He fell in love after 1 date !

[Cupid's Puppet]

He is definitely in love with my image and not me. He knows nothing about me and doesn't seem to be interested in asking any questions. He expresses a lot in words his attractions, that he thinks about me all the time. This morning he text me he looks at my pictures often.

 

He also says all the time he wants to see me BUT I don't get a date invitation. I know he expects me to go see him or me inviting him over, that's his 'seeing me'.

 

I think yes there is a lot of cultural differences at play BUT I think when it comes to courting a lady the proper way, inviting her out on a proper date, is pretty much universal, would you say?

 

Were you invited out on dates?

 

Yes. The guy I dated invited me on dates. I just was not into him. He was pursuing me and trying to court me. But when I say some things can be cultural I am talking about that love at first sight stuff. They eventually should try to get to know you. When me and this guy went on a date, he talked mostly about himself and childhood. He didn't ask about me, but he said it was because he wanted it to be freeflowing not like some type of interview. In other words, the more we'd talk the more he'd learn about me naturally. He used very poetic language.

 

But you know most guys I've dated recently didn't try to find out anything about my life or what I like or heck what I even do for a living. They didn't care. That's why I've given up on them. I just want to find someone to have a kid with. That's it. If I have any more expectations I'd set myself up for disappointment.

[katiegrl]

To be totally honest I can't see what this experiment is going to achieve?

 

It's not as if you are into him, you sound like you're mocking him somewhat to be fair.

 

If he isn't still asking you on dates then he is fading anyway but a few texts and or calls with flowery words (which he seems to think you like) to encourage a game of pants off Twister isn't much effort to put in.

 

A better experiment would be to ditch this one, date other men who you are interested in and learn to act upon the instincts you get.

 

 

You seem to date someone, get a bad instinct about them, ask about it, ignore your instinct and then 'wait and see' always.

 

 

Each one of your instincts seems to have been spot on so far as to whether to bother dating again as each guy seems to have faded/flaked/gone AWOL.

 

Another thing that this guy has made me see is that with a man you like you are very available, very ready for sex, very contactable. In other words you are doing all the things they would 'want you to do' in the same way as this guy is telling you 'all you want to hear'.

 

 

Except....you don't want to hear all this stuff, and it's likely that the guys you like don't want you to be so available and accommodating.

 

 

Plus, 'waiting to see' when a guy has done something worthy of an instinctive reaction from you (last part bolded) he may get told about it but he gets away with it so not only are you very accommodating but he can pretty much do as he wishes.

 

This guy is slightly different, you have red flags already but you haven't acted upon them so that's the same as usual. You are not actually into him so you were not counter offering dates (from the sound of it when he was asking) and you're texting about CNN.

He hasn't asked you out again and I don't think you would really even want to go if he did ask.

He will fade

 

Dump this one and either take a real break or date others but use the instincts you have. I think your instincts are what is causing most of the problems in your dating life but it's not really even that it's due to the fact you don't really listen to them and act upon them.

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh. It's just what I see.

 

 

That was a really great post Gemma...and what's bolded is especially perceptive and right on the money (imo).

 

 

I hope Gaeta is listening and heeds your advice...

[Gaeta]

Oppsss No call, no news tonight. That has to be my shortest love affair ever.

[Gaeta]

That was a really great post Gemma...and what's bolded is especially perceptive and right on the money (imo).

 

I hope Gaeta is listening and heeds your advice...

 

Yes it is great advice from Gemma. I am reading it all even if I don't comment on it. She is right, I am too available. I am also too available on ways you guys don't know but my local friends have been pointing out to me.

[katiegrl]

Oppsss No call, no news tonight. That has to be my shortest love affair ever.

 

What'd I tell ya? He became UN-smitten as fast as he became smitten.

 

 

Lesson learned for next time.

 

 

When guys go gaga like that for you from the get go -- don't be flattered, don't enjoy the attention....and most of all DON'T believe them....just walk away quietly.

 

 

They're living in never-never land.

 

 

Either that or they're full of crap and only out for sex....the sooner the better. And if it doesn't appear that is gonna happen anytime soon, they're gone (just like this bozo).

 

 

Next!! :bunny:

[katiegrl]

Yes it is great advice from Gemma. I am reading it all even if I don't comment on it. She is right, I am too available. I am also too available on ways you guys don't know but my local friends have been pointing out to me.

 

I think you need a hug right about now....so...

 

 

((hugs))

 

 

[neowulf]

Just so many psycho's out there...

