Women's thoughts requested: Fine dining and dressing up

[Buddhist]

Am I not understanding something, or does "dressing up", to you, mean something much dressier than these?

 

Yep you're not understanding. Those are all extremely casual attire and would not be acceptable in a fine dining restaurant. I would feel hopelessly out of place attired like that in a restaurant aimed at say, the business lunch crowd.

 

I think you're either dating the wrong women or you don't quite get how women see the kind of establishments you like to frequent. Generally if someone was taking me fine dining I would know that means a dress and high heels, full makeup and some time spent on my hair. Anything less and I'd feel embarrassed to be there.

[Taramere]

 

 

Am I not understanding something, or does "dressing up", to you, mean something much dressier than these?

 

I've got to wonder if this is a joke. I would not wear any of those outfits to a top notch restaurant. Women dressed in the outfits you've depicted might well be politely advised that unfortunately they don't meet the restaurant's dress code. I certainly think that in a good restaurant, some of those outfits would attract a raised eyebrow or two regarding the cluelessness of the owner.

 

It's really not difficult to be more dressed up than that, and it needn't be particularly expensive either. Nor do you need to be a fashionista. In fact in some ways it might be better not to be too much of a fashion victim or more concerned about how much an outfit cost than whether its style is suited to the surroundings. Better to stick with something classic and discreet for a good restaurant (except for celebrities who generally get away with anything).

 

I don't think dressing up to eat in top rated places is so much about out-fashioning the next person as it is about showing respect for the restaurant and for the other guests who are paying good money to eat in stylish and exclusive surroundings. If people think in terms of showing respect for the venue and the other guests, they probably can't go far wrong when it comes to wearing something suited for a particular occasion.

 

To me, it would be downright rude to spoil other people's special occasion (which eating out in a top class restaurant often is) by turning up in something like that stripy top and shorts outfit. For all I know, or care, that oufit could have cost £1,000 - but it's still not suited to eating out in a top rated restaurant. It's probably okay for the Olive Garden, though.

Edited September 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gaeta]

Let's say, 28ish-37ish.

 

 

I would not even do my grocery shopping in a pair of legging a stripe top.

 

And these women dress even LESS casual than this? I must ask, do they go out dressed in a garbage bag or what?

 

And the age range 28 - 37 there is no excuse. At that age a woman should be able to put on a pair of dress pant or pencil skirt. Don't get me going on those flats.

Edited September 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[regine_phalange]

There are fine dining restaurants that are lovely, with nice waiters, great view and lovely food. Just a bit expensive. I;ve been to such a restaurant and wore a similar outfit as the first one in your links and everything was spectacular.

 

That said, I don't think the outfits you gave as an example are dressy at all. They are all casual. And I'm not a fashionista!

 

Dressy in my opinion is:

This

That

That

And probably this

 

Maybe the women you date don't have many dressy clothes and are ashamed to show up with the same clothes all the time? Or they just don't like the restaurants you pick?

 

I personally like both casual and fine places. I don't like snotty behavior though. Whether it will ruin my evening, depends on the man I'm dating. If he just sits there, doesn't call the waiter out on his behavior and then complains to me like a princess when its the two of us I'm seriously annoyed.

[SandraTempleton]

But if the guy that I had just started dating sent me links on how to dress for a date, I would be very put off. As a grown ass woman I like to think I've made it this far in life and I know how to dress myself, thank you very much. I don't know if you have watched too much 50 Shades of Grey or what and are trying to imitate the male role but to me it's a turn off.

 

I would much rather my date ask me "Would you like to go to dinner X night at Y time?" Assuming I said yes at that point I would love if he through out some suggestions for places to go. At least one or two. After we decided upon a restaurant, I would look up the web site if I was unfamiliar with it and see if they have a dress code. If they do, I would dress accordingly. And if unsure of what the dress code means (smart casual, business casual, semi formal, etc, etc) I would google that too.

