He fell in love after 1 date !

[clia]

So l need to pretend l am busy when l'm not? He had already inquired earlier in the week if l was free Friday because it's his night off.

 

Frankly, yes.

 

I assume you told him earlier in the week that you were free? So rather than confirm the date then, he waited until Friday (what time?) to actually ask you out? Why is that? Was he waiting to see if a better option came up? Leaving you hanging all week and wondering if he was going to follow through? No. That's not what you want to encourage if you actually want to be courted like a lady.

 

Personally, I would've rather stayed home and cleaned my closet rather than endure what you went through at the movies!

Edited September 19, 2015 by clia

[Rejected Rosebud]

OK I didn't read the whole thread but for sure he did NOT fall in love after one date, and he is either a pushy cad or a class 1 clinger :sick: Why are you falling for this??

[Versacehottie]

Frankly, yes.

 

I assume you told him earlier in the week that you were free? So rather than confirm the date then, he waited until Friday (what time?) to actually ask you out? Why is that? Was he waiting to see if a better option came up? Leaving you hanging all week and wondering if he was going to follow through? No. That's not what you want to encourage if you actually want to be courted like a lady.

 

Personally, I would've rather stayed home and cleaned my closet rather than endure what you went through at the movies!

 

Well clia is right. If someone is respectful of your time and appropriately dating you at the beginning time whereas they don't know what your schedule is truly like so they want to show you you mean something to them, they book in advance and follow thru. Because it is important to them! ESPECIALLY if a guy is kinda jerking you around and has left you hanging, make sure you make "plans"--whether it's something light and easy with friends or cleaning the closet or doing some beauty treatment or something alone. It's a way to treat yourself like you are important and take the power back, if for nothing else in your own head!! No one can treat you like you are "too available" if you are not. It doesn't matter even if you would rather see him or any guy for the movies and that comes up spontaneously--unless you are sure of his express interest in you already then err on side of being cautious for the sake of the long term of the relationship and your confidence. There is no hurry or rush to send the wrong message about how you need to be treated or how worthwhile you are. It will weed out the flakes anyway, which better to know up front.

 

At the beginning I think it's only smart to accept last minute spontaneous thing if you've not been on the "hook" already for when the next date is. Let's say you went out on a sunday and at end of date he says let's get together next friday to which you agree. Then during the week on wednesday when you are talking or texting he says I really want to see you and have some free time tonight, you want to go to dinner or catch a movie. That would be ok. That's him trying to ramp up in a good way NOT give you less and less effort. And still if you already have other plans or are very uncertain about his real intentions, don't accept those spontaneous ones. In the case of this guy (only skimmed the thread) but it seems like his words and mouth were saying one thing but his actions another.

 

I do think it's interesting that your friends are mentioning "too available" to you. That and desperate are the two things I've noticed in your threads all along. I don't say this to be mean at all. And it may not be how you feel inside but it seems to be something that is being projected. You can't want a relationship so much that you are doing the wrong things at the beginning in how you set it up. I'm not even against slight experiments, such as this may have been, but the goal should be to practice the skills that YOU need not keep doing the same things, ie telling some guy you are already on the fence about on a Friday easily and breezily that you have plans would have been the right way to do this experiment and then see what his next move was.

[katiegrl]

Her being *too available* is the least of her problems.

 

Her overall judgment and ability to exercise discretion in who she chooses to engage/spend time with is what's at issue IMO.

 

This guy is a deranged psycho, which most emotionally healthy balanced women would have rejected from the get go!

 

However, she continued, eventually placing herself in a very precarious situation last night, and also when she chose to go to his apt *for a little visit* after their walk.

 

This is very concerning (at least to me) ...it is time to seek some professional assistance ..again my opinion.

Edited September 19, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Her being *too available* is the least of her problems.

 

Her overall judgment and ability to exercise discretion in who she chooses to engage/spend time with is what's at issue IMO.

 

This guy is a deranged psycho, which most emotionally healthy balanced women would have rejected from the get go!

 

However, she continued, eventually placing herself in a very precarious situation last night, and when she chose to go to his apt *for a little visit* after their walk.

 

This is very concerning (at least to me) ...it is time to seek some professional assistance ..again my opinion.

 

Phycho for north americans but common for haitians. I did my research and spoke to haitian friends. In his case it's a mix of culture and emotional dependency.

[Gaeta]

Rolling my eyes at the suggestion l seek counseling.

 

I am not in any kind of emotional distress, depression, or anxiety over my dating life.

 

I'm too available in terms of setting dates but you have NEVER seen me staying at strangers place, or spy on men l date, or go out of town to meet them, or cry over ANY of them right!! And I move to next at the speed of light! If there is one person on here you should not worry about it's me.

 

I'm already working my next case.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Gaeta

[Maharishi]

Really glad you are OK Gaeta. But what if he had attacked you or raped you when you went over to this apartment that time?

