How about dating overseas when American dating fails

[logan415]

So:

 

In the U.S. as women we all hate scientists and love Kim Kardashian, and in Luxembourg and Belgium they just smack their women around?

 

Okay then.

 

Well when I walk around I hear lot of women talking about Justin Bieber break up with Selena, Kim Kardashian and Kayne West or here about man I got so wasted last weekend.

 

Its not my type of life style. I don't drink and don't smoke and I do not follow celebrity news so I won't be able to have a conversation with a woman here in the USA. Women in Europe and other parts of the world have interest in science, literature, music, and other stuff.

 

I'm not saying women here don't like science but the number of them that do are so small that is practically zero. Again with celebrity sure some women don't but he numbers again are small. Like I said I hear it all the time when I'm out. That is why I'm not interesting to no one in the US and which is why I started looking outside of the USA.

[Maggie4]

Hey I live in the US too, how come I have never heard of any of these names you mentioned? Who is this Justin person and what do these people do? We must not be walking around the same places.

Yeah I know: It's a big country.

[BlueBlood]

Well by all means date outside the U.S. but please stop putting all American women into this group that sounds like a bunch of bored fourteen year olds. I've never once followed celebrity 'news', my career is in science, and I happen to find educated and erudite intellectuals really my cup of tea, provided they come equipped with a sense of warm humor. People that make me think and laugh are my company of choice; my friends are all much more interested in mathematics, medicine, international relations and currency/business, and if ever one of them mentioned Justin Beiber I'd do a double take. But I have nothing bad to say about someone that likes celebrity sightings and reading about their favorite film stars. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. Just because you have had a seemingly large proportion of one type of female in America doesn't mean we are homogenized star loving Stepford wives.

 

For someone that claims to love science, which requires an open mind and data, you sure do seem to have some blinders on.

[logan415]

Okay. Maybe the women here in San Francisco are just all bad.

[ExpatInItaly]

Another typical feminist attitude "your always wrong and I'm always right."

That is because the men are who do well because they want to play the dating game. I know one guy who had hard time to date her in America but he went to Europe and he got 3 dates in one week. He said you can never do that in America and unless you know how to play the game. Se in Europe you there is no game. In Europe and other places you can approach women in public say ta a bus stop and strike up a conversation and possibly get a phone number. In the US you do that you are considered a creep, desperate weirdo, or loser.

 

Its the American dating culture, not me. A foreign woman you can take a woman out for a nice picnic date while in America women will call you a cheap ass for that.

 

If you think America dating so great then tell me why the divorce rate is so high?

 

OP, I think you need to do a little more research about European dating customs. You also need to understand that Europe is a big continent made up multiple cultures, ethnicity and their resulting expectations.

 

I live in Europe, and I am from North America. You are making some big assumptions about European women too. Plenty of women here would not give out their number so easily, and not all would be impressed by a picnic date either. I hope you don't expect to just show up and have women falling at your feet. It takes more work than that. In fact, in my country of residence (Italy) men are generally expected to chase and work a little harder to impress women than men at home are. So I'm not sure where exactly you're getting your information from, or why you're assuming it applies right across the continent here. It doesn't.

[Siquijor]

It appears that way to you because you misunderstood.

 

Try reading it again.

 

If you can't figure out then try this:

 

sɹǝʞooɥ ǝɹɐ sǝıɹʇunoɔ ɹǝɥʇo uı uǝɯoʍ ʇɐɥʇ ʇou ˙ʎɹʇunoɔ sıɥʇ uı uɐɯoʍ ɐ puıɟ ʇ,uɐɔ ǝɥ ɟı ɹǝʞooɥ ɐ ʇǝb oʇ ǝʌɐɥ p,ǝɥ ʇɐɥʇ buıʎɐs sɐʍ ı

 

 

What you wrote here is totally different to what you wrote in your previous post. Nothing to do with me being misunderstood.