[Taramere]

But if the guy that I had just started dating sent me links on how to dress for a date, I would be very put off. As a grown ass woman I like to think I've made it this far in life and I know how to dress myself, thank you very much. I don't know if you have watched too much 50 Shades of Grey or what and are trying to imitate the male role but to me it's a turn off.

 

I would much rather my date ask me "Would you like to go to dinner X night at Y time?" Assuming I said yes at that point I would love if he through out some suggestions for places to go. At least one or two. After we decided upon a restaurant, I would look up the web site if I was unfamiliar with it and see if they have a dress code. If they do, I would dress accordingly. And if unsure of what the dress code means (smart casual, business casual, semi formal, etc, etc) I would google that too.

 

I'm curious to know how the OP dresses. Based on the selection of women's clothes that he classes as semi-formal I would be really surprised if he dresses in a style that would generally considered anything more than "casual". So it might be that women don't feel they need to dress up for dates with him, and that that's where the problem lies.

 

Maybe if he researches dress codes a bit more and understands what semi formal actually means, he'll dress the part more himself - and that will signal to women what level of effort they should make for a date with him.

[No_Go]

Shorts / leggings are unacceptable in women's formal clothing, even for business casual. See the dress code link that one of the users provided.

 

Expensive shorts / leggings can look cute on very young people, but I can't think of a way to incorporate them into formal attire.

 

Can you show examples of outfits?

 

Ok, so I looked at the two sets of photos you posted, the first set of what you consider dressed up, and the second set of what you consider casual. I think you really do not understand women's fashion. You think a dress means dressed up. No. Actually, designer shorts are more dressed up than Kmart frumpy dress, and $700 Versace leggings from Italy are dressier than $12 sundress made in China.

 

Maybe you should just not worry about what women are wearing. Usually the fancy restaurant maitre d's know what they are looking at. The most important thing is to be confident and tasteful.

[Els]

There are fine dining restaurants that are lovely, with nice waiters, great view and lovely food. Just a bit expensive. I;ve been to such a restaurant and wore a similar outfit as the first one in your links and everything was spectacular.

 

Yeah, people are generally very laid back about dress where I live, probably much more so than the US. I will say it's still odd to see someone come in in drawstring shorts, but in lots of fine dining establishments there is no dress code and the waiters are very nice, not snooty at all. So I think some of the generalizations made here about fine dining and snobbish waiters is a bit of, well, an unfair stereotype. IMO the very best trained waiters take a lot of care to make you feel at home instead of turning up their nose at you, and fine dining establishments that are smart will hire/train waiters in that manner.

 

That being said, it's hilarious how the OP 1) Talks about fine dining and gives Olive Garden (buy 1 free 1 deals on now, apparently! ) as an example, and 2) Talks about women dressing up and then links pictures of girls that look like they're on their way to a picnic. Can't even make head or tail of that really. I mean, he pooh-poohs at jeans, but some of those outfits are less dressed-up than jeans...

[Redhead14]

Is there something I do not understand about women, or am I just unluckily encountering the wrong women? Or, could I just be using the wrong words?

 

 

A major interest of mine on dates is fine dining; not usually at black tie formal restaurants, as very few are like that, but upscale, or casual-elegant, if any of those words make sense. For some, to note, casual attire is "allowed", but business-casual that approaches semi-formal is most appropriate.

 

 

Whenever it’s my turn to suggest a date activity, I try to suggest a mix of casual (for which I would suggest one like the Olive Garden, including at times the Olive Garden itself) and the somewhat upscale I referred to above. I do realize that I enjoy this more than most, so I am happy to compromise by suggesting some casual restaurants.

 

 

What I keep running in to is this: Initially, for a while, there seems to be no problem, but after a period of time my dates want very casual restaurants only, reason being not wanting to wear nice attire. Basically, I am being asked to set aside an interest of mine so that she can get away with wearing only certain articles of clothing. This is what I do not understand the most – planning activities around clothing – and where I am seeking some enlightenment from some women on here.