 

"I love you! You're my everything!"

 

"Awesome.. so we can take our time and wait for sex right?"

 

"Of course my love"

 

*never hear from them again.

 

What is WITH people these days

[GemmaUK]

Hope I didn't upset you.

I didn't mean to do that at all.

 

The good thing is if you feel this may be what it is it's so fixable. )

[Dutchman1]

Hello Gaeta,

 

 

It is possible,

Lucky for me (us), we fell in love on the first date, married 29 years, 2 boys, ( married now) and 5 grandkids. and soo much in love.

 

 

It would be really great if it would happen to you.

 

 

have faith, but always follow your gut.

 

 

All the best.

 

 

Dutchman 1

[Gaeta]

Oh Gemma Dear it takes me much more to feel offended :-)

 

He gave me a call this morning when he got off work. I told him everything I think about his approach and how it makes me feel.

 

To make a long story short he's a very emotional man. He knows people don't fall in love after 1 date but he does, that's how it's always been for him and he cannot change it. He knows it's not gonna happen like that for the woman he's dating and especially not for the women here. I asked since he lives here how other women he dated managed his approach and he said he scared them off. They pretty much all reacted the way I am reacting.

 

We spoke about what is love, what is our own definition of it. His definition is butterflies = love. At 43 I'm not gonna have him change his mind about what love is. I tried to explain to him he doesn't know me, he's in love with my image, not me. Once he gets to know me he may not love me so much. He had an answer for that as well of course.

 

Also, apparently I misunderstood about being exclusive. He did not mean he wants to be a couple now. He meant he is aiming at being a couple as in he's not looking for something short term. He said what he would have usually done is date 2-3 weeks then talk about exclusivity.

 

I made the comment it's Friday and he has not made an invitation to go out with me. I want to be courted like a lady. I don't want to go to his place or him coming over. I don't want to skip the courting phase like most men want to skip. He said each time he tried to set up something with me I would tell him I'm busy and not offer any other time I was free. He asked me about Friday evening and Saturday and I had plans for both days and didn't offer anything in return. Which is true. Then he said yes he asked me often if I was free later but he never asked me to go to his place or did he ever invite himself over, which is true. I assumed that's what he was aiming at...because that's what most men I date aim at.

 

We said good bye, I'm not sure we'll speak again.

[Carm]

Butterflies is NOT love. If that's the case, how many women has he said that to? Love takes a long time to grow. Real love is mature, not juvenile. Can you imagine if you ended up with this man, and you guys have a road block in your relationship. How easy would it be for him to find his next "love" just because he's not feeling it for you at that moment. All it takes, is for him to lock eyes on a pretty girl and bam he's in love again.

 

 

IMO, I wouldn't take a chance with this one.

[GemmaUK]

So glad I didn't offend you.

 

If falling in love is just butterflies for him it makes me think that if butterflies subside he then falls out of love. Although you said he had an answer for that.

The other thought is if he can't control that one emotion how he deals with other emotions too.

[Maharishi]

OP did you have sex with this individual?

[Gaeta]

OP did you have sex with this individual?

 

Of course not.

[Gaeta]

So after everything I said last time he ended up inviting me to the movies. I accepted. I thought I cleared things out he's gonna adjust.

 

Not at all.

 

I missed more half the movie. He kept kissing me and telling me he loves me, he wants us to be together forever, he kept going on and on with his affection. Then he'd leave me alone for a few minutes and I could catch up on the movie BUT he'd stare at me!! he'd say things like he knows he scares me when he says he loves me but it's true blahblahblah.

 

I am sending him a message this morning that I do not wish to continue.

[Celeste.Carol]

So after everything I said last time he ended up inviting me to the movies. I accepted. I thought I cleared things out he's gonna adjust.

 

Not at all.

 

I missed more half the movie. He kept kissing me and telling me he loves me, he wants us to be together forever, he kept going on and on with his affection. Then he'd leave me alone for a few minutes and I could catch up on the movie BUT he'd stare at me!! he'd say things like he knows he scares me when he says he loves me but it's true blahblahblah.

 

I am sending him a message this morning that I do not wish to continue.

 

 

OMG! You must have been scanning those exit here signs and forcing yourself not to yell Fire and bolt!

[katiegrl]

So after everything I said last time he ended up inviting me to the movies. I accepted. I thought I cleared things out he's gonna adjust.

 

Not at all.

