Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Let's talk soul mates. I believe in them. I know two couples who are. My parents being one of them. How many of you have met a deep soul connection? I believe once or twice in a lifetime some people get this kind of romantic connection. It's rare but not impossible. To me, a deep soul connection is: - Feeling electricity upon meeting ( an instant spark and you immediately both feel a sense of excitement surrounding dating one another) - Feeling strangely familiar and comfortable together very early on - Feeling calm and reassured thst it's mutual despite knowing how rare mutual crushes are - Meeting randomly. No online dating. I believe in fate and that some things are meant to be. - You both fall head over heels - You fall in love fast - You're madly in love and envision marriage and living together early on ( although obviously don't say it out loud, you just naturally envision yourself with them) - You're very similar in at least some ways Basically, in summary, a soul connection to me is when they fast become a best friend with whom you also share that electricity with ( chemistry wise). It's when you're emotionally feeling intense feelings early on and it stays true long term. The opposite of a soul mate is: quitely growing into love.When there's nothing special about your first meeting, when you don't fall fast or hard for one another. Just two people meeting, feeling meh they are nice and them hanging out and getting to know one another very slowly and having feelings developed very slowly devoid of an initial spark and devoid of intense chemistry and longing of desire for one another. That is called companionate love. Commensurate love is the holy grail that only s soul connection can have. I think there are more than one person you can marry. Obviously..... But I think it's only once or twice if your lucky, that you make a soul mate connection. Some couples just " know " they want to be married. They don't get cold feet. They just have " that feeling " where they are BOTH equally head-over heels and they are madly in love without room to doubt " feelings " Where as most couples I know met, grew to like and then love one another but either ONE fell head over heels and the other didn't., or BOTH partners lacked the intensity they had felt with prior partners. How many times have y'all felt that deep instant connection with someone? Where you instantly felt " something " and in addition the the instant spark, you also felt emotionally into them at a fast pace? I've felt it twice. I am 28. First led to a long term 2.5 year relationship when I was 18. We outgrew each other. The next time has been with my current. We both just felt the electricity right away and felt nervous but we clicked so well that we felt super comfortable very very quickly. There was no flowery over the top declarations of love at first site. We just had s see of calmness and serenity ; we both just knew the other felt the same and that there was no need to rush and burn things out too fast....Within a month we felt so overwhelmed with feelings we have declared our love. Not in an over the the top fashion, again, we only say it when we are overcome with emotion. The way we click and just get along is outstanding. It is equal to our intense chemistry sexually speaking. Inbetween I've had false starts that were purely chemistry based but I had no emotional connection. I wanted love and hoped like hell the chemistry would amount to true love but in my heart I can distinctly feel the difference between the mutual attraction and a true connection. I find that mutual attraction and sexual chemistry can really give you a false sense that you have " feelings ". I can see why do many women get attached after sex. The physical attraction and hormones released during and after sex csn falsely make one think that the sexual partner could be a " soul matete " or true love match. I've learnt that mutual attraction is common for me. It's a mutual connection that feels like a deep soul connection that is rare..... .. Twice in 28 years is rare. How many of you guys met a soul connection and what are your stories? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Don't agree with excluding online dating. After all, no one has to contact anyone on there. So one could argue that fate stepped in to make you feel drawn to a particular person. 2
xxoo Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I am married to my soul mate But we didn't have the instant connection. Still, when the sparks flew....whew! House on fire! And even that wasn't the soul connection. The soul connection took time. At this point, our souls are inseparable.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I am married to my soul mate But we didn't have the instant connection. Still, when the sparks flew....whew! House on fire! And even that wasn't the soul connection. The soul connection took time. At this point, our souls are inseparable. What a happy story. I love how soul mates can start out on different ways. Keep the happy stories coming people
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Don't agree with excluding online dating. After all, no one has to contact anyone on there. So one could argue that fate stepped in to make you feel drawn to a particular person. Agreed. For me though, I knew it wouldn't be online. It may for others though for sure.
Tayla Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Perhaps when I redirected the thought process, soul mates lost its fantasy romantic charm. Absolutely believe in love and compatibility. Just stopped getting delusional that only one soul can be the mate to another. A guy who dumped me in the mist of our vacation together did so with such a peaceful smile, He said " Dear, I know you want the best for me... and the best news is... I found my soul mate! And I wasn't it. ", so after that discussion , I drove him to the airport... and he flew off into the sunset to be with his soulmate. Bitter? Yup. Realistic, yup. Though i admire some couples... They made it work.. it wasnt destiny or fate... It was how well they adapted and compromised.
