Feeling Powerless and Broken From Ex Girlfriend

[imtrippin]

I am confused right now with my situation with my ex girlfriend. We broke up about 2 months ago, both 23. she broke up with me in May because we could not get along (spent too much time together), and seemed very serious. i begged and pleaded the day of, but then went NC. we stayed broken up for a good 3 weeks no contact after she came back worried I had moved on. We got back together and told each other that the pain we had felt from the breakup we never wanted to experience again. so we agreed that we both wanted to make the effort knowing it would be hard work. we stayed together for about 4 or 5 weeks after this, and then she broke up with me again, this time over a single text message.

 

This time we broke up was no different from the last, I believe we had gotten back together too soon, plus we both started new jobs, so all the time we agreed to work on our relationship ended up getting pushed back with our new schedules.. so things weren’t improving as they should have been. I understand this part. When she broke up over text, we had actually been fine in person, 2 days before we were together kissing and holding each other madly in love. we got into a stupid fight on the phone the next night, and the day after she ignored me completely, and the day after that, she text me saying this relationship is over and has been , its always about me, we are both miserable, and that she’s not changing her mind this time. it hurt, but I also knew she was right.

 

I tried going to see her that same night to talk about it in person because I felt after being together over a year, we deserve more for each other than to breakup over a TEXT! I went over and waited for her to get home, and she walked right past me didn’t even look at me and went into her room. this broke my heart, and I felt powerless. so I went no contact. after 2 weeks she contacted me to get her things back from my place, and i quickly handled it and she requested i leave them outside. she didn’t even want to see me when exchanging things. so i did, and then got a text later that her friend had come to pick her things up and thanks for giving them back. this hurt also , wondering how she could drop me just like that and not even come over but her friend has to come over just to get it from my door?? So after this, I restarted no contact . in her things, i included a handwritten 6 page letter reflecting on the relationship after having calmed down from the breakup for a few weeks, and I admitted to the mistakes I made and what I specifically have down wrong, thanked her for a great relationship, and also let her know I want her back but if she is no longer in love with me, that I will have to be forced to live my life without her when I want so much more than a friendship.

 

Its now been 30 days since I restarted NC, and 2 months since I have seen her in person. No response on the letter. Im still in love with her and hopeful we can work things out if we get on the same page, I think this break has been good for us to see clearly. BUT, This is where Im confused… about 2 weeks ago I got a blocked call exactly at 12am… its weird because 1 nobody calls my phone especially blocked, 2 the timing was so perfect how could it have been an accident? i didn’t answer though. again this past week 4days ago, I got another blocked call this time exactly at 930pm. this time they left a voicemail. I went to listen, and it was just the sound of someone hurrying to pickup their phone, and then hanging up. lasted about 2 seconds. the first time we broke up, i got a lot of blocked calls also, so it gives me reason to believe it might be her calling. Now, I am hoping she is calling me and wants to get back together and she’s sorry and she never wants to leave again… obviously. what are the chances of this i don’t know? but i do think it may be affecting her how she just dropped me from her life… i feel she may have thought it to be the easiest way, but might regret it now. It hurts me most because now i DO think its her, which puts me back at square one, hoping and waiting for another call or for her to show up at my place.

 

What do you think this means if she is calling from a blocked number? do you think she is trying to tell me something by leaving that quick message? Do you think she regrets it but is too stubborn or proud to come back again after she already came back once and left? Should I reach out to her? I don’t necessarily want to first, considering how she left so abruptly, and in the original breakup stages she told me to not tell her I love her, or miss her, and considering she didn’t respond to my letter… So I am lost as to what the next steps are. I still want her back even after these 2 months.

[Starks]

you are overanalyzing. if she wanted you back she woulda let you know one way or the other. not by playing stupid games

 

 

there's breadcrumbs and there are olive branches. a blocked call is neither of those

 

 

she has made it very clear she doesn't want to interact with you in any way. So I seriously doubt it's even her calling.

[drseuss]

well the only way to know if it was her is to call her or get hold of her and say , ive been having calls off a blocked number , was it you ?

 

if your not bothered about her dont ask her , what if it was her tho , what will you get out of it , you might get back together for a few weeks again , you need serious time apart to work stuff out like months of nc and when you are seeing 100% clearly is when a sucessful reconsile is possible , but you have to really think about how wise it is getting back with a person that you couldnt make it work with ...

[d0nnivain]

She is 23 years old. this is most likely the 1st time she has ended a serious adult relationship & is off balance about the whole thing too.

 

 

You didn't break up because you were spending too much time together People don't break up for that.

 

 

This relationship stopped working for her. She may not even understand why but her unhappiness was an underlying cause of your fights. She came back because she mistook her pain for evidence that she made a mistake ending things. Once she was back with you, even though things felt good from your side she was still unhappy, hence the fight that caused her to stop talking to you & eventually send you a text breaking up. IMO, fwiw, after two years you deserved something better than a text & she was a coward. Hopefully you also see that as a black mark & it will help you get past this.

 

 

Having her friend get her stuff & telling you she received it was simply polite. She didn't want you worried it was stolen. So she's not a complete jerk

 

 

Your letter was never going to get a response. Those letters never work. At best which seems to be going on here, the other person ignores them. At worst, they share your outpouring with friends or post it on the internet to humiliate you. Thank heavens she picked ignore.

 

 

Now & going forward you need to understand where you power lies & how best to use it. You control yourself. You need to make a decision to accept this is over & work on your healing. It's all you can do. You will never get closure from her so you have to find it in yourself. Forget her. Block her. Know she's not coming back & even if she did, that is not a good thing because you have already broken up twice. Your relationship is therefore fundamentally flawed.

 

 

Now use your power to block her everywhere: on your phone, e-mail, social media etc. Box up anything she ever gave you. . . the trinkets etc. and put it away or throw it out. Put all digital photos on a thumb drive or in the cloud. But get them out of your easy access line of sight. Take time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Rearrange your living space. Get new sheets. Keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with positive & supportive friends & family. Heal & then move forward with your life.

[d0nnivain]

Read this guy's experience:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/547824-how-i-handled-break-biggest-regret-my-life