CT98 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Hi all, Little something I could use some input on; I've been single for a year now, and feel like I'm ready to meet someone who could be serious. The trouble is, I'm just wondering where & how. See I go for girls who are a little different; I like them a bit kooky. I'm into different things than the majority of people in my age group. My main interests are '60s & '70s music, films & books & I have a very spiritual side to my nature. I'm just not attracted to people who have mainstream interests, and I couldn't be with someone who listens to chart music and watches reality TV, it would drive me round the bend and we wouldn't last very long Of course there are these girls about, but they're few and far between. I accept that I'm looking for something very specific & by the nature of that it's not going to be as easy for me as it is for some others to find a partner. The main place for people of my age to meet people seems to be pubs & clubs. I do go out with friends, but - and I might be wrong - it seems most of the girls there enjoy getting hit on, but purely for the ego boost, and they're not looking for anything serious like I am. I don 't know if this is some weird conclusion of come up with all by myself, but it's just what I gather from observation. I've thought about online dating but concluded that the idea of having to sell yourself on a single webpage for a bunch of strangers just isn't for me, and I'd prefer for a relationship to grow naturally somehow. I realise I'm creating boundries for myself here but I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions for me, or if you wanted to tell me I'm wrong and to get over myself. 1
LilaMarie Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 You are wrong and get over yourself, jk. Hmm...have you tried meetups? Also would like to mention that sometimes it takes getting to know someone to learn their other interests. Anyhow, hope you find what you are looking for.
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Attend a film festival & go to the social events / Q&A sessions. See who you can meet there. Haunt bookstores & the cafes that seem to be inside them. Join a book club or a movie watching group. Of course pick groups that read / watch things you like not just main stream. Go on a spiritual retreat or at least take a co-ed yoga class. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I feel you man. My interests are older, I hate reality TV and social media, and I care more about simple pleasures and actual connection. This is exactly why I always dated older women in the past. You'll be far more likely to find a woman you have things in common with that can satisfy you mentally if she's old enough to enjoy the things that you do. Now are there drawbacks to dating an older woman? Yes. They can be extremely insecure. Always needing validation w/their looks and how attracted you are, if you'll eventually want kids, etc.. Plus, there can be major commitment phobia on their end. However, if you can find an older woman that's really confident and open minded who's ready for something serious, it could be just what you're looking for. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Depends on where you live. I know of a few record stores in my area that have girls you might like. Yes, I said "record". How do you dress? Stand out a bit. It also helps you carry yourself a little differently.
scooby-philly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Hi all, Little something I could use some input on; Can I be blunt and honest in my response. I do this once in a while in my professional life to give people adivce. I've been single for a year now, and feel like I'm ready to meet someone who could be serious. That's a good time to start finding someone if you feel ready. The trouble is, I'm just wondering where & how. People meet all kinds of place. I met my two significant exes on meetup groups. Had I not been a nerd, I would have had a gf from the debate world I used to be a part of. See I go for girls who are a little different; I like them a bit kooky. I'm into different things than the majority of people in my age group. My main interests are '60s & '70s music, films & books & I have a very spiritual side to my nature. You do not need to apologize for what you are into. I'm into blues bars & jazz clubs. I'm not a big country fan but I'd go to a country bar or concert to drink and dance if my S.O. went to my places. People are attracted to others when they're real. Don't fake stuff - but also be opened minded and try growing a little bit more every once in a while I'm just not attracted to people who have mainstream interests, and I couldn't be with someone who listens to chart music and watches reality TV, it would drive me round the bend and we wouldn't last very long I feel the same way. The issue is as you said - what's annoying to you versus what is a deal breaker. If my S.O. loved a particular show - even reality, I'd put up with it. No questions asked. I'd even watch it if she asked. But being a reality TV junkie or wanting alone time every night to watch what she wants or do what she wants is a deal breaker for me Of course there are these girls about, but they're few and far between. I accept that I'm looking for something very specific & by the nature of that it's not going to be as easy for me as it is for some others to find a partner.Dude - seriously - read the posts coming in -there are a ton of ways to find women. Book clubs, movie clubs, meetup groups, etc. Just be yourself and do what you want and just man up when the time comes and you feel a connection. I was the biggest "nice guy" and very uncomfortable with women - i still get nervous and anxious, but every time is better, and I'm more attractive now then ever. The main place for people of my age to meet people seems to be pubs & clubs. I do go out with friends, but - and I might be wrong - it seems most of the girls there enjoy getting hit on, but purely for the ego boost, and they're not looking for anything serious like I am. I don 't know if this is some weird conclusion of come up with all by myself, but it's just what I gather from observation. Agreed - but it's also true for men wanting to just hit it and quit it. Go to a bar every once in a while with friends. Chat with women - if the opportunity arises ask them if they come here only out of obligation....if things hit it off with someone see if they want to go somewhere else. I mean many people are afraid of being alone or seeming weird so you just have to give them the opportunity to be themselves I've thought about online dating but concluded that the idea of having to sell yourself on a single webpage for a bunch of strangers just isn't for me, and I'd prefer for a relationship to grow naturally somehow. OLD isn't that bad - it's about the ability to put time into it, and it's not a bad way to get yourself thinking about what you want. You need at little bit of a skin cause things will be up and down - but again - it's about the effort you put in. I realise I'm creating boundries for myself here but I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions for me, or if you wanted to tell me I'm wrong and to get over myself. We all have boundaries. We all have wants, needs and dream. There's nothing wrong with yours. Just keep in mind that a relationship is about learning with and growing with each other, so again separate out the "dreams" from the "nice to haves" from the "must haves" from the "deal breakers". The good relationships I know of, the people are supportive of each other all the way, even if something is not really a person's shtick. Just be your amazing self.
Author CT98 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Depends on where you live. I know of a few record stores in my area that have girls you might like. Yes, I said "record". How do you dress? Stand out a bit. It also helps you carry yourself a little differently. Haha, it's funny you say that. I have a daydream that I'll be in my regular record shop one day flicking through records and pick out say, a Don Ellis or Bert Jansch album and a girl will see, compliment me on my taste and we'll end up hitting it off I'm too much like Rob Gordon I do dress well if I say so myself; it's the mod aesthetic And I'm definitely different from most people around my city.
Author CT98 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 We all have boundaries. We all have wants, needs and dream. There's nothing wrong with yours. Just keep in mind that a relationship is about learning with and growing with each other, so again separate out the "dreams" from the "nice to haves" from the "must haves" from the "deal breakers". The good relationships I know of, the people are supportive of each other all the way, even if something is not really a person's shtick. Just be your amazing self. Thanks for your input, it's really helpful. It doesn't all have to be my schtick, that would be really boring. It's just my future wife has to have a little something about her.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I think the best way to meet interesting new people for a relationship of any depth is activities where you meet regularly, such as weekly, so you have time to get to know people naturally over time. A while back I was in a public speaking group where I met a few interesting, smart men. Ongoing activities of substance are anything revolving around personal development, enjoyment of a hobby, learning something new. Volunteering is also a rewarding, no-pressure way to meet cool people in touch with a larger purpose.
beanie66f Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 If online dating is not something you want to try that's cool. But one of the nice things about it is that it's easier to actually find someone that has your same interests. I loved online dating. I wasn't necessarily looking to find a serious relationship But it was an awesome way for me to meet guys with similar interests! I met some really great people. Not necessarily that we had chemical attraction or romantic interest. But I made some great friends and expanded my network to meet others too. So... Just a thought of going to places mentioned here don't seem to work. Online dating can be fun! As far as "selling or marketing" yourself. Is that not what we do on our daily interactions with others.
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