MissBee Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Yep! Suggestions? Not really sure what you mean by suggestions, but I'll take a stab at it: This is clearly someone impulsive and probably prone to flattery or fantasy. If you like him otherwise, see him again and keep things at a REASONABLE pace for you. But in my experience, anyone who claims they're inlove after the first date is usually someone who is in love with the idea of love and the fantasy that they just pin on to a stranger, because no matter how beautiful, nice, funny, perfect you are, he still doesn't know you well and most sane people know that you need far more time to solidify true feelings. Even if you THINK this person could potentially be someone special in the future, most normal folks aren't going to announce being in love after one meeting... It's a red flag at best that he's so quick to declare this.
Grumpybutfun Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Here how it went. He was going on and on about things he finds 'perfect' about me. He has a really bad case of infatuation. He loves my hair, my face, my teeth (lol), my voice, the tone of my skin, everything. Then he said: You're so perfect in every way (silence) I fell in love with you instantly. Then he pursues with it's so bad he can't eat or sleep, he feels full of energy like never before and he could battle any obstacles in front of him, then he said something about I have infinite power over him. I replied: .....wow What else ? lol Then I said: don't put me on such a high pedestal cause I'm gonna come down from it at some point and it's gonna be hard for both of us. He replied something like 'I'll catch you' In the olden days, before my time or yours, there was a thing called romance. It was a dance of pretty words and deeds where things were expressed in fits of passion and intrigue and the other person didn't guard themselves or think about it too much, analyzing it online or with their Therapists or support group. It was a given that given both parties thought the other was acceptable, they would marry in a pastoral church in a verdant field while images of fat healthy babies and regular sexual relations floated in their heads giving them something to think about other than work, toil, church and death. We have since moved on from that idealistic time and so when usual words of romance come we field our armor and wonder about the mental health of people, wondering if they are manipulative or players or users. Yes, I felt very taken by my wife in a Shakespearian sonnet or Air Supply way, but I kept it to myself because words are just words in the eye of the storm of infatuation. No, it wasn't because I was a male that I didn't express it, it was that I didn't want to scare her with the force of my admiration and desire. I think he wants you to think he is smitten and trying to romance you in a very old fashioned idealistic way. Unfortunately for him, you aren't a dewey young girl who believes in the spark and bloom of infatuation and romantic blindness to the detriment of all reason. I also feel that time period is truly gone because people really are so jaded and manipulative, trying to feed their ego to the detriment of other people's feelings. There will be other red flags that will arise....time can only tell if someone is genuine or not. Usually the ones who pander too hard aren't sincere. Good luck, Grumps Edited September 15, 2015 by Grumpybutfun
Diezel Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I'd think by now, someone who has dated over 100+ men over the course of a few years, would know better than to make this thread. You already know what's up. 1
Bob Morton Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) HOLY SH$T I just went online I had not gone in a while. They changed the whole visual of the dating sites and options that used to be only for paying members are now available to all. There were 2 secret comments on his profile I was unable to see before and that I can see now. AHHHH!! I feel sick lol First comment was written in February and it talks about playing strip poker Second comment was 2 DAYS AGO and the woman replies to the February comment saying: Lucky you if you win you will get to see his big d*ck!! OMG!!!! Im sorry but I dont understand all the "Run gaetta run!!" stuff regarding this info. How does this change him or his story or anything at all? Why should she run? Cause some chick put some messages on his page? Really? What does the winner in strip poker get, of not seeing other perso naked? Why you all act like she dodged a bullet or something? Jeesh cant believe this: So much for him being a "hopeless romantic".... Ugh. Another bullet dodged thanks to messages you found on line... I want to say something, but I know YOU already know so no need to say it. But girl.....PHEW ....someone's watching out for ya.....let's call it your little angel.... :) Next! So hopeless romantics are not allowed to flirt with anyone or speak about sexual things? The only things i see there is that some chick that he either only talked to about strip poker or met back in february, was browsing through old profiles and saw her old comment, and since everything is public now decided to cheer up someone who he might currently be seeing. Regarding I love you stuff. Hes been single for 7 years and now finally has stumbled upon a person that brought a spark into him. How do you think he feels? Sure he might be exagerating but he just cant believe the fact that he had finally had met someone like you that brought a sensation to his life. If I had finally met someone I liked so much right from the start and got comfortable to let her know how much I like her, so theres no games etc, and then shed end it just because of that then Id completely loose faith in humanity. Edited September 15, 2015 by Bob Morton
