He fell in love after 1 date !

[Gaeta]

We went for a walk in a park early evening. It was a beautiful evening. We watched a soccer games for a while and socialized with the crowd. Was nice to see he has nice social skills and has nice gentleman manners. We then proceeded to walk the trails (I had my dog with me).

 

After our park activity he invited me to visit his place, I accepted. I remember one of my ex-dater telling me I need to visit these men's place asap to confirm they're single.

 

His place is super clean, tidy. It's another quality I appreciate.

 

We spoke about relationships, how we are in relationships, what are our expectations, fears, etc. At some point he told me he falls in love fast and he falls hard. That he knows it's scary but he's always been like this and he doesn't want to hold back on who he is. He said he's not all talk though, he's a man of actions and he his first action was to delete his profile,and I'll see many more actions.

 

Then he told me he'd like us to be a couple, not to jump into anything fast but meaning we don't advertise ourselves as single anymore to our surrounding.

 

Then I addressed the intimacy. I said I would like us to get to know each other a little more before we get intimate. I don't want to burn the candle by both ends. He said anything I wish, we have plenty of time.

 

He works night and starts at 22h30. When we left he said I was welcome to his place anytime I wish, night and day, to consider this my place.

 

Oufff it's a bit overwhelming but I have not run away yet.

Edited September 16, 2015 by Gaeta

[neowulf]

We went for a walk in a park early evening. It was a beautiful evening. We watched a soccer games for a while and socialized with the crowd. Was nice to see he has nice social skills and has nice gentleman manners. We then proceeded to walk the trails (I had my dog with me).

 

After our park activity he invited me to visit his place, I accepted. I remember one of my ex-dater telling me I need to visit these men's place asap to confirm they're single.

 

His place is super clean, tidy. It's another quality I appreciate.

 

We spoke about relationships, how we are in relationships, what are our expectations, fears, etc. At some point he told me he falls in love fast and he falls hard. That he knows it's scary but he's always been like this and he doesn't want to hold back on who he is. He said he's not all talk though, he's a man of actions and he his first action was to delete his profile,and I'll see many more actions.

 

Then he told me he'd like us to be a couple, not to jump into anything fast but meaning we don't advertise ourselves as single anymore to our surrounding.

 

Then I addressed the intimacy. I said I would like us to get to know each other a little more before we get intimate. I don't want to burn the candle by both ends. He said anything I wish, we have plenty of time.

 

He works night and starts at 22h30. When we left he said I was welcome to his place anytime I wish, night and day, to consider this my place.

 

Oufff it's a bit overwhelming but I have not run away yet.

 

Eh, I know the type. Straight shooter, dives in hard and fast once he's made his mind up. That's ok for him. What about you?

 

Asking you to be "exclusive" after a single date?

Consider his place, your place?

 

I guess it's normal for one of a couple to be the one with the foot on the brakes. I can't imagine going so full on, so quickly with someone I'd just met and knew nothing about.

 

So long as he respects your boundaries and is willing to move at your pace, I don't really see the issue.

 

Wow, between you and Toodaloo! It's nice to see you ladies have some happiness

[Gaeta]

Eh, I know the type. Straight shooter, dives in hard and fast once he's made his mind up. That's ok for him. What about you?

I enjoy the attention, compliments and affection. I never was the kind to fall during first couple of dates, my feelings need time to fire-start.

 

Asking you to be "exclusive" after a single date?

Consider his place, your place?

It was second time we spent time together. Asking for exclusivity so fast is not very common but it's not unheard of. My ex-boyfriend asked me on our 3rd date. If I like the guy and got nothing else going why not. It's not a marriage I can get out of this anytime I wish.

 

Wow, between you and Toodaloo! It's nice to see you ladies have some happiness

The only thing I regret is I am not smitten like Toodaloo.

[Maharishi]

Serial killer?

[katiegrl]

blowtorcher and love bombing. Ok I'm on it. What did we do before google eh!

 

Gaeta just curious ...but did you ever google love bombing? Wow I just did yesterday..... it's all over the Internet, wikipedia even has a definition for it. If you haven't, please do.