Ami1uwant Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Soul mates can exist but they aren't that rare. It depends a lot on the individuals. Sometimes love can have instantly snd on fire but those burn out... About 6 months ago I het someone relatively at random snd there was that initial chemistry and that comfortable feeling between two people. It never developed. She was in a relationship.
joseb Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I don't believe in soul mates. Imagine the odds of meeting yours - say you meet 100,000 people in your life, that's still 70 million to one against! However, meeting people you click with the way you describe, yeah sure. I've met a few. Unfortunately, a lot of them were in relationships, or I was, so maybe missed chances. Or maybe it was the fact that it couldn't happen that increased the attraction. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I felt it a couple of times but I was never in a relationship with one (due to timing, circumstances etc). What I really want more than anything, is to experience a relationship where mutual feelings of strong physical attraction and deep emotional connection are there. I still can't quite figure out why this has evaded me all my life. OLD is a great tool for people that just want a bf/gf and where anyone nice would do. 1
tuxedo cat Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I felt it a couple of times but I was never in a relationship with one (due to timing, circumstances etc). What I really want more than anything, is to experience a relationship where mutual feelings of strong physical attraction and deep emotional connection are there. I still can't quite figure out why this has evaded me all my life. OLD is a great tool for people that just want a bf/gf and where anyone nice would do. Same. I've only felt that twice in my life, once with a guy I barely knew who I never dated so that can be discounted I guess. The other with one ex who treated me badly for the most part. Not sure if that feeling would have even lasted had we stayed together or he had fully reciprocated my feelings for any length of time.
Eighty_nine Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) What a happy story. I love how soul mates can start out on different ways. Keep the happy stories coming people ..but you just said previously it had to be an instantly intense connection. I think you have a lot to learn. Love isn't either instant and intense OR slow and quiet. There are many shades of grey in between. I've had several relationships but only two "soul mate" experiences. With my first boyfriend and my current boyfriend. And here's the major differences about those two relationships versus my other ones: my partner also felt/feels like my best friend. There was also intense physical chemistry, yeah, but I've had intense physical chemistry with several people. What made these two relationships special was that when we weren't in bed or doing something romantic we could shoot the ****, talk, and laugh endlessly. THAT is a soul mate to me. Edited September 18, 2015 by lissvarna 5
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 sorry but I don't believe in soul mates It makes it seem like someone is responsible for your soul...and that is no ones responsibility but your own. People can still divorce their soulmate, cheat on their soulmate and lie to their soulmate and hurt their soulmate. Does that mean that because they are that person's soulmate that they should tolerate that baloney? I have had an intense connection with a few people but I can tell you right off the bat that those people were not the right people for me at all in fact I often wonder if my spidey senses are way off and I should not trust my gut instinct at all. I would like to think there is such a thing as a "mutual attraction and connection" but that waxes and wanes throughout life even if you are with someone for x amount of time. Me? I would rather choose someone not because they were my soulmate but because they seemed to be the right match, for more practical reasons rather than some whimsical connection that doesn't always last.
bluefeather Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I believe once or twice in a lifetime some people get this kind of romantic connection. It's rare but not impossible. To me, a deep soul connection is: - Feeling electricity upon meeting ( an instant spark and you immediately both feel a sense of excitement surrounding dating one another) - Feeling strangely familiar and comfortable together very early on - Feeling calm and reassured thst it's mutual despite knowing how rare mutual crushes are - Meeting randomly. No online dating. I believe in fate and that some things are meant to be. - You both fall head over heels - You fall in love fast - You're madly in love and envision marriage and living together early on ( although obviously don't say it out loud, you just naturally envision yourself with them) - You're very similar in at least some ways If that is what defines a soulmate, I have had many lol I believe in soulmates, but I think it's more than that list. That just sounds like infatuation. I think my soulmate will be the person I die in love with.
