DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Started hanging out with a guy I've been friends with forever & next thing I know we are dating. I don't know how things escalated this quickly, but I'm in over my head. He's told me he loves me and wants to marry me, even asked my dad for permission to do so. My family loves him, but My feelings for him are not strong at all, neither is my attraction towards him. We've been 'dating' for a month. Friends for 6yrs. We still haven't had sex and i have no desire to be Intimate with him he's even planning a Carribbean vacation for us to take in Decemeber. He sends me texts non stop about his love for me, posts on FB wall at least twice a day. To be honest, he's exhausting me and pushing me so far away. I feel like if he were the right one for me, I'd be on cloud nine with all of the attention hes showering me with. Right? I've been officially single for years. However, I've had a friends with benefit 'no strings attached' person for over a year, and my BF knows about the situation. I find myself thinking about him and missing him. This isn't fair to my BF. I don't want to ruin our friendship which is why I never dated him in the past. I want to slowly end it with him, and not make him feel like an ass. I don't even know how to handle this situation. Any advice?
neowulf Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 So to recap; 1. You've only been going out a month 2. You haven't had sex 3. You don't share his strong feelings 4. You have feelings for someone else. Ok, so my advice; 1. You can not avoid hurting him. You can not control how he feels. You can only be honest and open with him. You can not reject someone without hurting them. There's simply no way. Accept it. 2. You will end up hurting him far, far worse if you continue to string him along. A short, sharp string is preferable to months of having you slowly slip away. Look deep, find the courage and end it. If you care for this guy at all, it's what he deserves. 2
warshaw Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I want to slowly end it with him, and not make him feel like an ass. I don't even know how to handle this situation. Any advice? End it quickly its akin to ripping off a bandaid. He's obsessed with you, he wont give up easily. 1
menyou Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Started hanging out with a guy I've been friends with forever & next thing I know we are dating. I don't know how things escalated this quickly, but I'm in over my head. He's told me he loves me and wants to marry me, even asked my dad for permission to do so. My family loves him, but My feelings for him are not strong at all, neither is my attraction towards him. We've been 'dating' for a month. Friends for 6yrs. We still haven't had sex and i have no desire to be Intimate with him he's even planning a Carribbean vacation for us to take in Decemeber. He sends me texts non stop about his love for me, posts on FB wall at least twice a day. To be honest, he's exhausting me and pushing me so far away. I feel like if he were the right one for me, I'd be on cloud nine with all of the attention hes showering me with. Right? I've been officially single for years. However, I've had a friends with benefit 'no strings attached' person for over a year, and my BF knows about the situation. I find myself thinking about him and missing him. This isn't fair to my BF. I don't want to ruin our friendship which is why I never dated him in the past. I want to slowly end it with him, and not make him feel like an ass. I don't even know how to handle this situation. Any advice? Why bother with a slow approach? Tell him things are moving way to fast for your level of comfort and you need to step back.
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Why bother with a slow approach? Tell him things are moving way to fast for your level of comfort and you need to step back. A couple wknds ago we went out for drinks and he started talking about going to Vegas and eloping. I don't drink often so when I do, I'm the happy drunk who loves everyone and everything Apparently I went along with what he was saying, and he didn't take the fact that I was inebriated into consideration! I suck at rejecting people and hurting them. I feel like I'm responsible for leading him on in some way, but at sametime, it bothers me that he put me in this situation. Obsessed/infatuation is not love, the way he's behaving just doesn't seem normal or healthy. I'm worried about how he'll react.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Tell him this : Since we were friends for so long, I wanted to see if there was more there. But now that we've tried dating for the last month, I feel like we're better off as friends. 5
warshaw Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Why bother with a slow approach? Tell him things are moving way to fast for your level of comfort and you need to step back. She doesn't want a step back she wants to end it. 1
menyou Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 She doesn't want a step back she wants to end it. By a step back I mean back to being friends. She should be honest and upfront. No need to get stressed out trying to protect everyone else when she should be número uno! 1
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Tell him this : Since we were friends for so long, I wanted to see if there was more there. But now that we've tried dating for the last month, I feel like we're better off as friends. I wanted things to work out so bad. he's a good guy, knows my flaws and accepts them, appreciates them actually! But his clingyness turned way me off. That's who he is and I shouldn't want to change that. Maybe the right girl will appreciate that about him? Lol If he would let me breath and slow it wayyy down, it could possibly work out.
PaperCrane Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 A couple wknds ago we went out for drinks and he started talking about going to Vegas and eloping. I don't drink often so when I do, I'm the happy drunk who loves everyone and everything Apparently I went along with what he was saying, and he didn't take the fact that I was inebriated into consideration! I suck at rejecting people and hurting them. I feel like I'm responsible for leading him on in some way, but at sametime, it bothers me that he put me in this situation. Obsessed/infatuation is not love, the way he's behaving just doesn't seem normal or healthy. I'm worried about how he'll react. Drinking doesn't make you do things out of character. It makes your character come out easier. Lowers your inhibitions. So you do have some desire for this guy from what it looks like. You haven't cut off from your fwb. Banging someone usually instills a kind of bond regardless of what we tell ourselves. Regardless though. This guy is going way way way too fast.
neowulf Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I wanted things to work out so bad. he's a good guy, knows my flaws and accepts them, appreciates them actually! But his clingyness turned way me off. That's who he is and I shouldn't want to change that. Maybe the right girl will appreciate that about him? Lol If he would let me breath and slow it wayyy down, it could possibly work out. You make a common mistake that many people make. Breaking up with someone doesn't have to mean there's something critically wrong with them. Sometimes people break up because they're a bad fit for each other. He may well be a great guy. He'll be a great guy after you break it off with him too. You're beginning to sound like you simply enjoy being fawned over. Please don't lead this guy on if you're not having strong feelings for him. Simply tell him how you feel. That your feelings aren't there for him and you feel comfortable taking it any further.