[SoftViolin]

Granted I am jumping in mid-dialog, but aren't you guys exaggerating your worry just a bit? Was it a very well thought out decision to go to his place for tea? Probably not. But a lot of things are difficult to convey online retelling the story, things such as vibes and feelings. So Gaeta seems like an intelligent mature woman, and she probably trusted her instinct in regards to this guy, or maybe there was a police station nearby as well, or she has a pepper spray bottle in her purse, or is a Krav Maga expert. Point is - for whatever reason, she trusted it would be fine and it was. She is not now suggesting that she will start going to every strange man's place on a first date.

 

Sounds like her question/concern on this thread was that the guy was too emotional, invested too early and that turned her off. Is he psycho? In some people's definition - perhaps, but he may very well think really reserved people are strange. Everybody is crazy in their own ways.

[katiegrl]

Phycho for north americans but common for haitians. I did my research and spoke to haitian friends. In his case it's a mix of culture and emotional dependency.

 

This is actually pretty funny.

 

If something more serious *had* happened (god forbid) I wonder if his being Haitian could be used as a defense in a court of law.

 

Judge: Your client has been charged with sexual assault (or stalking, harassment or whatevs), how does he plead?

 

Attorney: Not guilty your honor.

 

Judge: What is your client's defense?

 

Attorney: My client is Haitian your honor, and, as such, is very emotional, falls in love hard and fast, and unable to control his impulses. We have evidence to support that.

 

Lol, obviously I am just playing with ya, but can you see how silly that excuse is?

 

Anyway, I trust you Gaeta, you've been doing this a long time, and always bounce back just fine. You are extremely resilient, so I won't worry about you.

 

Always wish the best for you....

[Gaeta]

He did not stalk me, hurt me, forced me, intimidate me, he did nothing of the sort. He was love-sick, cligny and annoying. Not worthy to be compared to criminal behavior.

 

Katie, remind me when you had sex for the first time with your boyfriend? 1st date or 2nd? ;-) and I get criticized for having a glass of water at this man's place after a long walk in a park, 2nd date, with my 40-lbs dog with me.

[katiegrl]

He did not stalk me, hurt me, forced me, intimidate me, he did nothing of the sort. He was love-sick, cligny and annoying. Not worthy to be compared to criminal behavior.

 

Katie, remind me when you had sex for the first time with your boyfriend? 1st date or 2nd? ;-) and I get criticized for having a glass of water at this man's place after a long walk in a park, 2nd date, with my 40-lbs dog with me.

 

Actually it was neither, we had sex the first night we met! It was not even a date. Lol

 

And guess what? I was VERY lucky too that my bf did not turn out to be a crazy, because I didn't know him, and I took a big risk by allowing a strange man over to my apartment that night.

 

It worked out for me, but it could have just as easily had a much different outcome had my bf not been a good guy.. I was lucky.

 

I fully acknowledge that my decision that night was very very stupid ..... and if God forbid we broke up and I was dating again, I would NEVER do anything so reckless again.

 

I am much more aware now, and as I said earlier, it only takes two seconds inside the door of a strange (deranged) man's apt for something seriously bad to happen.

 

And while I realize your guy's behavior could not be deemed criminal, that was not the point.

 

To excuse any type of "crazy" aggressive obsessive behavior (which your guy's behavior certainly was imo) because he belongs to a particular race, or because he was "love-sick" is ludicrous.

 

He is a grown man in his 40s, living in North America NOT Haiti, he knows better...unless he is mentally and/or socially challenged, which in his case, is certainly possible.

 

Done arguing.

 

It is your life, and you have to live it however you deem fit.

 

As always, wish you the best.

Edited September 20, 2015 by katiegrl

[GemmaUK]

I agree with Clia and Versace.

 

I'm very surprised you saw him again. That action for him backed up that you were OK with his behaviour.

 

Glad to hear that you are ending/have ended this little interlude.

[Redhead14]

Phycho for north americans but common for haitians. I did my research and spoke to haitian friends. In his case it's a mix of culture and emotional dependency.

 

It doesn't matter where a guy is from or his culture or his emotional dependency. What is important is how he makes YOU feel. YOU felt creeped out right away. Just because his behavior is attributable to culture and/or emotional issues, doesn't make it so you should make an allowance. It's about you. Ok, fine, you decided to give him a second chance, but put yourself in a precarious position. If a guy gives off 'odd' vibe early, keep all dates public and at a restaurant. Not a walk in the park or stop by his place. Dog or not. Eating dog in some cultures is common

 

Just because in Haiti guys just fall in love and get up on a woman fast, it means it's ok for him to do that to you? He's in Rome, he should do as the Romans do if he's smart.

[Gaeta]

He creeped you out more than he creeped me. You guys used words like 'disgusting' 'vomiting' and such and I never did. He was a weirdo but he was not aggressive (like someone mentioned) more like a sick puppy. He gave me his full name and date of birth, also the name of where he worked even before we met. And everything was easy to check. Also he came here right after haiti earthquake through a Canadian program that allowed 8k haitians in, I am familiar with that program. To access to that program you had to have a clean criminal record and able to pay your way in which was thousands of dollars. He was able to do that (for him and his 2 sons) because he was a business owner there and doing well.

