jh36184631 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Ok, this might be hard to condense, and I've already been moving on. Just wanted to learn what might have been wrong so in the future I can improve and not make the same mistakes. I'm currently 22 and she is 21. Almost three years ago, I met this wonderful girl. I was still enjoying my prime college years but the novelty of partying, drinking, etc had slowly begun wearing off. I also just got out of a toxic (constantly breaking up, cheating, etc) relationship and thus was really ready for something nice to come along. She was a ray of sunshine in my originally messy social life (note i still had my life put together, was in a top Uni and had my life put together; just was in a frat and drank too much). I was so glad to have her and fell in love with her kindness and caring personality. (was a stark contrast from the party girls i dated). Slowly I became a lot more mature, quit drinking and other "harmful" activities all out of my own accord. I established better relationships with my family and was so happy with her. (BUT I did not put her on a pedestal, was still my own man, still played the game and kept things interesting.) Fast forward 3 years till about a week ago, after amazing sex all week long (she initiated most of the time; i was her first and we would always have hour long sessions. ) She suddenly broke up with me later on at nigh, telling me she isnt feeling like we were the most compatible. She told me I was too confrontational (i am a man for gods sake) with other people, didn't just fully and blindly support her, and she just wasn't happy anymore. I knew right away I should not make a scene, backed out and gave her space Saying, "I respect your choice, don't understand but i am letting go because i still care about you." Later I found out the day we broke up, she went to find someone who is the epitome of the opposite of me, an unconfrontational, super sensitive, worried guy. I know this can be attributed as the G.I.G.S (grass is greener syndrome) to an extent but what is going on... How do I not let this happen in the future?
thunder777 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 wow man thats a bit radical he must hav loads of money or a massive pecker get with someone new fast before she starts running back
Author jh36184631 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 well thing is, I know i am pretty well endowed (more than two hands to grip) and well used (we ****ed through whole Austin Power movies) So I dont know at all. By law of averages, that is already impossible to find that easily (I always make her moan how I ruined her for other men) Money wise, I already have a great paying job + come from a good family. So who knows what happened. That guy was friends with her for the last 3 years and all he does is tell her about the countless girls he's been after but didnt get (got no girls at all with over 20+ tries) Completely at lost. And yeah looking for other girl now, but want to know what I could've done.... Maybe she just needed to figure things out...
BlueBlood Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Still played the game? And confrontational because you're a man? Plus I hear a lot about your sex and penis size and not much about her talents, or her goals. Just that you made her moan and "ruined" her for other men. That reads as disconnected on an emotional level and men aren't confrontational just because they're males. Perhaps she wanted something beyond Austin Powers sex sessions? Something deeper emotionally, spiritually? Support and emotional closeness matter to women and men, and part of achieving that is being vulnerable and open, about listening closely to your partner. She gave you a reason and its a very valid sort of reason. Perhaps your brand of confrontational attitude exhausted or scared her. Maybe she felt embarrassed by it, or shamed. I don't know, as I'm not her. But what I do know is when a woman says "this specific personality trait is painful or difficult for me to live with" it's safe to assume she doesn't mean you should scoff and reassure yourself about your penis or wallet, and assume she's the one responsible for 100% of the break up. 1
thunder777 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 u should bash him seriously some blokes been cutting your lunch
Author jh36184631 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) Bluebird, you bring up very valid points. But here's the thing, I alway supported her 100%. We were dating for 2 and a half years. I did everything in my power to help her achieve her life goals, and so did she for me. We helped each other with preparing for interviews (I already have a job (at google) so I mostly helped her), correcting her CV. I've also picked up photography because that was something she was passionate about and she loved how finally someone was taking pictures of her instead of the other way around. All in all, we were best friends with each other. I would hug her all night after she drank too much and wake up in the middle of the night just to catch her puke. She would have constipation issues and I would go run out to get all the meds needed/even enema for her. When she needed her car fixed, I would spend a whole weekend waiting with her at the dealership and keeping her company. I even took an 12 hour bus one time just to transport some flowers she had (she liked) from point A to point B. I do believe I did everything I could to support and help her. We did connect on very deep emotional levels, and we would tell each other everything from childhood dreams to talking about the future. She even showed me all her childhood videos (a few hours of them) a few days before we broke up. We were looking at how frazzled she was as a kid and was laughing about it together. (Though I do admit I was really reserved when it came to topics about marriage, always thought she would be scared away if we talked about marriage so early on in our lives) All I was trying to say was that despite doing all this, I also tried to bring her challenges, and open her views. Plus I wanted to understand how everything is so contradictory. From her (she said out of her own accord) i love yous. To initiating intimate activity. To how she is super against rebounds (she had really high moral standards), but yet went ahead and found one herself. Honestl all in all, I still care and love her and that is why I am so chill about everything, I didn't raise a ruckus, just quietly packed and left and gave her stuff back while giving her the space she needed. What do you think I could've done in this situation then? Edited September 15, 2015 by jh36184631
Christos Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 well thing is, I know i am pretty well endowed (more than two hands to grip) and well used (we ****ed through whole Austin Power movies) So I dont know at all. By law of averages, that is already impossible to find that easily (I always make her moan how I ruined her for other men) Money wise, I already have a great paying job + come from a good family. So who knows what happened. That guy was friends with her for the last 3 years and all he does is tell her about the countless girls he's been after but didnt get (got no girls at all with over 20+ tries) Completely at lost. And yeah looking for other girl now, but want to know what I could've done.... Maybe she just needed to figure things out... LOL! Sure, whatever you say dude... How old is she? 21 now? So let me get this straight, it's one of the 3: 1) At 21, she has already tested a lot of other men and can compare, therefore she is an......... "easy" girl 2) At 21, you were her first, or among the firsts, so she doesn't know what she is talking about and just says that to make you feel better, therefore you are a fool if you believe her 3) She lies not because of inexperience, but intentional, because she can see your ego and exploits it... Also, i would be very worried if a woman ever told me i ruined her for future men. HINT: Future men. When a woman is satisfied, she never thinks about the possibility of other men... It seems to me you are full of it. Even if your size is THAT big, which i don't really believe btw, it doesn't automatigically mean an orgasm every time, women aren't like that. And there's more beyond sex. So, just accept the fact that she found better than you, and move on.
