Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Gaeta - I think it's a very different story in the UK. As I said I would feel the same as the OP if someone insinuated I was from somewhere else just because I'm not white. I've also read articles from papers here saying the same thing, that it is a rude question to ask. So it's rude to ask because of skin color but it's not rude to ask because of accent? So the entire UK has a chip on their shoulder.
kendahke Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 One of my parents is from a small island off West Africa and the other parent is white European. When dating I find I am constantly asked "where are you from?" I am born and raised and living in England so I just say I'm from the UK. But a lot of these guys will not let it rest and keep asking "where are you REALLY from?" A guy recently took it even further and said "what race is your ex boyfriend?" and "would you say you're a typical black girl?" Is this weird interrogation prior to a first date even...considered normal? It's certainly rude, that's for sure. Just understand: just because they're asking doesn't mean they're entitled to know. It's really none of their business until they've taken the time to get to you know you way better as a person. 1
Haydn Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 `Where you really from?` Err UK, like you.... `But where are you really from?` `Errr..Hammersmith. Hate it. 3
Haydn Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 So it's rude to ask because of skin color but it's not rude to ask because of accent? So the entire UK has a chip on their shoulder. Maybe north of the Watford gap..... (Joke) 2
kendahke Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 the problem is that each person asking such a question thinks they're the first person to ask that person that question. In fact, they might be the 30th person that day to ask that question and after a while, you sick and tired of people's curiosity when they won't leave it at "I'm from the UK" or wherever you may be from, as if they're owed an answer. Just because one person has no problem with it doesn't make them the spokesperson for everyone else. I don't like it--any reason why we can't just leave it as "I'm an American"? Chances are, I'm not going to be dating you, so why do you need to know? 2
kendahke Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I think you have a chip on your shoulder about being biracial. Wow. Really? How about she's sick of being put through that kind of interrogation by virtual strangers? 2
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Wow. Really? How about she's sick of being put through that kind of interrogation by virtual strangers? She is not asked by random strangers. She is asked by men she accepted to go on dates with. To me it's a normal question. Like I said I always ask the origin of the men I go on dates with and I don't even wait to be face to face with them, I ask them during a first conversation online. 1
Timshel Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) It's very rude - you're right. It must be obvious to them that loads of non-white people are born here and have parents who were born here etc. I once witnessed somebody laying into a girl working in a shop, asking her "but where are you really from? Where do you originate from?" The girl kept saying "I don't really know." In the end the person reduced the girl to tears. She admitted that she'd been adopted and had no clear idea of where her birth parents are from. This sort of interrogation is rude and just plain ridiculous. I understand Maharishi. I have stories, so many stories. I have 'exotic' looks and the questions from strangers have at times been hurtful, inappropriate and down right ridiculous. When I was younger, I would get upset, now I see it as curiosity mixed with a lack of tact. An example: My son's baptism; In the receiving line following, a man asked my ethnicity. A well worn question but the circumstance of a receiving line caught me a little off guard. I answered very shortly (only 100 hand shakes and God Bless' to go!) Greek. This was followed by a line of questioning regarding why did I leave the Greek Orthodox Church? Lovely place, love Greek food......Really!! People within ten feet were visibly uncomfortable. I certainly was at a loss, since I am adopted by Wasps and have never set foot in a Greek church and am no connoisseur of Greek cuisine. Sigh..... I get it. I indulge strangers to a degree. People close to me I don't mind at all. Try not to let it get you down. It is ignorant in certain situations but 99.9% of the time that's all it is. Edited September 16, 2015 by Timshel 1
stillafool Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 My parents are immigrants and I've never once taken offence to being asked about my ethnicity. In fact, it's often a great way to strike up interesting conversation! Even if you're not interested in discussing it, it takes two seconds to say where you, your parents, or your grandparents are from, and then move on. Hardly a huge inconvenience. I can't imagine finding it rude, unless the person makes a particularly crass or ignorant comment. Even then, I would find that person and subsequent comments to be rude - not the initial question regarding my ethnicity. I agree with this. OP does if it bothers you that they ask you "where you are from" would you still take offense if they asked "what ethnicity are you?"
GunslingerRoland Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Maybe it's different here in Canada, but I don't really think of anyone as a Canadian (unless they are native). And so I would be curious what someone's heritage was from whether they looked exotic or not. I know pretty much all my friends heritages, even those who've been in Canada for a couple of generations. But it's different because it's very rare to find someone here, who has been in Canada since their great grandparents, whereas in the UK, I imagine most would have been. For me I think it's the opposite of racism, if I'm talking to someone from East Asia, I don't just stereotype the entire region to be the same, I know that there are difference between someone born in China, Japan, Korea...etc. culturally. Same as if I'm talking to a European, I know British culture is very different than say, Hungarian culture, or Greek culture.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 She is not asked by random strangers. She is asked by men she accepted to go on dates with. To me it's a normal question. Like I said I always ask the origin of the men I go on dates with and I don't even wait to be face to face with them, I ask them during a first conversation online. No, I'm asked by strangers as well. I am asked by people I am really casually chatting with on dating sites. I am also asked at least once a day by some complete random stranger offline. I asked one of my close friends (who is white) whether strangers ever ask her where she is from and where her parents are from and she says she can't recall ever being asked even once. 1
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 `Where you really from?` Err UK, like you.... `But where are you really from?` `Errr..Hammersmith. Hate it. Thank God somebody understands what I'm talking about :-) 1
rocketman122 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I see no issue asking these question. its of curiosity. seems the op has some personal issue and not wanting to talk about it. as if shell be judged. if someone I dated that was intersting to me, I want to find out about them because they are interesting to me. there no interrogation here. if hes asking about your ex BF then thats a bit much, but you said " When dating I find I am constantly asked" so people find you interesting. im guessing theres a deeper issue here.