 

Try reading it again.

[regine_phalange]

I think you're being hard on american women.

 

Here in Greece men complain that greek women are snotty. But I've heard multiple times men admitting that they like it because it's a "project" and gives them a sense of importance in they "win". I think this is a global phenomenon because I read about it a lot in these boards. Strangely if a woman here sleeps with the man early or initiates but keeps behaving like a diva she still won't be considered easy (if that makes sense).

 

If you take a "typical" greek women on a picnic in the beginning of your acquaintance or you don't take extra care of your appearance don't expect to hear back. If you let her pay her share or split the bill, be prepared for calamity (why do you think we have so many ruins here?). Even if you are just friends, she won't be impressed, as it's good manners for men to pay for women friends too (some greek women sneak up and pay nevertheless). Also be prepared to be possessed and her checking your phone and texts being the most normal thing in the world. If the relationship progresses she's going to mother you and complain more than your own mum. Greek women have some pretty good parts too, but these are some "negative" tendencies I see often. (I won't say whether they are true for me)

[logan415]

OP, I think you need to do a little more research about European dating customs. You also need to understand that Europe is a big continent made up multiple cultures, ethnicity and their resulting expectations.

 

I live in Europe, and I am from North America. You are making some big assumptions about European women too. Plenty of women here would not give out their number so easily, and not all would be impressed by a picnic date either. I hope you don't expect to just show up and have women falling at your feet. It takes more work than that. In fact, in my country of residence (Italy) men are generally expected to chase and work a little harder to impress women than men at home are. So I'm not sure where exactly you're getting your information from, or why you're assuming it applies right across the continent here. It doesn't.

 

Yeah, I heard Western Europe dating is not all that. Its mainly Eastern Europe where its better at least what I been told. The lady I'm talking to is from Belarus which is in Eastern Europe. I always heard and read online that slavics is more open to meeting a stranger out in public that most any other culture.

[SawtoothMars]

I think we'll keep hearing it. Now it will be in specific comparison to how his new foreign lady and all the ladies in her country are so much superior to Americans.

By treating them like crap, do you mean that they don't have pity sex with guys who they're not attracted to (for whatever reason they're not attracted to them, which may include social awkwardness, standoffish behavior, or causing them to fear for their safety)?

 

Americans come in more shapes and sizes than any other nation on the planet. That said, most men are complaining about the generic urban Caucasian women. Think Sarah Jessica Parker or Lena Dunham kind of ladies.

 

Socially awkward guys don't need pity sex. They need positive social interactions. What they most commonly get is socially ostracized. The fact that you don't understand that naturally is part of the problem.

[SoleMate]

Justin Bieber break up with Selena

Oh man, he did? What's next, the Doobie Brothers are no longer together?

[Maggie4]

Well, OP Logan, I've spent a fair number of years working and living in Europe (Germany, UK, France), and I think everyone from both sides of the Atlantic will agree on one point: Americans chat up strangers, while Europeans generally do not. They're courteous with good mornings and such, but it is that same courtesy which stops them from approaching strangers and disturbing other people. Americans smile more easily, and we are perceived as relaxed and open. I have heard European men say it is much easier to approach an American girl.

[Maggie4]

Okay. Maybe the women here in San Francisco are just all bad.

 

I visited SF and I didn't feel people were particularly friendly. Maybe the living expenses are too high and people are too stressed? Try the midwest before going to Europe. I also love New England

[Guyouthere]

Ill come into this with experience on this issue.

 

I did the same thing you did,., and it began some 18 years ago when I too was fed up with the type of women I saw here. Having been raised in a stable home, parents married almost 50 years, I didn't see any here who were capable of such a thing. My luck, or society, I have to say its both.

 

And so I did what you did, although not a dating site, I went to the chats and did the same thing,,, talked,,, got to know her, or thought I did. Excessive chats, emails, everything.