Author Gaeta Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 So, he texted me while I was posting this. I said: Have you seen the comments on your profile left by other women? He said no, he went online to look and told me he couldn't find where comments were posted and asked what those comments were saying. I enlightened him. He rang my phone. He had his serious hat on. There was no flirting, romance talk, no 'you're my miss perfect'. He said: You know the net is full of crazies right? (how can I answer no to that eh?) He explained he met many women, sometimes he got rejected and often he was the one doing the rejection. He reminded me he had told me over coffee when he first got online he had a crazy phase and it was one woman after the other. He admitted to that. (I did not admit my history, I am sure my number beats his) Sometimes women were very bitter when he didn't want to continue and people react differently to rejection. He said he doesn't know who wrote that comment but probably someone bitter. He got a phone a couple of days ago from a woman he had a 'thing' with and he told her he had met someone he did not want so meet up with her, it could be her, no way to know. He said now he's in a serious mode, he's done always looking for the prettiest and sexiest. He got it out of his system. He likes me, he wants a chance to get to know me and see if we can work. He said he wanted to wait 2-3 weeks to see if him and I would mesh well before deleting his profile but with what had just happened he wanted to show his good fate so he deleted today.
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Im sorry but I dont understand all the "Run gaetta run!!" stuff regarding this info. How does this change him or his story or anything at all? Why should she run? Cause some chick put some messages on his page? Really? What does the winner in strip poker get, of not seeing other perso naked? Why you all act like she dodged a bullet or something? Jeesh cant believe this: So hopeless romantics are not allowed to flirt with anyone or speak about sexual things? The only things i see there is that some chick that he either only talked to about strip poker or met back in february, was browsing through old profiles and saw her old comment, and since everything is public now decided to cheer up someone who he might currently be seeing. Regarding I love you stuff. Hes been single for 7 years and now finally has stumbled upon a person that brought a spark into him. How do you think he feels? Sure he might be exagerating but he just cant believe the fact that he had finally had met someone like you that brought a sensation to his life. If I had finally met someone I liked so much right from the start and got comfortable to let her know how much I like her, so theres no games etc, and then shed end it just because of that then Id completely loose faith in humanity. Dude, read my post number 50. If you think that is normal healthy behavior for a 40-50+ year old man....then whoopee for you. I don't, and as a woman who has experienced this type of behavior from a man numerous times....I have learned NOT to trust a man who comes on like this. And for the record, yeah my boyfriend and I fell SUPER HARD for each other the first night we met.... but if he had said that type of crap to me on first or second date, I would have thought he was off his rocker. Like a said, I am attracted to men who are pragmatic....not men living in never-never land and pulling out all the stops hoping to get a woman to join him. Just me!! Edited September 15, 2015 by katiegrl
Celeste.Carol Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 It depends on the situation and on the man. I try to avoid the player and womanizer types and usually call them out on their own game and checkmate, but they are people too and some can change on their own without coercion for the right woman. The guy I am with has plenty of options, game, and throws out the love bombing, but I have found beneath all that, the real guy, is quite a good guy and more real than the actual good guys I have experienced. He has been patient and sweet toward my expressing my own emotions, questions, and fears lately. (garnered from this site)
