Canadianwelder Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Hey guys, I made this account in the hopes that a few people on here would be able to answer my question about a current predicament...here we go. I started a new job about 4 months ago now. I work in a welding fabrication shop of about 150 employees. My direct supervisor is a woman. (I'm 23 she's 30). I was immediately attracted to her as I've worked in trades for years and no offense, but I've never seen a tradeswoman this beautiful. We have open ended overtime, and we both work a weekend shift consisting of Friday-Sunday. Her and I carpool together. Before I go any farther I must say I have a girlfriend of 4 years who I'm extremely on the rocks with and will be splitting up with when we get back from vacation in 2 weeks time..(my supervisor/the girl in question KNOWS this) Two months into my employment she walks away from her 4 year relationship with the father of her two year old daughter. At this point as I write this they have now been living apart for almost two months. When her and I are at work, she is extremely flirtatious, not afraid to make body contact, always smiling when she's looking at me, going for lunch together, dinner after work (twice alone and multiple times with 2 other coworkers) When we're at work, everything is great and I feel like there is something there, the sexual comments, the touching, the joking around we are always close and flirtatious even other coworkers have asked me if we're seeing each other outside of work. We share similar interests, I make her laugh but I don't feel like I'm friend zoned because of the way she acts around me. Now when we are outside of work, I have asked her on 3 separate occasions to hangout, completely casually as I respect she has a two year old daughter and she can't just bring another guy into her life. When I text her to hangout she can't even be bothered to respond to me or she will openly change the subject, when I called her on doing just that, she openly said she was good at changing the subject with a wink face. It's like she's an entirely different person. She has made subliminal hints that she thinks my current girlfriend and I will patch things up on vacation so I wonder if she may be nervous about committing. She's told me she talked to her friend about me, if we are standing together she's not afraid to be touching me, she faces me openly in conversation and she doesn't seem like a girl who's not interested by the way I read her body language. After all my rambling (I know I apologize) my questions are basically this, is there something there? I know there is a 7 year age gap. Why is she sending me such mixed signals, in person I can feel the spark between us but when I ask her to do something casually outside of work she won't reply.l or she beats around the bush to avoid it but has no problem doing something with me at or after work. And when we return to work it's like nothing happened and we are back to this complete sexual tension. Do I give up on this girl? As you can probably tell I'm head over heels for her, regardless of her daughter(who loves me) I would love to make this work. If you need more details I'm more than happy to share them as I've probably left some out. Thanks for any help I can get guys!
GunslingerRoland Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Your wonder why she isn't going out with you, when you are in another relationship? She probably thinks your sleazy the fact that she is moving in on you while waiting to break up with your girl... I don't know why she flirts with you at work... maybe it's just a game to her?
Author Canadianwelder Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 That's really not how I meant it. I'm not sleazy whatsoever and she knows that. She knows that my current girlfriend and I are splitting up when we get back from vacation. We've been on the rocks for quite a while and I'll be moving out in two weeks. So no she doesn't think I'm sleazy but I understand how one could assume that.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Work is "safe" as it won't go any further than it already has there. Outside of work, she knows it could progress and she also knows you're not single. She doesn't want to really get involved with a guy who has a girlfriend. Keep in mind that her actually getting involved with a staff member could also be very risky for her, professionally. That might be another reason for her evasiveness outside work. The age difference is important here too. Although 7 years isn't huge, you're at very different life stages. That would likely factor greatly into her desire to be with you. So, until you are single, stop asking her to hang out. Just don't be surprised if she doesn't run into your arms. Despite what you think, you're presenting yourself as someone who's not trustworthy and she will likely be very hesitant to take things further with you.
Author Canadianwelder Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Thanks for the help. I understand where you're coming from. She had also mentioned a while ago that she knows I'm not a "cheat" or a "sleaze" so I thought maybe she could be avoiding any outside of work contact until I'm in fact, single. As I said previously I would never cheat on anyone, it's happened to me before and I could never bring myself to do so, regardless of the situation. My question is this then when I do come back from vacation, move out from my current relationship, how do I go about the relationship with her? Is it something I should continue to work on or is it something I should just leave and not expect anything to materialize?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Thanks for the help. I understand where you're coming from. She had also mentioned a while ago that she knows I'm not a "cheat" or a "sleaze" so I thought maybe she could be avoiding any outside of work contact until I'm in fact, single. As I said previously I would never cheat on anyone, it's happened to me before and I could never bring myself to do so, regardless of the situation. My question is this then when I do come back from vacation, move out from my current relationship, how do I go about the relationship with her? Is it something I should continue to work on or is it something I should just leave and not expect anything to materialize? Does your girlfriend know what you're up to? It is essentially an emotional affair, though not yet physical. You're showing this woman at work that even though you are not physically cheating, you are sneaky. Trust me when I say that we ladies keep that in mind when choosing a partner. We are not so quick to trust men who do what you are doing, as we always wonder if you will later do it to us too. All you can really do is let her know when you break up with your girlfriend. Try asking her out again after that, on a proper date. You will then know if she actually is interested in something more than flirting. There won't be any harm in trying to date her after you become single, but keep your expectations very low. Remember that she has just come out of a long relationship and may not be ready for anything serious anyway.
