Jay13094 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 so I have the biggest crush on one of my coworkers- he's a server and i'm a hostess. I've been working for almost 2 months now and whenever we work the same night its constant flirting, touching, staring, you name it. Its so obvious and pretty sure the whole staff knows. He used to make me really shy/nervous and i'm not used to feeling like that. My friends saw our interaction and they said that he gets nervous/flustered around me to, he also doesn't act like that with anyone else (he was my server, i went in for dinner on my day off) I like him to the point where its really obvious and i would tell him i liked him but i dont want to rush things b/c we work together and don't want anything to be awkward. I muscled up some courage and gave him my number a month after working, he told me he'd text me .. which he did at like 4am when he wasn't sober lol. We talked on and off that day and he would reply to me in like 3 hour intervals. He texted me again a week later when he was sober and at work- (again very short, long time answering me, conversation). by that point I thought he just was not interested. BUT whenever we work together he's the same if not more flirty and has gotten more touchy with me. I told him to text me and he said he would, but never did. He also gives me a hug whenever i see him and when i leave work. We don't work the same days anymore so I rarely see him. I went into work yesterday (a week after i told him to text me and he never did) My friend was being a wing woman and told him that i had a crush on him when i left for the bathroom. He then told her "i could of figured that out myself" "well whats wrong with her? you don't think she's cute??" "noo, not at all, she's cute! she's real f*kin cute" "do you have a girlfriend?" "what noooooo" "ok well you should hang out with us and chill at her apartment or something" "yeah i'd be down for that, i'm a bad texter and i'm more of a one on one kind of guy" and that was basically the conversation. he also doesn't use much social media. It just seems hard to believe that when i'm with him in person he's so fun and talkative and flirty and just really seems super interested. Then when it comes to texting or actually trying to hang out. . it seems like he puts no effort in. I don't want to come on too strong or give him the wrong impression b/c i really just want to get to know him and take things slow with him. I'm just getting frustrated with how little progress is being made. Do you think he's just shy??? or do you think he's just not really about it.
Qboro90 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I think you've already lost the ability to hide how big of a crush you had on him. Your friend basically blew up your spot with her convo with him and that whole interaction was very middle schooly tbh. He interacts with you at work bc it's fun for him and he's got nothing else to do but if he really liked or was interested in you he would've contacted you outside of work by now. It's not bc he's shy either. You've made it blatantly obvious you like him so he has no incentive to put in any work. 1
empresario Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) I'm not saying this is fact...I can only give personal allegory and knowledge of the male persona. When a man is interested in you and he KNOWS you like him...he will do ANYTHING to stay in your attention. Anything. Even if he doesn't text, he will try his best. I only got a texting plan back in the day because I wanted to have more success with women...and that's how everyone was communicating. It's a fact. Now, let's pretend for a second he actually does like you. Why wouldn't he put forth the effort of showing you? I know in the dating scene, when I've been entertaining multiple women, I prioritize my time based on interest. I could like a few women, but the one I like the most is going to get my spirit. The rest are going to get basic, ho-hum texts, because honestly I don't need them. Sometimes, when single, I will flirt with women that I have no intentions on dating merely because I'm bored, lonely, or want the ego boost. Yeah that's pretty selfish. But if I'm going to give you advice it as may as well be honest. Ultimately I feel like any red-blooded man would do whatever it took to score a woman if she was his primary target. This all may sound brutal, but the dating scene is kind of brutal. Edited September 15, 2015 by empresario 1
Author Jay13094 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 He interacts with you at work bc it's fun for him and he's got nothing else to do but if he really liked or was interested in you he would've contacted you outside of work by now. It's not bc he's shy either. You've made it blatantly obvious you like him so he has no incentive to put in any work. He has contacted me, but not about hanging out, so you're right. i was gonna give it another go and try asking to hang one more time but after reading other comments its not worth my time and he should be chasing me if he was actually interested. 1
Eighty_nine Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 My opinion is that he's managing down your expectations, so you'll get used to a text every now and then. He's probably interested in getting you to think of your interactions as casual, so he can eventually sleep with you with no strings attached.
oberkeat Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 (edited) Frankly, I think this guy's been very disrespectful to you, OP. He doesn't want to date you, but instead of coming clean and telling you so you can have closure, he's content to play games with you. He finds you amusing and that's it. I think you should stop flirting him, stop giving him attention, and move on. At least until he calls you and asks for a date, which based on his behavior, I don't see happening any time soon. Edited September 16, 2015 by oberkeat
oberkeat Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Men are not complicated. If we like you, we will find some way to try to spend time with you. This guy hasn't done that.
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