katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I've felt some pretty intense connection and I SWEAR they felt it as bad as me and turns out they didn't. When we are smitten I don't think we can identify that the other person is not as smitten as us. There is something preventing us from seeing it. How do you know they didn't? Maybe they did...but like I said, they became un-smitten as quickly as they became smitten!
Author Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Not too long ago I called Uber and the guy driving was Haitian (at least I think he was)....and he would NOT stop going on and on about how beautiful I was.... OMG, I was just so gorgeous, this and that..... he kept turning around to stare at me, seemingly in awe....and trust me I am NOT one to brag about these things, but he just would not stop!! LOL hahahaha!!! OMG, that was hilarious!! I'm SO glad someone knows now what I'm dealing with !!! Out of curiosity though, I did a google search and found several descriptions of them also being incredibly possessive and controlling.... but who knows. Oh yes, I was aware of that and got my antennas out for any signs. By the way, have you asked him to slow down a bit....that he's coming on a tad (lol @ tad) too strong? No I haven't. My theory is he cannot keep it up, he'll have to slow down at some point lol. I figure they're like this for a short phase at the beginning. A little bit like a rooster does his dance for the hen. p.s. Purge those thoughts about August guy! Which one was he BTW? The lawyer or the hunky guy (you had a name for him but can't remember)...but you slept with him first night he came over, you tantalized him with your low cut dress...lol). Him? hhmm how did I call that one..OH the man from France. Skinny man I could not stand for 3 dates then I could not get enough of him. *rolling eyes*
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 hahahaha!!! OMG, that was hilarious!! I'm SO glad someone knows now what I'm dealing with !!! Oh yes, I was aware of that and got my antennas out for any signs. No I haven't. My theory is he cannot keep it up, he'll have to slow down at some point lol. I figure they're like this for a short phase at the beginning. A little bit like a rooster does his dance for the hen. hhmm how did I call that one..OH the man from France. Skinny man I could not stand for 3 dates then I could not get enough of him. *rolling eyes* No it was Adonis! Big muscle man, your first date he picked you up and you were wearing "that" dress (boobs pushed up...lol), and you never even made it out the door! I don't remember him being from France..... Can't believe you don't remember! You are soooo bad....lol.
joseb Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Leigh you are too cute girl! :bunny: FB official? Sounds serious! I have never ever ever been FB official!
Cupid's Puppet Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Gaeta I date interculturally and culture may play a factor. I dated a Haitian guy before. He was not declaring his love for me on the first date, but he did tell me he once lost a girl by telling her he loved her too early. I only dated one Haitian so I can't generalize, but he got serious very early on and wanted exclusivity. He didn't seem very into me though. He seemed more into my looks. And that is a common thread I find with these different cultures of men. All it takes is a beautiful woman to make them fall in love. This seems like something common among Latinos and Hispanics too. That is why I said you two may have different definitions of love. A lot of men fall in love with looks not personality. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 go on another date or two, tell him how you feel that you're not quite "there" yet. I would be open and honest about my reservations as it's quite a bombshell to tell someone they love you on the first date. Yeah you could put that down to inexperience, being single for "x" amount of years... Guys when they are rusty do some pretty annoying things, they stalk, they go crazy they message ridiculous amounts... and perhaps even say the L word. But I would also be flattered that you captured someones attention so suddenly. Must mean that you're pretty gosh darn cute. I would be honest, and tell him to relax a bit, go on a few more dates and see how you feel, if sparks are still not showing up and you're still unsure, call it a day? No harm done
Author Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 No it was Adonis! Big muscle man, your first date he picked you up and you were wearing "that" dress (boobs pushed up...lol), and you never even made it out the door! I don't remember him being from France..... Can't believe you don't remember! You are soooo bad....lol. I regret not keeping track of all those men. August man my thoughts go back to is not Adonis. I gave Adonis his severance pay a while back as well as jewelry guy.
Carm Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Perhaps, it's a culture difference but honestly I'd be running the other way. We teach our children to watch out, don't accept candy from strangers and yet we as women can't safeguard ourselves? Why are you accepting such flattery without even raising your eyebrow?? Please don't say you have because if you truly have, you would NOT be flattered by this. Normal people do not do this. They don't engage in over the top flattery, they don't say they love you without even knowing you. They don't say you can use my home anytime you like on a second date. Geez, Gaeta....I would be so turned off by this. This makes me grateful that I'm not single and grateful that my bf took a long time to profess his love for me. 1
Author Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Gaeta I date interculturally and culture may play a factor. I dated a Haitian guy before. He was not declaring his love for me on the first date' date=' but he did tell me he once lost a girl by telling her he loved her too early. I only dated one Haitian so I can't generalize, but he got serious very early on and wanted exclusivity. He didn't seem very into me though. He seemed more into my looks. And that is a common thread I find with these different cultures of men. All it takes is a beautiful woman to make them fall in love. This seems like something common among Latinos and Hispanics too. That is why I said you two may have different definitions of love. A lot of men fall in love with looks not personality.[/quote'] He is definitely in love with my image and not me. He knows nothing about me and doesn't seem to be interested in asking any questions. He expresses a lot in words his attractions, that he thinks about me all the time. This morning he text me he looks at my pictures often. He also says all the time he wants to see me BUT I don't get a date invitation. I know he expects me to go see him or me inviting him over, that's his 'seeing me'. I think yes there is a lot of cultural differences at play BUT I think when it comes to courting a lady the proper way, inviting her out on a proper date, is pretty much universal, would you say? Were you invited out on dates?