 

So she came here first…. from Brasil to Florida. I went there, back and forth a few times, trips here too while she as in the USA.

 

I married her in Brasil and here, had 2 weddings.

 

So you think you know someone, until they get what they want originally and/or can't hide who they are anymore. I was mr nice guy, treated her like a queen, was there in all ways, but she just had it in her to cheat… and even when I look back now at the times we saw each other, they were already in her.

 

So after 15+ years of marriage, and cheating and taking her back after the first 7, she did it again, and this time did it "all". "All" is every horror you can think of, including getting me sick with an STD (thank God it was curable).

 

So she set up online profiles, met guys left and right, all to satisfy her own self.

 

Point being,,, you shouldn't just think they are better somewhere else.

 

And yes, the one I just broke up with now.. she is in the UK, and I saved her life… same thing,,, only with her she has mental issues that led to this relationship going out the door.

 

And its expensive. If you are OK with that, do so.

 

Overall I am done with it. I can't afford it in money or mental anguish.

 

This last one already had a guy set up on the side, a local one.

 

Women do that.

 

Overall It is obvious that this type of thing doesn't work, and I have learned the hard way.

 

Only good things I can say is that through this all, specifically this last one… I did see and learn how strong I am, and how committed I am to a relationship, what I can and did do, shows me how good a person I am.

 

So I expect to be alone now. I don't think I'll trust anyone to that level anymore given all I have seen and experienced.

 

Fact is, the entire world now doesn't support the normal family unit anymore. That is at the main source of this issue of what is out there.

 

Grass is not greener anywhere now, overseas or here.

 

It is just a lost cause, unless you are fortunate enough to experience real love.

[BlueBlood]

I think you're being hard on american women.

 

Here in Greece men complain that greek women are snotty. But I've heard multiple times men admitting that they like it because it's a "project" and gives them a sense of importance in they "win". I think this is a global phenomenon because I read about it a lot in these boards. Strangely if a woman here sleeps with the man early or initiates but keeps behaving like a diva she still won't be considered easy (if that makes sense).

 

If you take a "typical" greek women on a picnic in the beginning of your acquaintance or you don't take extra care of your appearance don't expect to hear back. If you let her pay her share or split the bill, be prepared for calamity (why do you think we have so many ruins here?). Even if you are just friends, she won't be impressed, as it's good manners for men to pay for women friends too (some greek women sneak up and pay nevertheless). Also be prepared to be possessed and her checking your phone and texts being the most normal thing in the world. If the relationship progresses she's going to mother you and complain more than your own mum. Greek women have some pretty good parts too, but these are some "negative" tendencies I see often. (I won't say whether they are true for me)

 

Lol the ruins line make me giggle. I can see the tour guide now "...and here we have the ruins of one of the palaces at Knossos, and let it serve as a cautionary tale, of the time in the 14th century BCE where a certain man residing near the palace refused to pay for his lady's dinner."

 

As to the op topic of Eastern Europe as a dating wonderland, have you traveled there? Do you speak any language(s) of any of the nations you are interested in going to? Like, you speak about Eastern Europe as a whole but it's like chalk and cheese, just as Western Europe is. Lumping millions of women in masse seems fraught with potential peril.

 

Pertaining to autistic men and American women? Er, wha? I am lost on this side topic. I can't begin to lay a finger on research regarding dating success/autism spectrum/by nation, nor would I think such research would have been compiled and deciphered, but I would think that if one has social awkwardness staying put and getting coaching and therapy to teach one appropriate social interaction, how to convey empathy and respect boundaries, would be money well spent. Flying to another nation devoid of those skills isn't likely to increase ones desirability.

 

Awkward is always awkward, until work arounds and insight is gained for the person working with a unique mind in a mundane world.

