Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 One of my parents is from a small island off West Africa and the other parent is white European. When dating I find I am constantly asked "where are you from?" I am born and raised and living in England so I just say I'm from the UK. But a lot of these guys will not let it rest and keep asking "where are you REALLY from?" A guy recently took it even further and said "what race is your ex boyfriend?" and "would you say you're a typical black girl?" Is this weird interrogation prior to a first date even...considered normal?
regine_phalange Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 It sounds a bit pressuring. But if they are not said with a racist undertone then I think it's fine. I used to know this dark skinned really cute guy and I was so curious about his roots. But never asked him! He was really different, and different people especially if they're cute always bring curiosity
Zippy2000 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Im coloured and I live in the UK too. I wouldnt read too much into it as people always ask me where Im from. Donr read too much into it as people are just curious of your culture or yopur origin.
guest569 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I dunno, the ignorance would bother me.. Deal broken. Curiosity is fine but going too far is just unnecessary. 4
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I agree Smiley1 Any white skinned person in England could be from almost any nation originally but I don't see fit to grill them about which country their parents were born in and so on. 3
baco Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 If you are exotic looking asking about your origins is normal I guess, insisting on it whe you clearly weren't confortable answering is not.
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I always ask people their cultural background during a first conversation. I don't find anything bad or politically incorrect about it. Aren't you proud of your origins? I get it a lot too. I am 100% French but because of my dart hair and eyes and skin tone I am asked all the time if I am Italian, Portuguese or Lebanese. I once dated a man with a uncommon look. I asked what was his origine. He was 50% African, 25% Chinese, 25% East Indian. I thought it was super cool! He could also cook in those 3 cultures :-) 8
guest569 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Her origin is the UK though question answered, why are these guys probing and making OP uncomfortable. Its weird and bad social skills. Asking "are you a typical black girl" what the hell is that, could he be more stupid 2
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Her origin is the UK though question answered, why are these guys probing and making OP uncomfortable. Its weird and bad social skills. Asking "are you a typical black girl" what the hell is that, could he be more stupid Right! I've got an English accent so it seems fairly obvious I'm English. If I was white skinned and had parents born overseas I doubt anybody would be probing in this particular way, they'd just assume I was English probably
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Her origin is the UK though question answered, why are these guys probing and making OP uncomfortable. Its weird and bad social skills. Asking "are you a typical black girl" what the hell is that, could he be more stupid The question is stupid yes but: Again, nothing wrong. If I meet a black man I will ask him about his cultural background. Unlike in the US, most black people are not born here and therefore our cultural differences may be important. If a man tells me he's been here since age of 6 it's not the same as someone telling me he's born in Congo and here for 2 years.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I live in London too and at least 25% of the population here (probably much much more) has brown skin (i.e. of Arab, African, Asian, Caribbean or Latin descent etc) so it's hardly something noteworthy or a novelty. 1
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 The question is stupid yes but: Again, nothing wrong. If I meet a black man I will ask him about his cultural background. Unlike in the US, most black people are not born here and therefore our cultural differences may be important. If a man tells me he's been here since age of 6 it's not the same as someone telling me he's born in Congo and here for 2 years. I'm guessing by "black" you mean people with some kind of African or Caribbean background? Most of them are born here. Many have parents and even grandparents and great-grandparents who were born here. There've been people of colour in the UK since the 1300s or so 2
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I'm guessing by "black" you mean people with some kind of African or Caribbean background? Most of them are born here. Many have parents and even grandparents and great-grandparents who were born here. There've been people of colour in the UK since the 1300s or so But not all of them. There are people from Africa moving up to UK every day. These people are from English colonies and have British accents. They also have different shades of skin color. What people are trying to know with their question is if you are a new citizen or not. It's a legitimate question. I have dated my share of men born in Africa and sent to the UK or France, as children, for their education therefore have no foreign accent at all. Anyway, bottom line why aren't you proud of talking about your background? Instead of being offended they ask about it. I am asked all the time what I am and I'm white. I am happy to tell them my origin and how my family has been here for 400 years and my ancestor was among the very first settlers that survived the first winter in North America blahblahblah. I burn their ear with it so they don't ask again what I am lol 1