GemmaUK Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 So, he texted me while I was posting this. I said: Have you seen the comments on your profile left by other women? He said no, he went online to look and told me he couldn't find where comments were posted and asked what those comments were saying. I enlightened him. He rang my phone. He had his serious hat on. There was no flirting, romance talk, no 'you're my miss perfect'. He said: You know the net is full of crazies right? (how can I answer no to that eh?) He explained he met many women, sometimes he got rejected and often he was the one doing the rejection. He reminded me he had told me over coffee when he first got online he had a crazy phase and it was one woman after the other. He admitted to that. (I did not admit my history, I am sure my number beats his) Sometimes women were very bitter when he didn't want to continue and people react differently to rejection. He said he doesn't know who wrote that comment but probably someone bitter. He got a phone a couple of days ago from a woman he had a 'thing' with and he told her he had met someone he did not want so meet up with her, it could be her, no way to know. He said now he's in a serious mode, he's done always looking for the prettiest and sexiest. He got it out of his system. He likes me, he wants a chance to get to know me and see if we can work. He said he wanted to wait 2-3 weeks to see if him and I would mesh well before deleting his profile but with what had just happened he wanted to show his good fate so he deleted today. Gaaawd! This is becoming laughable! All the ex's are psychos.... he no doubt love bombed each one of them...dearie me! He is hilarious! Good way to get rid of the comments by deleting his profile though..and a good way to get you to remove yours too. He probably won't ask, might just guilt trip you on that one and then he can set a new one up. He sounds very manipulative to me...very... I'm not usually wary or negative like this but he is displaying way too many signs, waaaaay too many!! 2
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 So, he texted me while I was posting this. I said: Have you seen the comments on your profile left by other women? He said no, he went online to look and told me he couldn't find where comments were posted and asked what those comments were saying. I enlightened him. He rang my phone. He had his serious hat on. There was no flirting, romance talk, no 'you're my miss perfect'. He said: You know the net is full of crazies right? (how can I answer no to that eh?) He explained he met many women, sometimes he got rejected and often he was the one doing the rejection. He reminded me he had told me over coffee when he first got online he had a crazy phase and it was one woman after the other. He admitted to that. (I did not admit my history, I am sure my number beats his) Sometimes women were very bitter when he didn't want to continue and people react differently to rejection. He said he doesn't know who wrote that comment but probably someone bitter. He got a phone a couple of days ago from a woman he had a 'thing' with and he told her he had met someone he did not want so meet up with her, it could be her, no way to know. He said now he's in a serious mode, he's done always looking for the prettiest and sexiest. He got it out of his system. He likes me, he wants a chance to get to know me and see if we can work. He said he wanted to wait 2-3 weeks to see if him and I would mesh well before deleting his profile but with what had just happened he wanted to show his good fate so he deleted today. Gaeta, PLEASE tell us you're not actually considering believing any more of this BS, are you? Please????
Author Gaeta Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 Gaeta, PLEASE tell us you're not actually considering believing any more of this BS, are you? Please???? I don't REALLY believe it but I want to play it, only for my entertainment ...and yours lol. Lets make him jump through a couple of loops! no?
Bob Morton Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 And for the record, yeah my boyfriend and I fell SUPER HARD for each other the first night we met.... but if he had said that type of crap to me on first or second date, I would have thought he was off his rocker. Yeah an then you wouldnt be in a happy relationship with him. So who would be right in the end? Better be right and single?
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Yeah an then you wouldnt be in a happy relationship with him. So who would be right in the end? Better be right and single? Excuse me...but we're getting married dude so that theory is out.... :) But yeah you are right.... no I would not be happy in a RL with him (Gaeta's guy).... or any man like him. No woman would be...because given his history (Gaeta's recent post), his relationships don't last long enough for any woman to be happy with him. Edited September 15, 2015 by katiegrl
Bob Morton Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Excuse me...but we're getting married dude so that theory is out.... :) How is that theory out? Do you realise if he had made that mistake of telling you about his feelings on Date1-2, it would be only your fault that you would be not marrying him now? Thats what Id call close call. And now you are suggesting OP to go that way.
