Women's thoughts requested: Fine dining and dressing up

[Friendly3000guy]

Is there something I do not understand about women, or am I just unluckily encountering the wrong women? Or, could I just be using the wrong words?

 

 

A major interest of mine on dates is fine dining; not usually at black tie formal restaurants, as very few are like that, but upscale, or casual-elegant, if any of those words make sense. For some, to note, casual attire is "allowed", but business-casual that approaches semi-formal is most appropriate.

 

 

Whenever it’s my turn to suggest a date activity, I try to suggest a mix of casual (for which I would suggest one like the Olive Garden, including at times the Olive Garden itself) and the somewhat upscale I referred to above. I do realize that I enjoy this more than most, so I am happy to compromise by suggesting some casual restaurants.

 

 

What I keep running in to is this: Initially, for a while, there seems to be no problem, but after a period of time my dates want very casual restaurants only, reason being not wanting to wear nice attire. Basically, I am being asked to set aside an interest of mine so that she can get away with wearing only certain articles of clothing. This is what I do not understand the most – planning activities around clothing – and where I am seeking some enlightenment from some women on here.

In some cases, they don’t want to go to the restaurant itself because they want to avoid "proper attire" altogether, and in other cases they won’t do the nicer restaurant on the same date as some other activity. Am I missing something here?

 

 

I’ll be more specific here than I would ever be with a date, in case it’s a simple misperception of "dressed up", I will include links to some outfits that I consider to be dressed up for dinner at a somewhat nicer restaurant, even though many fashionistas would consider these outfits to be casual.

 

 

Am I not understanding something, or does "dressing up", to you, mean something much dressier than these?

Edited September 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jam.over.jelly]

Wait, those outfits are considered "dressing up"? To me those are more casual to say the least. I personally have a great sense of fashion and I would be thrilled to meet a guy who has a good sense of fashion and would love to take me out to fine dining restaurants and somewhat more upscale. Getting all dolled up and looking good is fun, I really don't understand why women wouldn't enjoy this. I think you should just look for women with similar interests as yours.

[mrldii]

I guess I'm either not understanding the question...or am completely onboard with what's also causing your dates confusion and *despair*.

 

None of those outfits would I wear on a date to a "nice" restaurant, though they'd be fine for an Olive Garden; pretty much all of them would be 100% appropriate for strolling a fair with foods or an open-air concert.

 

"Dressing up" for a nice restaurant (IMHO) would include heels and, probably, some sort of dress just short of cocktail-style; it would be above what I'd wear to work...which few of those outfits would be seen within office walls (in my little world).

[menyou]

Is the issue here more that you are the one who would like to dress up more frequently or you'd like your date to be? I'm all for fine dining, I'm all for "Olive Garden". The place shouldn't necessarily dictate the attire. I don't like when people, men and women, don't put their best foot forward to try to look attractive. Maybe it is just the women you are dating. Most people don't care how they look in public so it might just be "too much work" to dress up a lot. Lol

[BlueBlood]

Yeah those outfits are way casual. When I go to a nice restaurant I'm in a lovely dress, beautiful heels, and my hair done to complement the neckline of my dress. I wouldn't consider shorts, keds, or any of those outfits fitting for fine dining..

 

Maybe you need to look elsewhere for dinner companions? A wine lovers meet up or club perhaps? Or cooking classes?

[LilaMarie]

Tsk, tsk, tsk people and their flip flops and t-shirts....

[Gaeta]

That's not dressing up.

 

Dressing up is like the others have said: High heels, dress, make up, hair done, and your best purse.

 

Question: How old are these ladies you're asking out on fine dining?

[No_Go]

Only the 4th (and maybe the 5th) I consider a little dressier, the rest are very casual. Give an example of what you consider casual, for comparison.

 

Fine restaurant... I'm not a big fan, but I'd go with a cocktail / knee length dress, or dress pants / skirt and elegant top. I think any office clothes would be "good enough" unless the restaurant is extremely fancy. Shorts / jeans and T-shirts in my opinion are out of place.

 

Is there something I do not understand about women, or am I just unluckily encountering the wrong women? Or, could I just be using the wrong words?

 

 

A major interest of mine on dates is fine dining; not usually at black tie formal restaurants, as very few are like that, but upscale, or casual-elegant, if any of those words make sense. For some, to note, casual attire is "allowed", but business-casual that approaches semi-formal is most appropriate.

 

 

Whenever it’s my turn to suggest a date activity, I try to suggest a mix of casual (for which I would suggest one like the Olive Garden, including at times the Olive Garden itself) and the somewhat upscale I referred to above. I do realize that I enjoy this more than most, so I am happy to compromise by suggesting some casual restaurants.