Siquijor Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Maybe you have a physical feature that causes this curiosity. I've dated a woman that had Jamaican roots with blue eyes before, although I didn't probe her about it. Perhaps these guys are just ignorant though.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 But not all of them. There are people from Africa moving up to UK every day. These people are from English colonies and have British accents. They also have different shades of skin color. What people are trying to know with their question is if you are a new citizen or not. It's a legitimate question. I have dated my share of men born in Africa and sent to the UK or France, as children, for their education therefore have no foreign accent at all. Anyway, bottom line why aren't you proud of talking about your background? Instead of being offended they ask about it. I am asked all the time what I am and I'm white. I am happy to tell them my origin and how my family has been here for 400 years and my ancestor was among the very first settlers that survived the first winter in North America blahblahblah. I burn their ear with it so they don't ask again what I am lol No they do not have remotely English accents. They have Nigerian/Ghanaian/Sierra Leonean/Gambian etc accents. Are you actually from the UK? I feel like you and I are not describing the same country. 3
scorpiogirl Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 It's so irritating when people insist on knowing what you are. I hate explaining it on every single date. I'll gladly tell all about my ethnicity ( what I know at least) to someone I'm more serious with but I refuse to go into the whole explanation. Just stick with your answer. You're English. And be frank if you don't want to go into detail. It's your prerogative. 4
Maggie4 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Yeah it's stupid, they ask you where you're from, as if they want to know which English town you grew up in, and then you find out they're really assuming you're an immigrant. And there is no excuse for rudeness! 3
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 It's very rude - you're right. It must be obvious to them that loads of non-white people are born here and have parents who were born here etc. I once witnessed somebody laying into a girl working in a shop, asking her "but where are you really from? Where do you originate from?" The girl kept saying "I don't really know." In the end the person reduced the girl to tears. She admitted that she'd been adopted and had no clear idea of where her birth parents are from. This sort of interrogation is rude and just plain ridiculous. 2
Siquijor Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 No they do not have remotely English accents. They have Nigerian/Ghanaian/Sierra Leonean/Gambian etc accents. I thought the guys you were dating were British until I read this. Try dating men who were born and raised in the UK then you'll realise how ignorant these guys are.
stillafool Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 It's very rude - you're right. It must be obvious to them that loads of non-white people are born here and have parents who were born here etc. I once witnessed somebody laying into a girl working in a shop, asking her "but where are you really from? Where do you originate from?" The girl kept saying "I don't really know." In the end the person reduced the girl to tears. She admitted that she'd been adopted and had no clear idea of where her birth parents are from. This sort of interrogation is rude and just plain ridiculous. In the above example I agree that is rude. However I don't see anything wrong with people asking your ethnicity. I'm black american but am light skinned with green eyes and people always ask me are both my parents black. I answer yes but I understand their curiosity. I'm proud to be black and have no problem telling them what I am. Can't you just say you're biracial and leave it at that? I think any man or woman are going to want to know who they are dating. That's natural. 1
GorillaTheater Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I'm interested in people from other lands. Male or female, if I hear your origins include an island off the coast of West Africa, I'm going to be automatically intrigued. I'm going to be wondering whether we're talking about the Cape Verde islands, or maybe Sao Tome or some other island, and I may well bug you with questions about it. Of course, I'm going to be interested in your experiences in the UK as well. I suppose it may come across as rude, but I'm not sure that interest in people is a vice. 4
SweetLikeCinnamon Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Honestly I find this weird. I'm mixed raced and from the UK too, and have only dated white guys and never experienced anything like this. The only time they may ask about my background is if it comes up in conversation, but usually I'm the first to offer the info if I'm honest. This would annoy as I consider myself English, since I was born here and haven't known anything else. 2
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 It's very rude - you're right. It must be obvious to them that loads of non-white people are born here and have parents who were born here etc. I once witnessed somebody laying into a girl working in a shop, asking her "but where are you really from? Where do you originate from?" The girl kept saying "I don't really know." In the end the person reduced the girl to tears. She admitted that she'd been adopted and had no clear idea of where her birth parents are from. This sort of interrogation is rude and just plain ridiculous. I think you have a chip on your shoulder about being biracial. I don't know anyone who's offended at the culture question. If I were a mix of 50 different nationalities I'd still be proud of it and say: I am a melt-pot of all the continents of this world, aren't I pretty! 1
SweetLikeCinnamon Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Gaeta - I think it's a very different story in the UK. As I said I would feel the same as the OP if someone insinuated I was from somewhere else just because I'm not white. I've also read articles from papers here saying the same thing, that it is a rude question to ask. 3
almond Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 My parents are immigrants and I've never once taken offence to being asked about my ethnicity. In fact, it's often a great way to strike up interesting conversation! Even if you're not interested in discussing it, it takes two seconds to say where you, your parents, or your grandparents are from, and then move on. Hardly a huge inconvenience. I can't imagine finding it rude, unless the person makes a particularly crass or ignorant comment. Even then, I would find that person and subsequent comments to be rude - not the initial question regarding my ethnicity. 2
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