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If dumpers hate hurting the dumpee, why does mine torment me

Confusedsad81

By Confusedsad81
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Confusedsad81 Member

Confusedsad81

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After dumpee stops the begging, dumper comes back to reek havoc on dumpees life, by belittling them and making them feel like they are nothing? It's been going on a few years I've severed most routes of communication but dumper finds a way.

List of things he's done

Messages me asking if I want a threesome with him and another female,

 

Peed on my belongings when I went to collect them, he wouldn't give me them back at first,only realised he'd urinated in them when I got home as he had them bagged,

 

Told me I was fat and ugly

 

I was rubbish in bed

 

Got females to call me names

 

Told his friends I was wide and rubbish in bed

 

Told his friends he wouldn't have sex with me because I was crazy

 

Messaged me on various accounts on a dating site pretending to be others messages ranged from- want sex? To -youre old

 

Wanted 500£ for him to leav me alone

 

Told me he hoped bad things would happen to me

 

And it takes me months to recover from any messages me sends, I can pretend I'm over him but I'm not-

 

He claimed I'd never get better than him

 

I've asked him why he does this to me? And why can't he be civil to me? It's been well over 2 years since he dumped me so I don't understand why he hates me,

This isn't a teenager it's a 29 year old man, so don't think he will grow up.

 

The fact we never dated just doesn't make sense, I found out reason why he didn't want to date me was because I was just "sex"

 

In a way I long for him to realise what he's doing to me is wrong but it won't ever happen, im emotionally tormented because I really believe everything he has said to me, I've not dated anyone since to scared to, I had sex once since with a man and I felt dead from waist down, I cried right after it, as a woman I felt a failure and since then believed he was right.

My life is so bleak I don't see it changing.

 

I'm stuck and need help?

casey.lives Established Member

casey.lives

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you might have been just "sex" (which is not a horrible thing)he is just full of "hate". don't stress, he's a ........ just put it behind you.

Starks Member

Starks

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you're phrasing this question as if this is something normal that happens when couples break up. it's not. the guy is a certified scumbag and sounds borderline psychotic. get help. I hope you have saved all the abusive chat logs and messages

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Confusedsad81 Member

Confusedsad81

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I don't know what is normal now, it's like he planned the whole thing from day one, I feel insecure, vulnerable and his hate of me is rubbing off on me, I hate myself because I was duped into thinking he was kind and caring, I hate myself because I let him use me, I hate myself for never realising he never wanted me and I hate myself because I loved him.

 

It's easy for others to type move along or get over it, but it's been happening 2 years he pops up to remind me of his exsistance, I revert into myself and don't talk to anyone and it will go on for weeks, I'm not a strong person, I pretend to be but alone I'm so very lonely.

 

I want to scream and tell people what he's done but I'm so ashamed

Clarence_Boddicker Established Member

Clarence_Boddicker

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Your situation is far from normal. Most people don't do crazy stuff like that.

 

 

The dumper saying: "I don't want to hurt you."is a universal lie. What they should say is: I don't care if I'm hurting you now, when they dump you. Of course not all dumpers are unethical & do things like stay in a relationship that they know is over, while they are setting up things with the next person they want to date.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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All that stuff says a lot more about him than it does you. You must have really gotten under his skin somehow for him to need to act out so melodramatically. It's actually kinda pathetic that he obsesses so much and has to live in the past like that.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
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I don't know what is normal now, it's like he planned the whole thing from day one, I feel insecure, vulnerable and his hate of me is rubbing off on me, I hate myself because I was duped into thinking he was kind and caring, I hate myself because I let him use me, I hate myself for never realising he never wanted me and I hate myself because I loved him.

 

It's easy for others to type move along or get over it, but it's been happening 2 years he pops up to remind me of his exsistance, I revert into myself and don't talk to anyone and it will go on for weeks, I'm not a strong person, I pretend to be but alone I'm so very lonely.

 

I want to scream and tell people what he's done but I'm so ashamed

 

what he's done but I'm so ashamed -- You are worried what other people will think and blame you or criticize you? This guy was apparently a douche bag. Don't you think other people will see and understand that and say that to you? You have nothing to be ashamed of. He does.

 

His behavior was/is far from normal. He is messed up to a spectacular degree. Hold your head high. Learn from this experience. What signs were there that you may have dismissed or ignored simply because you really liked him. People do this often, they will overlook or make excuses for certain things during the relationship because, well, they just like them so much and don't want to believe what they feel or see.

