Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 A guy's just invited me out for a "drink" - first date. Should I admit in advance that I don't drink alcohol? It's no big deal for me and I still go to bars etc. But I've had negative experiences lately with guys who hate women who don't drink alcohol. So, should I mention it upfront? Or just go along to the date?
Zippy2000 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Id be truthful upfront. Nothing worse when the person if your meeting at the bar turns up from the bar with an alcholic drink. Why ask a question like this? A lot of my friends dont drink and never have to go on a forum for advice. Just say you dont drink. Its your choice! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 My boyfriend doesn't drink either. Not being a big drinker myself, this isn't a problem for me. He told me early on when I asked if he'd like to share a bottle of wine with me. Not a big deal. You could go and order a virgin drink, and simply state you don't like/drink alcohol but can enjoy the atmosphere and socializing of a nice bar. A guy who is into you won't be put off by it. Some may even consider it a plus! However, a guy who hates that about you is probably immature and not a good match for you anyway.
baco Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I don't drink either, I only told my wife when she offered me alchool and I refused, never thouht it was that relevant, I'm not against it, she drinks on occasion and I have no problem with that, I just don't like it.
ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 A guy's just invited me out for a "drink" - first date. Should I admit in advance that I don't drink alcohol? It's no big deal for me and I still go to bars etc. But I've had negative experiences lately with guys who hate women who don't drink alcohol. So, should I mention it upfront? Or just go along to the date? As someone who also doesn't drink I'd hazard a guess all the negative experiences related to the viewpoint of outwardly social people, those who do frequent bars and clubs. I have no doubt not being a drinker has cost me dates and relationships, not to mention friendships. I would be upfront with the fact you don't drink . 1
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 There's nothing preventing me from drinking alcohol I just don't like it so I don't drink. When we get to the date I order a non alcohol beverage. If he ask question I just say I don't really like it. It's never been a problem for anyone.
Author Maharishi Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 There's nothing preventing me from drinking alcohol I just don't like it so I don't drink. When we get to the date I order a non alcohol beverage. If he ask question I just say I don't really like it. It's never been a problem for anyone. I did precisely that before. I made no further comment, didn't criticize alcohol or drinkers or anything. The guy's response was to immediately get defensive. On subsequent dates he took to trying to pressure me to drink. On the 2nd date he said: "let's try to get you drinking again."
ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I did precisely that before. I made no further comment, didn't criticize alcohol or drinkers or anything. The guy's response was to immediately get defensive. On subsequent dates he took to trying to pressure me to drink. On the 2nd date he said: "let's try to get you drinking again." There is nothing worse than this in my opinion, male friend of mine does this to me fairly often. I think society tends to see not drinking as being abnormal, or some people see this as being abnormal. 1
Gaeta Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I did precisely that before. I made no further comment, didn't criticize alcohol or drinkers or anything. The guy's response was to immediately get defensive. On subsequent dates he took to trying to pressure me to drink. On the 2nd date he said: "let's try to get you drinking again." He's an idiot I would not have seen again. There's more to life than getting wasted. 3
Toodaloo Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I hardly ever drink. *She says after suffering an enormous hangover yesterday which only served to remind me why I hardly ever drink.* Not once have I ever felt uncomfortable going out for a "drink" and drinking tea or lemonade or orange juice while others are on the pints. Anyone who doesn't just accept that you don't drink is quite frankly an idiot and you shouldn't waste your time with people like that. Go. Be yourself and have fun. If they pressurise you to drink booze its their problem not yours. Just stick to your guns and walk away. This is such a non issue you really shouldn't worry about it. Its like getting stressy over loo roll and if it should be andrex or charmin. Seriously, this is a non existent issue unless you make it one. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) I did precisely that before. I made no further comment, didn't criticize alcohol or drinkers or anything. The guy's response was to immediately get defensive. On subsequent dates he took to trying to pressure me to drink. On the 2nd date he said: "let's try to get you drinking again." I feel you OP. But it's weird b/c it's usually guys that go through this more than women. Since I'm a personal trainer and hate the taste of alcohol, I don't drink at all. However, some women have really had a problem w/it. They immediately ask if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or overly religious..LOL Also, even though I could personally care less if a woman drinks in front of me, I think a lot of times it had to do with them feeling like I'd judge them. There's also the common bond some people like w/alcohol when being social. So when you don't drink, it takes away an activity they want to do with a potential s/o. But when I did meet women who had a problem w/it, I just stuck to my guns and wrote them off as women who weren't right for me. My advice? Try and remember that this was one guy you dealt with. Not men in general. Just order a lemonade or a soda. If the guy asks why you're not drinking, just say that you've never liked the taste and you value a healthy lifestyle. Any guy that's interested in getting to know you, and not using alcohol to lower your inhibitions will respect that. Edited September 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Toodaloo Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 some women have really had a problem w/it. They immediately ask if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or overly religious.. My advice? Try and remember that this was one guy you dealt with. Not men in general. Just order a lemonade or a soda. If the guy asks why you're not drinking, just say that you've never liked the taste and you value a healthy lifestyle. Any guy that's interested in getting to know you, and not using alcohol to lower your inhibitions will respect that. Hell no! I think designated driver and I can hit the brandies!!! You and OP are quite the catch!!! Left the second bit in because its important. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I don't drink a lot, but there is nothing worse than drinking around someone who is sober. It's brutal for both people. (probably a big part of the reason designated drivers are a struggle). I'd want to know up front.