 

Again, he may have been a player or a cligner but stop telling me I put my security in jeopardy by having a glass of water at his place after our 2nd date. It's ridiculous. The man never touched me an inappropriate way and he never said anything sexual or inappropriate, except talking love gibourigh.

[Redhead14]

You are rationalizing. This guy said something on the first date that made your radar come up to the point of posting here. This guy didn't say anything sexual or inappropriate -- he didn't say anything that made you comfortable either. You can do all the background checks you want. It doesn't mean he can be trusted not to do something he's never done before or never got caught for. Your gut was wiggling. Lesson: Weird/bad/uncomfortable vibe (whether they are from Haiti, Iraq or Jupiter), exercise a little more caution and for a longer period of time.

[katiegrl]

Here how it went.

 

He was going on and on about things he finds 'perfect' about me. He has a really bad case of infatuation. He loves my hair, my face, my teeth (lol), my voice, the tone of my skin, everything.

 

Then he said: You're so perfect in every way (silence) I fell in love with you instantly.

 

Then he pursues with it's so bad he can't eat or sleep, he feels full of energy like never before and he could battle any obstacles in front of him,

 

 

****then he said something about I have infinite power over him. ****

 

 

 

I replied: .....wow

 

What else ? lol

 

Then I said: don't put me on such a high pedestal cause I'm gonna come down from it at some point and it's gonna be hard for both of us. He replied something like 'I'll catch you'

 

Tried to stay away from this thread, but needed to say this one last thing.

 

The above^^ were things he said after ONE DATE. What's concerning is that they *didn't* creep you out.

 

These remarks after one date (or even two, three or four!) should have sent off major red flags and alarm bells ....but yet you were flattered, found him endearing.

 

After your second date (your walk in the park), it continued. "You are the sun, moon, stars," "you are part of me now." "I'm so in love with you," blah blah.

 

You admit you felt meh about him, if that. While admitting you were flattered and enjoyed the attention.

 

Yet you still continued!.

 

All this culminating in completely over the top and inappropriate behavior at the movies, which would have sent most women running for the door, even after telling him you needed him to slow down!!!

 

And here you are *still* defending him and his actions, calling him a *love-sick puppy. "

 

Really concerning to me G...even though I am trying to brush those feelings off.

 

And for the record, what difference does it make whether you went to his apt for a glass of water, or for a longer visit?

 

You were inside the door of a stranger's apt, it takes two seconds for something bad to happen! Come on.

 

You were lucky! But instead of acknowledging that, you become defensive acting like all this was just no big deal.

 

It IS a big deal because, given his behavior at the movies, this man is definitely unbalanced and not right in the head! Way beyond simply love-sick (or Haitian)....but you STILL can't see it.

 

The naivete you are displaying here is beyond belief ***IMO..***

Edited September 20, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

I am the one who spent time with him. He's not the first love-sick puppy I come across, not the first man telling me he's in love after 1 date, maybe I am used to encounter these men. I found his attitude annoying but never frightening or dangerous, you will all have to accept I never felt threatened. You all would be spraying him with pepper spray while holding on to your purses...I simply rolled my eyes at them.

 

I was experimenting. Because I have encountered a few men like him and never looked into it I decided to see what was behind these men. I liked him yes, he was good looking and nonthreatening to me so he was perfect to give him 2-3 dates and see. After 2 dates of being super cligny I told him to tone it down, he could have complied and things would have evolved but he didn't. He was deaf to my request on our 3rd date so I won't be seeing him again. Experiment done, I will never again give time to this type of men.

[IronZ]

Question: Is it possible men feel it that fast but it's just not socially acceptable to say it out loud?

 

As a man, I can honestly say that it is possible to feel some form of infatuation with a girl/woman we have known very briefly. There's a certain chemistry involved in dating and sometimes you just feel it. He probably thought you were the whole package and he saw a long term potential with you.

 

My advice is figure out if YOU are interested on any level or if you could potentially be there. If not then be polite and turn him down so as to not lead him on.

[katiegrl]

I am the one who spent time with him. He's not the first love-sick puppy I come across, not the first man telling me he's in love after 1 date, maybe I am used to encounter these men. I found his attitude annoying but never frightening or dangerous, you will all have to accept I never felt threatened. You all would be spraying him with pepper spray while holding on to your purses...I simply rolled my eyes at them.

 

I was experimenting. Because I have encountered a few men like him and never looked into it I decided to see what was behind these men. I liked him yes, he was good looking and nonthreatening to me so he was perfect to give him 2-3 dates and see. After 2 dates of being super cligny I told him to tone it down, he could have complied and things would have evolved but he didn't. He was deaf to my request on our 3rd date so I won't be seeing him again. Experiment done, I will never again give time to this type of men.

 

Oh I have encountered men like this too.... . my response is to excuse myself politely and leave because I realize that when men feel this way or say these things on or after one date ....they are just not right in the head! Lol

 

I am glad to hear you are done with men like him. Yay! :bunny: