Author ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Should you touch her hand ? Yes, well timed casual touch like that is all part of flirting. And much better, imho, than whispering you find her attractive. I'll give that a go and actually try flirting with her, will do some reading as to how exactly to do that. I will take smiling and laughing as an indication I am doing fairly well on that front. What typically happens is we both end up becoming engrossed in each other that those around us tend not to matter too much.
xUnknown Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Want my opinion - Be cool. I wouldn't even try to flirt with her. From what it sounds like, she isn't going with you romantically (I'm sorry to say). The whisper in her year is definitely too much. Give her a hug or a half hug hello - and that's it. I feel like if this ever has a chance at working, you have to let her come to you. Meaning, be friendly, but not too friendly, don't flirt, act like you arent interested in her romantically. Perhaps she'll be like, "wtf, he's not into me now? " Who knows. But I do think that the whisper is definitely too much and will freak her out - ruining any slim chance left. Be prepared to go to this "as friends" and expect nothing more. In all honesty, from what I've read - make this the last event you take her to and find someone else.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Want my opinion - Be cool. I wouldn't even try to flirt with her. From what it sounds like, she isn't going with you romantically (I'm sorry to say). The whisper in her year is definitely too much. Give her a hug or a half hug hello - and that's it. I feel like if this ever has a chance at working, you have to let her come to you. Meaning, be friendly, but not too friendly, don't flirt, act like you arent interested in her romantically. Perhaps she'll be like, "wtf, he's not into me now? " Who knows. But I do think that the whisper is definitely too much and will freak her out - ruining any slim chance left. Be prepared to go to this "as friends" and expect nothing more. In all honesty, from what I've read - make this the last event you take her to and find someone else. I have only ever been friendly with her, never actually tried flirting with her, in the past I have tended to not really show interest but then did things like send her flowers to say thank you for coming to an event with me. In essence I have been quite mixed and hard to read with what I have done. Nothing I have outwardly said had actually indicated any interest from me. My reading of her is she isn't the type to "come to me", she seems to want to be wooed, hoping mutual friend can help with this. Frankly speaking I cant find anyone else who captivates me even half as much as she does.
Toodaloo Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 ZA First off I am thrilled that you have her attention. Now to grab it. Smile lots, be happy and enjoy it. If she wanders off, let her and go and talk to others. Even if its just to ask where the loo is or which wine they would recommend that evening etc. Be confident and comfortable in yourself. I think you need to flirt a bit but also you will need to step back and sometimes be a bit aloof with this one. Remember she has to catch you! You are the Zohan even if you don't feel it right now - you are the best at this! Enjoy and report back! I can't wait to read the thread where you tell us all that you are smitten and that you have a gorgeous woman who is thrilled to be by your side. Good luck! I have fingers and toes crossed for you.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 ZA First off I am thrilled that you have her attention. Now to grab it. Smile lots, be happy and enjoy it. If she wanders off, let her and go and talk to others. Even if its just to ask where the loo is or which wine they would recommend that evening etc. Be confident and comfortable in yourself. I think you need to flirt a bit but also you will need to step back and sometimes be a bit aloof with this one. Remember she has to catch you! You are the Zohan even if you don't feel it right now - you are the best at this! Enjoy and report back! I can't wait to read the thread where you tell us all that you are smitten and that you have a gorgeous woman who is thrilled to be by your side. Good luck! I have fingers and toes crossed for you. Thank you! Your best wishes are appreciated. I think I can do this, just for once NOT over think everything, add in my new look. The bonus is the mutual friend now knows how much I like this one and that can only be good. As for smitten, I was that after I met her for the first time and spent an hour chatting to her. Just need to raise my physical hotness level to something she may like! Inherently I think each of us want to be made to feel special, that's what I am going to try and do, make her feel special. 1
Toodaloo Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Just need to raise my physical hotness level to something she may like! Inherently I think each of us want to be made to feel special, that's what I am going to try and do, make her feel special. Raising your hotness level is easy 1. Shoulders back stand up straight and walk as though you own the room. Stand for a moment as you enter and just breathe and check out where everything is. Head up and be proud of who you are. Guys that do that are HOT HOT HOT! Remember you are THE man. Not just any old man but THE man! 2. Smile and enjoy yourself. If you find yourself on your own at any point don't panic. Just go back to the "owning the room" thing above. Pop and get a drink as a prop etc. 3. Don't let her get away with anything! Challenge her! if she says something rude tell her so! If you disagree with her tell her! Do it with a smile! Do it with confidence. Slow everything down to your pace. Yes we do all want to be made to feel special but never forget that includes YOU. If she isn't giving back as good as she is getting walk away! Know your worth! I'll plait my hair too just so you have some extra bits crossed for you. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 3. Don't let her get away with anything! Challenge her! if she says something rude tell her so! If you disagree with her tell her! Do it with a smile! Do it with confidence. Slow everything down to your pace. This is especially good advice. One thing that's always turned my GF on is when I playfully call her out on things. She was used to guys that would let her walk all over them and get away w/everything. Whenever I get under my GF's skin and push her buttons, she'll always call me a brat and giggle. It isn't long after that she's all over me. My theory is that she likes that I look beyond the surface and pay attention to who she really is, 1
Maggie4 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 It's not what you say. It's the delivery. A confident guy can say "I feel insecure when..." and still be seen as really secure. You have to find a good-with-women version of yourself that's already inside you (it's there!), otherwise it is fake, and no one will buy the act, because no matter how you act, it is still just an act. Remember the words of Popeye: I yam what I yam.