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Gaeta I date interculturally and culture may play a factor. I dated a Haitian guy before. He was not declaring his love for me on the first date, but he did tell me he once lost a girl by telling her he loved her too early. I only dated one Haitian so I can't generalize, but he got serious very early on and wanted exclusivity. He didn't seem very into me though. He seemed more into my looks. And that is a common thread I find with these different cultures of men. All it takes is a beautiful woman to make them fall in love. This seems like something common among Latinos and Hispanics too. That is why I said you two may have different definitions of love. ***A lot of men fall in love with looks not personality***. That's not love, it's physical attraction which is is fleeting.... and means jack shyt in the grand scheme of things. This guy is living in fantasy land ....ugh. Which is why it is smart to take his words with a grain of salt ...he doesn't even know you Franky it sounds to me like he just wants sex anyway, he is not even asking you (Gaeta) out on dates!. This is not cultural, that's just another excuse. He knows what to do, he is living in Canada not Haiti. He chooses to not put forth any effort because the guy is full of crap and wants sex. I'd be insulted, NOT flattered! Edited September 17, 2015 by katiegrl 1
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Gaeta, jmo but it might be wise to explore (within yourself or with the help of a professional) why you're flattered by this nonsense. This isn't the first time. I agree with what Leigh said, I'd be annoyed ....as well as insulted and if it got bad enough ....repulsed. I believe most emotionally healthy women would feel the same. Certainly not entertained or flattered that's for damn sure. Edited September 17, 2015 by katiegrl
Author Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Gaeta, jmo but it might be wise to explore (within yourself or with the help of a professional) why you're flattered by this nonsense. This isn't the first time. I agree with what Leigh said, I'd be annoyed ....as well as insulted and if it got bad enough ....repulsed. I believe most emotionally healthy women would feel the same. Certainly not entertained that's for damn sure. This is not flattering to me. This would get to the head of a woman that's not used to getting compliments and it's not my case. I want to know how long he can keep this up. I'm sacrificing myself in an experiment here ;-)
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Another thing to consider is if a man is genuine and not leading women on then he should not have too many crazy exs on the internet. Plus 'Big D*ck,' is not offensive if one is mad at a man! It would have been 'Little D*ck.' Re the big d*ck comment, it would not surprise me if HE created a pseudo and posted that comment himself knowing or hoping Gaeta would see it. He wants sex and is pulling out all the stops. He posted the big d*ck comment (as a pseudo) in an attempt to entice her. It's part of his *game,* and may have worked for him in the past. I mean the timing of that comment (right after he met her?) was just too *perfect* to be coincidental...IMO. Edited September 17, 2015 by katiegrl 1
craw Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Never mind. I can't seem to delete on mobile. Edited September 17, 2015 by craw
Carm Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Gaeta, one of your last posts on this thread says you're not flattered but earlier on you say I enjoy the attention, compliments and affection.... These contradict one another. I do not enjoy attention that is not genuine or based on me as a person. In my profession (personal trainer) I often get guys coming onto me. I'm not flattered. I'm flattered by my boyfriend who took the time to fall in love with me and thinks I'm beautiful from the inside out. I just don't get this but I do sincerely wish you luck!! This is not flattering to me. This would get to the head of a woman that's not used to getting compliments and it's not my case. I enjoy the attention, compliments and affection. I never was the kind to fall during first couple of dates, my feelings need time to fire-start. 1
Author Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Gaeta, one of your last posts on this thread says you're not flattered but earlier on you say I enjoy the attention, compliments and affection.... Yes when what he gives me is normal I enjoy it but I don't enjoy being called a goddess, or being told I have power over him, or being compared to the stars or being told he'll love me forever. THAT is not flattery I enjoy. When we went to the park together it was enjoyable. Having my hand held and being treated with normal male attention, I enjoyed. Then when he had me visit his place and he started with his 18th century romance - that turned me off. 1
Author Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 I just don't get this but I do sincerely wish you luck!! I don't need luck as I am putting no hope in this. I'm taking a break from being online. I just want to see where this will go. I have come across a few men like him but I never took it further a 1st meeting. I am curious to see if I stick around how the men evolves in the relationship. Also, I have mentioned even though he says he's crazy about me I don't have any date invitation and we're Thursday. I know he expects me to visit him or invite him over. That ain't gonna happen. My plan is to ask him : how does a haitian man pursue a lady he's interested in....and I will listen.