40 Fonzarelli Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I think it's a pretty standard question when getting to know someone, not sure why anyone would get offended.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I see no issue asking these question. its of curiosity. seems the op has some personal issue and not wanting to talk about it. as if shell be judged. if someone I dated that was intersting to me, I want to find out about them because they are interesting to me. there no interrogation here. if hes asking about your ex BF then thats a bit much, but you said " When dating I find I am constantly asked" so people find you interesting. im guessing theres a deeper issue here. You're completely wrong. When I said "when dating" I mean when going on online dating sites. Guys I've never met (and never will meet) will often kick off with "where are you from?" and then not be satisfied when I say "London." As I've already posted, I'm also asked "where are you REALLY from?" at least once a day by some random nosy stranger. Are you asked this question every day by strangers too? I imagine many people would fit it pretty tedious, not to mention intrusive. 1
guest569 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) Did some of you even read the OP? "ARE YOU A TYPICAL BLACK GIRL" does a date get much better than that. Yoi can imagine how dumb this guy would be generally. What if you are proud of being from UK and constantly told you are not "really" from where you are from. It is highly insulting ok?? Edited September 16, 2015 by smiley1 1
GunslingerRoland Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Did some of you even read the OP? "ARE YOU A TYPICAL BLACK GIRL" I didn't say that isn't offensive. I said I'd be curious to know the ethnicity of someone I was dating.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Did some of you even read the OP? "ARE YOU A TYPICAL BLACK GIRL" does a date get much better than that. Yoi can imagine how dumb this guy would be generally. What if you are proud of being from UK and constantly told you are not "really" from where you are from. It is highly insulting ok?? EXACTLY Smiley! Some of the replies on this thread have been nuts!!!!! 1
Maggie4 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 When someone asks "where are you from?" and you say "London" and if they persist in saying "where are you REALLY from". What they are saying is "no, you may be born in London, but you are sure as **** not English!" That sort of behaviour is not okay! 1
Ruby Slippers Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Right! I've got an English accent so it seems fairly obvious I'm English. If I was white skinned and had parents born overseas I doubt anybody would be probing in this particular way, they'd just assume I was English probably I'm not so sure about that. I'm American and as white as they come, Irish blood, fair white skin, blonde hair, blue eyes. And pretty much every man I date asks about my ancestry/ethnicity. For whatever reason, most of the men I date really like the Irish background, seem particularly drawn to that and pleased by it. Even being white, I find detailed questioning about the specifics of ethnicity a bit weird. But I've accepted that people just wanna know, for whatever reason. 1
guest569 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 EXACTLY Smiley! Some of the replies on this thread have been nuts!!!!! I guess because in places like USA, 6th generation will still be Chinese-American . Where i am from , when you migrate here or are born here, you're 100% one of us whether you like it or not. Very different 1
Gottabestrong Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I know how you feel, and I think it is a UK thing and commentators from other countries might not be able to fully understand how it feels. While I've constantly been asked in the US where I am from (even by strangers in the supermarket) it never really upset me, because I knew it came from a place of curiosity. But in England (or pretty much anywhere in Europe) it really bugs me if people keep asking me where I am from and won't accept my first answer and follow up with "no, where are you really from?" just because I don't look or speak the way they think people from this country should. It is like they can't accept that someone could be Irish and not have red hair, German without blond or Italian without black hair. And let's not even talk about skin color. To me it feels very 'racist', clannish, xenophobic, etc. So while this might not help you, I just wanted to let you know that this is a very common issue for people who are a bit different from the local population. I try not to let it bother me too much, but have sometimes answered the follow-up question after they did not accept my first answer with either 'none of your business' or 'why, does it blow your mind that I don't look/sound like the typical local? I apologize." 2
guest569 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I think by asking "what is your ethnicity?" Or "where are your ancestors from?" Is ok. To those who argue that it is just curiosity, I can talk about my entire family tree for hours and hours, i love genealogy. but you don't need to ask more than once. "Where are you REALLY from?" not cool. 1
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Just been asked it again. "But where are you from originally?" My reply: Saturn.
edgygirl Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Haven't read all posts, but I think asking about ethnicity is a fair question in dating. After all, many people who are dating are thinking about procreation one day, and for some people it matters what kind of ethnicity their mixing their genes with. I don't see it as racist at all, it's a fair question. What I do find offensive is the way they asked you "where are you from" is not the right question. "What is your ethnicity" is an acceptable question while going on a date with someone.
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