 

Autism is far too filled with varying symptoms, thought patterns, and non-typical 'wiring' to just rug sweep it into a generalized fix it plan. Some people have profound difficulty interpreting body language and/or facial cues and expressions, others find loud places like city streets and nightclubs a difficult challenge, they have difficulty filtering the bombardment of 1001 stimuli. To overcome what might loosely be termed autistic tied social difficulties is going to be a different plan and course for each person, be they male or female and diagnosed as autistic. Those with autism aren't broken or "other" or bad. They are capable of fantastic intelligence, ingenuity, brilliance, and talent. But yes many have issues with social interaction. I'm certain well planned and appropriate therapy can assist with that. I do not think that only changing ones place on the globe would.

Edited September 18, 2015 by BlueBlood

[Rejected Rosebud]

The men who struggle the most seem to be somewhere on the autism scale. Women very rarely suffer from this disease and treat the near 1 in 30 men who have it like crap.

Are you saying that not dating somebody is treating them like crap?? Or that women in other countries are more attracted to autistic men than American women are?? :confused: Gosh I'm pretty confused ...

[lollipopspot]

By the way, I'm pretty sure it was men who put Kim Kardashian on the map (look up why she got really famous - porn).

 

I wish American men didn't care so much about Kim Kardashian! Now I have to go to Europe to find someone to date!

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah, I heard Western Europe dating is not all that. Its mainly Eastern Europe where its better at least what I been told. The lady I'm talking to is from Belarus which is in Eastern Europe. I always heard and read online that slavics is more open to meeting a stranger out in public that most any other culture.

 

I don't know about that, but what do you plan to do, realistically-speaking? Travel to a country in Eastern Europe? And then?

 

I am genuinely curious what your game plan is. You can't really just up and move to one of these countries, particularly a country like Belarus that doesn't exactly have an open-door policy with the western world. Have you looked into visa requirements? Tourist or otherwise?

[Siquijor]

Logan

 

 

You'd be better off going to somewhere like Polynesia or Asia, especially a country like The Philippines where English is widely spoken and the women are friendly and easy to speak to. The best thing about Filipina's generally though, is they don't regard a man's looks as a top priority. They're more interested in a man's loyalty and whether they'd make a good husband above anything else. I'm not suggesting you go and live there, but to go for a lengthy visit of maybe a month or two.

[Grumpybutfun]

Very entertaining thread...I laughed, I shook my head...I want to see a Greek woman angry at her man so I can see how ruins are formed ( Regine-phalange, you are so great.)

 

OP, you just do whatever makes you happy so if going abroad is an option for you, then by all means go for it. I would only caution you to make sure the people you meet online are actually women and not catfish pretending in order to emotionally manipulate you, play with you or to get cash from you. Also, please understand women are just like men...there are good ones and bad ones...one interested in science and ones not...and that doesn't change once you leave the U.S. Be aware that some (not all, of course) women from Eastern Europe (especially those from the former Soviet Bloc) have an interest in becoming Americans that has been widely written about and documented. In other words, they possibly will marry you to come to America. A desperate scientist who is socially awkward would be, IMO, easy prey.

 

Therefore, please be very careful to vet this woman from Belarus...meet her, make sure she is equally successful in her working field and that she has no desire to marry you to live here. Be proactive in trying to find the right woman, not just any woman who will have you. I have seen way too many men ( military for twenty years) marry for love only to find out their wives married for a green card and their money.

Good luck,

Grumps

Edited September 18, 2015 by Grumpybutfun

[lollipopspot]

Be aware that some (not all, of course) women from Eastern Europe (especially those from the former Soviet Bloc) have an interest in becoming Americans that has been widely written about and documented. In other words, they possibly will marry you to come to America. A desperate scientist who is socially awkward would be, IMO, easy prey.

 

You have to wonder...why can't she find someone in Eastern Europe?