 

Quite enlightening.... and knowledge is power.

 

Also, what does he do for a living? Doesn't go into work until 22h30 hours? That is 10:30 pm here in the U.S. That's late!

 

Enjoy but be careful .... observe actions, move slowly sexually... which may be easy to do anyway since you're not smitten.

 

That is my only advice.

 

Oh and have fun!

Edited September 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Gaeta, one more thing. You said he told you he *always* falls in love fast.

 

FWIW at this point, I consider that a big red flag.

 

Speaking personally, my bf told me he usually does NOT fall in love fast, if ever actually, but with ME he did. And I am the exact same.

 

That is what I want for you. To meet a man who does not fall in love fast, but to him you are so special, that he could not help himself.

 

Why would you want a guy who falls in love so easily with who knows how many women before you?

 

That wouldn't make me feel very special.

 

Again just me. You may be different.

 

Good luck.

Edited September 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[Art_Critic]

When we left he said I was welcome to his place anytime I wish, night and day, to consider this my place.

 

.... seriously.. he is trying pretty hard to get your panties off you without you even realizing they are sliding off...

 

 

Who does that.. tells someone to consider his place theirs when you have only just met ? at the very least the guy needs to show some self respect for himself and his property, does he have no boundaries ?

[katiegrl]

Gaeta, one more thing. You said he told you he *always* falls in love fast.

 

FWIW at this point, I consider that a big red flag.

 

Speaking personally, my bf told me he usually does NOT fall in love fast, if ever actually, but with ME he did. And I am the exact same.

 

That is what I want for you. To meet a man who does not fall in love fast, but to him you are so special, that he could not help himself.

 

Why would you want a guy who falls in love so easily with who knows how many women before you?

 

That wouldn't make me feel very special.

 

Again just me. You may be different.

 

Good luck.

 

Too add ..and again just curious, but what happened with all those women he fell in love with so fast? Does not sound like he takes being in love all that seriously.

 

Hate to be a downer, but I presume you are thinking about these things....

[katiegrl]

.... seriously.. he is trying pretty hard to get your panties off you without you even realizing they are sliding off...

 

 

Who does that.. tells someone to consider his place theirs when you have only just met ? at the very least the guy needs to show some self respect for himself and his property, does he have no boundaries ?

 

Who does that? A love bomber, that's who....ugh.

 

Gaeta hun, please be careful with this one.....

[ZA Dater]

Who does that? A love bomber, that's who....ugh.

 

Sounds like a guy who is on the wrong side of the "over enthusiastic" line.

[katiegrl]

Sounds like a guy who is on the wrong side of the "over enthusiastic" line.

 

I just read about love bombing yesterday ...googled it.

 

I was shocked.

 

This guy *does* fit the profile (so far) ....but we shall see, assuming Gaeta keeps dating him.

 

Hope I am wrong though and that this works out for her.....so many red flags but trying to stay positive.

[joseb]

I thought love bombing was well known, but maybe thats just because im familiar with cluster bs.

 

It does sound like a posibility here. But i wouldnt write him off this early. Good to be aware of the signs though.

[ZA Dater]

From where I sit, the problem here is a guy who has over shown interest if that make sense.

 

Too much too soon, probably because he was really battled with dating in the past.

[katiegrl]

From where I sit, the problem here is a guy who has over shown interest if that make sense.

 

Too much too soon, probably because he was really battled with dating in the past.

 

Maybe. According to him, all his ex's were psychos (see Gaeta's earlier post).

 

I wonder why.

 

Could it be he came on super strong with them too, manipulated them into a false intimacy (love bombing) ....then changed his mind or disappeared? That could certainly turn even the most sane woman slightly psycho.

 

Kinda makes you go hmmmm, doesn't it?

 

Anyhoo, I AM still trying to stay positive here, keep an open mind.

 

Time will tell.

[Toodaloo]

Gaeta

 

Fart at him.

 

See how much he loves you then. If he still does, carry on, if not then he isn't all that great anyway and is in love with the fantasy he has going on in his head not the woman that is standing alongside him.