regine_phalange Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I tend to believe in soul mates, in the sense that they are souls to help each other progress. But I also tend to believe that they may not be involved even if they meet. Or they may end up giving each other a hard lesson in order to evolve. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 ..but you just said previously it had to be an instantly intense connection. I think you have a lot to learn. Love isn't either instant and intense OR slow and quiet. There are many shades of grey in between. I've had several relationships but only two "soul mate" experiences. With my first boyfriend and my current boyfriend. And here's the major differences about those two relationships versus my other ones: my partner also felt/feels like my best friend. There was also intense physical chemistry, yeah, but I've had intense physical chemistry with several people. What made these two relationships special was that when we weren't in bed or doing something romantic we could shoot the ****, talk, and laugh endlessly. THAT is a soul mate to me. I have also only had two soul mate connections. The rest were just instant chemistry. I only reallsed this with hindsight. The two soul mate connections were instant attraction but there felt like there was more substance to it. Infant chemistry and all that jazz can easily fool one into thinking it's more than it really is.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 sorry but I don't believe in soul mates It makes it seem like someone is responsible for your soul...and that is no ones responsibility but your own. People can still divorce their soulmate, cheat on their soulmate and lie to their soulmate and hurt their soulmate. Does that mean that because they are that person's soulmate that they should tolerate that baloney? I have had an intense connection with a few people but I can tell you right off the bat that those people were not the right people for me at all in fact I often wonder if my spidey senses are way off and I should not trust my gut instinct at all. I would like to think there is such a thing as a "mutual attraction and connection" but that waxes and wanes throughout life even if you are with someone for x amount of time. Me? I would rather choose someone not because they were my soulmate but because they seemed to be the right match, for more practical reasons rather than some whimsical connection that doesn't always last. I am dead certain that if you had the choice of a more passionate connection where you were crazy about them and giddy with excitement AND able to be their best friend, VERSUS a compatible person who wanted to make it work - You would choice the suitable more passionate, soul connection that the low chemistry " convenient " choice. If a person has two choices that are equally compatible and have equal staying power, the majority of emotionally healthy individuals would pick madly in love over quietly in love with whoever will do.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I don't think soul mates are always the instant Omg off the charts mythical fairytale. I've personally never felt those emotions instantly upon first meeting someone..... The most I've had and the most I believe I am capable of feeling, is: instantly being attracted and knowing it's mutual, instantly enjoying the flow of the conversation, being excited to hear from them and genuinly caring if and when they respond. I either get a bit giddy or I feel nothing at all. The men I feel nothing at all for have been often lovely seeming men who I am attracted enough to kiss and I enjoy their company. But I don't care if it goes anywhere or if they want to date me really. I could have a nice life with these men I have no doubt that my attraction would grow and there would be passion.... There's just something a bit special about those rare individuals who make more of an impact and who you fall harder for emotionally.
Yummm Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Not experienced so I wouldn't know whether or not she was my 'soulmate' - clearly not as I got dumped to the curb. My recent ex who I ended up going on a blind date had those 'sparks' that you described. As soon as we bumped into each other for the first time, we BOTH had those butterflies, were arm in arm, felt like we knew each other for years and had the most ridiculous gut-wrenching physical and emotional chemistry. After 3 weeks she told me how much she loves me, I was taken back as it was too fast, but I started to fall in love myself.. It all crashed and burned out, but within a couple months I KNEW in my heart that I could spend the rest of my life with her, she said the same, her family said the same etc... It was such an incredible feeling and I really do hope that I feel it again. By the way you describe OP, I will rarely find that connection again? This makes me pretty sad as I've been on over 10 dates in the last month and haven't found anything even remotely similar yet.