BlueBlood Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Bluebird, you bring up very valid points. But here's the thing, I alway supported her 100%. We were dating for 2 and a half years. I did everything in my power to help her achieve her life goals, and so did she for me. We helped each other with preparing for interviews (I already have a job (at google) so I mostly helped her), correcting her CV. I've also picked up photography because that was something she was passionate about and she loved how finally someone was taking pictures of her instead of the other way around. All in all, we were best friends with each other. I would hug her all night after she drank too much and wake up in the middle of the night just to catch her puke. All I was trying to say was that despite doing all this, I also tried to bring her challenges, and open her views. Plus I wanted to understand how everything is so contradictory. From her (she said out of her own accord) i love yous. To initiating intimate activity. To how she is super against rebounds (she had really high moral standards), but yet went ahead and found one herself. Honestl all in all, I still care and love her and that is why I am so chill about everything, I didn't raise a ruckus, just quietly packed and left and gave her stuff back while giving her the space she needed. What do you think I could've done in this situation then? Well you could start by getting my user name right! In all seriousness, there is no telling. Maybe your idea of challenging her felt to you like a friendly debate but to her felt vastly different. Your last post was more well rounded, and shed more light on your side of the story. The fact you quietly and calmly left was very good. Losing ones temper while easy to do, rarely works out well. I think if I were you I'd be very firmly NC. You have as you said, a career and a future to attend to. She may change her mind and return but honestly, would you be able to get past this? Forgive and move past her leaving suddenly, and her new relationship? Sometimes such things poison the well, and despite all the trying in the world, the relationship is irrevocably altered. You probably won't ever know why this happened. You may have trust issues for awhile or want to only date casually, if at all, for a time, and that's all ok. You are hurting, and as much as it sucks, embracing that pain is the only real way through it. Kinda like running a marathon. You are gonna cuss and sweat and hurt but there's nothing to be done but to plod onwards towards full healing. As it stands, cut her out of your life. Eradicate contact and mementos. Find a new hang out. She chose this, and as they say, the one that got away probably wasn't the 'one'. As for you? Look at the confrontational side of your soul, and see if it is really you. Sometimes we pick up social habits from others, but as time goes by we find them a poor fit, or in need of tweaking. On the other hand, who knows, maybe you'll be a great lawyer one day, going head to head with the best of the best. Hang in there. ~B 1
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I'll spell it out for you in terms you can understand. You won't want to believe it, and you'll think there's more to it, that it cannot be that simple, but, the truth is, I will tell you exactly what went wrong. Ready? I'm currently 22 and she is 21.That's it. That's all there is to it. She started at 18. I don't care how big your pecker is, I don't care what a man's man you are, I don't care if you treated her like **** or treated her like gold. When you are a teenager, everything enjoyable is just the best, the most vivid enjoyable ever. As you age, some of the shine comes off. She tried you out, gave you what are probably the three funnest years of her life, and whatever you had to offer, she used it up. She wants to try something else. It was inevitable. What about, you ask, what about people who get married when they're 18 and they stay with the same person all their lives? What about them? Yeah, that happens too. But not nearly in as many cases, and usually, those people are either ****ed up in some hidden way, just plain uninteresting or they cheat like crazy and don't get caught. Both of you have many years of great fun ahead. You'll start making even more money, you'll date some finer women, and when you look back, you might not ever be happy about this, but you'll be grateful for the experiences it allowed you to have. Same thing for her. Don't get all wrapped around the axle trying to figure out "WHY?". I once saw my favorite ex clearly head-over-heels in love with a guy who looked like Santa Claus. WTF? That guy? I wanted to be replaced by a Chippendale, not some ****ing overgrown elf! They lasted some time, but not forever. There is no telling why women pick the men they do, but they do. And they don't usually limit themselves to just one. So go live the words that you told her. Let go because you care about her. You'll be fine. So will she. Good luck. 1
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