 

 

What I keep running in to is this: Initially, for a while, there seems to be no problem, but after a period of time my dates want very casual restaurants only, reason being not wanting to wear nice attire. Basically, I am being asked to set aside an interest of mine so that she can get away with wearing only certain articles of clothing. This is what I do not understand the most – planning activities around clothing – and where I am seeking some enlightenment from some women on here.

In some cases, they don’t want to go to the restaurant itself because they want to avoid "proper attire" altogether, and in other cases they won’t do the nicer restaurant on the same date as some other activity. Am I missing something here?

 

 

I’ll be more specific here than I would ever be with a date, in case it’s a simple misperception of "dressed up", I will include links to some outfits that I consider to be dressed up for dinner at a somewhat nicer restaurant, even though many fashionistas would consider these outfits to be casual.

 

 

Am I not understanding something, or does "dressing up", to you, mean something much dressier than these?

Edited September 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[No_Go]

I think (high) heels are dispensable, so as expensive purse and make up/hair different than your daily one (unless you're slobbish daily:)).

 

Any office clothes could do the job, unless it is a super fancy place.

 

And yeah, for younger people it can be even more relaxed - I'm sure everyone owns something different than denim/ t-shirt/ flipflops, even teens.

 

That's not dressing up.

 

Dressing up is like the others have said: High heels, dress, make up, hair done, and your best purse.

 

Question: How old are these ladies you're asking out on fine dining?

[BlueBlood]

Here is a link to a dress I own and have worn out several times.

 

http://www.stopstaringclothing.com/images/products/large_1321_JASMN-03_PNKLC.png

 

I use a black clutch purse and black strappy leather heels with it, and is consistent with my idea of date dining at lovely restaurants.

[BlueIris]

I agree with the posters above. These outfits aren't appropriate for a fine restaurant.

 

This might help on the meanings of different types of clothing:

Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie

[Gaeta]

I think (high) heels are dispensable, so as expensive purse and make up/hair different than your daily one (unless you're slobbish daily:)).

 

Any office clothes could do the job, unless it is a super fancy place.

 

And yeah, for younger people it can be even more relaxed - I'm sure everyone owns something different than denim/ t-shirt/ flipflops, even teens.

 

That's why I was asking the age. In my late 40s I am not showing in any fancy restaurant without high heels. I also noticed that the links he put up are of very young girls.

[Ami1uwant]

A couple things here...

 

1. How many dates in are you wanting to do the fine dining?

 

2. What age/economic class are you dating? College student can't afford the high end clothing...they prefer practical

 

3. For the first dates it's better to be comfortable than uncomfortable wearing clothing you dont normally wear.

 

4. After a few dates she is like I have to go and get new outfits/dresses. It's easier to mix and match pants and shirts than it is with dresses.

 

5. If these places are too fancy they may not be comfortable even going there for numerous reasons-- not normal type of food they eat, don't like that type of food, they don't want to feel like a hold digger getting free fancy dinner then the expectation of something coming back from them.

[newmoon]

are you paying all the time? maybe i'm just a really nice girl but if my bf was paying for high-end restaurants all the time i'd refuse to go - not because of wardrobe - but out of consideration for his wallet (even if he likes it I'd not want him spending so much on me... a guilt complex). are you dating girls who might have a conscience this way, too??

[Gaeta]

And, I don't know what you call high end restaurants but to me high end restaurants is a place with snobbish waiters watching if you're gonna pick the right fork and after a 5 courses meal in those places all you think about on your way out is where's the nearest burger king cause portions wouldn't even feed a bird for a day.

[Grumpybutfun]

Here is a link to a dress I own and have worn out several times.

 

http://www.stopstaringclothing.com/images/products/large_1321_JASMN-03_PNKLC.png

 

I use a black clutch purse and black strappy leather heels with it, and is consistent with my idea of date dining at lovely restaurants.

 

This is a beautiful dress (nice taste BlueBlood) and appropriate for fancy dining...the links you provided not so much. My wife would wear the outfits you provided to local casual spots and maybe Olive Garden With kids, but not on date night.

Maybe you need to be more detailed on what you prefer when asking women out.

Luck,

G

[Gaeta]

I

Basically, I am being asked to set aside an interest of mine so that she can get away with wearing only certain articles of clothing.

 

It's YOUR interest. No one is asking you to put it aside, go on your own. Women you meet won't always share your interests. This man I dated in the past has a passion for remote cars - You think I went and sat in gravel pits with him? no. That was his dada.