popcornpuff Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 The opposite of a soul mate is: quitely growing into love.When there's nothing special about your first meeting, when you don't fall fast or hard for one another. Just two people meeting, feeling meh they are nice and them hanging out and getting to know one another very slowly and having feelings developed very slowly devoid of an initial spark and devoid of intense chemistry and longing of desire for one another. Leigh 87, I'm going to respectfully disagree with you. I wouldn't say that what you described here is the "opposite" of a soul mate. Rather, I believe that slowly growing on one another is a way to create the coul mate connection. A first meet doesn't have to be instant fireworks (of course, "meh" isn't a good sign either). It doesn't have to have electricity or feel familiar or be random or be madly in love quickly. Not saying that it shouldn't--simply that it doesn't have to. These feelings form the basis of infatuation and are different from the soul mate connection. Love grows when you decide that what's important to your partner is important to you as well. It blossoms when you learn about their hopes, fears, and dreams and strive to support them within an enviroment of infinite patience and understanding. When you learn about their strange little quirks and tease them about it sometimes, creating little "in-jokes" known only to each other. Doing this over time lets you know them on a deeper level. And when you and your partner strive to understand each other unconditionally this way, you form the soul mate connection. But it takes effort and a conscious decision to do this every day. I believe that you do not find your soul mate--you create them.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Not experienced so I wouldn't know whether or not she was my 'soulmate' - clearly not as I got dumped to the curb. My recent ex who I ended up going on a blind date had those 'sparks' that you described. As soon as we bumped into each other for the first time, we BOTH had those butterflies, were arm in arm, felt like we knew each other for years and had the most ridiculous gut-wrenching physical and emotional chemistry. After 3 weeks she told me how much she loves me, I was taken back as it was too fast, but I started to fall in love myself.. It all crashed and burned out, but within a couple months I KNEW in my heart that I could spend the rest of my life with her, she said the same, her family said the same etc... It was such an incredible feeling and I really do hope that I feel it again. By the way you describe OP, I will rarely find that connection again? This makes me pretty sad as I've been on over 10 dates in the last month and haven't found anything even remotely similar yet. It's going to take you well over ten dates.... It's going to take you probably 100 more dates and likely more to find a soul connection. It took me ten years. Since my last.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Leigh 87, I'm going to respectfully disagree with you. I wouldn't say that what you described here is the "opposite" of a soul mate. Rather, I believe that slowly growing on one another is a way to create the coul mate connection. A first meet doesn't have to be instant fireworks (of course, "meh" isn't a good sign either). It doesn't have to have electricity or feel familiar or be random or be madly in love quickly. Not saying that it shouldn't--simply that it doesn't have to. These feelings form the basis of infatuation and are different from the soul mate connection. Love grows when you decide that what's important to your partner is important to you as well. It blossoms when you learn about their hopes, fears, and dreams and strive to support them within an enviroment of infinite patience and understanding. When you learn about their strange little quirks and tease them about it sometimes, creating little "in-jokes" known only to each other. Doing this over time lets you know them on a deeper level. And when you and your partner strive to understand each other unconditionally this way, you form the soul mate connection. But it takes effort and a conscious decision to do this every day. I believe that you do not find your soul mate--you create them. You can't discount people who don't share your experience either. People like me have tried to slowly grow into loving people. Where there is an absense of fireworks, limerence and a spark. It never turned out into a soul connection without the raging passion and amazing chemistry. In my experience, my soul connections were also accompanied by a special chemistry... We just had a drive for one another. In an intimate way in addition to mentally and emotionally. A soul connection for me is a bit special. Not just someone you like and respect and aren't repulsed by who you " decide " to grow into love. Sure, j could grow to love many people. But what's special about that? The initial magic and the whole body connection where there's just something special in the air and your excited after the first date trumps " picking someone and growing to love the " in absense of a spark.
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I am married to my soul mate But we didn't have the instant connection. Still, when the sparks flew....whew! House on fire! And even that wasn't the soul connection. I'm sorry but I don't think you qualify as far as what the OP is saying, according to her your relationship is mediocre since you didn't explode on first sight. :( Sorry. 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 What I believe about "soul mates": I think I recognize them upon first meeting usually, they can be male or female, it's an instant connection and both of us know that we are in the same tribe!! On a soul level of course!! :bunny: Obvs we don't have to fall into each others arms for a slobbering session though! It happened with my best friend in 3rd grade even, my mom always called me and Trina soul mates!! I have a bazillion of them. 2
cessna Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 No, no, nope. No such thing. Nor is there such a thing as fate. There is no one watching over us dictating what happens. Simple as that.
Author Leigh 87 Posted September 20, 2015 Author Posted September 20, 2015 What I believe about "soul mates": I think I recognize them upon first meeting usually, they can be male or female, it's an instant connection and both of us know that we are in the same tribe!! On a soul level of course!! :bunny: Obvs we don't have to fall into each others arms for a slobbering session though! It happened with my best friend in 3rd grade even, my mom always called me and Trina soul mates!! I have a bazillion of them. That's pretty much what I believe. I just don't think the romantic soul mate connections start out with two people who think nothing of each other who slowly grow sexually into each other. I think romantic soul mates have the instant connection as you ( and as I have done) with friends, plus the spark. That's what differentiates a platonic soul mate from a romantic one. I have never advocated shagging on the first meeting. I personally don't feel like first date sex because I need to get to know someone a little before I feel the desire to be intimate. The initial spark and chemistry in addition to the soul mate feel, that kindred spirit vibe, is what differentiated s romantic soul late connection from a platonic one....... The fact I don't do slow burns where both parties aren't that into each other and aren't romantically excited about each other at first doesn't mean I think it was to be super fireworks either.
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