Author Canadianwelder Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Never looked at it that way as an emotional affair. Yes my current girlfriend knows we are finished. It's been discussed that I'm moving out when we get back from vacation. The only reason we are still going is because it's been paid for months in advance. I appreciate your input and that is a completely plausible reason she doesn't want to do anything outside of work until I'm in fact officially single.
beanie66f Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Sounds to me it is a thrill to her. She has come out of a long relationship and she is flirting with you. I would strongly strongly advise to NEVER get involved sexually or romantically with anyone in your work place. Unless you can easily find a new workplace and want to run the risk of making your work environment really awkward.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Never looked at it that way as an emotional affair. Yes my current girlfriend knows we are finished. It's been discussed that I'm moving out when we get back from vacation. The only reason we are still going is because it's been paid for months in advance. I appreciate your input and that is a completely plausible reason she doesn't want to do anything outside of work until I'm in fact officially single. No, I meant does your girlfriend know you've been getting flirty with another woman and asked to see her alone outside work? I'm guessing she doesn't. You are indeed emotionally cheating on her.
warshaw Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 No, I meant does your girlfriend know you've been getting flirty with another woman and asked to see her alone outside work? I'm guessing she doesn't. You are indeed emotionally cheating on her. Did you miss the part where he said the relationship is over? To the Op: Workplace affairs are one of the biggest mistakes a person can make in their entire lives. Odds that something can go wrong are great and the penalties are high. Now if she's worth that sort of risk, then knock yourself out. Can you get another job that easily?
Author Canadianwelder Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I personally think she is worth the risk, this chick is long term material without a doubt in my mind. Not out of arrogance but I can easily get another job, or if it got awkward there's two other shifts within the same shop to switch to, if I did so we'd never see one another. They already requested I switch shifts but she fought tooth and nail to keep me on hers. I think like the above person said, she's worried about both me and my girlfriend reconciling on this trip, as well as she just got out of a long term relationship where she wasn't happy. The kicker is that she has a two year old daughter and like stated previously, I'm 23 and she's 30 although I'd like to see myself as not your typical 23 year old maturity wise.
warshaw Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 The kicker is that she has a two year old daughter and like stated previously, I'm 23 and she's 30 although I'd like to see myself as not your typical 23 year old maturity wise. It could work. But you need to find out if the 2 year old has a father in her life and/or strong support from immediate family. Because that little girl is going to be a big part of your life and it's going to affect your ability to do things with this woman. She may be the greatest woman on the face of the planet but having a whiny tantrum throwing diaper wearing young child running all around 24/7 can put a damper on things real fast.
Winterina Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Maybe she is into you but she is hurt that you will spend 2 weeks with your gf. If so, cancel the vacation with your girlfriend! Get money back if you can. Go somewhere alone if you need time off work. One way to know if this is the case, is to straight out ask her how she feels about you and tell her you are ready to cancel everything with your gf TODAY if that is the obstacle for her.
Ami1uwant Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 A few things... 1 she probably would get fired for dating someone she supervises. Employer has a dating policy. 2. She isn't ready to date given her break up 3. She flirted with you fir self confidence or knowing she still got it. 4. You are too young for her....she doesn't want to be a cougar. Also she things you won't have the responsibility needed to be a parent.
Author Canadianwelder Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Well I don't think she's hurt I'm going away with her. We've talked over the last little while and she knows the situation I'm in. We were supposed to do something today, she didn't get back to me until late afternoon and she asked what my plans were post vacation, how have things been with my current girlfriend, how she can't believe I won't be at work for two weeks etc. The amazing part is she does all of this without incriminating herself whatsoever, she won't flat out say something that gives me a "tell" on where she lies in this "relationship" we have. She won't flat out say she's going to miss me even though she insinuates it. Also the biggest thing here too is she's still a tradeswoman, she's been around men her entire career and she also to an extent has that "one of the guys" notation about her even though I know she isn't to the extent everyone thinks she is. I'm just going to leave it until I return from vacation, maybe she will act differently when I'm actually single who knows. But all I know is the mind games she plays are insane, when we're in person and if we're talking over text/outside of work it's like two different women. She always texts like my girlfriend could be the one reading it which I completely understand and appreciate its just tough to get any type of read on her. I still don't know whether she's into me or she's just along for the ride. I guess only time will tell.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Did you miss the part where he said the relationship is over? To the Op: Workplace affairs are one of the biggest mistakes a person can make in their entire lives. Odds that something can go wrong are great and the penalties are high. Now if she's worth that sort of risk, then knock yourself out. Can you get another job that easily? No, I did not. His relationship is not over. They have not yet broken up. He was very clear about that.
Author Canadianwelder Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Well I think she basically gave me the "she's not ready for a relationship" memo. Which I understand and respect as she just got out of a 4 year relationship with a 2 year old kid involved. I guess I'll just play it cool as this goes on and see where it leads, who knows when I get back in two weeks she could realize how much she missed me...
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