 

Being a lady, I know that you will struggle with this. So I suggest eating either Mexican or Indian food that is really spicy coupled in with some fizzy larger or champers to help "brew" it up.

 

No belching mind, and no lifting a leg as you do it, that would be too coarse. Just a big smelly fart. Preferably with bit of a toot to it as well.

[Gaeta]

Ok, I'm gonna throw in a wild card now.

 

You guys know anything about Haitian men? They are known for laying it really really thick with the ladies. Haitian women are used to it, white women not so much, but I've been dating enough foreigners in the past 3 years to know some of this is cultural.

 

Kind of interesting there is another thread on here about how politically incorrect it is to ask someone's race or culture. The politically correct thing to do would have been to continue this thread without ever mentioning his nationality. As you see, race, culture, nationality, call it what ever, IS important in the big picture.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, one more thing. You said he told you he *always* falls in love fast.

 

FWIW at this point, I consider that a big red flag.

 

Speaking personally, my bf told me he usually does NOT fall in love fast, if ever actually, but with ME he did. And I am the exact same.

 

That is what I want for you. To meet a man who does not fall in love fast, but to him you are so special, that he could not help himself.

 

Why would you want a guy who falls in love so easily with who knows how many women before you?

 

That wouldn't make me feel very special.

 

Again just me. You may be different.

 

Good luck.

 

Someone that falls in love fast and strongly is different than falling in love easily. WHEN they fall in love it's fast and furious. Doesn't mean they fall in love with everything that moves.

[katiegrl]

Someone that falls in love fast and strongly is different than falling in love easily. WHEN they fall in love it's fast and furious. Doesn't mean they fall in love with everything that moves.

 

Okay...my bad.

 

Gaeta, just continue dating him (which you have chosen to do,), nevermind what we think.

 

We are not the ones dating him, you are.

 

Your opinion of him is all that matters.

[No_Go]

This sounds way over the top... Not that he's feeling it, but that he is SAYING it.

 

I had a very bitter experience with a guy like this. He was so "smitten" that he suggested me moving in together after a week!, we did move in after a month, only to discover that:

- he would be homeless otherwise because before moving in with me he was just surf couching in his ex girlfriend (who was chasing him to pay rent, and he presented that this was his roommate abusing him )

- unemployed for two years, disfunctional alcoholic

 

Just sharing this because I payed a very very bitter price for buying his love claims...

 

Here how it went.

 

He was going on and on about things he finds 'perfect' about me. He has a really bad case of infatuation. He loves my hair, my face, my teeth (lol), my voice, the tone of my skin, everything.

 

Then he said: You're so perfect in every way (silence) I fell in love with you instantly.

 

Then he pursues with it's so bad he can't eat or sleep, he feels full of energy like never before and he could battle any obstacles in front of him, then he said something about I have infinite power over him.

 

I replied: .....wow

 

What else ? lol

 

Then I said: don't put me on such a high pedestal cause I'm gonna come down from it at some point and it's gonna be hard for both of us. He replied something like 'I'll catch you'

[Gaeta]

This sounds way over the top... Not that he's feeling it, but that he is SAYING it.

 

I had a very bitter experience with a guy like this. He was so "smitten" that he suggested me moving in together after a week!, we did move in after a month, only to discover that:

- he would be homeless otherwise because before moving in with me he was just surf couching in his ex girlfriend (who was chasing him to pay rent, and he presented that this was his roommate abusing him )

- unemployed for two years, disfunctional alcoholic

 

Just sharing this because I payed a very very bitter price for buying his love claims...

 

I am sorry you went through that.

 

I may be somewhat naive but there is no chance in hell I would have someone move in with me under a year dating. I am extremely rigid about this. I have been living alone for 11 years I cannot suddenly being invaded. Also, I am not smitten with him so no chances of me doing anything impulsive.

[No_Go]

As a matter of fact, I was not smitten either. I was very attracted to his looks, and to the fact that he showered me with attention, but I felt emotionally distant... My loneliness was the key factor to make me do the stupid move of signing a lease with him (which I they paid every time, full time).

