heather03 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) So there's this guy Ruben that I've known since Freshman year; weren't very good friends but able to have a good conversation whenever we see each other, and one of my friends said he used to really like me Freshman year. It's my 21st birthday in a few weeks and I got a room in Atlantic City and invited my best girlfriend from high school, best guy friend Jack in college, and this guy Ruben because he's friends with Jack and thought it would just make everyone more comfortable and more fun. Everyone is now on board and agreed to come. Not sure if this is a huge issue but Ruben is really good friends with my ex now. We broke up about a year ago and were talking for a little bit about a month ago but he kind of broke things off with me and now we don't really talk anymore, except in passing...I don't think it will be a big deal that he's coming (he agreed to come) and think it will be fun, but am I wrong? I just want to have a fun 21st birthday!! Thanks! Edited September 15, 2015 by heather03
ExpatInItaly Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 While you can technically date whomever you want, I don't imagine your ex will love hearing this. I suppose it depends on how much this new guy values his friendship with your ex, and how much you want to maintain a civil relationship with your ex. To play devil's advocate, imagine your ex started hanging out with your best friend. How would you feel? You are free to do what you want, as long as you very clearly understand that this will probably burn a few bridges. If you can handle that, go forth. 1
Author heather03 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 While you can technically date whomever you want, I don't imagine your ex will love hearing this. I suppose it depends on how much this new guy values his friendship with your ex, and how much you want to maintain a civil relationship with your ex. To play devil's advocate, imagine your ex started hanging out with your best friend. How would you feel? You are free to do what you want, as long as you very clearly understand that this will probably burn a few bridges. If you can handle that, go forth. I understand, but it was my ex that told me that he didn't really want to even be friends anymore and we would pretty much only talk in passing or if we saw each other on campus. I extended an invitation to his friend because he's friends with my good friend and I just wanted everyone to be comfortable. He accepted, so it was really up to him whether he wanted to upset his best friend or not, as I dont associate with my ex anymore. I still feel a little bad because I know it may upset him, but at the same time his friend could have said no.
mightycpa Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 So there's this guy Ruben that I've known since Freshman year; weren't very good friends but able to have a good conversation whenever we see each other, and one of my friends said he used to really like me Freshman year. It's my 21st birthday in a few weeks and I got a room in Atlantic City and invited my best girlfriend from high school, best guy friend Jack in college, and this guy Ruben because he's friends with Jack and thought it would just make everyone more comfortable and more fun. Everyone is now on board and agreed to come. Not sure if this is a huge issue but Ruben is really good friends with my ex now. We broke up about a year ago and were talking for a little bit about a month ago but he kind of broke things off with me and now we don't really talk anymore, except in passing...I don't think it will be a big deal that he's coming (he agreed to come) and think it will be fun, but am I wrong? I just want to have a fun 21st birthday!! Thanks!I'm trying to figure out in what capacity you want Ruben there... friend, weekend lover, one-fourth of a foursome, potential boyfriend?? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I'm trying to figure out in what capacity you want Ruben there... friend, weekend lover, one-fourth of a foursome, potential boyfriend?? This too. What do you want with the best friend exactly?
ExpatInItaly Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I understand, but it was my ex that told me that he didn't really want to even be friends anymore and we would pretty much only talk in passing or if we saw each other on campus. I extended an invitation to his friend because he's friends with my good friend and I just wanted everyone to be comfortable. He accepted, so it was really up to him whether he wanted to upset his best friend or not, as I dont associate with my ex anymore. I still feel a little bad because I know it may upset him, but at the same time his friend could have said no. So, with all due respect, what kind of feedback or advice are you seeking here? It sounds as though you've already made it ok for yourself (which is fine) and have laid most of the responsibility on this new guy. If that's the case, there's no issue here.
Author heather03 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 I'm trying to figure out in what capacity you want Ruben there... friend, weekend lover, one-fourth of a foursome, potential boyfriend?? I kind of like him so maybe a potential boyfriend, but I would probably have to settle for a friend. Definitely not a weekend lover or foursome!
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