GemmaUK Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I don't REALLY believe it but I want to play it, only for my entertainment ...and yours lol. Lets make him jump through a couple of loops! no? It would be fun to but you would need a seriously good strong plan for a guy like him. I think you should step right away. You're not a mean enough person to do it - and that is meant as a compliment from me to you. Be true to yourself. Don't waste another second on him. ETA: Just flake on him... He would hate that! Lol! 1
Author Gaeta Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 No woman would be...because given his history (Gaeta's recent post), his relationships don't last long enough for any woman to be happy with him. He was married for 15 + years. I would not say none of his relationships works. He is single, he played the field, he had fun. Look at me. I have been online 3 years and only managed a 6 month relationship in all that time. Did I play the field? You bet and I got it out of my system and now I am ready to re-invest myself. I am sure some dude somewhere looked at me and said: hhmm single 10+ years, no relationship has lasted more than a few months since, don't touch that chick. Right?
BlueIris Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Yeah an then you wouldnt be in a happy relationship with him. So who would be right in the end? Better be right and single? You seem to be assuming that the guy Gaeta's talking about meant what he said- infinite power over him, not eating or sleeping. (cough) Would you want to be with a woman who was in that state, if it is true? And if it isn't true, would you want to be with a woman who comes on that strong? I just don't see "happy relationship" in either of those cases. But KatieGrl's guy didn't say those things and I bet he was still eating and sleeping despite being dazzled by her.
BlueBlood Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Yeah an then you wouldnt be in a happy relationship with him. So who would be right in the end? Better be right and single? Let's not just pick extremes, there is a middle ground. Obviously you find the idea of your first date with someone involving the phrase I love you and lest we forget 'you have ultimate power over me', to be within your comfort zone. I don't, and here's why. Impulse control. Anyone ready to assign that sort of level of devotion to me, who is for all intents and purposes, a stranger, might also have impulse control issues in other areas of his life. Perhaps other women, gambling, quitting his job on a whim, drinking alcohol, who knows? I am not the sort to hitch myself to someone that shows poor impulse control, or inklings of it. Add to it the over the top compliments (your teeth! Your hair!) and I'd wonder what he was smoking.. Like I'm pretty and smart and all but hey, we just met! Love as I define it takes actually knowing at least the other party's middle name, birthdate, food allergies, and their ideas concerning Star Wars versus Star Trek. All jesting aside, I just don't find this guy and his gestures romantic. Just cloying and scary. To each his own. 1
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 How is that theory out? Do you realise if he had made that mistake of telling you about his feelings on Date1-2, it would be only your fault that you would be not marrying him now? Thats what Id call close call. And now you are suggesting OP to go that way. No he didn't tell me his feelings, he didn't have to. His ACTIONS said it all... as did MY actions tell him all. That's what I go by....ACTIONS. Not a bunch of sweet talk flowery language to flatter me. In time, he verbally expressed his feelings to me....in a normal healthy way. Certainly not by telling me I have infinite power over him. LOL Come on now..... Gemma is right -- this is almost laughable. And for the record, had he been the type to lay it on thick like that....then no I would not be with him today ....because he would not be the type of man am attracted to in the first place! LIKE I SAID, I am attracted to men who are pragmatic....and stable. Not off living in some sort of fantasy land.
Author Gaeta Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 I remember falling for a guy and not being able to sleep !! You've never experience that? I have!!!
Author Gaeta Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 I remember falling for a guy and not being able to sleep !! You've never experience that? I have!!! I would like to fall for a guy and lose appetite, that would be really useful. 4
Celeste.Carol Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Another thing to consider is if a man is genuine and not leading women on then he should not have too many crazy exs on the internet. Plus 'Big D*ck,' is not offensive if one is mad at a man! It would have been 'Little D*ck.'
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I remember falling for a guy and not being able to sleep !! You've never experience that? I have!!! LOL.... yes....but I had the presence of mind to NOT express this to him on the first or second date! Too much too soon is never wise in situations like this.... JMO. So what ya gonna do girl?
BlueBlood Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I would like to fall for a guy and lose appetite, that would be really useful. It might at that. Giving infinite power over ones ability to drop a dress size! 2
Author Gaeta Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 Another thing to consider is if a man is genuine and not leading women on then he should not have too many crazy exs on the internet. Plus 'Big D*ck,' is not offensive if one is mad at a man! It would have been 'Little D*ck.' You know you got a good point about the d*ck comment!!
Author Gaeta Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 So what ya gonna do girl? I have NO idea and now I know he's got a big d*ck. lol
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