when women start preaching misogyny to each other. Too late for what exactly? Oh the UseBy date? Right.......

Not every woman's goal is marriage and kids. Being single late in life isn't exactly a fate worse than death either. When you think about it most women end up alone late in life because their partner's expire before they do. God, if she wants to date a 25yr old it's her business. Yeah sure he may not want to marry her. Then again, he very well may want to marry her. I know many women who's husbands are a decade younger. I was engaged to a 27yr old at 40, but chose not to marry him for other reasons. Personally I find men much improved after 30, they are still too silly in their 20's. When the invincibility of youth is fading they suddenly find their priorities and are more willing to look at things in a sensible light.

Just get so tired of the fear programming out there that a woman's prime objective in life is to race against her Useby date and live in fear of being left for a younger woman. Jesus, it's 2015, can we not think of a more constructive life path than this?

Edited September 19, 2015 by Buddhist

September 20, 2015

I'm not preaching misogyny. I'm preaching reality

Of course not everyone's goal is having kids or getting married. But I can bet her goal is not to be used up by younger guys and discarded either Not from what I'm reading in her posts.

Of course it's her business if she wants to date younger. It can work sometimes, I married a younger guy, over a decade younger than me in fact. But I have enough experience under my belt to know that dating younger mostly brings pain, disappointment and sorrow. Specially if she does want a family and kids. But also if she doesn't.

Before it's too late? Seriously. I'm always confused when women start preaching misogyny to each other. Too late for what exactly? Oh the UseBy date? Right.......

Not every woman's goal is marriage and kids. Being single late in life isn't exactly a fate worse than death either. When you think about it most women end up alone late in life because their partner's expire before they do. God, if she wants to date a 25yr old it's her business. Yeah sure he may not want to marry her. Then again, he very well may want to marry her. I know many women who's husbands are a decade younger. I was engaged to a 27yr old at 40, but chose not to marry him for other reasons. Personally I find men much improved after 30, they are still too silly in their 20's. When the invincibility of youth is fading they suddenly find their priorities and are more willing to look at things in a sensible light.

Just get so tired of the fear programming out there that a woman's prime objective in life is to race against her Useby date and live in fear of being left for a younger woman. Jesus, it's 2015, can we not think of a more constructive life path than this?

October 4, 2015

As someone who used to lust after older men, only dated in a similar age range, and finally ended up happily with someone almost a decade younger... I realized I am most fulfilled if I can build a relationship with strong communication, while existing in my receptive/feminine energy, with a man who is willing to live in his masculine (I'm all for being clubbed over the head and dragged back to the cave ).

For me, at the end of the day, it means my feelings are appreciated... and it means that my man is brave enough to stand by his decisions. Period.

There are pitfalls in every age bracket. With wisdom comes baggage. I would never actively seek out someone who is still cognitively developmental ( < 25). I'm also not ready to start a family. The idea of someone else's kids is still scary to me. Life is a mixed bag and you have to keep an open mind.

If I were ever to date again, I would date conservatively, Pat Allen/Rori Rey/The Rules receptive feminine style. Appreciating the philosophy behind more "traditional" gender roles (I like to think of it from a caveman/biological perspective) has helped ME shape and guide relationships toward MY needs as a woman. A man can meet my needs as a woman at any age... I just need a man that feels like a big, strong man.

That's what makes me happy. And if you have different needs than mine, that's 100% awesome, as long as YOU (a general you!) are clear with yourself about what YOU want... and not stuck in the troubles of trying to please people while neglecting #1.

I advise everyone else to be clear with themselves about what makes them happy. Sometimes, the universe sends what you need, but not in the form you expect, so an open mind is important, too.

Great post! And thanks for the tip on Rori Raye. Good read gals. Found a website called Dialteg.org and Rori Raye ...can't post a link from my iphone so google search it if interested. I'm guilty of overfunctioning in a relationship ...time to stop that stuff

October 4, 2015

I have noticed that the older I get - I do not find men of my age or older attractive. I'm finding this a bit of a problem as it limits me to younger guys. (I am 41 although I look and behave much younger)!

I know a 41 year old BABE. I'm in my 20's. Not a very helpful post, sorry.

October 4, 2015

Ha, ha, the last buzz in my nether regions came from hugging a friend of my best friend's sister who's, yup, 73. No clue how it went for her but we had been talking for about a half hour, mostly ignoring sis, whom I love dearly for many years. Heh.

I'm not worried. We're alive until we're dead. My mom used to say, in her late 70's, that she felt like her 20's until she looked in the mirror. I found that instructive, more so now that I'm older.

October 4, 2015

I'm not worried. We're alive until we're dead. My mom used to say, in her late 70's, that she felt like her 20's until she looked in the mirror. I found that instructive, more so now that I'm older.

I believe your mind stops having birthdays somewhere near 30.... I'm still 28 in my head but get more self aware every year.

October 4, 2015

I have noticed that the older I get - I do not find men of my age or older attractive. I'm finding this a bit of a problem as it limits me to younger guys. (I am 41 although I look and behave much younger)!

I had one relationship with someone ten years older than I am and it took me time to get used to him (being older) but I never fell in love anyway - despite all the fun we had.

I am just not attracted to older and it is something I don't have control over - it's at a deeper level than I am really conscious of. I am not sure if I am explaining myself very well. If I continue like this - what hope do I have in another ten years!

Just wondering how common this problem is....

I have the same problem. I am 40, separated, but look, feel, and act like I'm 30. Everyone mistakes me for a 30 year old. I find women my age look older than 40. Or maybe they are suppose to look that way at 40. Either way, they look older than me. I feel more comfortable with someone in their early 30s. Problem is in the online dating world, ladies in their early 30s have search criteria of maybe 30-39.

October 4, 2015

7 billion people on earth. Not everybody finds love or marry the person they are super crazy about.

That's the plain truth.

Not EVERY single one of them are going to find love or marry the person they have the super hots for.

October 4, 2015

Problem is in the online dating world, ladies in their early 30s have search criteria of maybe 30-39.

So don't date online, I never have and haven't been at a loss for partners of any age. I don't get why everyone flocks to an online dating site when it's a simple matter to find someone IRL, I find them everywhere and if you're interested in person the chances of them flaking on you are very low.

October 5, 2015

Not everybody finds love or marry the person they are super crazy about.

That's the plain truth.

Not EVERY single one of them are going to find love or marry the person they have the super hots for.

Except me....my tarot cards said so.

October 5, 2015

i'm 43 and divorced with elementary children.

Mid to late 30's in the same situation is my sweet spot.

Though i have hooked up with women 10yrs younger than me those women were just looking for fun.

But I meet women in their 50's i find very attractive.

Those women just want fun with me also. LOL.

October 5, 2015

I have not found any problems. There are great looking and attractive people older or younger in the same proportions. I haven't had any problems and get as many invites and likes ranging from early 20s to late 60s.

The early 20s are cute and funny, and quite persistent...but very polite.

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Does anybody worry that as they get older they will not find so many people attracive

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