[trippi1432]

I was just in an Olive Garden the other night in my state, smelled a bit like Walmart. Olive Garden is upscale, but to the little black dress....not hardly...nor is Applebee's at midnight.

 

If you really want a woman to dress upscale, then you need to take her to upscale places. If you want a woman to dress to please you because you dress to please you....well, that's different.

 

I've been to 5 star restaurants....I dressed to please me, not someone else....then again, I wasn't paying nor was the guy.

[Ami1uwant]

Olive Garden is upscale how???? It's not upscale.....

[Jj66]

I like fine dining but to me it's a once every 6-8 week thing. I wouldn't take a date to a chain restaurant such as Olive Garden since there are so many decent restaurants where I live from super casual dives to fancy schmancy places set in historical mansions where the politicos and corporate elite hang out and you could easily drop $200+ on a meal for two.

[CarrieT]

Olive Garden is upscale how???? It's not upscale.....

 

My thoughts exactly. Olive Garden is as upscale as Denny's... :sick:

[Friendly3000guy]

Is the issue here more that you are the one who would like to dress up more frequently or you'd like your date to be?

 

 

Perhaps a little bit of both. I only use the Olive Garden as a comparison; it's not too often I suggest formal restaurants, as most aren't that way to begin with, but most of the "nicer" restaurants I suggest are less casual than the Olive Garden; they could be appropriate for semi-formal, though this is not "required", yet blue jeans with tennis shoes would be too casual. Does that make sense?

 

 

Question: How old are these ladies you're asking out on fine dining?

 

 

Let's say, 28ish-37ish. I was using fine dining to mean restaurants like above, though I see from your posts that fine dining means "formal", and I wasn't thinking quite that.

 

 

Perhaps my vocabulary is part of the problem.

 

 

Only the 4th (and maybe the 5th) I consider a little dressier, the rest are very casual. Give an example of what you consider casual, for comparison.

 

 

Those five outfits are the minimum I think of as "dressy"; they all would work for most of the dressier restaurants I suggest. The very formal ones are not the ones I typically suggest, but I suggest places that are less casual than Olive Garden.

 

 

Most of the women I have dated, after a while, want more casual restaurants for the purpose of dressing even more casually than that. I found these four that I consider casual, what many of my dates keep reverting back to.

 

Even though they look put together, they're too casual for many restaurants I enjoy for dinner.

 

 

Maybe you need to be more detailed on what you prefer when asking women out.

 

 

I make it known that I have an avid interest in finer restaurants, but like many of the posts are implying I seem to be misusing the term "fine dining".

 

 

Your suggestion is a good one, but how do I do this without coming across controlling? I express my interest in the type of restaurant right away, along with my other major interests, but I don't have the right tot tell someone what to wear, either. How do I do this without implying "You must wear this type of outfit on our dates"?

 

 

It's YOUR interest. No one is asking you to put it aside, go on your own.

 

 

Isn't one of the purposes of dating to find someone to share major interests with?

 

 

I am confused, as many women say they enjoy dressing up, but most I date eventually want only the most casual restaurants because they don't want to dress up even like the five photos in my original post.

Edited September 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[trippi1432]

Honestly.....come on, you aren't really interested in free sprits, who are just who they are. It's about the presence that adds to your experience.

 

Let me ask you this...what would the conversation be like at an event you are expressing here?

[Maggie4]

Ok, so I looked at the two sets of photos you posted, the first set of what you consider dressed up, and the second set of what you consider casual. I think you really do not understand women's fashion. You think a dress means dressed up. No. Actually, designer shorts are more dressed up than Kmart frumpy dress, and $700 Versace leggings from Italy are dressier than $12 sundress made in China.

 

Maybe you should just not worry about what women are wearing. Usually the fancy restaurant maitre d's know what they are looking at. The most important thing is to be confident and tasteful.

[Els]

Maybe they don't really want to go to fine dining places with you because you want them to wear drawstring shorts and a frilly flared miniskirt to these places??? I mean, I'm on the younger side of the demographic, and yes I absolutely would wear (nice-looking) ballet flats or low heels to a degustation dinner instead of high heels because I like to be comfortable while I eat. But there's still no way in hell I'd go to a fine dining place wearing the outfits the OP linked...

 

Anyway, assuming this thread was actually serious. Um. What exactly are you defining as fine dining? I don't live in the US but I looked up Olive Garden and that is most certainly NOT it. What sort of places do the girls you date want to go to?

 

Personally I like a diverse mix of restaurants. Real fine dining is too expensive for us to eat often as it costs up to about $300 for a dinner, so that's a once or twice a year thing for us.