sagamore Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I did precisely that before. I made no further comment, didn't criticize alcohol or drinkers or anything. The guy's response was to immediately get defensive. On subsequent dates he took to trying to pressure me to drink. On the 2nd date he said: "let's try to get you drinking again." That wasn't about the alcohol. He just wanted to get you drunk in hopes of making you stupid enough to f*ck him. 2
Toodaloo Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I don't drink a lot, but there is nothing worse than drinking around someone who is sober. It's brutal for both people. (probably a big part of the reason designated drivers are a struggle). I'd want to know up front. Depends on the type of drunk you are and who you are hanging out with I guess. None of my friends or I have ever had a problem with drinking/ not drinking etc unless one of us went over board on the booze and became a bore. We have had awesome nights night where a few have been drunk and a few sober, or all and none either way for what ever reason. I think its only a problem if people don't know their limits or if they are a bore. A bore can be so drunk or sober. 1
d0nnivain Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Stop thinking of it as an "admission." Start thinking of it as your Choice / preference. Say I'm happy to meet you at xyz bar but you should probably know I'm going to order a non-alcoholic drink. 2
mortensorchid Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I don't drink either. If and when I am at a bar, I order non alcoholic beverages and no one bats an eye. I don't mind being in a bar or at a party where others are drinking alcohol. If anyone asks why, I say "I don't drink alcohol" and that's that. If they ask why, I tell them that I just don't have a tolerance for alcohol and that's why I choose not to drink. I think people like to put pressure on others, like if they find out you're a vegetarian and they ask why you don't eat meat. People have a variety of reasons why they don't eat meat, you can also have similar reasons as to why you don't drink alcohol. We seem to support the not eating meat as opposed to not drinking alcohol. Everyone has their quirks.
losangelena Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I would be upfront about that. I mean, if dating is finding people you're compatible with, then you'll know right away that you're not compatible if the guy hassles you over not drinking.
Diezel Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 My problem with women who don't drink usually is: (a) They won't to change the fact that I drink (b) They won't go to the places I want to go to © They start getting judgmental if I have more than 2 beers (d) Have immediately accused me of being drunk for any behavior they deem "abnormal" - like when men fault women of being moody because of their lady parts.
Toodaloo Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 My problem with women who don't drink usually is: (a) They won't to change the fact that I drink (b) They won't go to the places I want to go to © They start getting judgmental if I have more than 2 beers (d) Have immediately accused me of being drunk for any behavior they deem "abnormal" - like when men fault women of being moody because of their lady parts. So don't date women who are sober. Simples! I don't see why people think that they have to conform to some sort of "ideal" when in truth no such thing exists. What is one mans poison is another mans nectar so far better to focus on people that you will be compatible with rather than bother trying to be compatible with everyone!
Ami1uwant Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I would bring it up if you were going to meet at a bar. I rarely have alcohol. If I drink it isn't beer. For me because of medication I take I have to be careful with alcohol. I know my limits. The times I drink are rsre.... 1. New years eve toady 2. Wedding g toady 3. If I'm with my buddies..they know I don't drink. They know because I limit my alcohol and do have beet I have a small glass and when they open a beer I'll adk them to pour a little in my cup. Narrow part of the bottle (1/4) . 4. If go out to a nicer restauraint I might have a glass of wine. 5. Christmas dinner with family I'll have a glasd. If I am at a party with strangers over the years I'll get the weird look 9f why you don't drink. At a bar I just day I'm the designated driver. Sometimes they'll give you free discounted cost for a soda.
bluefeather Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 One time I was asked why I didn't drink. I told them it was because I chose not to, due to my fruitful childhood of being raised by two alcoholics. That stopped them from pushing the matter any further. I'm a hoot at parties.
beanie66f Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Yup. Always be uprfront and honest. Being asked out for a drink is a standard go to for a lot of guys. A simple I don't drink alcohol but coffee/tea would be great. Personally I'm a fan of coffee and pie for first dates. Making them find a place that has pie is always a fun challenge
introverted1 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I think bringing it up makes it more awkward. Even if the guy wouldn't have minded, he's now put in the awkward spot of figuring out whether you said it as a heads-up or if it was a veiled way of letting him know that you don't want to go to a bar. So then he has to come up with a Plan B. If you are going to tell him, then I think you have to be ready with an alternative suggestion. Way too complicated for was supposed to be a casual outting, imo. I say, go for the drink and order what you like. if he has a problem, so be it. Odds are that most good guys won't care.
JustGettingBy Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Be honest. If the person you're with can't accept that, you're not compatible anyway. Being sober isn't a red flag. Lying is. 1
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