 

If I were a woman there, unless I had means, I would definitely want to get the hell out. Eastern Europe is a hub for forced prostitution. A lot of sex slavery through the middle east and the rest of the world originates from Eastern Europe, as the women look Western, many have little power and a lot of the governance is corrupt. Women might apply for jobs as domestics and then find themselves trafficked through Turkey. When you see Eastern European porn, you're probably watching someone being raped or otherwise coerced physically or financially. There's much desperation in these 2nd world countries.

Edited September 18, 2015 by lollipopspot

[logan415]

I don't know about that, but what do you plan to do, realistically-speaking? Travel to a country in Eastern Europe? And then?

 

I am genuinely curious what your game plan is. You can't really just up and move to one of these countries, particularly a country like Belarus that doesn't exactly have an open-door policy with the western world. Have you looked into visa requirements? Tourist or otherwise?

 

That is true. However, a visa is required for any American to get into the country. The lady I'm talking told me how the Visa process is and she told me what I can expect when I do go there. I just want to visit her and go on some dates while I'm there. I feel that we connect pretty well online.

[logan415]

I'm not too much of a socially person, I don't go to bars and clubs (not my thing) which is why is I have not met women pretty much my whole life. I do like playing tennis and watching football games. The woman I'm talking to is like me she not very social she does not like clubs and bars. She said quite of Belorussian are party folks. I think that is why we connect well because of our similar characteristics. We talk about culture differences and willing to accept those differences.

 

Before I tried a international dating site I did sign up for POF and Okcupid and I got some views even few likes on OkCupid. I never got a message from any woman on there. However, the girl I'm talking to now message me first is how we met on the site. I also had a older woman from France message me and some from Ukraine, Russia, Poland and one from Argentina message me. The chat stop after a few messages but with this lady it never did. So I have her on my Facebook, Skype, Viper and email. I seen her on camera and she has a great accent very much like Russian. She speaks Russian, Belorussian and English.

 

Are American women bad? Not really. It just that I get attention of international dating sites while I get zero in America. So you can see why I choose foreign dating instead over domestic dating.

[lookin ahead]

 

OP, you just do whatever makes you happy so if going abroad is an option for you, then by all means go for it. I would only caution you to make sure the people you meet online are actually women and not catfish pretending in order to emotionally manipulate you, play with you or to get cash from you. Also, please understand women are just like men...there are good ones and bad ones...one interested in science and ones not...and that doesn't change once you leave the U.S. Be aware that some (not all, of course) women from Eastern Europe (especially those from the former Soviet Bloc) have an interest in becoming Americans that has been widely written about and documented. In other words, they possibly will marry you to come to America. A desperate scientist who is socially awkward would be, IMO, easy prey.

 

Therefore, please be very careful to vet this woman from Belarus...meet her, make sure she is equally successful in her working field and that she has no desire to marry you to live here. Be proactive in trying to find the right woman, not just any woman who will have you. I have seen way too many men ( military for twenty years) marry for love only to find out their wives married for a green card and their money.

Good luck,

Grumps

 

I have to agree here with grumps, be careful, i've been overseas as well and saw many who were "trapped" by a pregnancy or what not by other women from there just to get their papers and money and the poor men who were either looking for real love or a good time were so wrapped around their fingers they didn't notice it until it was too late. Everything is possible it does not mean all circumstances can turn out this way but just keep an open mind and be careful. best of luck!

[mrldii]

Interesting. American women usually lament (and American men usually concur) that when they, as women, initiate contact - especially while on online dating sites - they're viewed and labeled as being too forward, too masculine, too desperate and/or too *horrors* "feminazi-ish".

 

Funny how when 51% of the population who does it whilst living abroad, it becomes a welcomed and sought-after quality for a woman to have.

 

Hmmmm...

[kendahke]

Are American women bad? Not really. It just that I get attention of international dating sites while I get zero in America. So you can see why I choose foreign dating instead over domestic dating.

 

You get attention because it's a ticket to the US. They'll say whatever you need to hear to get that green card. Won't mean that they mean it.

 

But yeah... if you got that kind of money, do you, boo.