Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I don't drink a lot, but there is nothing worse than drinking around someone who is sober. It's brutal for both people. (probably a big part of the reason designated drivers are a struggle). I'd want to know up front. Thanks for your honesty. One guy looked so uncomfortable drinking a cocktail while I drank water. I wasn't bothered at all though --- I've drunk cocktails before, it's no biggie.
Vintage79 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 My boyfriend doesn't drink either. Not being a big drinker myself, this isn't a problem for me. He told me early on when I asked if he'd like to share a bottle of wine with me. Not a big deal. You could go and order a virgin drink, and simply state you don't like/drink alcohol but can enjoy the atmosphere and socializing of a nice bar. A guy who is into you won't be put off by it. Some may even consider it a plus! However, a guy who hates that about you is probably immature and not a good match for you anyway. This couldn't be further from the truth...I know plenty of people that reject people because they don't drink, even if they're attracted to the other person - you have to keep in mind that this is during the first few dates - if you stop drinking after you've been together for years, I'd assume it's a different story. That selection criteria doesn't say anything about immaturity - it simply says that they know what they like and want someone who can and will join them. It's easy to state that selecting a person based on their behavior (i.e. not drinking), is much less shallow and much less immature than selecting people based on height, looks, or something else that they have no control over. I've dated people that don't drink - it's fine for one or two dates, but it gets told pretty quick, when you find yourself quickly sensoring where you go, and instead of going to the cool bar, you have to go to McDonald's because the other person wants a diet coke. Plenty of people are fine dating people that don't drink, but I would absolutely tell the person up front if they invite you for a drink...and please, don't listen to ExpatInItaly - that advice couldn't be further from reality.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Being sober isn't a red flag. It actually is to some people. Quite sad.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 instead of going to the cool bar, you have to go to McDonald's because the other person wants a diet coke. Is this meant as satire? Why on earth would anybody go to McDonalds on a date? Don't they sell diet coke in "cool bars"? I genuinely wouldn't know as I don't drink coke. But I'd imagine every bar in every city would sell diet coke, no? 1
Jejangles Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I personally think it's ok to accept the invitation to the bar and then casually share that you're a non drinker. Or you can do it before, but I really don't think it's a must share pre date. I'm a social and occasional drinker and I dated a guy last year who didn't drink alcohol due to some health issues. I didn't find that out until date two or three I think? It wasn't a huge deal, but over time it made me realise dating a non drinker would require some adjustment. He seemed to find it awkward if I had a glass of wine or beer with dinner, which then made me feel awkward. And I kind of missed sharing a bottle of wine with someone. But it wasn't a dealbreaker, just an adjustment. If I was still at a big party and going out age, it perhaps would have been more of a problem. 1
edgygirl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I agree. To be honest a person who doesn't drink wouldn't be right for me i.e., I can't imagine not being able to have a bottle of wine with my partner. so it would be fair to know about it upfront. I say tell them so they can decide before meeting if they could accept the fact. Why waste your (and their) time if not? I don't drink a lot, but there is nothing worse than drinking around someone who is sober. It's brutal for both people. (probably a big part of the reason designated drivers are a struggle). I'd want to know up front.
Kamille Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Thanks for your honesty. One guy looked so uncomfortable drinking a cocktail while I drank water. I wasn't bothered at all though --- I've drunk cocktails before, it's no biggie. If the bars give away water (as they do where I live) and you're not ordering food, I can see how that could make a date feel awkward. Perhaps ask for a non-alcoholic beverage that you have to purchase, even if it's just sparkling water. That way it feels more like everyone is part of the activity.
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