In some cases, they don’t want to go to the restaurant itself because they want to avoid "proper attire" altogether, and in other cases they won’t do the nicer restaurant on the same date as some other activity. Am I missing something here?

 

 

I’ll be more specific here than I would ever be with a date, in case it’s a simple misperception of "dressed up", I will include links to some outfits that I consider to be dressed up for dinner at a somewhat nicer restaurant, even though many fashionistas would consider these outfits to be casual.

 

 

Am I not understanding something, or does "dressing up", to you, mean something much dressier than these?

 

It's not about the clothing, it's about the atmosphere. Going to higher end, nicer places all the time makes it the dates less relaxed. Stodgy. It's nice to do that once in a while, but not all the time. Doing it all the time loses it's "specialness".

 

That being said, even if you are going to a more casual place, that doesn't mean they shouldn't make an effort to put themselves together. You can wear jeans and a nice blouse with tasteful and complementary accessories and still be well put together and sexy.

but after a period of time my dates want very casual restaurants only, reason being not wanting to wear nice attire. Basically, I am being asked to set aside an interest of mine so that she can get away with wearing only certain articles of clothing. -- You've been out with a woman a few times and she's "dressed up" for you, if you can't compromise a little now on something so "insignificant", what's gonna happen when something else comes up that may require a compromise? You're not going to budge?

[kendahke]

most I date eventually want only the most casual restaurants because they don't want to dress up even like the five photos in my original post.

 

Date a different calibre of women. If they don't want to do that, stop spending time with them. What's the point?

[Taramere]

Yeah, people are generally very laid back about dress where I live, probably much more so than the US. I will say it's still odd to see someone come in in drawstring shorts, but in lots of fine dining establishments there is no dress code and the waiters are very nice, not snooty at all. So I think some of the generalizations made here about fine dining and snobbish waiters is a bit of, well, an unfair stereotype. IMO the very best trained waiters take a lot of care to make you feel at home instead of turning up their nose at you, and fine dining establishments that are smart will hire/train waiters in that manner.

 

Absolutely. I don't buy expensive designer clothes, but if I'm going somewhere nice I'll wear something that's of reasonable quality in a classic style. I've been to places that other people tell me they had unpleasant experiences in due to snobbish staff, and I've never encountered it. I'm nice to them and they're nice back.

 

I don't buy the notion that staff in these places are carefully studying people's clothes to see if they're wearing the latest hemlines. I mean I know some people are like that, but I think most people are primarily concerned about whether you treat them and the establishment they work in politely and respectfully. Making a reasonable effort dress-wise is part of that. It doesn't need to be a mega expensive oufit - just one that's suited to the occasion.

 

That being said, it's hilarious how the OP 1) Talks about fine dining and gives Olive Garden (buy 1 free 1 deals on now, apparently! ) as an example, and 2) Talks about women dressing up and then links pictures of girls that look like they're on their way to a picnic. Can't even make head or tail of that really. I mean, he pooh-poohs at jeans, but some of those outfits are less dressed-up than jeans...

 

I know. I'm struggling to see much difference between the clothes he regards as casual and the ones he thinks are semi formal. The only thing I could really conclude from the difference between the two (the pics have all been deleted now, damn it) is that the OP considers going to the beach to be a semi-formal date and going for a walk in the woods to be a casual one.

[BlueBlood]