 

I missed more half the movie. He kept kissing me and telling me he loves me, he wants us to be together forever, he kept going on and on with his affection. Then he'd leave me alone for a few minutes and I could catch up on the movie BUT he'd stare at me!! he'd say things like he knows he scares me when he says he loves me but it's true blahblahblah.

 

I am sending him a message this morning that I do not wish to continue.

 

You are lucky nothing more serious occurred Gaeta. The man is deranged, clearly.

 

Still can't believe you went back to this psycho's apartment on your second date (after your walk). Because your guy friend told you you should do that to make sure he's single? Is that the advice you give women on this board when they've done the same?

 

No it isn't, you tell them to NEVER do something so stupid, it's NOT safe.

 

Please heed to your own advice and exercise more discretion going forward.

Edited September 19, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

You are lucky nothing more serious occurred Gaeta. The man is deranged, clearly.

 

Still can't believe you went back to this psycho's apartment on your second date (after your walk). Because your guy friend told you you should do that to make sure he's single? Is that the advice you give women on this board when they've done the same?

 

No it isn't, you tell them to NEVER do something so stupid, it's NOT safe.

 

Please heed to your own advice and exercise more discretion going forward.

 

What we see on here is men inviting women to their home for a 1st or 2nd date. That's not a date and that's something I discourage. Also what I find horrifying is women staying over at these men's place over night whether they have sex or not, often intoxicated. That is something I discourage. In my case he did not invite me over to his place for a date. His place was around the corner, he offered I visit, it was a nice neighborhood. I stayed for a little visit and I left.

[katiegrl]

What we see on here is men inviting women to their home for a 1st or 2nd date. That's not a date and that's something I discourage. Also what I find horrifying is women staying over at these men's place over night whether they have sex or not, often intoxicated. That is something I discourage. In my case he did not invite me over to his place for a date. His place was around the corner, he offered I visit, it was a nice neighborhood. I stayed for a little visit and I left.

 

Yes I realize that, but it was still incredibly naïve of you to go *for a little visit*. And your reason was because it was around the corner in a nice neighborhood? Seriously?

 

You don't know this man, clearly he is deranged, and you were very lucky you were not physically assaulted or worse. Either at his apt (when you went *for a little visit*) or last night. All it takes is two seconds in the door of a deranged man's apt for him to assault you.

 

You had so much evidence before last night to indicate he was deranged/unbalanced, but STILL you chose to go out with him again. Again, you were very lucky nothing more serious happened.

 

I am really shocked at your choices here.

Edited September 19, 2015 by katiegrl

[Maharishi]

I don't understand this thread at all

[clia]

So after everything I said last time he ended up inviting me to the movies. I accepted. I thought I cleared things out he's gonna adjust.

 

Not at all.

 

I missed more half the movie. He kept kissing me and telling me he loves me, he wants us to be together forever, he kept going on and on with his affection. Then he'd leave me alone for a few minutes and I could catch up on the movie BUT he'd stare at me!! he'd say things like he knows he scares me when he says he loves me but it's true blahblahblah.

 

I am sending him a message this morning that I do not wish to continue.

 

I'm so confused. He asked you to the movies after the morning call? And you accepted a last minute date on a Friday night? I actually think part of your problem is that you are too available. I've noticed it over and over again in your threads. You say you want to be courted like a lady, but your actions say otherwise. Holding a man to a higher standard will weed out the flakes.

[Maharishi]

Of course not.

 

 

I don't understand why you replied of course not as if such a thing were unthinkable. Thought I'd read other threads of yours where you'd had sex very quickly with quite random guys? Or am I confusing you with a different poster?

[CarrieT]

He kept kissing me and telling me he loves me, he wants us to be together forever, he kept going on and on with his affection.

Eeewwwww!!!!!!

[Gaeta]

I'm so confused. He asked you to the movies after the morning call? And you accepted a last minute date on a Friday night? I actually think part of your problem is that you are too available. I've noticed it over and over again in your threads. You say you want to be courted like a lady, but your actions say otherwise. Holding a man to a higher standard will weed out the flakes.

 

So l need to pretend l am busy when l'm not? He had already inquired earlier in the week if l was free Friday because it's his night off.

[Gaeta]

I don't understand why you replied of course not as if such a thing were unthinkable. Thought I'd read other threads of yours where you'd had sex very quickly with quite random guys? Or am I confusing you with a different poster?

 

I didn't mean for it to sound offensive.

 

I would not have sex with a man when l suspect it would mean something more to him. He had been very emotionnal since beginning. Having sex with a man that told you he loves you after 1 date would be misleading him very badly...when you don't feel the same.