how do i slow down this 'relationship'?

[HansonGirl]

I joined online dating just to meet new people in my current town. my job is long hours and i am not necessarily looking for a long term relationship. i have gone out with a couple people thus far. I am not in any rush. I enjoyed meeting these people. i told them my intentions.

Well one of them i have been in touch with and went out with a couple times, and this week i saw him and already he wants to see me again THIS week. I know it sounds weird but that's just too soon for me. It feels like a rush. And with my work hours i dont want him to expect to see me that frequently, it is just not going to happen, and i feel like I should not have said yes in the first place. I sort of preliminarily said that would be a good idea, but that's because I am a wimp who can't say no. And i also am just not even sure if I am into him. he's not my "type" physically. but is it normal for me to feel this way?

he also said something that sort of ticked me off, and there is something else i don't like, but i feel that these are shallow things anyways and i shouldn't be so picky, and especially if I am not trying to start a relationship with him.

 

anyways, so is there a way to just slow it down without burning bridges and totally rejecting him? How do people manage these situations? Usually I would say the wrong thing and offend the person and they want nothing to do with me. This is sort of a small town, and i'd like to avoid enemies in case i run into him again. And I am not saying I NEVER want to see him again - just without the romantic overtones. And to be completely honest i sort of have feelings for someone else who I am trying to get over, that's really another reason for me to join the dating site, and meet new people.

Edited September 15, 2015 by HansonGirl

[yxalitis]

I joined online dating just to meet new people in my current town. my job is long hours and i am not necessarily looking for a long term relationship.

 

First question...what DO you want?

Casual sex?

Friendship?

Dinner dates?

 

Do you even know yourself?

 

Well one of them i have been in touch with and went out with a couple times, and this week i saw him and already he wants to see me again THIS week. I know it sounds weird but that's just too soon for me. It feels like a rush.

You said "yes" because you're a coward...when someone was being pushy despite your expressed desire to not see people too often. That's a problem there..be clear what you want and express that to the guy...saying yes to him was just such a bad move.

 

I also am just not even sure if I am into him. he's not my "type" physically.

woah woah woah! You're not even INTO HIM?

 

Girl, you gotta sort out what you want, this is a very poor way to behave.

Firstly tell this guy you aint interested...full stop.

Secondly, stop dating at all until you can put in your time to make it work...if you don't want a relationship...don't seek one.

I mean what on earth do you think being in an ACTUAL relationship is if not a drain on your time?

You think just DATING is a strain! ooh girl...!

[HansonGirl]

First question...what DO you want?

Casual sex?

Friendship?

Dinner dates?

 

Do you even know yourself?

 

 

You said "yes" because you're a coward...when someone was being pushy despite your expressed desire to not see people too often. That's a problem there..be clear what you want and express that to the guy...saying yes to him was just such a bad move.

 

 

woah woah woah! You're not even INTO HIM?

 

Girl, you gotta sort out what you want, this is a very poor way to behave.

Firstly tell this guy you aint interested...full stop.

Secondly, stop dating at all until you can put in your time to make it work...if you don't want a relationship...don't seek one.

I mean what on earth do you think being in an ACTUAL relationship is if not a drain on your time?

You think just DATING is a strain! ooh girl...!

 

What I want is friendship. But i have told him this. i told him I am not really looking for a relationship.

 

and, I am not SURE if I am into him. I can't tell immediately. Usually when I have liked someone it was after getting to know them in person. With online dating you get to know them through seeing them, and usually you see them through dating. I can't understand how sometimes guys are all into me immediately. I mean they don't even know me. So i can't really say i am NOT into him. I just haven't really figured it out yet. Perhaps this is a sign that I am not into him. am I supposed to know immediately?

 

And you are absolutely right, that SOMETHING needs to done, but he wants to see me twice in one week and i think part of it is to just slooooow down this. why must I see him again so quickly? He even hinted about me meeting his parents already, I kid you not. You are right too that I am a coward. In the moment it seemed like an ok idea to go to dinner, but now that I have been thinking about it, I realize I don't want to. I think I will message him today, but I just don't know what to tell him. suggestions?

[Zippy2000]

People move at different speeds.

 

He is moving faster and feels he likes you more and doesnt want to lose you to someone else. Therefore you can see it in his actions.

 

If you arent really that keen then EITHER communicate that to him OR say that cant as you have "things to do", and can make a counter offer which STILL means you are still going to see him and not blown him off as you made an offer.

 

Make the offer say 2 weeks or so and that way you can give yourself time....lots of it!

[HansonGirl]

update. so i messaged him and what he's looking for, and told him i am not looking for anything serious and i said we should slow down. he got very defensive and basically told i was wrong for feeling that way (he didn't use those words, but that's essentially what he was saying). I didn't really care for his response. You know, if someone is saying they are uncomfortable, it's not cool to say, no you are wrong, I didn't do anything wrong.

this just confirms my decision.

[mystikmind2005]

update. so i messaged him and what he's looking for, and told him i am not looking for anything serious and i said we should slow down. he got very defensive and basically told i was wrong for feeling that way (he didn't use those words, but that's essentially what he was saying). I didn't really care for his response. You know, if someone is saying they are uncomfortable, it's not cool to say, no you are wrong, I didn't do anything wrong.

this just confirms my decision.

 

That's why you should use the dating site POF (plenty of fish). You can select the option 'wants to date but nothing serious', and guys have to accept that option or you will not appear in their search results.

 

And any guy who has what it takes to draw you away from that position, is not going to behave like this moron did!