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Yes when what he gives me is normal I enjoy it --- ***but I don't enjoy being called a goddess, or being told I have power over him, or being compared to the stars or being told he'll love me forever.*** --- THAT is not flattery I enjoy. When we went to the park together it was enjoyable. Having my hand held and being treated with normal male attention, I enjoyed. Then when he had me visit his place and he started with his 18th century romance - that turned me off. Oh good god, what a bunch of garbage. Nauseating, seriously. No of course you don't enjoy it because it's not real ... it all BS. The fact you are still engaging with him (even as some sort of an experiment) propels him forward. You are starting to bite, so he amps it up... Curious to how you respond to all these declarations of "love" etc. I would venture to guess most women would have tossed this piece if garbage out with *their* garbage by now. He is probably shocked you are still engaging. I
Carm Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 If that is what he has told you then why bother seeing how things play out? It's not normal or healthy human behaviour. I'd be so put off by him that there would be no further dates. Yes when what he gives me is normal I enjoy it but I don't enjoy being called a goddess, or being told I have power over him, or being compared to the stars or being told he'll love me forever. THAT is not flattery I enjoy. When we went to the park together it was enjoyable. Having my hand held and being treated with normal male attention, I enjoyed. Then when he had me visit his place and he started with his 18th century romance - that turned me off.
Author Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Oh good god, what a bunch of garbage. Nauseating, seriously. No of course you don't enjoy it because it's not real ... it all BS. The fact you are still engaging with him (even as some sort of an experiment) propels him forward. You are starting to bite, so he amps it up... Curious to how you respond to all these declarations of "love" etc. I would venture to guess most women would have tossed this piece if garbage out with *their* garbage by now. He is probably shocked you are still engaging. LOL, I must be super bored How I respond: Him: You make me the happiest man in the world, you are part of me now! Me: Smile - You have cnn?
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Gaeta, I do hope by now you realize you are being love bombed. All that talk about him being willing to wait for sex to whenver you're comfortable and ready, his place is your place, etc etc were all an attempt to create a false intimacy ... so you "would* be comfortable having sex! But where are the dates? Where is he putting forth any effort? Other than bombarding you with meaningless garbage like he will love you forever and you are a goddess, you are part of him now? It is all BS love bombing ....yuck! 1
GemmaUK Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 To be totally honest I can't see what this experiment is going to achieve? It's not as if you are into him, you sound like you're mocking him somewhat to be fair. If he isn't still asking you on dates then he is fading anyway but a few texts and or calls with flowery words (which he seems to think you like) to encourage a game of pants off Twister isn't much effort to put in. A better experiment would be to ditch this one, date other men who you are interested in and learn to act upon the instincts you get. You seem to date someone, get a bad instinct about them, ask about it, ignore your instinct and then 'wait and see' always. Each one of your instincts seems to have been spot on so far as to whether to bother dating again as each guy seems to have faded/flaked/gone AWOL. Another thing that this guy has made me see is that with a man you like you are very available, very ready for sex, very contactable. In other words you are doing all the things they would 'want you to do' in the same way as this guy is telling you 'all you want to hear'. Except....you don't want to hear all this stuff, and it's likely that the guys you like don't want you to be so available and accommodating. Plus, 'waiting to see' when a guy has done something worthy of an instinctive reaction from you (last part bolded) he may get told about it but he gets away with it so not only are you very accommodating but he can pretty much do as he wishes. This guy is slightly different, you have red flags already but you haven't acted upon them so that's the same as usual. You are not actually into him so you were not counter offering dates (from the sound of it when he was asking) and you're texting about CNN. He hasn't asked you out again and I don't think you would really even want to go if he did ask. He will fade Dump this one and either take a real break or date others but use the instincts you have. I think your instincts are what is causing most of the problems in your dating life but it's not really even that it's due to the fact you don't really listen to them and act upon them. Sorry if this sounds harsh. It's just what I see. 3
katiegrl Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) It just occurred to me that HE may be playing with you as well. It's become a game to him now.... sheer entertainment (same as you). I mean he can't possibly think you are actually falling for all this BS -- "you are part of me now," -- who says this crap after two dates (and thinks ANY woman is gonna fall for it)! HE is waiting to see how long you continue engaging with him (amping the BS up even more each time) ... and YOU are waiting to see how long HE keeps engaging! You've got one thing going for ya..... you're on the same page at least. Both playing with each other for fun and entertainment. Gah. Edited September 17, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Celeste.Carol Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Honestly, how did you not burst out laughing when he compared you to the stars and the moon, you two are now part of one? If I had been drinking anything, coffee or wine, I would have spewed it like a gusher from a burst of laughter. It is not sexy at all. 2
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