Mrlonelyone Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I am in mourning in a way but I feel good about this. I've decided to really truly give up. Not giving up hoping to find something or any of that stuff. I mean giving up to give up to the point where if someone came at me and offered me the world on a plate I would not take it. I am in mourning because lets face it a very natural part of us all wants to relate to another in an intimate way. That will always be there. I am feeling good because I realize it is ok to give up on having something while in some way still wanting it and thinking it would be nice to have. It would be nice to have someone I could really relate to and connect with on a deep level. Someone I did not need to hold anything back from. I could open myself up completely and not be hurt by them. (I tear as I say this). It would be nice.... That just isn't going to happen now because I now choose for it not to happen. I realized a short time ago everyone I have been in a relationship with has either been pretty awful to me or to someone they claimed to "love" while being good to me. /End rant What I want others to get from this is the following. It is ok to really truly give up sometimes. It is ok to feel mournful about having to give up. It is ok to feel ok with the choice to give up. So much advice out there is about how to not give up hope. It makes one who wants to just quit feel that much worse. I'm here to tell the world for some people for sometime in their lives it is completely ok to give up on having a deeply intimate relationship. This is not just for single people either. I've seen plenty of people who are married but feel no real connection to their spouse other than history and duty. I've seen plenty of people in LTR's who are connected by fear of being alone and have no real intimacy. I say to such people give up, accept it. That does not mean break up...it could mean accepting that a relationship that gives you many practical benefits will not feed your soul and emotional needs. In my life this is what I have had. Taking stock of it all. Numerous numerous men who provided me with physical, financial, and moral support in addition to physical intimacy over many years. One tomboyish woman who had my child and has raised him without asking me for a dime. The other who while not wanting to be with me has changed their whole life around to work on treating an Illness that effects my family. I have had so many wonderful things but one.... someone willing to be with me on a daily basis and proudly proclaim that I am theirs and they are mine. I have had great things from intimate partners just not that. Now I give up on trying to have that. That is OK. TL;DR: The solution to all the problems on Love Shack is to give up wanting things that aren't happening in life which we cannot control. If you are a virgin male for life accept it. You get to be friends with women while so many studly men never get to hang with a girl without sex even if they want to . Likewise men who are only other men/studs/FB's and never BF's accept that too. If you are a woman who's always a bridesmaid and never a bride accept it. Aceept all the wonder of being part of so many weddings. Think of the people who have been brides plenty but never brides maids. Which is really worse? If you are a person who wanted kids but are now 40-50 or more... accept quite possibly never having them. Accept all the wonderful things about being child free not child less. Likewise if you have too many kids accept the wonders of a big family. Both things can be a blessing. TL;DR's TL;DR: Accept what is good about things you cannot change. For me that is giving up on having a standard relationship. For you that can mean accepting that your relationship wont' give you all you could hope for etc. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 My experience has been that I get exactly what I work for. Some of it has not been easy...and some has taken me a hell of a long time to achieve. I personally didn't give up and I got the things I value in life because I worked hard to get them...planning, being rejected, putting my head up, risk taking and learning a new way of doing things... However, I support your right to rant, Grumpy 1
craw Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I know I am being redundant by saying this, but i highly suggest saving up money and travelling. Gives an entirely new perspective on life as soon as you come back. Also, if you've been looking for love online, its not the best way to do it. There is no "best" way but I find it so demeaning. 2
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 My experience has been that I get exactly what I work for. Some of it has not been easy...and some has taken me a hell of a long time to achieve. I personally didn't give up and I got the things I value in life because I worked hard to get them...planning, being rejected, putting my head up, risk taking and learning a new way of doing things... However, I support your right to rant, Grumpy I personally find this to be true in most facets of life. Relationships are not it. Relationships are not a meritocracy. Relationship rewards are not proportional to relationship effort. Some people are lucky others are unlucky and they switch off which is which. What I am saying above is mainly the relationships are mostly about luck. Either you are in the right place physically, emotionaly, geographically temporally etc to have a relationship and then the right person steps in... or you are not. Then that right person either provides a good relationship experience or they do not. When you have a relationship it is about compromises. Your partner gives you X and Y and Z ...but not T. Maybe T is not so important 75% can be good enough. Likewise single life can be great in many ways. I choose to give up wanting the relationship life and embrace the great things about single life.
neowulf Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I personally find this to be true in most facets of life. Relationships are not it. Relationships are not a meritocracy. Relationship rewards are not proportional to relationship effort. Some people are lucky others are unlucky and they switch off which is which. What I am saying above is mainly the relationships are mostly about luck. Either you are in the right place physically, emotionaly, geographically temporally etc to have a relationship and then the right person steps in... or you are not. Then that right person either provides a good relationship experience or they do not. When you have a relationship it is about compromises. Your partner gives you X and Y and Z ...but not T. Maybe T is not so important 75% can be good enough. Likewise single life can be great in many ways. I choose to give up wanting the relationship life and embrace the great things about single life. I agree there's an element of luck, but as they say, you can't win the lotto if you don't buy a ticket. Some people do get lucky. I've seen it and it's frustrating when your own journey is so fraught with frustration and disappointment. Yet in the end, the most rational way to bet better results is to continue to push towards what you want and keep trying to create opportunities for success. If I were to give into my natural inclinations, I'd spend every night in doors, meeting no one. That's not going to solve my relationship problems.
Popsicle Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I happen to agree. Want to be friends? 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 15, 2015 Author Posted September 15, 2015 Neowulf I get what you are saying but what I am saying is I am not trying to win the lottery so to speak. Craw I don't do online dating other than as a mild giggle these days. Looking to chat up a little maybe as a source of a hook up. popsicle Nah.
carhill Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 If the frame is 'given up', what might one expect the picture to look like? We choose our words and the pictures we paint with them. Try accepting something else. Live is full of something else. See what happens. I am in mourning because lets face it a very natural part of us all wants to relate to another in an intimate way. That will always be there. Sounds reasonable to me. Once you've grieved the one, embrace the many. Intimacy is everywhere. When grief turns to acceptance, it will become clear.
craw Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Neowulf I get what you are saying but what I am saying is I am not trying to win the lottery so to speak. Craw I don't do online dating other than as a mild giggle these days. Looking to chat up a little maybe as a source of a hook up. popsicle Nah. Oh that is great! That's exaclty what the world needs, another guy who is out there only looking for a hook up. 2
jen1447 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I hate to mix up your groove but the only way this is legit is if you're not bitter. Rant = bitter, so ....
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