OP, do you live in or near a large city? Perhaps the working definition of fine dining ought be established for the benefit of all in this conversation. I will say I have been blessed to have some amazing hours spent in beautiful establishments where the food was superb, the wine list extensive, and the service wonderful. The only times I have ever experience snooty behavior from waiters or employees of a restaurant has been in what I call mid tier fine dining. No one at Per Se in New York made me feel like anything but a beloved princess, delighting me at every turn with special touches. I was so impressed with a dish and clapped softly and in joy at its loveliness that they invited us back to the kitchens so I could watch it created. I left with a basket of cookies and caramels and other delights that were treasured and indulged in one at a time for days. Everyone smiles so warmly and took great pride in their care of my every pleasure. The same for Tour D'Argent, overlooking the river I think I was a picture of girlish and wide eyed happiness. They were so genteel and kindly, and let me linger as long as I liked over the historical exhibits. Seeing the Table of the Three Emperors, learning of the canard au sang, and just absorbing the bliss of seeing Escoffier's hand written letter was amazing in and of itself. To share in a dining tradition hundreds of years old while overlooking Notre Dame? Ah, gorgeous. And not a bit of anyone looking down their nose at me! In those places and many others, I have found a black sheath dress and a string of black pearls to be timeless and understated. Women's fashion can often veer into the extreme and the faddish (I'm looking at you, Prada.) but one can never go wrong with good fabric that is well cut and flatters your shape. I'm hourglass, I know a nipped in waist suits me best, but I wouldn't be caught in any of the OPs outfits in someplace like Oustau de Baumaniere. Ever. The clothes chosen seem immature and suited for at best a picnic or Applebee's.

 

And for some Applebee's may be fine dining. That's fine. But I do feel a lot is being lost in perhaps a variety of definitions of what constitutes an upscale restaurant (in my opinion it should be elegant, unique, chef and not 'cook' run, service oriented, and pleasure should rule the day). This cannot happen in a chain restaurant. You may get a fine onion blossom at a chain restaurant but it won't be elevated to an experience that impacts you on all levels.

 

Though I suppose I should say all rules have exceptions. In the Camargue, deep in the reed and along a little road to nowhere is Chez Bob, the nearest town I think is Arles. Chez Bob was as I recall begun by a chef with stars. As in Michelin. It is the epitome of everything humble and yet the food is some of the best I have ever. Get the pluma if you can! It's wobbly wooden tables and kilometers of marsh, a haunting loneliness that is stark and moving and unforgettable. There is also a Picasso on the wall. The chef wears overalls and the patrons are in jeans. The food is second to none.

 

I would bet many of us have a Chez Bob sort of hidden gem in our own neck of the woods. Fine artisanal quality ingredients and no care for dress code. It's a nice mix up to intersperse such character filled places with the occational trip to somewhere legendary like Marea or Le Bernardin for special occasions or 'just because'.

 

Am I name dropping eating establishments? Yeah. Because this thread got sort of all over the map, and without a concrete basis for comparison. So many women on the thread seem to be dressing for places like Marea, and the whole Olive Garden reference had me personally confused... As did every single outfit the OP chose. It was like totally different languages were being spoken. Being a foodie or wine geek doesn't mean one must drop hundreds of dollars on a meal (though reading this thread it seems many of us have done just that). Great food can come from a taco truck. It transcends surroundings and creates amazingly complex and delightful meals. But to the point, if you ask a woman out and give her the name of the place you'd like to take her, we are smart enough to google it's dress code. If you consistently are finding yourself confused by many women's choice in attire may I ask how the hostess/wait staff look at your date's clothing and hair? Perhaps it is you, not all these women that are ill informed as to what one ought wear? There are tons of great chef run places in the city with high calibre food where great dark jeans, a silk top and some sexy high heels are absolutely fitting for the hip and foodie vibe. There is a wine bar that comes to mind with out of this world foie gras preps and yet it's totally sexy jeans and cute little top for women's attire there. Wearing a slinky dress or worse, a silk designer dress would leave me feeling as out of place as wearing that train wreck of a striped top pictured in the first post.

 

Long story short? It's hard to imagine all these women proving in shape of shedding flip flops and uggs for a nice meal, unless they all live under rocks or something? Perhaps go to your favorite places solo OP, or with a guy friend, and take in what the female patrons are wearing in the 20-50 yo group? Because women often dress for other women; we're pretty competent at it, too, and most of us dislike standing out as the fool that wore something so off base as to draw note.

