volaju Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 This is about a girl who has been dealing with depression since she was 15, it comes and goes, but now the feeling is stronger than ever and hey I am typing my goodbye letter! at the same time I created this blog, also I have cried my eyes out, and thinking that I have the same feeling of throwing up, but I have vomiting. You may wonder why I am feeling like this and probably some of you may laugh or might think that is nothing to feel depressed about **** happens, well dude if you think that I hope never in your life you lose hope or faith. I truly do, because when you do, there is nothing happy anymore, everything is gray, the food is tasteless, your dreams are gone, you can’t fall asleep as easy as you used to, you wake up in the middle of the night and realise you are still alive and you cry. What’s the issue? what is my problem? well you guessed it I am facing a breakup. Yes some of you might say “so what people breakup everyday” “it is nothing extraordinary”. Yes it happens everyday, but how about when you found the person you really thought you would marry? the one person that actually made you think about having kids and growing old? When he said the right words, he made plans for us, we spoke for hours on the phone, we skyped, we or at least I was so happy. I have never been that happy in my life, guess that is why I feel like **** right now. We started having problems, and I try to talk to him and solve them, he tried or at least I will think that, then again, and I wanted to know his point of view, but he shut down. He became distant. So let’s begin this story, maybe you will find it funny or you will label me as stupid. I don’t care actually. I don’t care about what you think of me. I was in the process of ending a 3 year relationship with a guy who was a douche bag, I wasn’t happy with him, I was no longer in love and things were just annoying. I met this guy lets call him Derek, I met him on an “alternative site” (don’t think porn **** nothing like that) and we started talking and we became friends so easily, we talked, we texted, he said he never met someone like me, and that he was happy I was in his life, I saw it coming, I saw that I was going to fall for this guy, my gut or I don’t know now if it was my gut or my self preservation instinct but I was trying to not fall for him, I did think that this was not going to last and it was going to end and the only one that was going to suffer was me, still I fell for him. I ended my relationship and I was happy, Derek came out of the blue, like it was meant to be, we started making plans for the future, he lived in another state so I started making plans so I could visit him, we were happy or at least that was what I thought. Then he needed to find a job, and he was desperate for a job, so he found one, and I was so happy for him. His schedule was hectic, he worked for almost 16 hours a day, and he wanted to make sure he was doing good and learning fast. That is a thing for him, he doesn’t accept failure, he needs to be the best at everything and if he doesn’t he gets mad. We began having problems, there were days I didn’t heard from him and I felt sad, he said that this was going to be at first but once everything settle things will be good again, then again problems we talked and everything seemed to work again, then again problems. We talked and he seemed distant, his voice was not the same, he was off, like something in him had died, I thought it was his work, it was consuming him, he got up in the morning, work and then he arrived late and just slept. Days passed without me talking to him, not a call, nothing, it felt awful. He stop saying I love you, and when I asked weeks later he said that with all the miscommunication and the problems…. I was angry, I wanted him to know that I was there for him, that i get his job, that I know what he needed the job and that I was going to support him. He never understood that, he always thought he was all alone against the world. I told him we are a team, but he never actually understood that. I was sad that things might end, and I told him, I have a proposition for you, lets leave our problems behind, our miscommunication, everything, let’s just focus on the future and supporting each other, I want to give you a relationship full of love, support, equality, adventure, learning let’s just do it what do you say? do you accept it? then I realise accept was not the word I asked him do you want it? I got no reply. Later that night when I saw he was online and saw the text I felt like dying, I felt everything was lost and that he didn’t loved me anymore, So I sent okay, meaning that okay I get it, you don’t want me. The next morning he replied, he said “I just saw your text babe, good morning, yesterday I was having a bad moment and couldn’t reply to you” that was Saturday, and today is Wednesday and we haven’t talked, I saw he was online and I was trying to strong and ignore him being online, then a couple of hours ago I couldn’t and send him whats up. No reply. Months ago I sent him a package, with a bottle full of stars (paper stars), pictures with quotes, letters, drawings, he took a picture of it and put it as his profile pic. Last Friday he changed the picture, to a selfie. My friend and I came to the conclusion that you don’t just change your picture, where you are stating you are in a relationship, if you change it to be just you, it is because you don’t want no one to know you are with someone, and I guess him being distant is because he has a new gf. He doesn’t talk to me, he ignores me. I had my plane ticket for next month, still thinking if I should go or not. i was planning on moving there but I don’t know. I feel like everything is gone, like I had face a dementor’s kiss, that there is no longer hope for me. That I was cheated and played. that I am not worth it, I feel so worthless and hopeless. I just wish I could just stop feeling.
