mrwigand Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Hey, all... Everything is okay with me, I'm just feeling a little funky because I just ran into my ex. Just to give everyone a little background, my ex was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, though I didn't find that out until the end of the relationship. It was a short but chaotic relationship, and I was brought into a pretty toxic triangle with her and her abusive ex-boyfriend. It really messed with my head and my self-esteem, and eventually I had to leave the relationship for my own emotional well-being, despite the fact that I really cared about her. There is a little neighborhood bar I live super close to that serves free food on Mondays, and I go pretty consistently. Today I went and I saw my ex walk in. Nothing weird happened. Once I saw for sure it was her, I kept my gaze intentionally averted so we wouldn't have to acknowledge each other's presences. As soon as I could I surreptitiously left. We're on good terms basically. I used to be really angry, but I'm over wanting to confront her about things, and she's even apologized for some things as well. I've forgiven her, and I've asked forgiveness for times I didn't behave maturely. But I can't deny that even when I'm just barely in her presence I have an immediate pain reflex. I can't fully articulate what is going through my head or why. It's just pain. Heartbreak. I know there is/was nothing I could do in that relationship, and that hurts to think about. We've been broken up for 7 months, and I still have this pain reflex when I run into her... when I think she'll be somewhere, when I think I spot her car at the grocery store lol (I'm not constantly thinking about this, when stuff comes up it definitely provokes a response). We've been broken up 7 months, but we've had to maintain limited contact so she could pay me back some money, so it's not like I've been totally inoculated from her. And truthfully, it's going to be hard to achieve that because we have a lot of mutual friends. It's lucky I haven't run into more than I have. How long do these "pain reflexes last"? Is it weird that I'm still having this kind of reaction?
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