 

You sound way more experienced and levelheaded, but still, beware for manipulations. In my case was financial (the lease), but could be other types too, doesn't necessarily involve moving in. Just gaining your trust

 

Could be a cultural thing too, to a some extent, but again, from your description, it sounds it is beyond that... I'd fish more background information if I were you.

 

I am sorry you went through that.

 

I may be somewhat naive but there is no chance in hell I would have someone move in with me under a year dating. I am extremely rigid about this. I have been living alone for 11 years I cannot suddenly being invaded. Also, I am not smitten with him so no chances of me doing anything impulsive.

[MissBee]

Gaeta, one more thing. You said he told you he *always* falls in love fast.

 

FWIW at this point, I consider that a big red flag.

 

Speaking personally, my bf told me he usually does NOT fall in love fast, if ever actually, but with ME he did. And I am the exact same.

 

That is what I want for you. To meet a man who does not fall in love fast, but to him you are so special, that he could not help himself.

 

Why would you want a guy who falls in love so easily with who knows how many women before you?

 

That wouldn't make me feel very special.

 

Again just me. You may be different.

 

Good luck.

 

I thought the same thing.

 

ALL the people I know who "fall in love fast" seem to be very impulsive and fickle where they don't really take the time to know themselves or anyone deeply and are hasty and a bit superficial, where their declarations of "love" are not built on ANYTHING but clouds. When you're 15 it my be cute...51, uhh...come on.

 

I had one ex who was this way, but he wasn't as bad as this guy, he was in love after two weeks and I wasn't, but I let myself get carried away by his eloquent speeches, even though my better sense was saying this is crazy, but I liked that he seemed so enamored with me and convinced myself that maybe this was really real. He was also divorced and in his twenties. Long story short, we broke up some months later because he "fell out of love" and I kid you not, within the year had 5 other gfs that he was on FB also saying how they were each the one and he was madly in love with them ....he would also come back after each break up to try to get back with me and I remember asking him how can he possibly be inlove so many times and he said how he falls in love easily....ughh...yea...RED FLAG! He doesn't know himself and he lives for the fantasy. I would feel much more secure with a man who actually takes the time to fall in love so I know it's real rather than Mr. I Fall InLove Every Tuesday.

 

 

Gaeta, it seems you wanna play it out and see. But if we're gonna put money on this I'd wager that this dude is full of shyt and you'll be back shortly to tell the tale of how it fell apart and it won't at all be surprising. I'm in my twenties and I know this is BS, I think if one is twice the age with much more experience you should also know it too and ask yourself why you like to bet against the odds with these guys...

 

People have suggested it, I know I have, and you've consistently refused, but what the heck, I'll suggest it again. It may be good to get an outside perspective from a professional therapist whose specialty is in relationships and with couples who you can talk to about your dating experiences, thought processes, choices you make, how you feel about it etc...and hear their feedback. This of course is something you need to want to do, as if not, you'll simply be resistant to it and it won't help you. I remember when it has been brought up you're like nothing is "wrong" with you and you don't need it and I did say that speaking to a third party who has seen a lot of folks and is a professional isn't shameful or only for those with disorders or actual mental illness, we ALL have issues and unproductive patterns that we get stuck in and if we're doing something hundreds of times to no avail, it's a little stubborn to keep saying we have bad luck or don't need help to navigate things in a different way. I actually have an appointment tomorrow because I've done a lot of work on my own but feel like I've hit a wall where pretty much every single man I meet ends up emotionally unavailable, this is obviously a stubborn pattern and it's not just bad luck, and I am honest, I realize it but don't really know how to avoid it because when I think I am, I'm not, so I'm gonna see a third party who may be able to offer me some insight into my own behaviors, blocks, etc...because I am not interested in meeting 100 more men or wasting my time again and again for the foreseeable future when the common denominator is me. Just a suggestion, you may find it changes things greatly for you.

Edited September 16, 2015 by MissBee

[Gaeta]

I am pretty detached from this current man. I am not smitten, no butterflies, I know his behavior is uncommon, out of norms, marginal, but I see nothing dangerous or abusive.