sid3 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 She has interacted with you more than enough for her to know if she considers you a romantic interest of not. She already has an opinion as to whether she thinks you're hot or not.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 Raising your hotness level is easy 1. Shoulders back stand up straight and walk as though you own the room. Stand for a moment as you enter and just breathe and check out where everything is. Head up and be proud of who you are. Guys that do that are HOT HOT HOT! Remember you are THE man. Not just any old man but THE man! 2. Smile and enjoy yourself. If you find yourself on your own at any point don't panic. Just go back to the "owning the room" thing above. Pop and get a drink as a prop etc. 3. Don't let her get away with anything! Challenge her! if she says something rude tell her so! If you disagree with her tell her! Do it with a smile! Do it with confidence. Slow everything down to your pace. Yes we do all want to be made to feel special but never forget that includes YOU. If she isn't giving back as good as she is getting walk away! Know your worth! I'll plait my hair too just so you have some extra bits crossed for you. Number 3 is one of the major point of attraction for me, she challenges me as much as I challenge her. Great advice I commit it all to memory. Confidence is important and everyday I work on it, small things, the way I think the way I come across, lightened my personality quite a lot. Even co workers have been complimentary.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 16, 2015 Author Posted September 16, 2015 She has interacted with you more than enough for her to know if she considers you a romantic interest of not. She already has an opinion as to whether she thinks you're hot or not. Good thing opinions can be changed!
clia Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 I definitely think you should ask her out on a date. What you posted in your original post is fine, but ask her to dinner, not lunch. Lunch is for friends and coworkers. Dinner is for dates. If she says no, you'll have your answer.
sid3 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Good thing opinions can be changed! True, they can. And good for you for having an optimistic attitude. That might be enough to get you out of the friend zone. I'd say your romantic intentions are clear to her after having sent her flowers. I think your best chance at success at this point is to go bold or go home.
lino Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Well if she hugs me I am not exactly going to say no. I wont do the ear whispering idea seeing as that seems to be a bad one based on the feedback here. I have to be honest, I don't like long hair but I am growing it because maybe ladies like longer hair. That sentence probably does sum up some of the improvements I am making. There isn't much contact away from social functions. Basically I am just going to try and make the best impression I can at this function and see where that gets me or doesn't get me. Objectively she had indicated no interest at all in the past which is a huge negative but in life sometimes you can turn a negative into a positive, albeit in this instance it will be very difficult I admit but far from impossible. The attraction here is very good inherent compatibility, we do similar things, our interests are similar, we are on the same level intellectually. Truthfully I never find either of those two things, hence the reason I haven't walked away from this. Friend has set me up with different people, many of which I have met, most of which are better looking than this lady is but there isn't that inherent compatibility of intellectual parity, one was a swimwear model, stunning she was but there was just nothing besides that. Should I attempt to touch her hand at any point during the dinner? Unfortunately I tend to do what I think is right, only to find its very wrong, want to avoid doing that this time! Yeah if she hugs you, don't turn her away but you need to make more of a physical move than that. I don't know about in south Africa but here I wouldn't say long hair is sought after in men. Maybe the opposite. I have long hair but it is because I wanted to grow it. You should just grow it if you feel that's what you want and it suits you. Fair enough, no harm in trying to make a good impression. Touching her hand won't hurt. If she touches you back then kiss her at a later point. Unfortunately with women there is no right or wrong. If you're desired, you can get away with murder literally and they will flock to you. If you're not desirable, you can be a saint and all the action you'll get is your right hand.
