AndrewJDC Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) Hi, hopefully this is the right place to post this. I am after some viewpoints and opinions on the following situation... I am 35 and my fiance is 27, we have a 4 year old son together. I have two sisters, one of which aged 28 got married in July. The sister and my fiance are not overly close however are civil and can chat and we invite her to birthdays etc for our son and have Xmas together at my parents... My sister had 3 hen dos prior to her wedding, yes 3, and did not invite my fiance to any of them. We only found out by chance that she'd even had some of them so the family knew but kept it under their hat. I found this quite insulting and after much deliberation decided that as a family we would now not attend the wedding. I let my sister know this a few weeks prior to the wedding which was too late for her to get a refund on our places. I also advised her why we weren't coming and that we did not wish to have anything more to do with her. She is stuck up, judgemental and mocks those less fortunate and the disabled so we didn't want her around our son. She's a primary school teacher by the way.. I found out by reading my mums phone, which is naughty, that my dad is adjusting my inheritance to reflect the cost of us not coming to the wedding and giving it to her. This is not an issue money wise, but is of principle as in effect he is siding with her and indicating there is nothing wrong with what she did. I think she is in the wrong, my family don't. Colleagues of mine tend to think she is wrong. I have told my mum I don't want my son seeing her or having anything to do with her but they think this is me being unreasonable and nasty. I just don't want him learning values from her. Anyway, be interested to have viewpoints from a neutral perspective. Cheers Andrew Edited September 16, 2015 by AndrewJDC Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 As a general proposition the B&G don't host the pre-wedding parties thrown in their honor. Other people throw those parties for them & those others control the guest lists. If one of those who threw at least one of the parties was you mother then yes your mother was wrong to exclude your FI. Your father sounds vindictive for "adjusting the inheritance" to deduct the cost of you not attending the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 sounds like your whole family is made up of a bunch of petty people. your sister and your finance aren't friendly, so why should she get an invite? it's your sister's day, her rules, her parties. then you back out of her wedding just because she didn't invite your fiance to her parties, and now your dad wants to adjust the inheritance? funny how you don't recognize that you're doing just what your dad and sister are by your own actions. all three of you are petty. and now you want to withhold your son from his aunt? your son won't learn her values just by being in her company for a few hours here and there. be a grown-up man and respond to things accordingly. not everyone will like you, or your fiance. will you back out of everything from now on? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AndrewJDC Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 As a general proposition the B&G don't host the pre-wedding parties thrown in their honor. Other people throw those parties for them & those others control the guest lists. If one of those who threw at least one of the parties was you mother then yes your mother was wrong to exclude your FI. Your father sounds vindictive for "adjusting the inheritance" to deduct the cost of you not attending the wedding. My sister organised all three, presumably to cater for different groups. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 If your sister and your fiancé aren't close, she's under no obligation to invite your fiancé to the parties. Would your fiancé have even gone? Would she have known anyone there other than your sister? Who cares? I think you were completely unreasonable to decide not to attend her wedding -- at the last minute, no less -- due to this. It seems so silly. And I don't blame your dad for removing your portion of the money wasted from your inheritance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 A hen party is for the bride - not for anyone else. If she is not especially close to your wife, she should not have to pander to anyone to appease someone. You are being petty by pulling out at the last minute. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beanie66f Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Two wrongs don't make a right. It was wrong for your fiancé not to be invited to any of the activities prior to the wedding. You deciding to snub your sisters wedding is wrong. It's a wedding. It's a day to celebrate the joy of love and matrimony. It's a family affair. Grow up and put the pettiness aside. You owe them an apology for deciding not to go for such a stupid reason. You will be having a wedding soon. Do you think your bride would want to deal with that kind of drama on a day that is supposed to be joyous? Your response is wrong. And seriously? Your father is changing inheritance ? He is wrong too! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Hen parties (and equally, stag do's) are usually a 'one last hurray' for the bride and her close friends. If your sister is not particularly close to your wife other than cordial chit-chat at family gatherings, I see no fault in her not inviting her. The wedding itself is traditionally where you invite all the family, included extended family and the ones you're not so close to. In my opinion it's spiteful and petty of you to pull out at such a short notice knowing your sister cannot recoup the cost. Same goes for your dad and the inheritance but then again it's his money so he can do whatever the heck he likes with it. Sounds like your family is at the risk of being fractured over something pretty minor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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