michael-9 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Hi there, hope your doing ok, because your post kind of concerns me. All I can say is that you are not alone in this. Obviously I dont know how you feel and Im not saying I feel the same way, but I went through a similar thing last year. I loved a girl for 10 years, and we ended up together for about a year when she left me for her ex. It was just like you say. We thought about having kinds, growing old, we planned. We spoke for literally hours a day, we would text over and over for about 3 hours during the day and at night we would talk about 5/6 more hours. I would barely get any sleep for a year. She gave me a lot of hope, it was everything I thought I needed. Since I was 15 years old (which is about 8 years ago, im 23 now) until about March this year I suffered from an addiction/substance abuse which I could not control. Also suffered from depression for about the same time. I went on a drug called Wellbutrin, which helped with both the addiction and the depression. Used to take temazepam for my anxiety disorders (thats what sucks about these illnesses: usually youll have many at the same time since the same brain circuits are involved in all these illnesses), but Im passed that aswell. The root of all these problems was some trauma in the past, which she helped immensly with. I could tell her everything, things I never would have dreamed of telling anybody. I used to act happy the entire time, just so I wouldnt have to tell anybody how I was feeling. With her I did not have to act, it really gave me a lot of hope in people and the world. I could tell her literally everything. If I got beaten up because of these troubles I could tell her, if I felt horrible and wanted to just give up I could tell her. I didnt have to act with her. I know how that can feel when a person you trust so much, all of a sudden screws you over and wont even respond to you. Ill keep my case short: she went back to her ex, after she told me a million times she didnt want him and lied to me a million times about it. It was very nasty and she changed completely. But to be fair; it happens so much. He is over you probably, and that sucks . Go no contact. The reason for that is when you go no contact, and delete everything; you wont hurt as much. Youll heal, you wont see him online, or see that he read your text, or get ignored, or see him changing his profile pic, or him with a new girl etc. etc. But no matter how hopeless you feel, there is no excuse for taking your own life. It can be dark, but things not only can but they actually will get better. In my case it took 8 years. But if I would have given up last year, then I wouldnt see the light Im seeing now. And to be realistic: trust me this pain you feel over the break up, it sucks and it hurts and you know it might hurt a lot more for a lot longer but it will get better. Eventually youll laugh about how you feel right now. I know that its impossible to believe at the time but youll get to that stage aswell. . And what you describe about life being gray and tasteless and hopeless, I had the same feeling towards everything. Actually after my breakup last year I just sat in my bed with blankets covering me and feeling sorry for myself. It wasnt until I realised that time doesnt really change anything but that doing things differently makes things different. If you dont do things differently, nothing changes.. Thats when I went NC and things changed immensly after that. You should go NC too. But the way you feel after the break up, I think it is a feeling millions have experienced and so many have come out of it stronger and better. You will too, I can promise you that..
thunder777 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 its like a cocaine addiction, getting over it takes a while, but to do so you have to isolate yourself from everything that reminds you of her, and after a month you can return to your normal self, free from that chapter in your life
Draper Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 its like a cocaine addiction, getting over it takes a while, but to do so you have to isolate yourself from everything that reminds you of her, and after a month you can return to your normal self, free from that chapter in your life I like this. Even more so because there's an actual scientific basis to suggest the brain on cocaine isn't dissimilar to the brain in love. Sadly you come down from cocaine a lot quicker than love. But you can come down nonetheless, in time.
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