 

All I'm saying is think about the way he dated you, talked to you, communicated with you and learn for the future and identify signs early when you start dating again. Take something positive from it. Make it a learning experience.

 

He's just not a nice guy. He's a selfish, cold person.

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Confusedsad81 Member

Confusedsad81

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He didn't date me, I asked to date him he told me he would think about it, 2 weeks prior to dumping me he sent me a picture after an argument of him threatening to kill himself, why did he do that?

 

Every time he finds a way to contact me I'm a step closer to losing my sanity, there's no justice in this world for people like him to treat others that way, I'm so depressed most of the time I think "what's the point?"

My closest of friends say I'm better than him because I wouldn't do things like that to people, I wouldn't hurt people that way, if I ever hurt someone it was unintentional and I always said sorry to the person.

 

I don't think I can take much more

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Confusedsad81 Member

Confusedsad81

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It's easy to not respond to him, if I knew it was him to begin with! He catfishes me..uses fake profiles ect

warshaw Established Member

warshaw

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It's easy to not respond to him, if I knew it was him to begin with! He catfishes me..uses fake profiles ect

 

When you find out it's him and/or someone sends you a message that is insulting, disparaging, or otherwise inappropriate- immediately cease to respond and block where possible.

 

When you ask him why he does this it just feeds the dysfunction.

 

If you do this consistently eventually he will stop but every time you respond knowing it's him, you perpetuate the craziness.

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mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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What a confusing situation. You think of yourself as a dumpee, but you never dated.

 

I gather that what happened was that he banged you for a while (maybe once, maybe more) then you got attached, confusing sex with emotion and affection. I get the feeling you were more than a little over-the-top because you admit to begging. He is put off by your behavior, or maybe was playing a game, and right around that time, you put a stop to it, leaving him thirsty for whatever is was you were giving him immediately before. Now he torments you, maybe in the exact same way you tormented him, but he still does it, two years later. And you're not over him?

 

This story of yours doesn't make any sense, unless you haven't described what really went on very well, or unless the both of you belong under close supervision.

 

I think there's more to it. Gotta be.

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Confusedsad81 Member

Confusedsad81

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Well his words I was dumped

 

How is it confusing?

 

He spent 2 years wanting to get with me, I get with him he shows he isn't interested in me, and gets rid?

He'd say things like *I know you'll break my heart*pffft what a line to tell a woman- hook line a sinker I fell for it! he wasn't interested in me rather than what he could get out of me.

 

Weeks of begging, and I begged I asked why

Because I made him feel second best? Heh how so, I spent 24/7 chatting to him arranging meet ups ect, Yet made him feel second best

 

Then he cuts me off so I move on..within months he contacts me, and all of the above I mentioned.. What part is confusing to you? You think you are confused well imagine how I feel?

 

It's like he took a spanner to my brain and meddled about with it.

Travelchick84 Member

Travelchick84

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Is this BOY for real?!! Because that's what he is a boy...no man would behave like that. He sounds like an absolute c*ck. he has controlled you and emotionally scarred you. I'd have had the police on his ass for damaging your property and for sending threats - saying he wants something bad to happen to you is messed up on the highest level. He wants to control you because he has no control over his own pathetic life. Block him from being able to contact you. Seriously please block him. And please see someone to help with your confidence issues that he has brought on - it's not you it's most definitely him. Pathetic losers do that to women because they can't handle their own pathetic messed up lives so they make others suffer. You are WELL RID of him. Please trust me on this, please find the strength in yourself to erase him from your life. If you are in the uk relate are very good people to talk to. You are not alone x

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
Well his words I was dumped

 

How is it confusing?

 

He spent 2 years wanting to get with me, I get with him he shows he isn't interested in me, and gets rid?

He'd say things like *I know you'll break my heart*pffft what a line to tell a woman- hook line a sinker I fell for it! he wasn't interested in me rather than what he could get out of me.

 

Weeks of begging, and I begged I asked why

Because I made him feel second best? Heh how so, I spent 24/7 chatting to him arranging meet ups ect, Yet made him feel second best

 

Then he cuts me off so I move on..within months he contacts me, and all of the above I mentioned.. What part is confusing to you? You think you are confused well imagine how I feel?

 

It's like he took a spanner to my brain and meddled about with it.

 

How long did this part take?

 

I get with him he shows he isn't interested in me, and gets rid
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Confusedsad81 Member

Confusedsad81

Posted
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The chasing part a few years

 

The getting together to being cast out? Less than 6 months

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