 

You guys worry as if I was falling in love here. You should worry about Toodaloo ;-) who's love sick after 4 days, not me.

 

I'm simply entertaining myself.

[katiegrl]

I thought the same thing.

 

ALL the people I know who "fall in love fast" seem to be very impulsive and fickle where they don't really take the time to know themselves or anyone deeply and are hasty and a bit superficial, where their declarations of "love" are not built on ANYTHING but clouds. When you're 15 it my be cute...51, uhh...come on.

 

I had one ex who was this way, but he wasn't as bad as this guy, he was in love after two weeks and I wasn't, but I let myself get carried away by his eloquent speeches, even though my better sense was saying this is crazy, but I liked that he seemed so enamored with me and convinced myself that maybe this was really real. He was also divorced and in his twenties. Long story short, we broke up some months later because he "fell out of love" and I kid you not, within the year had 5 other gfs that he was on FB also saying how they were each the one and he was madly in love with them ....he would also come back after each break up to try to get back with me and I remember asking him how can he possibly be inlove so many times and he said how he falls in love easily....ughh...yea...RED FLAG! He doesn't know himself and he lives for the fantasy. I would feel much more secure with a man who actually takes the time to fall in love so I know it's real rather than Mr. I Fall InLove Every Tuesday.

 

 

Gaeta, it seems you wanna play it out and see. But if we're gonna put money on this I'd wager that this dude is full of shyt and you'll be back shortly to tell the tale of how it fell apart and it won't at all be surprising. I'm in my twenties and I know this is BS, I think if one is twice the age with much more experience you should also know it too and ask yourself why you like to bet against the odds with these guys...

 

People have suggested it, I know I have, and you've consistently refused, but what the heck, I'll suggest it again. It may be good to get an outside perspective from a professional therapist whose specialty is in relationships and with couples who you can talk to about your dating experiences, thought processes, choices you make, how you feel about it etc...and hear their feedback. This of course is something you need to want to do, as if not, you'll simply be resistant to it and it won't help you. I remember when it has been brought up you're like nothing is "wrong" with you and you don't need it and I did say that speaking to a third party who has seen a lot of folks and is a professional isn't shameful or only for those with disorders or actual mental illness, we ALL have issues and unproductive patterns that we get stuck in and if we're doing something hundreds of times to no avail, it's a little stubborn to keep saying we have bad luck or don't need help to navigate things in a different way. I actually have an appointment tomorrow because I've done a lot of work on my own but feel like I've hit a wall where pretty much every single man I meet ends up emotionally unavailable, this is obviously a stubborn pattern and it's not just bad luck, and I am honest, I realize it but don't really know how to avoid it because when I think I am, I'm not, so I'm gonna see a third party who may be able to offer me some insight into my own behaviors, blocks, etc...because I am not interested in meeting 100 more men or wasting my time again and again for the foreseeable future when the common denominator is me. Just a suggestion, you may find it changes things greatly for you.

 

 

I think Gaeta does know it .... because if this were another female poster writing this and Gaeta was advising her, she would be responding exactly the same way, giving the same advice we all have all been giving to her.... but for some reason unbeknownst to me, when it pertains to a situation she is experiencing, she just doesn't see it.

 

 

Gaeta gives awesome advice, totally on point... in fact I am often amazed at how perceptive she is....but again when it comes to herself and her own situation, she justifies, rationalizes and defends.... until it becomes glaringly obvious the guy is full of crap ... or he leaves or disappears ..... whichever comes first.

 

 

Apologies Gaeta for talking about you in the third person.

Edited September 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

I am pretty detached from this current man. I am not smitten, no butterflies, I know his behavior is uncommon, out of norms, marginal, but I see nothing dangerous or abusive.

 

You guys worry as if I was falling in love here. You should worry about Toodaloo ;-) who's love sick after 4 days, not me.

 

I'm simply entertaining myself.

 

 

Gaeta please.... you like him enough to agree to date him exclusively and take your profile down.

 

 

For what, to entertain yourself? Really?