[Els]

Absolutely. I don't buy expensive designer clothes, but if I'm going somewhere nice I'll wear something that's of reasonable quality in a classic style. I've been to places that other people tell me they had unpleasant experiences in due to snobbish staff, and I've never encountered it. I'm nice to them and they're nice back.

 

Agreed. I did have one unpleasant experience, but that was an isolated case and at any rate I hear that particular establishment is struggling for business now (the staff might be part of the reason why). Aside from that one case, all of my (admittedly rather few) fine dining experiences have involved amazing staff who were very warm, friendly and welcoming. It's not a surprise that that sells better than snobbery.

 

To be fair I have never tried wearing any of the OP's outfits to an establishment like that. But it's not like I was dressed to the nines either.

 

The only thing I could really conclude from the difference between the two (the pics have all been deleted now, damn it) is that the OP considers going to the beach to be a semi-formal date and going for a walk in the woods to be a casual one.

Sounds about right!

[Diezel]

Olive Garden is upscale

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.

 

Did I read that right?

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

Thanks for the chuckle.

[GravityMan]

Lol @ Olive Garden being upscale.

 

The "dressiest" I've seen patrons at an Olive Garden is Sunday immediately after morning church...and even then, it's not "romantic/date dressy". Otherwise it's pretty damn casual.

[trippi1432]

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.

 

Did I read that right?

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

Thanks for the chuckle.

 

Hope you noted the Walmart reference. :lmao:

[MoreAmore]

I like being casual and I like dressing up in a fancy little dress and heels.

 

I do not like awkwardness of striking the right balance in between.

 

I don't have a lot of money to spend on things I feel are frivolous like fine dining when I can cook perfectly well, and so I'd feel awkward going often unless I knew the guy truly wanted to and wasn't feeling hurt I wasn't reciprocating in that exact manner.

[seekingluck]

I live in a casual metro area. Most people do not dress up for work or even ny special occasion.

 

I fall somewhere in between in terms of dressing up. I generally like to dress up some, but pretty much only wear practical shoes (cute flats) because odds are I'll be walking or standing for a while, and foot pain is no fun! I have low tolerance for heels. My go to outfit is a dress for every occasion.

 

I did not see the original pics, but it sounds like you want women who dress a certain way. You should approach women who wear those types of outfits when you meet them.

[fitnessfan365]

 

Dressy in my opinion is:

This

That

That

And probably this

 

I really like the first one w-the black dress. But the rest actually seem a bit casual to be honest. Don't get me wrong. The women in those photos don't look like slobs by any means. However, the other three are hardly what I'd call "dressy".

[Els]

I really like the first one w-the black dress. But the rest actually seem a bit casual to be honest. Don't get me wrong. The women in those photos don't look like slobs by any means. However, the other three are hardly what I'd call "dressy".

 

You missed the fun when the OP's 'dressy' links were still up. Trust me, regine's links looked immaculate compared to those. And anyway all of the outfits linked seem perfectly appropriate for the Olive Garden.

 

Where is the OP anyway?

[BlueBlood]

You missed the fun when the OP's 'dressy' links were still up. Trust me, regine's links looked immaculate compared to those. And anyway all of the outfits linked seem perfectly appropriate for the Olive Garden.

 

Where is the OP anyway?

 

I think he vanished somewhere near the all you can eat breadsticks, sadly. I was looking forward to continuing the conversation.

[regine_phalange]

I really like the first one w-the black dress. But the rest actually seem a bit casual to be honest. Don't get me wrong. The women in those photos don't look like slobs by any means. However, the other three are hardly what I'd call "dressy".

 

I don;t get you wrong! Each of us perceives different kind of things as dressy.

For instance I see lace and fur materials as dressy. Or white bow tops and black trousers with heels as dressy (a minimalism fan). The last one with the total black look and the pink blazer I think can work both as casual and dressy, but as a more easy-going dressy. Because it's a classic look and one can elevate it with accessories, shoes, bag, makeup etc.

Edited September 16, 2015 by regine_phalange
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