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Drinking doesn't make you do things out of character. It makes your character come out easier. Lowers your inhibitions. So you do have some desire for this guy from what it looks like. You haven't cut off from your fwb. Banging someone usually instills a kind of bond regardless of what we tell ourselves. Regardless though. This guy is going way way way too fast. Right. I agree. I'd never actually elope and pull a 'Britney' after a night of partying too hard lol. Sure, I may talk the talk alll night, but I'd never act on it. I also don't take people too seriously while their drinking. I know emotions are heightened and judgement gets somewhat questionable. At least that's the effect drinking has on me. I haven't told my fWB. We are pretty casual... Okay, I've had a couple chances to tell him the the past couple of weekends, who am I kidding. Lol. Im sure he knows something's up. I do miss him and the sex tho:/
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 You make a common mistake that many people make. Breaking up with someone doesn't have to mean there's something critically wrong with them. Sometimes people break up because they're a bad fit for each other. He may well be a great guy. He'll be a great guy after you break it off with him too. You're beginning to sound like you simply enjoy being fawned over. Please don't lead this guy on if you're not having strong feelings for him. Simply tell him how you feel. That your feelings aren't there for him and you feel comfortable taking it any further. It's him. Something about him turns me off. That's not easy for anyone to hear coming from the person they want to be with. I've been that person, so maybe that's why I'm more sensitive to others feelings when rejecting them. Idk.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 It's going to hurt him any way you slice it, but you need to put an end to it immediately before you get any deeper. It's already gone way too far. Don't give him false hope by telling him it could work if you slow way down. That's just not fair.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 But his clingyness turned way me off. A lot of times this comes off like an excuse people make to cover up for the fact that they're not attracted/into somebody. I mean if this was a guy you actually wanted romance with, you'd probably like hearing from him regularly, and him being so vocal about his feelings.
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 A lot of times this comes off like an excuse people make to cover up for the fact that they're not attracted/into somebody. I mean if this was a guy you actually wanted romance with, you'd probably like hearing from him regularly, and him being so vocal about his feelings. I like to know I'm adored to some degree. actions over words are where it's at for me. Don't blow my phone up telling me. I need a doer. Somebody's who's actions are going to tell me he's the man for me.
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 It's going to hurt him any way you slice it, but you need to put an end to it immediately before you get any deeper. It's already gone way too far. Don't give him false hope by telling him it could work if you slow way down. That's just not fair. Maybe he'll be open to no strings attached trial period
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Maybe he'll be open to no strings attached trial period I hope you are not being serious. That is not the way to go about this. You don't get to put him on reserve while you test out your feelings and see other guys. How would you feel if the same were asked of you, by a guy you really like?
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I hope you are not being serious. That is not the way to go about this. You don't get to put him on reserve while you test out your feelings and see other guys. How would you feel if the same were asked of you, by a guy you really like? I was not being serious. I wish he'd offer it as a solution...knowing there's not a chance n hell that he will..
smackie9 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I totally get it....he isn't a challenge, there's no build up or sexual tension, just too much in your face sickeningly adores the s hit out of you. It would make my stomach churn as well. He is like this because he started the relationship in his mind years ago, so that is why he is at the stage of proposing to you. Don't blame yourself for how he feels. He is being a bloody dumb ass fool for totally losing himself. He is obsessing, and it is simply getting out of control. You need to get real and breakup with him. Give him the god damn honest truth so he can go off and heal his heart. There is no other way. 5
fitnessfan365 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I totally get it....he isn't a challenge, there's no build up or sexual tension, just too much in your face sickeningly adores the s hit out of you. It would make my stomach churn as well. He is like this because he started the relationship in his mind years ago, so that is why he is at the stage of proposing to you. Don't blame yourself for how he feels. He is being a bloody dumb ass fool for totally losing himself. He is obsessing, and it is simply getting out of control. You need to get real and breakup with him. Give him the god damn honest truth so he can go off and heal his heart. There is no other way. Great post. This went through my mind as well. He's probably wanted you from the beginning and settled for friendship hoping you'd eventually change your mind. Then when you finally did, he couldn't keep his feelings in anymore.
lino Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Tell him this : Since we were friends for so long, I wanted to see if there was more there. But now that we've tried dating for the last month, I feel like we're better off as friends. This is good. I would go with this. 1
Author DiimpleDoll Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I totally get it....he isn't a challenge, there's no build up or sexual tension, just too much in your face sickeningly adores the s hit out of you. It would make my stomach churn as well. He is like this because he started the relationship in his mind years ago, so that is why he is at the stage of proposing to you. Don't blame yourself for how he feels. He is being a bloody dumb ass fool for totally losing himself. He is obsessing, and it is simply getting out of control. You need to get real and breakup with him. Give him the god damn honest truth so he can go off and heal his heart. There is no other way. Thank you! You opened my mind and I think I totally understand why he went full throttle so quick. Wow, I guess he had built up our relationship in his head all these years. I wish he would have given me a chance to get there. May have worked out. He shut it down for me before I had a chance to enjoy the beginning stage of the relationship. Only thing to do is be a woman and tell him exactly my issue that brought me seek out online advice! Y'all's advice has definitely helped me put my thoughts together for a solution. I'm going to talk to him this weekend. Anymore advice will be greatly appreciated. I like hearing 3rd party perspectives and points of view! XxOo
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