Maxtor Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Tip from someone that was friendzoned not so long ago: Let her go. If you feel the need to improve, do it. BUT, do it without her in your life. She wont give you credit if she watches and talks to you everyday. Its literally like going to the gym with a partner. Even if you bulk up 10 kilos\10 pounds, or whatever, he wont appreciate it the same way, cause he was there every single day. He may see the hardwork, but he wont be impressed. You need to leave her. Focus on you, and come back to her in months or whatever to shock her with your new and improved self. Just my opinion. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Yeah if she hugs you, don't turn her away but you need to make more of a physical move than that. I don't know about in south Africa but here I wouldn't say long hair is sought after in men. Maybe the opposite. I have long hair but it is because I wanted to grow it. You should just grow it if you feel that's what you want and it suits you. Fair enough, no harm in trying to make a good impression. Touching her hand won't hurt. If she touches you back then kiss her at a later point. Unfortunately with women there is no right or wrong. If you're desired, you can get away with murder literally and they will flock to you. If you're not desirable, you can be a saint and all the action you'll get is your right hand. When I say longer hair, my hair was number 3...and apparently this very short hair made my face look quite fierce, apparently I am told longer hair may soften my appearance a bit. Apparently. I liked my short number 3 hair style but the critique I got suggests nobody else does. Its probably quite apparent I am usually the type of guy who does what he thinks is best and what he likes, this is a departure for me. Regrettably you are very right with the bold bit and I guess that's the lottery of it, either you get it and win big or don't and loose big. At the moment I am focussed on the winning part, the alternative isn't really worth contemplating but I do realise I have a lot of work to do, especially because in experience level is precisely nothing.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Tip from someone that was friendzoned not so long ago: Let her go. If you feel the need to improve, do it. BUT, do it without her in your life. She wont give you credit if she watches and talks to you everyday. Its literally like going to the gym with a partner. Even if you bulk up 10 kilos\10 pounds, or whatever, he wont appreciate it the same way, cause he was there every single day. He may see the hardwork, but he wont be impressed. You need to leave her. Focus on you, and come back to her in months or whatever to shock her with your new and improved self. Just my opinion.[/QUOTE] Here is the thing, I didn't feel the need to improve at all, until someone pointed out I can give a better impression and present a more attractive package. The results I got each time I attempted dating were truly dire so I probably should have taken that as a hint. I did think about the bold part and it was an idea I did consider but I have this event now and she is coming so I may as well try make the best of it. Reality for me is, yes I can make changes, change my thinking, change my look, be more outgoing, be more light hearted. The fundamental things I find attractive CANT be changed and the sad thing is those attributes are really difficult to find. Friend is trying to get me to "go to gym to meet chicks", he places massive premium on physical appearance, I don't so much.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 True, they can. And good for you for having an optimistic attitude. That might be enough to get you out of the friend zone. I'd say your romantic intentions are clear to her after having sent her flowers. I think your best chance at success at this point is to go bold or go home. I agree on this and a lot of my thinking does revolve around this but if I can get a dinner date I will need to out do myself again. Fortunately I do have some ideas!
Siquijor Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 Nobody as ever taken any interest in me sadly. Perhaps you should consider this route http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/548236-how-about-dating-overseas-when-american-dating-fails
Author ZA Dater Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 Perhaps you should consider this route http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/548236-how-about-dating-overseas-when-american-dating-fails Absolutely unworkable idea in every single sense. Having said that its probably one that in theory would work, in reality not so much. I have a female penpal I have been chatting for the last 6 or so years, she is in California and sometimes I do wonder but its just not workable.
lino Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 When I say longer hair, my hair was number 3...and apparently this very short hair made my face look quite fierce, apparently I am told longer hair may soften my appearance a bit. Apparently. I liked my short number 3 hair style but the critique I got suggests nobody else does. Its probably quite apparent I am usually the type of guy who does what he thinks is best and what he likes, this is a departure for me. Regrettably you are very right with the bold bit and I guess that's the lottery of it, either you get it and win big or don't and loose big. At the moment I am focussed on the winning part, the alternative isn't really worth contemplating but I do realise I have a lot of work to do, especially because in experience level is precisely nothing. Fair enough about the hair. I hear you on the fierce looking thing, I've always had that problem as well but not because of hair Do stay focused on winning and keep on doing so even if it fails with this particular woman.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) Fair enough about the hair. I hear you on the fierce looking thing, I've always had that problem as well but not because of hair Do stay focused on winning and keep on doing so even if it fails with this particular woman. I am not exactly the smiling happy face expression sort of guy, am making an effort to smile and laugh at least a few times a day. Find some amusement in life. I'd rate myself successful with her if I get into the proper friend zone, would I like more, sure, but if the best I can do is friend my life would be richer having a friend like her than not having her around at all. Having said that I am going for what I want, which is a relationship. Edited September 17, 2015 by ZA Dater
siriusp Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I'm not sure I would change your behavior - just be yourself. There is only one you and you don't have to behave in a way that is not 'you'. I hope that makes sense. I have not read your other threads but paying a compliment is fine and inviting her to a wine farm - why not?! Good luck.
Author ZA Dater Posted September 17, 2015 Author Posted September 17, 2015 I'm not sure I would change your behavior - just be yourself. There is only one you and you don't have to behave in a way that is not 'you'. I hope that makes sense. I have not read your other threads but paying a compliment is fine and inviting her to a wine farm - why not?! Good luck. I just worked out that "me" wasn't really very attractive as I apparently radiated desperation and negativity, so I am trying to create something new.
siriusp Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 I just worked out that "me" wasn't really very attractive as I apparently radiated desperation and negativity, so I am trying to create something new. I understand that. Sometimes it is good to take time to love yourself before looking for someone else to share your life with. That's where I was with myself and feeling good - I'd forgotten about men/dating when I met someone out of the blue and fell for him....... but he didn't feel the same. Now I am learning how to deal with rejection. I hope you figure things out - dating and relationships can be complicated and taxing for some of us. I'm fine though. I guess I'm learning all the time.
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