catherine1 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Hi, So, I met a guy through a mutual friend and we arranged to go on a date. The date went ahead, drinks, the cinema and food. I thought the conversation was lacking slightly and not much effort on his part, but had been told by our mutual friend that he may be like this and may be shy. However, he would fall silent and stare into my eyes a lot. Anyway, he's asking me out again however one comment has really put me off. He works out a lot, and is a good looking guy but chatting about a night out he was on, he texts "I was looking good, and enjoyed compliments/ other guys being jealous of my muscles". This has kind of stopped my desire to see him again. Am I being too fussy here? there has been minor comments about his "charm" in texts before, however said in a joking way...I think! Thank you.
ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I think it would depend on what the rest of him is like in terms of personality and intellect. If I were you I wouldn't read too much into one comment.
PegNosePete Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Yes, you're being ridiculous. Who wouldn't enjoy having their muscles complimented? Wouldn't you enjoy being complimented on your hair or shoes?
Author catherine1 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I think it would depend on what the rest of him is like in terms of personality and intellect. If I were you I wouldn't read too much into one comment. Thank you for your comment. Yes, I was going to see him again to find this out as there was moments in the date where his personality seemed to be lacking. This feels like a deal breaker however, although only a comment in a text, it appears such an unattractive trait and I have weaned off the texts ever so slightly since this.
Author catherine1 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Yes, you're being ridiculous. Who wouldn't enjoy having their muscles complimented? Wouldn't you enjoy being complimented on your hair or shoes? I understand, it's nice to be complimented but more self-awareness, and the intelligence to realise it may sound egotistical would have been nice.
Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 To be brutally honest he sounds like a dickhead. Maybe chat with him on the phone a few more times before your next date and see if he says anything else cringeworthy? 1
No_Go Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 For me personally this will be a big turn off. You've seen each other once, and he still can't stop himself from bragging about his "great" body. Normally people focus on their date, not themselves, so I read here selfish, self-absorbed, and ...not very deep. Two exceptions: -if he was joking (context of the message?) -if he was so shy that he really needed to self-convince in his date-worthiness (I've seen guys doing similar bragging when they feel very insecure, but want to impress their date) So take the things in their context and decide how to proceed, it is not about being fussy, but being the right match or not (if he's vain, he can certainly find a chick who would brag back about her manicure/ blowout/ boobs... or something like that) Hi, So, I met a guy through a mutual friend and we arranged to go on a date. The date went ahead, drinks, the cinema and food. I thought the conversation was lacking slightly and not much effort on his part, but had been told by our mutual friend that he may be like this and may be shy. However, he would fall silent and stare into my eyes a lot. Anyway, he's asking me out again however one comment has really put me off. He works out a lot, and is a good looking guy but chatting about a night out he was on, he texts "I was looking good, and enjoyed compliments/ other guys being jealous of my muscles". This has kind of stopped my desire to see him again. Am I being too fussy here? there has been minor comments about his "charm" in texts before, however said in a joking way...I think! Thank you.
Author catherine1 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 To be brutally honest he sounds like a dickhead. Maybe chat with him on the phone a few more times before your next date and see if he says anything else cringeworthy? Yes, fair enough if he just thought to himself "I look good tonight", but to feel the need to say it out right screams big head/insecurity to me. 1
ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Yes, fair enough if he just thought to himself "I look good tonight", but to feel the need to say it out right screams big head/insecurity to me. In that context if I were him I would rather complement you than to complement myself which seems rather silly, who compliments themselves in the company of others? If I were you I would try and push him intellectually on the next date, see what he can do from that point of view, chances are you may expose him quite badly, which if nothing else gives you a better reason to walk away.
Author catherine1 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 For me personally this will be a big turn off. You've seen each other once, and he still can't stop himself from bragging about his "great" body. Normally people focus on their date, not themselves, so I read here selfish, self-absorbed, and ...not very deep. Two exceptions: -if he was joking (context of the message?) -if he was so shy that he really needed to self-convince in his date-worthiness (I've seen guys doing similar bragging when they feel very insecure, but want to impress their date) So take the things in their context and decide how to proceed, it is not about being fussy, but being the right match or not (if he's vain, he can certainly find a chick who would brag back about her manicure/ blowout/ boobs... or something like that) Thank you for your comment. Yes, I was trying to think of context and if there were any exceptions. The context was, he was tired on a night out but stayed because "I looked good, and enjoyed compliments and guys being jealous of my muscles, so there is no sleep for me today...back to the gym" no joking in it there seems :/
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 This is why "chatting via text" isn't ideal. There is no context. Was he kidding? Was he serious? Was he fishing for compliments? You really don't know. Although it's a bizarre statement it's hardly something to dump him over. If going forward all you get from this man is ego based on his muscles by all means leave but for a single unfortunate comment. . . . I think you are being too fussy at this point.
No_Go Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Unless he has a very subtle way of using sarcasm... He's just vain. If it is a deal breaker for you, don't waste your time. Thank you for your comment. Yes, I was trying to think of context and if there were any exceptions. The context was, he was tired on a night out but stayed because "I looked good, and enjoyed compliments and guys being jealous of my muscles, so there is no sleep for me today...back to the gym" no joking in it there seems :/ 1
RoseVille Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Yes, fair enough if he just thought to himself "I look good tonight", but to feel the need to say it out right screams big head/insecurity to me. I agree. Unless he was totally joking and being facetious, that comment would totally turn me off. And unless you know him well and know his sense of humor, you wouldn't know it was a joke even if it was a joke. So assuming it was a joke, him saying that shows he lacks some basic understanding of human interaction and disregard for how he comes across. I'd move on.
RoseVille Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Thank you for your comment. Yes, I was trying to think of context and if there were any exceptions. The context was, he was tired on a night out but stayed because "I looked good, and enjoyed compliments and guys being jealous of my muscles, so there is no sleep for me today...back to the gym" no joking in it there seems :/ Yeah, doesn't sound like a joke either given the context. He continued to stay out to milk his ego. Not good, total turn off.
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 So my daughter has been trying to teach me the different English terminology we use to describe men and I believe your guy falls in the 'douchebag' category.
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